Uneasy hearts weigh the most Chapter nine
(Sasuke's POV)
"…the most beautiful girl in the world, not some retarded like him. And I am that someone, Hinata. I am the only one that will ever feel this way for you. You have to realize…"
I stop, because I believe I've said enough. If everything I'm telling her doesn't make her understand, then nothing would. And I really hope she would finally realize that I'm the one for her, but not just because I want her to be mine and only mine, but because I can't stand seeing her so hurt and sad. She has to give up, to forget about Naruto and Sakura, to be a little more selfish and think about her own happiness.
I stare at her and wait for her reaction. She looks so beautiful, wearing a short, gray silk dress under a black leather jacket. Her hair is tied into a messy ponytail and her lips are painted red. She seems taller, but just because she's wearing high heels. Her beauty is so breath-taking, and I just can't believe Naruto would prefer Sakura instead of her. He really is an idiot. Sakura may be kind of pretty, but she would never look as beautiful as Hinata – ever; not her, not anyone, because my girl is just unique.
She's taking too long to answer. Or maybe time is just slowing down for me. I probably seem like a stalker right now, trying to force her into choosing me instead of my stupid best friend. I should just turn around, leave and never speak to her again, no matter how much it would hurt me, because she doesn't seem like she's comfortable talking about this.
But before I can even move, her petite hands grip my shirt and she pulls me closer to her. I'm confused; what is she doing? But then her face inches closer to mine, and I realize she'll kiss me – but not a kiss on the cheek like the last time. She's going to kiss my lips…
OH CRAP, IT'S FINALLY GOING TO HAPPEN!
I am enjoying my very first kiss until Hinata suddenly pulls away and turns her head to a side. I groan softly. Why did she do that? My dream has finally came true and I want to stay like this forever, with my lips against her soft, delicious lips, and our bodies as close as they've ever been.
But then I notice the expression on her face. She looks completely horrified, her pretty gray eyes widened, her mouth slightly agape. I follow her gaze, wondering what has interrupted our glorious moment, and then I see her.
Sakura is standing at the other side of the drinks table beside us, and she looks almost as horrified as Hinata. The only difference is that Hinata seems horrified in an ashamed and shocked way, and Sakura just seems like she has been stabbed in the heart.
I don't understand. I've never understand. Why is Sakura like this with me? She seems like she really cares about me, like if seeing Hinata and I kissing is the most painful thing in the world, but I know better. I know that she's just a fangirl and that she just has a silly little crush on me because she thinks I'm something I'm not.
But this silly little crush has lasted for more than five years, and more than a crush, it already seems to be an obsession. And no, there's no way in hell that this is, like, real love; that would be more impossible than zebras raining from the sky. Sakura may be annoying and so cheerful that it frustrates me – even though I have always secretly liked her smile – but in the inside, she's smart – perhaps smarter than me – and strong. She's just like the light, and I'm like the darkness. But she shines too bright, even brighter than Hinata, and that's why the thought of she loving me – a person so damn different from her – is just illogic.
Besides, in the inside, I know she's too immature to know what she really wants. That's why I have never really paid much attention to her. She cannot be really in love with me; she just likes my looks; she's just shallow. But Hinata is nothing like her; that's why I want her and not Sakura.
"Sakura…" Hinata whispers beside me and I offer her my arm, because she looks like she's about to faint. She grabs it tightly and I can feel her whole body shaking. Startled, I realize she's already crying.
And Sakura is crying, too. Well, she's actually crying since I noticed her. And, to be honest, she looks worse than Hinata. She seems to be more hurt. And it makes me angry. Why does she have to pretend this? Why does she have to make suffer Hinata just because I like her more? She really needs to get over this childish crush…
After a few ore seconds of staring, Sakura finally turns around and runs away. Hinata lets out a whimper and covers her face with her hands. I wrap my arms around her, trying to comfort her, as I glare daggers to the people staring at us. But Hinata pushes me away gently – weakly – and I just pat her back as she cries, giving her the space she needs.
Naruto appears out of nowhere and calls Sakura, but she doesn't turn around; she continues running, as if she were escaping from something horrible. Hinata starts sobbing harder as Naruto turns to us. He looks at Hinata, and then at me. I just glare back.
"What the fuck are you doing?" he asks loudly, walking towards us. "Are you two idiots?" Hinata raises her head and stops sobbing. "I can't believe you!" Naruto continues. "I never thought you'd dare to do something as low as that!"
"Naruto, calm down," I tell him, trying to sound calm. I know he's very pissed off, and I am too, just a little, but I don't wanna start a fight – not right now.
