A/N:

Vampirepeguin19: teenagers in my area, especially the younger girls, refer to something that they think is boring and lame as "a dray" instead of "a drag", because they think that "drag" is uncool and that "dray" is cooler, somehow. I don't know. I just automatically threw that in there because I'm so used to hearing it.

On with the letter!

Hey there, all you beautiful guys and gals,

My name is Jean-Paul Beaubier, but I prefer to be called "Northstar", which is my artistic name. I know that I was too fabulous to make an appearance in your show, but I see myself popping up in your fanfictions from time to time, so I thought I could bend the rainbow curved.

And by that, I mean, "Set the record straight," but since nothing about me is straight, why shouldn't it be a proud rainbow color?

You see, I changed that expression to remind all of you that I am gay.

Really gay.

Very gay.

Sooooooo gay.

But some of you fanfiction writers seem to forget that. Oh, sure, you mention it once at the beginning of the story in my introductionary scene, or depict me in a relationship with another man, but you miss dozens of crucial opportunities throughout the story to remind your readers that I am gay. Everyone knows that a gay character doesn't qualify as gay if he's not fulfilling every gay stereotype in the latest, most fashionable and color-coordinated notebook, so I'll just give you a lisp of tips, okay? (Notice what I did there? I changed "list" to "lisp", because all gay guys lisp. Duh.)

And obviously, being gay is the single most crucial aspect of my personality. Nothing from my comic characterization should count: just pass aside my superiority complex and snarly demeanor in favor of reducing my to a cliché.

I wear chic, pastel clothing with lots of scarves and other accessories. I'm always reading the European fashion magazines to catch the latest styles. My hands are always manicured, and my hair is always gelled into an improbable 'do that's all the rage in Milan. I use skin care treatments four times each day and I wear all-natural makeup, so I have a fine complexion. Also, I talk in a very high-pitched voice and a lisp. You fanfiction writers should write out my lisp the same way in which you write out Gambit and Rogue's southern accents. Oh, and I also refer to people I barely know as "honey" and "sweetheart", and other terms of endearment, for no reason whatsoever, other than being gay.

I mostly hang out with the ladies and share their stereotypically female interests, since, you know, being gay automatically means that I'm interested in all things girly and pink. I don't have any male friends, because being gay means that I'm only interested in guys on a sexual level, and thus I can't actually form any sort of platonic relationship with another male. Also, I'm not picky about my type in guys. I'm gay, which means I like guys, and that means I have no preference in personality or looks whatsoever and will just roll in the hay with any guy who asks, whenever, wherever. Obviously, being gay also means that I just can't control my sexual impulses.

In my free time, I enjoy theater, especially musicals. My favorite musical production is Equus. My icons are Madonna, Lady Gaga, Anne Robinson, and Kylie Minogue. I love Twilight, and I ignore the insipid characters, abysmal plot line, and the exclusive focus on solely heterosexual romance and the connotations of a Mormon author's views of homosexuality. Who cares? It's about hot, beautiful, shirtless men. I'm gay, so of course I love that stuff.

And I also just adore the club scene- the disco-esque, darkened dance floors that play constant techno-pop music. I go there and abuse dozens of dangerous drugs and engage in sex with dozens of strangers, because I'm gay, and all gay guys automatically enjoy clubbing, promiscuity, and using drugs.

As a gay man, I obviously enjoy aesthetics, so I love shopping for clothes, redecorating rooms, interior design, planning all sort of weddings and parties, and of course, giving makeovers. It's like my anti-drug! (Except that I use drugs, because, didn't you know? I'm gay, and gay people use drugs.)

And, as a gay guy, I don't have morals. You see, I'm gay. And gay people aren't like normal people, therefore, we lack any moral compass whatsoever. Our greatest concern is snagging that latest Gucci sweater or getting laid by that hot bear at the bar. Because we're gay, and those are the things gays worry about.

Also, I don't just walk around all over the place. I strut, like a proud, beautiful peacock that is very colorful.

My parents? Well, their presence could potentially take away emphasis on my very gay lifestyle, so we'll just pretend they don't exist. In fact, family doesn't have to play a big role in any fic involving me, except one of those nail-biting, soap-opera-like stories in which my sister and I crush on the same studly guy at the same time, in which my gayness is milked for drama. That's fine, then, but otherwise, who really cares about Jeanne-Marie?

So, in short: make sure to mention on multiple instances how positively gay I am in my every appearance within the fic. If you can't do that, then just have me mention that I am gay numerous times.

Better yet, I don't even have to show up in your stories. Just have other characters talk about me and state that I am gay. Because after all, everyone knows that a gay character has no personality beyond being gay, right?

Sincerely,

Jean-Paul Beaubier, artistically, Northstar.

P.S. Did I mention that I'm gay?