When Destiny Calls
A Dragon Age Story
Author's Notes: Many thanks to the writers and developers of the original Dragon Age storyline, without which, this story wouldn't be possible. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, as it was very fun to write, even as it was challenging.
Chapter 10 – The Calm Before The Storm
The Dragon loomed above all, planning it's next moves. Deep within the earth, hordes of Darkspawn were gathered, marching through the Deep Roads, knowing that with the Dragon commanding them, they would not fall. It roared, blue and purple flames erupting from it's jaws, knowing that it's victory would soon be at hand. In the midst of it, words were understood among all that heard it. :Deeper! Deeper!:
I awoke, screaming, lightning crawling over me, scorching the ground beneath me, and ripping through the tent above me. I knew then why Duncan had wanted me to sleep away from the rest of the camp. His words had made sense, but it was at this moment that understanding had arrived. Again I screamed, the agony more than I ever thought I could bear. As lightning shot from me, time and time again, I heard a voice, vaguely familiar through my screams.
Suddenly I felt water hit me, stunning me. It was cold. In my moment of shock, the energy that had been tearing through me stopped. I took in a deep breath, and looked over to see Alistair, standing there with a recently emptied water bucket. "Maker's breath, Toryn! That was almost as bad as last time. Are you all right?" He said, gasping for air as if he had been running, which he probably had been.
I nodded, my head spinning a bit. "Yeah, I think I am, now anyway. Is... is the Dragon the Archdemon?" I asked, not sure if I really needed to ask the question. Alistair took another breath, and sat down on my damaged bundle of blankets that I had made my bed. "Yes, it is. Duncan told me that the Archdemon takes that form, as it's the only one that is able to withstand it's power." He sighed. "You know, I'm really glad that you made it through the Joining. You are the only person that I feel that I can trust with my feelings. I was so afraid that the only real friend I've ever had was about to leave. Especially when you lit up like a beacon. It was the most terrifying thing I've ever seen." His voice quivered a bit.
I leaned forward. "It's okay, Alistair. I made it, and I'm not going anywhere. I have your back, if you have mine. To be honest, you're the only friend I have left myself. I won't give that up so easily, I promise." I patted his back, trying to comfort him. He looked down, taking a deep breath. "You know, I'm glad to hear that. Do... do you mind if I talk to you about something? The sun isn't going to rise for a few more candlemarks, and I don't think that I'll be getting back to sleep any time soon." He looked nervous.
I shook my head. "I do not mind. I told you, I'm here if you need to talk." I said, smiling at him. My body ached, but talking to Alistair, it made that seem like it just didn't matter. He brushed a hand through his short blonde hair. "Well, only Duncan knows this, which makes this hard to talk to people. I hear so many people talk about their families, and I never really get that chance." I sat back, curious. "I'd love to hear about your family." I could only imagine what they must've been like, to produce such an interesting personality.
"Really? You mean it?" He asked, his eye lighting up in excitement. I nodded. "Of course!" He grinned, in the way that only Alistair could. "Well, I don't think that Duncan has told you that I was raised by dogs." I lifted an eyebrow, smirking a bit as he continued. "A whole pack of them, really. They found me as a babe and took me in." I chuckled, replying with the same tone that he was using. "That must have been difficult... for them. I mean, look at you, you're a mess!" I jested. Alistair took it in stride, beaming. "Oh no, because they were flying talking dogs. Really hard on me. I couldn't get away with anything. I'd recommend them as nannies to any noblewoman." My chuckling turned into laughter, which Alistair joined in on quickly.
Taking a moment to collect myself, I looked into his eyes. "So, what was your family really like?" I asked him, not wanting to end our moment of fun, but my curiosity got the better of me. It didn't seem to change Alistair's tone, however. "Well, my mother died when I was really young, and I don't really remember her very well. Eamon Guerrein, he's the Arl of Redcliffe by the way, decided to take me in. He's basically the man raised me." There was so much pride in that statement. Obviously this Arl Eamon was a man that Alistair highly respected. "He took me in, when he didn't have to. Everyone suspected that he only did it because I was his little bastard. But, the truth is that he is a good man. I owe him a lot." There was a twinge of regret that crossed his face as he spoke. I cleared my throat. "So, he isn't your father then? Like they all thought?" I asked, wondering myself if that was, not the main reason, but a reason. He shook his head. "No, I'm not his son, but he treated me like I was. Even after he married Isolde, though she never seemed to like me much."
