Chapter 10: Time

~Dear Ben,

Once again, I know I've been writing to you an awful lot lately, but I just wanted to share this moment with you. For the very first time, I am not writing this letter from home. Well, actually, I am, but not the same home. I mean, It's not really home yet, since I'm still moving in, but hopefully it'll start to feel like home soon. Sorry, I got off topic. What I was trying to say is that I moved out of our old home to an apartment in the city. It's pretty small, but that's okay since it's only me living here. It's also not the best apartment in the world, since it was pretty cheap to rent, but that's okay, too, because it's not like I'll be living here my whole life or anything. Or at least, I hope not. We'll just have to wait and see.

This is honestly really exciting. I'm finally living all on my own! I've been waiting for this ever since... well, ever since I became an angst-filled teenager. And it didn't help that I became one around the same time Dad started to become overprotective. And even though he's been so supportive of me, I don't think he really wanted me to go. I hope he'll be okay on his own. And I hope I'll be okay, too.

Listen, Ben, there's something... kinda important I want to tell you. I mean, it's not too important, but you should probably know. It's just that, I think there's a reason I've been writing to you a lot. Or maybe not. There has been a lot going on in my life, after all. I finished high school, I chose my future career, I moved out, and soon I'll be starting classes. That's probably it. Just forget what I was just saying. Why do I always write in pen when I know I don't have any whiteout? Please, just disregard what I say, because I clearly have no idea what I'm talking about. All you really need to know is that I love you and I miss you, and I wish you were still here.

Love, Serena~

X

One of the worst things, by far, was the waiting. Not just because Ben was impatient, but because he had nothing to wait for. This world was his new infinity. It didn't take long for him to realize that his questions would never be answered. What happened to him, where he actually was, why he was there, whether or not he could ever leave, why he was alone in this empty world. Anything he could think of, he would never know. No matter how long he waited, everything remained the same. Night never turned to day, the same tune kept playing on, and nobody came to save him. Nobody would ever come to save him. Nobody was going to give him his answers. All he could do was wait, and cling onto the possibility that somehow, someday, a change would happen that would deviate from the depressing routine.

The routine itself was not really a routine at all. With no real way of measuring time, it was impossible to develop any sort of schedule, all he had was doing one thing until he got bored with it. Sometimes he would wander around Clock Town, trying to see if any of the mini-games would still work without anyone to run them, even though he learned right away that they would not. It was just something to distract his thoughts.

Sometimes he would go to the game's temples. He couldn't actually enter any of them, as they all required some sort of item in order to gain access, and Ben, of course, didn't have any kind of weaponry with him. But he would search for any glitches or oversights that the developers or play testers didn't originally find. He never found any, but it worked to keep him entertained for a few moments.

And sometimes he would visit the four main areas of the game. He visited Great Bay the least, admittedly due to his fears of water, but also because it reminded him of the trauma he experienced when first arriving there. More often, he would be in Ikana Canyon. He wasn't sure why, but something just seemed to draw him there. Maybe it was because it was where he actually was in the game before he was physically transported there. Or maybe it was because the desolate wasteland had some strange attractive force for suffering spirits like himself. Ben didn't like that theory very much, so he tried to ignore it.

All he really did was wander the shell of a game, over and over, on and on. He did this until he knew every crack and crevasse of the world, letting the map of the land become part of him. The routine wasn't much, he knew, but it was all he had. It was the only thing that could distract him from his harsh reality. From all the answers he didn't want to know.

It was almost funny how a game that once brought him such joy and happiness now only offered the slow degradation of his soul.

One day, something different happened. Though it may have not been one day at all. Perhaps, at the time, it had been minutes or hours, or months or years, since he first arrived. He was in Ikana when it happened. Like usual, he was doing nothing, but pretending that he was looking at the world for the first time. And, like usual, the grating music was resonating throughout the canyon. It seemed almost as if the notes echoed softly off the hard rock walls, though that may have been just his deteriorating mind tricking him. Being in this area was nothing new. He wasn't sure how many times he had been there, and he didn't really care.

