I was waiting and waiting and waiting for another episode...and then I said, "come on, Nick," and wrote this in retaliation. (Updates will also be slow due to new job and college preparations.)
Weight of Living
She doesn't dare to step foot above the surface for quite a few weeks after the incident.
Her hair is beginning to grow out again, and she's letting the blonde dye start to wash out. She might re-dye it when she gets her hands on the materials, but it won't be blonde again; maybe she'll dye it lilac, or sky blue, or blood red, or maybe even tangerine orange – something to reflect this new life she has.
The life she doesn't really deserve, after all the things she's done.
Karai shakes her head at the thought. If anything, she thinks, she'll be less recognizable without her signature hairstyle and makeup and piercings – though Tigerclaw and Raazar could still easily pick up her scent if they tried. She really doesn't want to have to worry about the stupid blood feud between the Foot and Hamato clans getting in the way of her life.
She sighs. She doesn't want to worry, but this is the way it has to be (for now).
In the middle of the night she'll wake up in cold sweats still, panting from the nightmares – of the Shredder, of Tigerclaw, of the Foot Clan – of losing her new home and family.
Surprisingly, the turtles and Splinter are rarely up in the late hours of the night. It gives her ample opportunity to go to the kitchen or living area and cool off for a little bit. Some nights she wonders if it has anything to do with not having her own room yet; she's still sleeping in a corner of the dojo, though Donatello and Raphael have been surprisingly cooperative in working on building her an actual bedroom.
This night, Karai slips into the kitchen and opens the fridge, grabbing a slice of leftover pizza and pouring a glass of milk. She never cared much for pizza, but it's one of the only normal food items in the lair that's just as prevalent as the algae the turtles apparently lived on before April came along. Plus, in the middle of the night, it's the perfect thing to act as comfort food.
As she sits and eats, she hears another set of footsteps coming toward her. She tenses, ready to bolt, before remembering she is safe here, and lets her posture return to something more relaxed. It's Michelangelo who walks in, yawning and rubbing at his eyes with one hand. He's not wearing his mask, she notes, which is odd – they've always got their masks on, even around her, and it's strange to see Mikey without the bright orange contrasting his eyes.
"Hey," he murmurs in greeting as he slumps down in the chair next to her, his own glass of milk and pizza slice in hand. "Can't sleep either?"
Karai snorts. "I don't remember the last time I've had a full night's sleep. Still getting used to all…this."
Mikey nods, and she notes that while he still looks drowsy his blue eyes are still alert and attentive. "Yeah. Uh…how are you doing, by the way?"
She blinks. Leo has been doting on her to the point of annoyance, Raphael has been keeping his respectful distance, and Donnie occasionally offers sanctuary in his lab when she needs to chill, but the exuberant Mikey she remembered from…before…has been strangely absent. She wonders if he just felt awkward about the whole thing, or if he wasn't sure how to go about initiating her into his bright and cheerful lifestyle. "I, um, I'm doing as well as I can, I guess."
He frowns, and shoves the rest of his pizza slice into his mouth. Karai makes a disgusted face as he chews, but he's seen it all before and ignores it as he swallows. "Y'know," he says after swallowing, "if you want me to, y'know, do anything to help make this place feel like home…" He trails off, not quite sure how to finish.
Karai sighs but nods. "Thank you, Mikey," she says, "but it's not you guys. Well, Leo could be a little less annoying – have you seen him doting on me? – but I just…need…I'm still trying to come to terms with it all."
Mikey tilts his head, looking at her for a moment, before asking, "Karai, do you like us? Do you like this?" He gestures broadly, indicating the lair. "Because, I mean, if you don't, I'm sure April can hook you up with a place or—"
"Mikey." The incredulous look on his face makes her sigh, and she pushes her empty plate and glass aside to rest her elbows on the table. "Listen, okay? I'm…grateful, that you guys did what you did for me. I didn't deserve it, after what I've tried to do to you and your family. I guess I'm just a little…doubtful that I ever belonged here, or could ever belong here."
"But…but you're wrong."
Karai's head snaps up from where she'd rested it on her hands, amber eyes meeting blue. Mikey shrugs innocently at her disbelieving gaze. "What? It's true. You just need to get over Shredder, and…and accept it, I guess. Karai, I don't have all the answers – Donnie would say obviously, but I doubt he has the answers either – but no matter what anyone says, including you, you'll always have a place in our family."
The freckled turtle did not expect the kunoichi to throw her arms around his neck in a tight embrace, but he returned it all the same.
She hates who she was.
She's determined to like whoever she becomes.
(For their sake, if nothing else.)
It all crept up on you, in the night it got you and plagued your mind – it plagues your mind. Every day that passes faster than the last did and soon you'll be old, you'll be old. Do you like the person you've become? Under the weight of living - you're under the weight of living…Tell yourself this is how it's going to be.