Huzzah, it is the next chapter! Thank you, readers, for reading. And thanks, those of you who review, for reviewing. I'm glad you're liking this story; I'm doing my best! :D

Anyhow, I'm all set to write, although I seriously need to get back to reading D. Gray-Man because I'm such a horrible person for neglecting it for so long. I just find that I get sidetracked doing other things, like taking Death Note personality quizzes and coming up with L each and every time…which…baffles and disturbs me…but this is beside the point. I don't have any writer's block for this story right now, which excites me, because I can bring you the next chapter. Oh, and…thanks to addenza, whose review brought the warning sign fluttering off Komui's door, and KyuuinShinkei, whom you can blame for the coming AllenxLenalee. Now, on to the story. I warn you, it's not about to get any less crazy.

Disclamer: Yeah, here it is again. The disclaimer. Which means…I don't own D. Gray-Man. I am not, however, about to go off on how if I did, I'd be rich. Although it's true.

Chapter Summary: Allen learns not to trust creepy old people the hard way, and Lenalee's fortune comes true.

Allen awoke with a start to hear someone whispering in an extremely creepy manner.

"I don't know, Henry, he's awfully scrawny," came the cobwebby voice of that creepy old lady.

"I'm sure he only looks scrawny, Hortence." The old man wasn't very good at whispering; neither of them were. Allen could hear them as clear as day, and he was getting slightly annoyed, because of the mere fact that they were calling him scrawny. He just knew they were talking about him.

Sighing, which he seemed to be doing a lot of that day, Allen looked down at his arm, which was falling asleep. His back was killing him, too, from sitting up against that awful wall all night. Pins and needles, pins and needles. However, even that unpleasant sensation of a zillion needles jabbing into his poor arm wasn't enough to cause him to disturb Lenalee, who was still snuggled up against him. Wishing he had a blanket to put over her, Allen attempted to ignore the frightful whispering floating from some unknown location.

Sadly, ignoring the whispering was not to be Allen's luck. Scattered among the bits and pieces he was trying to filter out, he distinctly caught something very, very disturbing.

"I'm sure he's perfectly tasty."

It was Henry, and Allen was frightened to know what the heck he was talking about.

"Besides," Henry continued, Allen listening intently, "The other one's way, way, way too skinny."

Hortence sighed. "I guess maybe we could make soup with the bones, or something."

At this, Allen almost yelped. He had been hoping he'd just been mistaken, but…but…soup? Bones? Perfectly tasty? Lenalee had been right when she'd said the whole thing felt creepy; it wasn't just the impending threat of a zombie attack.

Oh dear, Allen had forgotten about the zombies.

Gradually, as Allen listened in tensely, the whispers faded, and the two creepy elderly people tromped back up the stairs they had come down. This was probably for the best, since Allen didn't exactly want to fight a couple of old people (how would he explain that?). Still, they had to get out of there.

"Lenalee," hissed Allen, nudging her with his arm. "Lenalee, wake up before those old people decide to eat us!"

Lenalee twitched, which Allen was sure was a sign that she was waking up. But no, all she did was bury her face right into his shoulder.

Truth be told, Allen almost choked to death before the old freaks could eat him. He didn't, of course, but his coughing did end up shaking Lenalee awake.

Yawning, Lenalee sat up and rubbed her eyes. It took her a minute to remember she was in a rickety old shack surrounded by terrifying zombies.

Now awake, Lenalee was glad the darkness hid the fact that she was blushing immensely. She hadn't meant to use Allen as a pillow.

"Lenalee," Allen hissed. "We have to go. Now."

In the eerie darkness, Lenalee had to squint really, really hard in order to see Allen. "What? Why? And why are you whispering?"

"Because," said Allen quietly, glancing towards the stairs, "There's something not right about those…those two old people…"

Lenalee stared at him. She was completely lost. What could possibly be wrong with a couple of old people, besides the fact that they were incredibly creepy?

"Look, do you remember that one story…the one with the woodcutter, and the kids, and the mean lady?" Allen said, attempting to describe the story of "Hansel and Gretel", but not quite making it.

"No." Lenalee yawned again. She was still tired.

Allen bit his lip and tried to think of the story. "Uh…they went into the woods with pebbles and breadcrumbs."

Lenalee still didn't remember, but the mention of breadcrumbs made her stomach grumble.

"The gingerbread house!" cried Allen, waving his arms over his head. "The big gingerbread house! And the witch! And the oven!"

"Allen," said Lenalee, "Just get to the point."

But Allen didn't have time to get to the point before the flickering light of a candle brightened the room, causing both him and Lenalee to shade their eyes.

"Well, ch-ch-chh-chi-chilldren," said Hortence, almost visibly salivating, "What's the matter?"

Allen gulped. The old lady looked even creepier than usual. In fact, he half expected her to whip out a giant butcher knife and come running at them on those spindly legs of hers.

To Allen's horror, Hortence began to take something from behind her back. The butcher knife!

And Hortence pulled out…a plate of fortune cookies.

"I thought you might be hungry," said Hortence, putting the plate on the rickety wooden table in the middle of the room. A spider skittered out of the way.

"N-n-n-no thank you!" squeaked Allen, pressing against the wall. He was not going to let the creepy old woman attempt to fatten him up! Besides, there was no way she could manage it, Allen realized with a feeling of triumph. He could eat heaps and heaps of food and not gain a pound. Still, there was no one who could get him to eat those fortune cookies. He glanced over at Lenalee.

To his horror, Lenalee was no longer there.