But Naruto ignores and looks at Hinata as she tells him, "Listen, I didn't know she was here. I mean, I did invite her to my party, but what I mean is that I wouldn't have done what I did if I knew she was watching. It was never my intention to hurt Sakura... believe me."
Naruto looks a t her for a long moment and then sighs and says, "I believe you. But I don't know if she would."
"I'm really sorry." Hinata's voice shakes. "What I did was reckless and has no excuse. But I… I just lost control. I did it to see if I could fall in love with Sasuke, because that is what would make the four of us happy again." She smiles sadly. "But I guess that, in the end, it is impossible to change my feelings."
So she did it just because she wanted to do an experiment, huh? She practically played with me. I just stare at her, completely surprised, because I didn't know sweet Hinata would dare to play with someone else's feelings. But I guess nothing is what it seems to be.
Naruto nods and looks at me. "What about you? Do you have something to say?"
I just sigh. "No," I say, and it's the truth.
"This was your fault too, you know?" he says, starting to get angry again.
I start to get angry too. "No, it wasn't." Hinata was the one who kissed me, after all.
We glare at each other until Hinata steps between us. "Please go find her and tell her that I'm sorry," she says to Naruto, sounding really exhausted. "I don't expect her to forgive me. I just want her to know that I regret what I did," she says, and knowing she regrets the best thing that ever happened to me hurts – a lot.
Naruto hesitates, but then finally leaves. Hinata leaves, too, without saying anything. She just leaves me behind, as if she didn't care. And the truth is that she doesn't.
I'm sitting next to the drinks table. People pass by, laughing, talking, flirting, and dancing. I just watch, as if I am invisible. And I really feel as if I am invisible right now. Or maybe it's just that I feel that nobody cares about me. The girl I love isn't what I thought she was, Naruto is no longer my best friend – or at least not after what Hinata and I did – and Sakura… I really think she hates me right now. So, I got no best friends left. I'm alone.
I take a sip of my drink. It has no alcohol, but I really wish I could get drunk and forget about my sorrows for just a moment, but I have to drive home and I don't feel depressed enough to kill myself in a car accident. I'm getting annoyed with so much people around me and the loud sound of the music, so I stand up and decide to go outside and have some fresh air.
Outside of the Hyuuga's mansion, at the yard, it is rather peaceful. There are no much people here, just a few couples making out near the trees and some guys already leaving in their cars. I stand near the door, staring at the green grass and taking sips of my drink.
"Excuse me," I hear someone say from the door, and I recognize the voice.
I turn around and see Sakura walking down the steps of the porch, barefoot, holding her shoes in one hand. She looks… terrible, as if some bear tried to attack her something. Her makeup is a mess, so is her hair, and her eyes are red from crying so much. Even her green dress is slightly messed up.
She is leaving, I realize, and, I don't why, it is like an impulse, but I run towards her, saying, "Hey, hey! Wait up!"
She freezes and turns slowly. She seems shocked to see me. "S-Sasuke?"
I stop in front of her, looking her right in the eye. And as I stare at her, I see something I have always failed to notice. It doesn't matter how crushed she can be in the inside, how miserable she may feel; her eyes always seem to shine as the sun when she sees me, as if… as if… as if she adores me or something and just the sight of my face can make her forget everything and anything and make her feel happy to know I'm there...
My mouth is suddenly really dry, so I shave to swallow. "Sakura," I say, "are you…" Really in love with me? "Are you alright?"
Stupid question. Really stupid question. Of course she isn't alright – not in the inside, at least, because on the outside she's not injured or something, so I guess that's good enough.
But I'm surprised to hear her chuckle. "No, I'm not," she says, and the tenderness of her voice makes me want to yell at her for not hating me as I deserve to be hated. "But thanks for asking, anyways."
I try to think of something else to tell her, something to keep her here, with me, because it seems like I don't want her to go away. But I can't think of nothing, and I panic, because the silence is horribly awkward.
But Sakura sighs and speaks calmly, surprising me. "Sasuke, I don't, like, hate you for what happened. The only I kind of hate is Hinata. But I saw, you know? I saw she was the one who kissed you. And I know her well, too. I know she's in love with Naruto, and I do believe what she told Naruto to tell me: that she just wanted to prove if she could fall in love with you."
I smirk bitterly. "You're right. She didn't really mean it. She kind of played with me."
"And I'm sorry."
I raise my head and stare at her with widened eyes. How can she? How can she feel sorry for me when her situation is maybe worst? And how can she smile at me that way, after everything that happened tonight? How?
