Chapter Ten: The Door is Locked, Why Try to Enter?

"Japan?" A careful hand is placed on a trembling Japan's shoulder. It squeezes firmly, trying to gain his attention. Japan looks up, his cheeks tear-stained, his eyes red, his lips pressed tightly together.

"Onii-chan? What are doing here?" The concerned face of China comes into focus. China sits on the bench beside his younger brother.

"I found him, he's over here!" China calls. Two nurses sprint over with a wheelchair and Japan's cup of medicine. China turns to Japan, "What were you thinking? The hospital called me because they couldn't find you, they thought you ran off." He helps Japan get into the chair, he forces the pills into Japan's fisted hand, "Take these, now," he turns to the nurses, "I've got him, you can go. I'll make sure he gets back to his room."

The nurses exchange a glance then turn back to the hospital entrance. Japan swallows the capsules one by one until all three are gone and the cup sets empty in his hands. He stares at China blank faced, no longer caring that he was here. Truth be told, all Japan wanted right now is to be alone with his thoughts, being alone meant no interruptions, no interruptions meant that he could feel what he wanted to feel without having to hide it from whomever was with him. He didn't have to hide from England though; his fiancé had an air about him that made you feel calmer, more at ease. No, not fiancé, how could he be Japan's fiancé if he was dead? Japan goes to turning his ring around on his finger again. *Don't think about that right now, don't be a burden and make others feel sympathy for you. Wait until he's gone, wait until you're alone, wait… just wait.*

It's too late for waiting.

The plastic cup is crushed in his balled up fist. His mouth is clenched together in an unmoving line. Japan lowers his head just before the sadness overwhelms him and the tears come once more. Why isn't he able to control these emotions? He was able to put on a mask before. How come these feelings break through the barrier in his subconscious? Oh right, because he loves England. He loves him and these raw emotions are just too much to hold inside. He can try to hold them in, but they'll just burst out eventually, not caring who's around to see them. Better it be here with his brother, and not at a World Conference or something.

China bites his bottom lip, unaccustomed to seeing Japan like this. He puts his hand on Japan's knee awkwardly, "Japan? What's wrong?" he waits for an answer, but no answer comes, "You can tell me. I will listen. Please, tell Big Brother China your woes."

Japan shakes his head from side to side; "Iie, I can't…" he starts coughing. He raises his hand to cover his mouth, bringing it away dotted with blood. Japan's eyes widen, he looks up at China, whose face is equally frightened.

~England ties the final knot in the vines he is using in place of rope. The raft he has crafted out of fallen logs, tied together by vines, is the only means he has found to escape. England pulls the raft behind him and places it into his spring; it floats, for a few seconds, but then sinks to the bottom.

"Dammit all, you twit!" England throws his arms in the air; he's had just about enough of being here. The mermaid he met that morning had given him this idea, assuring him that it would work. *What a liar she is! Probably having a good laugh at me too!* he kicks a small stone and sends it flying into the trees. It lands with a hollow thump. *That's rather odd…* England makes his way into the woods in the direction the rock flew. He pushes past the underbrush and when he sees what has been hidden, he wants to smack himself for being so oblivious. Covered in moss and laying upside down is a small boat, more properly called a skiff. England heaves it onto its right side, under it are two paddles, a little haggard but still usable. The skiff has no sizable holes or cracks and is in working condition if he removes the layers of grunge.

"How curious… why are you here?" England mumbles to himself, "It's as if your owner just up and vanished… might have been he was taken by the fairies? Good thing though, you can help me get back to Kiku. Let us just… get you cleaned up shall we?" He lifts the skiff off the ground a bit, taking it back to the water. Using a rough rock he takes to scrubbing the vegetation off the bottom and sides. As layer by layer disappears, England can see more and more potential excreting from his find. He steps back from his finished work, nodding in approval. Without the gunk weighing it down, carrying the skiff to the shore is much simpler. It floats, and doesn't sink or fill mysteriously with water from unknown holes. England hops in, after gathering a bunch of fruit and pushes away from the white sand out into open water.

*My ship was heading south… therefore I shall go north!* England looks at the sky; the sun was starting to set… west was that way then. He starts rowing, keeping the sun to his left at all times. He keeps going, though the sun is close to setting. If he slept then he might get lost, better to just keep rowing.

~China runs into the hospital, wheeling a coughing and quivering Japan into his room. He slams his fist onto the Call button, a nurse appears seconds later.

"Good evening, how may I be of assistance?" She gets a look at Japan, blood trickling down the corners of his mouth. The nurse drops the medical chart in her hands, taking a step out the door she yells down the hall, "Doctor, come quickly! The patient, Mr. Honda is…" Japan's doctor comes running into the room, pushing past the nurse. He leans down beside Japan, placing a hand on his chest.

"His suture must have burst," he mumbles, he turns to the nurse, "prepare for surgery, we need to fix it quickly before it tears completely."

The nurse nods shakily, running from the room. The doctor pulls back Japan's hospital gown, and peels off the bandage covering the row of stitches on his chest. The pale skin around the incision is uninjured, but beneath the epidermis there is an unmistakable blotching of blood cells. Japan coughs again, and the dark coloring spreads further across his chest.