"Why not? You're a very likable person." I stated. Alistair thought for a moment. "I was never really sure of that, myself. I think it's because of the rumors that I was the Arl's bastard. She eventually talked him into sending me away. I was only thirteen at the time." His voice became stressed, and it was clear that, to this day, he never really got over it. I tilted my head. "Where did he send you?" I asked. He shrugged, "I thought you would've guessed. He sent me to the Chantry, to become a Templar. I was so angry at him when he told me. I had this beautiful pendant, it was small, and made of silver and gold. Very delicate and intricate. The only thing I had of my mother's." He paused, his voice quivering a bit in his reflections. "I was so angry that I threw it against a wall. I was so stupid. It smashed into a dozen pieces. I've always regretted that." I felt so much sympathy for him as I watched a tear fall from his face.
I had never reacted so strongly to anyone like this before. So much pain he was in, and I felt like I needed some of that, to truly understand. Opening my shields, I felt the pain, the anguish, and the regret pour into me. I felt my body shake from the intensity of it. It wasn't enough. I didn't want to feel his pain, I wanted to take it from him. Reaching deep within the caverns of my mind, I grabbed a hold of the empathic link that tethered me to Alistair, and pulled. I was shocked by the true force behind his emotions. Only then did I realize that what I normally felt, was but a shadow of the true strength of the emotions of others. As my eyes looked into Alistair's, his pain seemed to fade as I pulled more and more from him. I began to sob. "What are you doing, Toryn?" He asked, his voice no longer quivering.
"I don't want you to feel this pain. It's not fair." I said through the tears that I shed from his pain. He knelt before me, putting his hands on my shoulders. "No, don't do this. This is my pain, not yours. I need this, it has made me who I am. Without it, I'm not the same, and I like who I am." He said, his words striking deep into me. He was right, as much as I disliked it. Reluctantly, I let go, going back to merely sensing, rather than living his emotions. In his eyes, the pain returned, but behind a gratitude that I didn't understand. "Thank you. It was nice to be free of it for a moment, though I never thought that I would ever meet someone who could take it from me. Truth is, I've been living with it so long, that I don't know how to live without it anymore." He rested his forehead against mine. "Why did you do it?" He asked, the curiosity burning in his voice.
Our eyes locked, and I gave him a wry smile. "Because I know your pain, and I can't believe that the Maker could have meant for you to carry that burden. I know you are a good person, one who doesn't deserve it." I replied, meaning every word that I said to him. What was left unsaid was that I felt a stronger connection to him than I should for someone I just met. It felt like our destinies were intertwined, and I already cared a lot for him. Maybe it was sympathy, maybe it was because we were from similar situations, either way it didn't matter. I didn't want him to be alone.
He smiled at me. "I appreciate that, but in all honesty, I probably did deserve it." He said as he sat back, leaving my forehead tingling. "I was such a fool, throwing my mother's necklace like that. I should've known better. I may have been jesting about being raised by dogs earlier, but that night, and many nights afterwards, I certainly acted as if I was." He paused. "I feel better now, getting the chance to talk about this, especially with someone who actually cares. I didn't think that would ever be possible."
I nodded, and returned his smile. "I'm glad that you did, because I do care. I want to be there for you. I just hope that I do a good job as your friend." My insecurity showed a bit in my voice. He laughed, his eyes finally losing the last of the pain that lingered within them. "If your friendship is going to be anything like this, then I think you'll be doing too good of a job. I'm very lucky to have you." He sighed. "But, enough about me. What about your family?" He asked, and I felt my stomach tighten. I hadn't thought of my family in so long, the pain often too much to bear. Perhaps sharing with Alistair would help? After all, I never shared the story with anyone else. Wynne didn't count, as she was there to witness it, and almost never broached the subject herself, which I was grateful for.
"Well, I lost my family a long time ago. I was seven." I took in a deep breath, trying to maintain a semblance of control myself. "It was my parents, and my brother, Tavis. Tavis was sixteen, almost ready to go out into the city to forge his own life." I began. "My family was so proud of him, despite... well, they were proud. And so was I. I loved him so much, all of them. Then, rumors began about my family, around the same time that my mage abilities started to manifest. They took it as an evil omen, and killed my family. If it wasn't for Wynne, I would have been killed as well. She saved me, and took me to the Circle of Magi." I felt another tear fall from my face, and looked to see Alistair's horrified expression. "They killed your family, in front of you?" He asked, the pain of that thought evident in his voice.