Isn't it petty, little battles like this that have caused it?

Ben turned around. Behind him, watching with its dull stone eyes, stood Link's Elegy Statue. This too had happened many times before. Sometimes, seemingly at random, the statue would spawn behind him, without a sound. The only times he noticed it was when it was accompanied by a random piece of text from the game, which front of his vision.

And, as usual, he ignored the statue. All it ever did was follow him around like a lost pet, though he knew it was no more than a blank stone effigy. Even the game itself claimed it had no heart. The fact that it always tailed him only made him uncomfortable. He just kept walking, leaving it behind.

What business have you in Ikana Kingdom, land where only the dead roam?

Ben turned around. The statue was still behind him, this time closer than before. "None of your business," Ben muttered, and turned around again. Just ignore it. Keep walking.

Will you play... with me?

Ben turned around again. "No! Go away, you dumb statue!" he retorted. What did that hunk of rock think it was? It wasn't alive, it wasn't real, it didn't help him at all. All it did was follow him around as if it was possessed. What purpose did it have, other than to bother him when his entire life was already in shambles? Forget about it. Never mind it, just ignore it, just keep walking. Ben glared angrily at the air in front of him.

Hee, hee. Now that's a good look for you! You'll stay here looking that way forever!

"Shut up!" Ben shouted at the statue, which was now only inches from him. "Shut up, already! I am not staying here forever! I'm gonna get back home, no matter what you say! Just go away!" His screams echoed throughout the canyon, accompanying the harsh music in a chaotic duet.

The statue disappeared.

Ben blinked. He didn't expect it to actually leave. After all, it was just a statue. It had no mind of its own. It had to be a coincidence. Or maybe, just maybe...

"Come back," Ben said, his voice suddenly small. He waited for something to happen. For anything to happen. But nothing did. He sighed to himself, and turned around to continue walking in disappointment.

He bumped into the statue.

Ben blinked. Did... did he do that? Did he really just control the statue with his mind? No, that couldn't be possible. He was never able to do that. But, just to make sure...

"Go away," Ben said. It went away.

"Come back," Ben said. He turned around. It was back.

Ben could only blink. He could control the statue with him mind. But why? Did he have some sort of... spiritual connection with the Elegy Statue? No, that couldn't be it, they were just parts of the game's coding. But, then again, he was real, and he was also in the game. He was real, wasn't he? He was just a normal twelve-year-old boy. If he always had the power to teleport things with his mind alone, wouldn't he have learned it at a much younger age? He had no idea what was happening. He could feel the confusion he felt when he first arrived begin to emerge once again.

Ben thought for a moment. Maybe his new power wasn't limited to the statue. He closed his eyes, picturing a certain object in his mind. He put his complete and total focus into it. And then, he opened his eyes.

There, lying on the ground was a blue ocarina. He slowly picked it up, cradling it in his hands. He couldn't believe it. Somehow, he had the power to manipulate this warped version of Majora's Mask with only his thoughts. Either he could always do this and never tried, or something happened to him. Something that happened after he jumped out of that boat.

That day, he asked himself a new question: What was he?

X

Down, right, left, down, right, left.

Ben held the ocarina up to his face, listening to the notes that came out of them. At first, he attempted to play it normally by covering the holes, but he just couldn't get the hand of it. His hands were used to mashing buttons on a controller, and lacked the dexterity needed for such a small instrument. But then he learned that he could make music by simply thinking of the buttons he would press on the controller. In fact, he wasn't even sure if he needed to blow into the instrument, but he did it anyways, just to feel like he was actually playing it.

Down, right, left, down, right, left.

After he learned how to spawn items, he suddenly had many new forms of entertainment. But, over time, even every item and mask in the game grew uninteresting. That was when he started to play the ocarina. Mastering an instrument took time and effort. As far as he could perceive, he had all the time in the world, and had nothing else worth focusing on. It did a decent job of distracting him from all his confusion and worry and regrets. And, even though he wasn't playing it in the traditional style, he was still rather terrible starting out. But it sometimes sounded like he was getting better. That scared Ben. It meant that time was passing without him.