*The lung is filling with blood… slowly, but it's getting worse,* the doctor takes the handles of the wheelchair and pushes Japan out of the Recovery wing.

China chases after, "Wait, what's going on! What's wrong with him!"

"Sir, you need to stay out here, you can't be in the room during operation," China stops in his tracks when another doctor rushes past him. The doctor is in green scrubs and a face mask, ready for surgery.

The doors shut, inside the operating room it's dark, only illuminated by a large lamp hanging low overhead. Japan is laid down on a cold metal table, his gown is removed and a cloth is placed over the lower half of his body. One of the doctors in the room sticks a syringe into the vein in the crook of his elbow.

"Now Mr. Honda you must calm down," calm down? His breathing is abnormally quick, "when I give the word will you count down from one hundred for me? Please, just breathe deeply and count back from one hundred." He pushed down the plunge of the syringe, "Now Mr. Honda, you can start counting. You may do it in your head if you wish."

Japan nods, his head is swimming, *One hundred… what's happening… ninety- nine… am I dying… ninety- eight… maybe… ninety- seven… maybe it wouldn't be so bad to die… ninety- six… if I die… ninety- five… then it wouldn't hurt so much… ninety- four… right… ninety… three…* A fog covers his thought process, the anesthesia kicks and Japan's mind goes blank.

"We have to drain the liquid from his lungs and repair the suture, we should check the heart as well, make sure that it's not damaged," the surgeon hands a long clear tubing to a doctor, "when I open him up, snake this tube down his pharynx and suck the blood from his lungs. Attach one end to the vacuum here."

The doctor hooks one end on the tube to a machine and positions himself to be able to put the other end down Japan's throat when the time comes. He nods; the surgeon places his scalpel on Japan's chest, pressing down he slices the skin open revealing the wrong underneath. It's worse than they feared; the amount of blood that has leaked into Japan's lungs is much more than the assumed at first. The doctor slips the tubing down Japan's throat and turns on the vacuum, at first there is a gurgling sound, then a steady stream of red begins to fill the tube.

The surgeon turns to a standby-nurse, "We need some blood bags now! He's losing so much, hurry!" The nurse hooks Japan up to an IV drip of blood; the surgeon repairs the ruptured suture. He sews Japan's chest back together, sterilizing the skin and re-bandaging the area. The doctor finishes removing the blood from Japan's lungs; he slowly pulls the pipe out of his mouth and drops it into a tray beside him. The nurse lets out an overdue sigh of relief; falling to her knees she places her hand over her heart.

"The boy had just found out that his fiancé is dead, and now this," she murmurs, "what terrible luck he must have."

The doctor puts his hand on her shoulder, "I'm afraid the news is what caused this, it was stress again. Stress isn't good for anyone, particularly Mr. Honda." He shakes his head.

The surgeon stands, he pulls off his gloves and face mask, "I'll be leaving him in your hands, I have another operation in half an hour to prepare for." He bows, then steps out of the dark room flipping the light switch as he does so.

"Thank you," the doctor mumbles, he looks at the nurse who has now righted herself and standing on her own two feet again, "Please take Mr. Honda back to his room, keep the IV going with the blood until I come check up on him."

"Yes doctor."

"And don't forget to put a robe on him, he looks like a corpse without one."

"Yes, doctor," the nurse watches as her senior leaves then turns to Japan, she grabs a checkered hospital gown out of a nearby closet and dresses him in it. After refreshing the bagged blood she pushes the table carrying Japan back to the Recovery ward, and to an impatiently pacing China.

"Ma'am, please, you must tell me. What is wrong with my brother?" He asks: his voice is strained as though he's trying to keep from yelling.

The nurse shakes her head dismissively, "it's not something that I should be telling you. When he comes to you should ask him. It's not my place to say."

The two heft Japan onto his bed, the nurse checks the IV once again then takes the table back to the ER. China collapses into an armchair at the end of Japan's bed, taking to tapping his index finger on the wooden arm in an irritable manner.

*Why aren't I dead yet? It should have happened by now… why am I still here?* Japan thinks to himself. His body is heavy and he can't lift his arms. There's a faint burning in his chest, but it's not unbearable. The light shining through his lids is muted though still painful to his retinas.

*What happened? I was coughing…. The blood… My chest* in his mind his inner Japan is curled into the fetal position, *Why am I still here? There's no reason for me here anymore! Why can't I just die already?* His inner self is having a mental breakdown, shaking uncontrollably, crying in anguish. The frustration of living is getting to him. He doesn't want it anymore, doesn't want life. What's the point when the most important person to him is gone? But he isn't just going to go out and kill himself! He can't do that; if he did he'd never see England again! He would be demon in Hell and England would be an angel in Heaven. Never able to talk to each other, share another tender kiss or touch. No, he wasn't going to kill himself, but he wasn't going to fight death either. His inner self stands proudly, finally coming to a decision. *I WELCOME YOU SHINIGAMI! I WELCOME YOU TO TAKE MY LIFE! I WILL NOT OPPOSE YOU ANY LONGER. COME AT YOUR LEISURE AND END MY SUFFERING!*