I pushed back the memories that began to flow through my mind. The screams. My mother's voice as she spoke. 'Toryn! Run Toryn!' I was frozen, unable to find the strength to move as I watched my father fall to the ground. Tavis grabbed a dagger and leapt at my father's killer. 'No!!! Tavis don't!' She screamed, but it was too late. They swamped him, cutting him down as quickly as my father. They approached us, the angry mob that wouldn't be satisfied until their quest was finished. 'Stay back! Stay away from him! No!!!' Her final scream haunted my memories and my nightmares for years to come.
I sobbed, my head resting on my knees. Some scars never healed, some pain time couldn't erase. No one seemed to really understand that. I knew that Alistair, at some level did. Wynne as well, though her sympathy wasn't the same. She had been taken from her family when she was younger than I was, and it was a noble house. There was no angry mob for her, no pain of witnessing her family's slaughter.
"Oh, Toryn. I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have asked if I had known." His voice was shaking, clearly he understood my loss. I shook my head as the tears continued. "No, I... I needed this." I looked up at him, drying my eyes on the sleeve of my robe. "I've never told anyone about this. Wynne knew, she saved me. She helped me get past it. She's kind of like my mother, she was so protective of me." Another breath, and then, "I've never been able to share this. I'm glad that I did." My voice conveying the gratitude that I felt towards him. The old scars in my memories were raw with fresh pain, but at some level, I did feel better about it. What was it that Wynne used to say? 'Pain shared is pain halved, Toryn. You need to find the trust in others to talk about this. If you don't, you'll always feel this pain.'
"And you say that I'm a mess. You're the one who's a mess right now, Peacock." He said, rubbing a finger across my face, wiping off a tear that I had missed. As he sat back, I found myself wondering at the pet name that he had given me. I looked out behind him, to find that the sun had risen during our heart-wrenching conversation. He must've wondered what I was looking at, for Alistair turned to see for himself the light of a new dawn. "Wow. I didn't realize that we had been talking for so long." He turned back to me. "Are you going to be okay, Toryn?" He asked, the concern in his voice making me feel a bit better.
I nodded. "I'll be alright. I feel much better now. Thanks." I found myself smiling again. A smile that he returned. "I'm glad to be of service. We should probably go and see Duncan. I know that he never got the chance to get the treaties from you, and we'll need to know what we are to be doing in the battle tonight." He said, sounding much more confident than he did last time he mentioned Duncan. "Sounds good." I replied, as I stood and walked out of my tent, only then really seeing the damage that I had done to it. It was too bad, considering. It wouldn't require more than a patch here and there. I could do it myself, if I had time.
I felt Alistair arm around my neck. "Well, off we go then. And, don't worry about the tent. It was a spare that I found. I have your actual tent packed away with your bag." He said, surprising me. He seemed to have thought of everything. Smiling, I let him lead the way to the part of camp that Duncan would be. As we approached Duncan, I felt Alistair's arm drop back to his side. Duncan must've heard our footsteps, as he turned to look at us, a bit of surprise in his eyes.
"I'm surprised to find you awake so early, Toryn. Most of us sleep well into the next day after the Joining." He said, eyebrows raised. Shrugging, I replied, "I didn't exactly sleep well. I had another backlash. Thankfully, Alistair threw some cold water on me. It surprised me enough for me to stop." I said, grateful for Alistair's quick thinking, and for the fact that our talk had distracted me from my, now dry, robe. Duncan chuckled. "Well, it's good that Alistair was there then. You must've made a ruckus to have woken him. He sleeps like a rock most of the time." He was only half-jesting, I guessed from the look on Alistair's face.
"Well, I was having a hard time sleeping myself anyway. The part that took me a moment was running across the camp to get to the well." He laughed. Duncan nodded, and grabbed a document, which he glanced as he spoke again. "The meeting went well last night, mostly. Loghain's men will stand watch outside of Ostagar, while Cailan's men and we Wardens remain inside it's walls. When we give the signal, the beacon will be lit, signaling Loghain's men to charge, flanking the horde. Alistair smiled. "So, we'll be with the forces in Ostagar then?" Duncan frowned, shaking his head. "No. Cailan specifically requested that you and Toryn to be the ones to light the beacon. He trusts you a great deal, and feels that Toryn's magic will aid in keeping the Tower of Ishal under our control." His explanation turned Alistair's smile into an upset frown.