No, Lenalee was standing up and being handed a fortune cookie by Hortence.

"Lenalee, wait!" cried Allen, jumping up.

Both Lenalee and Hortence stared at him, although there was a noticeable difference between the two. Where Hortence's eyes were fairly boring a hole through his skull with their blank blackness, (plus, she had no eyebrows…no eyebrows), Lenalee's were horribly confused. Lovely, but still horribly confused.

Allen shook his head and wondered what was wrong with him to be thinking pointless things about Lenalee's eyes at a time like this. Those cookies were probably laced with something. Something…something…well, something poisonous, at least. But how in the world was he supposed to say that right now?

"I think you need to sit down," said Lenalee. "You're acting kind of weird."

Desperate, Allen actually tried to communicate telepathically.

It didn't work. Lenalee just ended up taking him by the arm and making him sit down in one of the nearly-collapsing wooden chairs.

"I baked these myself," said Hortence, which was a huge lie because, just the other day, she'd bought a whole barrel of them from a street vendor. From personal experience, people loved fortune cookies…these kids shouldn't be able to resist.

Allen stared stubbornly at the plate, refusing to take one, although he was slightly starving again.

"Cookie?" creaked Hortence, sliding the plate closer. "Cookie?"

"No thanks," said Allen, staring at her.

Hortence's eyes narrowed, almost disappearing, being as they were so small. The kid was on to her, she was sure of it. How did he know the fortune cookies had a much darker fortune inside? Hortence almost giggled when she thought of this "darker fortune" business…it sounded so ominous and dramatic. Really, though, cyanide was a pretty dark fortune.

But the stupid boy still wouldn't eat one!

So, Hortence turned to the other kid. "Why don't you eat a cookie, dear?" she suggested, doing her best impression of someone's granny.

Lenalee smiled and, to Allen's horror, took the cookie being offered to her.

"L-Lenalee, wait," said Allen, absolutely positive she was going to eat it. Eat it, and die. Or something.

Lenalee sighed. "What?"

"Um, there's something important I have to tell you!" And really, there was, but Allen, looking up and seeing Hortence staring at him creepily, couldn't think of a way to say, "Those cookies are probably poisoned."

Lenalee's stomach growled again, and this time she really looked as if she were about to eat the cookie.

Suddenly, Allen came up with something. "The fortune!"

"What?" Lenalee brought the cookie away from her mouth, staring at him.

"Yeah, that's it, the fortune," said Allen, thinking fast. "Don't you have to break open the cookie to get the fortune out?"

Lenalee's eyes lit up. "Oh, right. I almost forgot."

Hortence sighed, but, Allen realized, she didn't seem worried. Had she baked the poison inside the cookies? Or…or what? He was sure there was poison in them, though.

Cracking the cookie in half, Lenalee pulled out a slip of paper. "'You will receive an unexpected surprise,'" she read. "Surprise. Huh, I wonder what kind?"

Allen watched nervously as she put the slip of paper on the table. She was going to eat it. But what was he supposed to do? He couldn't just say they were poisoned. Lenalee probably wouldn't believe him (why should she?), and who knew what that weird lady would do? By now, though, he was absolutely positive something was in the cookies by the way Hortence's button-eyes were nearly popping out of her head.

"I really love fortune cookies," Lenalee commented, about to eat one of the halves.

Fingers twitching, Allen knew he had to think fast, and fast. That's right, fast. But what could he do?

And then, with a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Allen knew what he could do.

Allen stood up, chair squeaking. Hortence and Lenalee looked at him.

"Lenalee," said Allen, steeling himself, "I have to tell you something. Um, something important."

Lenalee watched him, but didn't stop bringing the cookie to her mouth. In fact, she was opening her mouth to crunch the supposedly-delicious cookie of fortune.

Really, Allen had no choice. He wished he did. But it was all such short notice and everything, you should be amazed that he even thought of something at all. I mean, really.

Oh, God, she was about to eat it.

Quickly, with super-amazing rattlesnake-like speed, Allen grabbed her arm and pulled that stupid cookie away from her mouth. Already, Hortence was fuming, and Lenalee was looking at him strangely. She was probably incredibly annoyed. Oh, dear.

Allen braced himself. And then, right there, he kissed Lenalee straight on the lips.

(You are now permitted to give a fangirlish squeal, if you are so inclined.)

Although Allen had been fully expecting Lenalee to kill him, which would have been fine, as long as she hadn't eaten the cookie, what actually happened was sort of worse.

Lenalee, eyes wide (a striking contrast to Hortence, who's eyes possibly got smaller), fainted.

Uh, yes. Sorry for springing that on you. I had to, you understand.

Was that a long chapter? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows. I don't. Actually, I think it is a longer chapter. I'm really tired, and my tea is getting cold, and I was going to say something but I forgot what it was. Oh, right. About Hortence. You see, I read this book once. I think it was called Coraline, or something like that. And there was this creepy lady and she had buttons for eyes, or something. I think that may be how I came up with Hortence's eyes. They scare me. D:

And yes, they do remind me of those creepy people from Okami, to. I love that game. So much. I need to buy it.

Okay, that's all. I hope you keep reading. Until next time, which will hopefully be soon. I have something planned for the zombies, you know. And Lavi. And Komui, who's mad that he wasn't in this chapter. Sorry, Komui. You'll be in the next one, I promise. And yes, I sometimes wonder how this all evolved out of a picnic.

And people without eyebrows? Creepy. Really creepy. L has no eyebrows, and the fact that I can't figure out why greatly disturbs me.