And that's when I realize the truth. Hinata isn't the sweet, un-shallow girl I thought she was, and Sakura isn't the selfish, immature girl she seemed to be. It was the other way around.
It's not as if I am very happy with Hinata right now, but I can't say my feelings for her are completely over. I still care about her. And kind of still love her. But just a bit. So after giving Sakura a ride home, in which the two of us didn't say anything but goodbye, I come back to the party just to check how Hinata's doing, because I still worry for her.
But I can't find her anywhere in the house. She's not in the kitchen, not in the living room, not in the pool… And there's just one place left to search.
I go upstairs, ignoring the no-people-allowed-upstairs rule. The rooms are all closed, but I've came to Hinata's house before, so I know where her room is. I softly knock the door three times, and cringe when Hinata screams from the inside, "Go away!"
I knock again and she screams, "I said go away!"
"Hinata, it's me," I murmur.
She sniffs and says softly, "Sasuke… Sasuke, please go away."
Now that I saw she's okay, just a kind of sad, I understand she just wants to be alone, so I say, "It's okay; I don't want to interrupt you. I'm actually about to leave. I just wanted to wish you happy birthday again." Though I don't think the word 'happy' fits in right now.
"Thanks," Hinata says. "Hey, have you known about Naruto or Sakura?"
Sakura. Hearing her name suddenly makes me feel really weird. I pause before answering, "I saw Sakura leave." Then I remember what I heard some people commenting when I came back to the house, so I add, "And I heard about some blond guy who was found half-naked in the bathroom. I think it was Naruto."
"Half-naked?" Hinata repeats, as if the word was in another weird language. "Okay… And how did Sakura look when you saw her? Did she look better?"
I hesitate a little and then say, "No. She was… crying. And looked like crap. Her hair was a mess and her make-up too." I suddenly remember how she had looked, so vulnerable and fragile, but she still managed to smile for me. It makes me get that weird feeling again.
"Did you… Did you talk to her?"
I stuff my hands inside my pockets and pause again. "Yes."
"And… what did she tell you?"
I get lost on my memories, remembering everything she said, her smiles, the tenderness in her voice, and the way the green of her eyes turned lighter when she looked at me…
I hear footsteps and then the door of Hinata's bedroom opens. Hinata stares at me with a shocked expression. "Sasuke?"
I look up at her, and I don't know why I feel so suddenly vulnerable. "Did you know?" I ask. "Did you that she loves me?"
She blinks, surprised. "Are you talking about Sakura?" I nod. "Oh. Well, I thought you knew she likes you. I mean, everyone notices-"
"No, no, I'm not talking about that." I shake my head. "I did know she liked me, but I thought it was, you know, something shallow, that she just liked me because of my looks or something. But…" I sigh deeply. "But… she loves me. Like, she really loves me. She loves me as much as I love you, and maybe even more! She… she…" I shake my head again and growl. "Agh, how is this possible?"
I cover my face with my hands, mumbling, "I thought it was impossible for someone like her to love me! What's going on?", until Hinata calls my name again.
"Sasuke." I uncover my face and look up at her. "Do you care about Sakura? But, like, really care about her?"
I am about to say how ridiculous that questions is, but something stops me. I start to consider it. I consider about liking Sakura as more than a friend. Can you believe this? Yesterday, I would have thought it was ridiculous, but today… Dammit, I am not sure!
"I think I do," I finally say, kind of unsure, but I feel surprised at how good it felt to say it.
"And do you… feel something special for her?" Hinata asks.
"What do you mean? What's your point?" I ask, kind of frustrated. What more does she wants? I already said I like Sakura more than a friend is supposed to like his friend!
"Sasuke…" Hinata murmurs, "Do you?"
Do I? Is what I feel for Sakura love? Do I maybe love Sakura more than I love Hinata? In fact, do I really still love Hinata?
Hell, so much confusion!
But then I start thinking about Sakura, about her weird pink hair, about her large forehead kids used to make fun of until the Yamanaka girl protected her, about her pretty eyes and about that gorgeous smile, and then… and then…
And then I feel my cheeks get warmer, and I watch as Hinata smiles for the first time during the whole night.
The grass is green inside my yard. I can make you laugh so fucking hard it hurts you… inside your bones…
Notes: Finally: a chapter in Sasuke's POV! I don't know why, but I've written more in Sakura's and Naruto's POV... maybe they're just more fun. And, yeah, I know I practically re-write the last chapter but in a different POV. I just felt like it. :) Anyways! Next chapter: Sakura's POV.
Please review! :D