"We won't be fighting?" I asked, that newer part of my mind disappointed. I was a bit shocked at myself for the question I heard leave my mouth. I never questioned authority before, why start now? Duncan chuckled. "I see that someone is anxious to get out there and destroy the Darkspawn himself. It will take you some time to learn to balance that desire with the rest of yourself again. As for your question, this task is of great importance. If the signal isn't lit, Loghain's men will not know when to charge. We can not win without his help. However, after you light the beacon, you are free to protect the Tower with any means you find necessary." He said, satisfying my thirst for destruction of the twisted creatures.
Alistair sighed beside me. "I guess that will have to do. Too bad that we can't just let them sneak up on Toryn while he sleeps though. I bet he'd take out the entire horde with those, what did you call them? Backlashes." His jest was funny, despite the pain that those magical backlashes caused me. Laughing about it seemed to lessen the pain, and I welcomed it. I pushed the hair out of my face, my hair tie starting to work itself out. I would have to fix that before we got too distracted by the battle.
Duncan shook his head, disapproving of Alistair's jest. He was so serious, so dedicated. Suddenly, I remembered where I felt that dedication before. I had forgotten to re-shield my mind during my talk with Alistair. During the Joining, I had began to feel again, feeling two different sets of emotions. I had assumed during the process that I was finding myself again, but in truth, it was Duncan and Alistair that reminded me who I was, giving me a glimpse of familiarity that served as my foundation. I gasped, as I realized that it wasn't my will that saved me. It was their humanity.
Duncan looked at me, no doubt hearing my gasp of realization. "Are you okay, Toryn?" He asked of me. I looked at the two of them. "It was you! You both, you saved me." I started, my mind rushing with thoughts. "During my Joining, I had all but lost myself to the taint, no longer feeling any emotion at all. But, my shields dropped! When I felt the emotions of both of you, I was able to find myself again. You two gave me the strength I needed to fight back! That's it. It's not a matter of will, it's a matter of feeling." I exclaimed in excitement, the truth behind the Joining's mystery unlocking in my mind.
Alistair looked at me, a look of confusion crossing his face. "I'm not sure I get it. What's 'it'?" He asked. Duncan, however, nodded. "I think that I understand. He had no way to prepare for the Joining, so he did exactly as he did with his Harrowing, sharpening his will. But, will isn't what holds the taint at bay. I never thought of that. It's our humanity that protects us. That would explain so much." He said, almost more for his own benefit than Alistair's.
"Exactly! Maybe we can learn from this, and use it to prepare future Grey Wardens." I said, and Duncan smiled. "I like how you think, Toryn. We will certainly give it a shot next time. I doubt it could hurt much." Alistair was rubbing his stubbled chin. "I'm still not sure that I get it..." His words made Duncan chuckle. "Don't worry about it. We have other things for you to focus your time on. I want you both to be fully prepared for your task. And I do mean fully prepared. Alistair, you know how things can come up and surprise us. Make sure that the two of you have a full set of camp gear. Just as a precautionary measure." He said, to which Alistair nodded, and grinned mischievously. "I already have actually. I used a couple spare tents for Toryn and myself. Just in case he burned them down."
Duncan nodded approvingly. "That's exactly what I needed to hear from you. I knew that you'd make a very good leader, despite your fears to lead." Duncan's words only generated a stream of thoughts in my mind, a stream that remembered the conversation I had overheard just last night. Why was Duncan pushing Alistair to lead so hard? Besides my recent joining, Alistair was the newest recruit, so why would he need leadership skills so soon? Alistair sighed. "I guess so. I was just thinking ahead, I don't really think it was much of a leadership thing." He said, shrugging his shoulders.
"Even so, it's a start. Now, we have quite a few things to take care of, and not too much time to do it in. We're expecting the horde to strike at sundown. I need you both to be at the Tower of Ishal by then. I, myself, must go to Cailan, and start preparing the troops." Alistair and myself nodded as he walked off to find the King.
I looked at Alistair, and smirked. "Is he always so serious?" I asked. Alistair laughed a bit. "Only most of the time. Really he's just worried about the battle. You should see him when things are less dire." He looked out into the camp. "We should probably go. I want you to make sure that I didn't forget anything, or pack your bag too full for you to carry." He laughed again, and lightly tapped my shoulder with his fist. "Lead the way." I said, walking beside him as we walked into the camp. The calm before the storm was almost over, and I knew now that I would be ready when the sun fell.