Chapter Ten: Fixation and Abandonment
Disclaimer: Taking no chances, I proclaim that I own nothing. Nothing in the Star Wars universe, no quotes, no anything.
"Even in times of trauma, we try to maintain a sense of normality until we no longer can. That, my friends, is called surviving. Not healing. We never become whole again ... we are survivors. If you are here today... you are a survivor. But those of us who have made it thru hell and are still standing? We bear a different name: warriors." ― Lori Goodwin
Kylo felt Rey's determination to make him proud of her growing. Each time they sparred, she fought his aggression and let go, feeling the Force guide her. She had won over three-quarters of the battles so far, but they had refrained from going full-force as of yet. Kylo wanted to make sure that she was prepared for what onslaught he would send her way. They had practiced in the projection room where she conjured an island, and Ren watched mesmerized as she practiced her forms on the beach. She was so far away from warm weather, and yet her sunshine radiated to all corners of the facility. He was rather impressed with her strength and enthusiasm, but he had also seen dark parts of her. Sometimes in battle, her eyes would grow dark and her hits would become more forceful, almost as though she was trying to hurt him. During the latter part of some nights, Rey would wake up screaming and swinging, trying to take down some unseen person. At first, Kylo ignored it, simply rolling back over and going to sleep. After about a week of these incidents, he got up and stormed into the bedroom, already angry that he was still sleeping on the couch. Seeing Rey tangled in his comforter, screams and tears coming from her, he felt a bit sorry for her. His life had been far different from hers, and she came out less scathed than he had. Kylo sat down on the bed beside her, taking her in his arms and smoothing her hair. They never exchanged a word about it until about two weeks after it started. The two of them were sparring in a training room, surrounded by tumbling mats and various weapons. "What do you dream of?" Rey was quiet for a moment.
"Being alone. I've never truly been a part of anything until now. This wasn't my first choice, but it'll do for now."
"What do you mean, for now?" Kylo felt his eyebrow raise in question. "You do realize that the First Order is a life-long commitment. There is no defection, only death." Rey was mute again, having nothing else to add to the conversation. "Show me your forms again, I don't want to go into our next mission sloppy."
"Remind me again, why are we going to Carpathia?" Rey stood, taking her stance against Kylo once more.
"It's neutral territory, we have an opportunity to gain the advantage in this case." He swung first, aiming for Rey's sword arm. She backed away, ducking under the sword's swing. "The party is a facade basically, but the goal is to garner support politely first. This has General Hux written all over it." The last statement was muttered more than spoken clearly, and Rey took his distraction to swing for his middle. She missed as he stepped back. "Trying to take an opportunity?"
"When it's presented, I've been taught to not ask questions." She smirked and made a mock bow to her master, showing that her sense of humor was still intact. "I still don't understand why we have to take part in this upcoming... what did you call it, a facade?"
"I guess you could say I'm acting as security, and I'm not letting you out of my sight. Where I go, you go." Rey raised an eyebrow, scoffing.
"Will you be treating me like a youngling during the rest of my life or just for a period of time? Because I have to say, you can be a bit stifling." Ren smirked and lifted a hand, pulling Rey across the room directly in front of him by the waist. She tried to fight the sensation, but was unsuccessful as her feet drug the ground and planted her up close to his face. Kylo was a handsome man this close, and his eyes burned as he stared at her. His dark hair framed his face in a rugged way, and Rey wondered why he wore his helmet in battle. People could easily be mesmerized by that face. She met his eyes once more and remembered why he wore the mask. His eyes spoke of a hunger, but it was more than sexual. It was a hunger for a kindred soul, someone he could count on. It was loneliness, a reflection of herself, she had seen it so many times.
"You haven't seen stifling, padawan." He released her, but she didn't move. She noticed his voice wasn't as threatening this time, and if Rey was listening carefully enough, she could almost hear a plea.
"You trust me in a battlefield?" Her voice was low with meaning, and he almost caved to what he wanted to say. Instead, he heard a calculated reply coming from himself.
"The Supreme Leader trusts you, and that is all you need to worry about."
"He won't be fighting at my side, you will." He knew she needed to hear it, and yet, it wasn't time. Not yet.
"The intention is to not allow this to come to a fight. Nonetheless, you need to be prepared." As soon as the words left his mouth, Ren felt himself be thrown backward into one of the mats laid against the wall. The air left his lungs in a rush and he opened his eyes to see Rey with her hand outstretched.
"I think my master has taught me well, don't you?" She smirked at him and felt his rage bubble up. Soon enough, they were trading blows again, neither taking it easy on the other.
General Hux watched the two of them dance together in battle with greedy eyes. He had never seen Ren this animated, and it was a silly delight to watch the man get so explosive over the comments of a barely-grown woman. He listened to their conversation, and nearly laughed when he heard how compassionate the leader of the Knights became while talking about protecting her. The comment concerning himself was amusing at best. The glass window provided him a perfect setting for watching them high up in the room, and he felt confident that they would not think to look for anyone else. He had been keeping his eyes on them since he proposed the party plan to the Supreme Leader, as per Snoke's wishes. Everyone was whispering about the fact that she was now living in his quarters, and Rey was never alone anymore. Kylo must still be angry that he had tried to zone in on the knight's little pet. That was of no matter; she would eventually have to come out of hiding from beneath Ren's wing. When she did, he would teach her a lesson based on humiliation and submissive roles. Hux winced as sparks flew in the air, throwing both of them against opposite sides of the floor. Well, he hoped he would have a chance at her if they didn't kill each other beforehand.
"Are you trying to murder me?"
"I could ask you the same. I know you told me to go full-force, but holy Maker, I didn't think you would do the same yet."
"That's the thing, I'm not. If you can't handle me right now, what will you do against someone who is truly trying to harm you?"
"Are you saying I'm weak?" Rey felt heat spread across her cheeks. She was growing embarrassed and was glad that no one was able to observe them.
"Physically? No. Mentally? Yes."
"That should be a reflection of your teachings, you narcissistic asshole!"
"Look at the scavenger using big, complicated words that she probably doesn't understand." Rey started spitting an alien language at him that he didn't recognize, and his face must have given him away. She narrowed her eyes and threw her practice saber to the side.
"Just in case you didn't understand that, it means 'fuck you, dramatic prince.' Find someone else to tear down in your emotional fits. I'm going home." She started to walk out the door, but stopped when she heard him speak.
"If you leave, you'll die." Rey turned to face him and almost lost her will to leave. The expression on Ren's face was one of regret and chagrin.
"I'd rather die that continue to argue with someone who continuously tears me down mentally. You don't respect me or want me by your side, so this isn't going to work. Goodbye, Kylo Ren." He didn't make a move to stop her as she made her exit, so she traveled down to their quarters and gathered her desert clothes. For whatever reason, sanitation had kept them, and she was thankful for their choice. Donning the beige robes, she threw a bag of rations together and fled toward the entrance of the facility. There was no way she could continue to stay here under the First Order.