Down, right, left, down, right, left.

Most often, he would play the song that was always playing throughout the world. It was the easiest, only because he always had a reference to play along with. He certainly didn't make the awful noise any better, but at least he couldn't make it much worse. In fact, it almost felt a bit... nice to play, oddly enough. Or maybe not. He wasn't very much sure of anything anymore. Whenever he started to question things or think about the past and present, he would start to feel miserable. So he didn't.

Down, right, left, down, right, left.

He played the song of what felt like an eternity, but it couldn't have been, because the song in the background had only repeated a few hundred times. He was getting sick of playing the song. He wanted to play something else. Unfortunately for him, it was hard to think of any other song when the one he wanted to avoid was blaring throughout the world. It was like no other songs existed.

Ben growled silently. The music was horrible enough on its own. He didn't need to hear it on loop for all eternity. He had, in the past, tried to stop it the same way he manipulated the environment, but it never seemed to work. Either he wasn't powerful enough, or it was out of his control completely. Frustrated, he started playing random notes, the discordant melodies shrieking through the lands. It actually sounded a bit better than the actual music.

Ben sighed. His life had become monotonous. If he was even living, of course. As hard as it was to tell time, he was certain that days had passed, and he had received no food, water, or even sleep since first arriving. That, along with his new strange abilities, made it slowly seem more likely that something terrible had happened to him.

Ben listened to the song. Each note seemed like it was being stretched out, and then suddenly contracted. Even after all this time, it was hard to find a coherent rhythm. It really did sound like a song being played in reverse, but he just couldn't pinpoint what it was. It felt so familiar, yet also so distant from him.

And then he got an idea. An idea, and more importantly something that could entertain him for a brief moment. He held the ocarina back up to his face, and visualized three particular buttons on the Nintendo 64 controller.

Left, right, down, left, right, do-

A sudden burst of pure pain rocketed throughout his entire body, spreading from head to toes almost instantly. He screamed violently, his pained voice drowning out the warped music. It felt like his entire body had been suddenly set on fire and electrocuted simultaneously. He writhed on the ground from the sudden pain, feeling the jolting aches inside of his body. For one, two, three excruciatingly long years, the pain crawled through his skin like a hungry parasite. It continued, as did his screams, for eternities.

And, as quickly as it came, it was over.

Ben forced himself to his hands and knees, gasping heavily. He could still feel his heart racing from inside his chest. Now that it was over, he realized the pain probably only lasted a few seconds at most. He tried to steady his breathing. It wasn't as awful as drowning, but it certainly wasn't enjoyable.

In his head, a new question formed: Why would that song hurt me?

At least now knew what the tune was.

He wouldn't be playing the Song of Healing again any time soon.

X

Ben sighed heavily, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. This was beginning to become his default position, as he had no reason to go anywhere or do anything. Nothing interested him anymore. Nothing motivated him anymore. He had no purpose. He had been cast away in this horrid land for who knows how long, with nothing but himself and whatever was in the game. He knew it was driving him mad, and he wanted to stop it, but he didn't know how.

"A puppet that can no longer be used is mere garbage," Ben whispered grimly, "This puppet's role has just ended..." He knew the line. He knew every line. Every single piece of text in the game, he had witnessed many times over. They were part of him now.

Ben closed his eyes tightly and leaned back, feeling the cold statue that stood behind him. It was always there, never too far away. After all this time, the lifeless statue was the closest thing to a real person he had.

"I did it once, I can do it again..." Ben muttered to himself. He knew that letting himself die was the worst thing he ever did in his life. But now, the damage was already done. He wasn't sure if he was dead or not, but he knew that he didn't want to be there. Anything was better than this. And he would do anything to leave. Anything.

Hardly even needing to think anymore, a sword appeared in front of him, clattering to the ground gently. Unwrapping himself from his arms, he picked it up gently, holding it gingerly. And then, slowly, he gripped the hilt with both hands, aiming the sharp blade towards his chest.

No matter what happened, it would be worth it, if only to leave this cursed place.

Slowly, he drew in one last breath, and plunged the blade into his body.

He heard a slight clunk as the tip of the sword collided with the statue behind him. Ben braced himself for the pain, ready to feel it explode throughout his body. He heard himself let out a small scream in the sudden intense silence, ready for sweet sordid death once again.

But, as the sword sat there, impaled through his chest, he felt no pain. He could feel the rough shape of the metal interacting with his soft innards, but the sensation was no more than a slight discomfort. Opening his eyes, he risked a glance down where his skin was pierced. Where blood and entrails should have been spewing, there was nothing.

Not knowing what to do, he grabbed the hilt, and slowly pulled the sword from his body, feeling the blade slide through his organs with ease. When the sword was finally extracted from his chest, he simply threw it aside. He inspected the area where his flesh was penetrated. His clothes were still perfectly intact, like nothing happened at all. He lifted his shirt up, examining his chest, but found not even a scar.

Feeling his hands shaking, he curled back up into a ball, trying to block out the rest of the world. And there, silently, he wept.

He didn't notice the music start again. He never even realized it stopped.

X

Ben tried to remember, but he just couldn't. He tried to remember the joyous theme that once played in Clock Town, but no matter how hard he tried to rummage through his broken mind, he just couldn't remember. There was a time where he would hear it every day due to constantly playing the game instead of spending time with his family. He even still remembered how it would speed up every day, until the once happy tune became frantic and chaotic. But he just couldn't remember the actual song.

He wondered what else he had forgotten. Ben cursed himself, regretting not clinging onto his memories while they were still fresh. But then again, he had no way of knowing he would be trapped for so long.

He also wondered exactly how long he had been there. It must have been a long time if he was beginning to forget things he once knew so well. But perhaps his environment was effecting the memory loss. The constant solitude and repetition of that hellish song was not kind to his psyche.

But part of Ben just didn't care anymore. He didn't care about forgetting. When he thought of the past, all he could think of was all he had lost. Why did he let himself come to this place? Things could have gotten better at home. Serena could have already woken up. And instead of waiting for her, he had to be a coward and choose the easier path. And now he had nobody. And she didn't have him, either. Things like this were what drove him mad the most. No matter what he could have done differently, anything would be better than what he did. In the real world, there was always somebody he could turn to. In fact, he would sometimes be stupid enough to push others away. Now, he was, at long last, finally alone. And he hated it.

As time went on, forgetting all his past mistakes did not seem all too bad. But still, another part of him clung on to the idea that his fate was somehow not permanent, and he would one day be free. That part of him was an idiot.

He also wondered if he was alive, and if it mattered. He certainly didn't feel alive. And if he was alive, he certainly didn't want to be. But there was nothing he could do about that. All he could do now was live through the torture until the day that the universe and everything in it, afterlife included, finally collapsed upon itself like a dying star.

Realizing he had been pacing around Clock Town for what was probably hours, he stopped. He didn't know why he began walking in the first place. He had no destination. He had no purpose. He looked up into the night sky, seeing the moon stare back at him. Even after all this time, it still stayed glued in its highest position, never once moving. He briefly wondered if he could make it move, but didn't bother trying. No matter what happened, he would still be there, living the same nightmare. It just didn't matter anymore.

Ben closed his eyes. When did he become like this? How long had it been since the child inside him died? He wondered if he could even call himself Ben anymore. He had changed so much, if was hard to consider himself even a human. He was more like a monster now. Everything had become so incredibly numb, it sometimes felt like he had no emotion at all. He was just an empty husk of the boy he once was.

Ben stood in place for what felt like an eternity, but for him, everything felt like an eternity. Nothing was fast. It was like time itself was against him, making him suffer. Making him live through the loneliness forever.

That was when Ben felt it. The other presence. It immediately put him on edge, like he was suddenly being watched closely. He tried shrugging it off, assuming it was just the Elegy Statue warping behind him.

And then he heard a voice. Not text, but an actual voice. The kind that can only come from another human being.

"Well, aren't you an interesting sight."