I quickly walked the few yards to the captain's cabin and entered it without knocking. The room was thick with the acrid smoke. Donis was sitting at the small table, lazily smoking a small pipe.

I now remembered the odor's source.

"You smelled it and came to join me, eh Hauptmann? We can celebrate the success of the mission. Together."

"The mission will not be completed until we land at Rhodes and I deliver the boy. You should be up on the deck ensuring its success," I said acidly. "You are unfit to command if you are under the influence of drugs."

"Relax, Hauptmann," he said with a laugh. "I've smuggled in these waters hundreds of times since the war began. I haven't been caught once. I have just a vested interest as you do for its success. I don't receive my final payment until I deliver you and the boy."

Donis deeply inhaled from the pipe. He did not release the smoke for several seconds, his eyes closed in bliss. He finally opened his eyes and spoke.

"Perhaps I am not smoking drugs, just strong Turkish tobacco," he said almost playfully.

"It's not 'Turkish tobacco'," I said. I know exactly what you are smoking." There was no mistaking the anger in my voice.

"Tell me, how does such a fine, stiff and formal Prussian officer as yourself know about hashish?"

My blouse had short sleeves and he quickly looked at my arms. They were still darkly tanned even after all these months had passed.

"I see, I see! You must have been part of the fabled Afrika Korps before its ignoble defeat. No doubt it was in Africa where you first came into contact with hashish." He inhaled deeply again from the pipe before continuing. "Tell me, did you enjoy it?"

I hesitated slightly before answering. "My service in Africa is no business of yours, Captain."

Donis' response was to burst out laughing. "Ah! You have given me my answer, haven't you, by not giving me an answer at all."

I narrowed my mouth and said nothing, likely just increasing his suspicions.

The captain was grinning widely. He indicated the pipe, offering it to me again. "My offer still stands."

The wave of desire slowly rose within me and I attempted to push it aside, but was unsuccessful. Smoking hashish wasn't like sharing a harmless drink or a cigarette with a commanding officer or a subordinate.

It was too soon after my heroin addiction, I warned myself. Hashish was a much milder drug than heroin, but I didn't trust myself for it not to trigger my deeper obsession. If more time had passed, I rationalized, I would be able to use hashish sparingly without it triggering the deeper heroin craving.

Donis was obviously aware of my inner struggles and appeared amused by it.

"Take it. I know you want it," he said softly.

I couldn't stop myself from reaching for the small pipe, holding its delicate shape in my hand. I could smell its pungent odor seductively calling me. I had thought its odor distasteful in the past, but now it had become very fragrant to me.

I placed the glass pipe to my lips and began to inhale.

A smug look of satisfaction appeared in Donis' eyes.

I stopped myself and slowly replaced the pipe on the table. I took a deep breath of air and took a step away from it.

"I have no desire for it," I lied. I forced myself to ignore the pipe. If I looked at it I would become fixated by it. And then . . .

"On the contrary, I think you very much desire it. You've had it before. Your evasiveness is a dead giveaway."

The captain was correct. I had used hashish a few times during my posting in Africa, but only due to the professional necessities at the time.

I had been at a few meetings with local chieftains when they had begun smoking it. They thought nothing of openly using the drug which was common to the African area.

The chieftains had offered the pipes to me, knowing that I smoked tobacco. I would have greatly offending them if I had refused their offers. I had briefly inhaled only a few times on each occurrence, strictly out of politeness.

I had felt the impact of the hashish after a relatively short time, a very enjoyable surprise for me. I remembered it being pleasurable on those occasions although I had easily dismissed those stirrings at the time. After the fact, I had never given it a second thought.

Hashish had been readily available during my entire deployment in Africa. Yet I had had no desire to pursue it then. I had preferred using cigarettes, alcohol and women to relax and unwind when I was off duty.

In remembering my pleasant experiences, hashish would have done a better job of melting away my stress than the other vices. It would have helped me deal with the constant tension of the Rat Patrol and my underlying concern I would be accused of collaborating with the enemy.

I wish now that I had privately explored using hashish. After my blissful introduction to drugs through Guest, I was now much more open and tolerant of people them, understanding the tranquility they brought the user, during both stressful and relaxing periods.

Donis indicated the pipe again, pushing it closer to me. He was baiting me. "Just a few puffs, Hauptmann, enough to take away the edge and anxiety of today's mission. You've worked hard and deserve something to help you relax."

I pondered why Donis was so eager to smoke the hashish. Did he want me incapacitated so he could negotiate separately with the British for the boy's return?

"Your men needn't know you've had a taste," he continued. "They probably don't even know what it is. Only I would know, and surely you can trust me to keep your secret. And don't worry. I promise the effects will have worn off by the time we reach Rhodes."

Donis continued his attempt to seduce me. "Besides, what's the big deal about it? It's just hashish; it's not like it is heroin."

I was unable to control my eyes from widening slightly when he mentioned heroin. I could sense my pulse quickening, a tingling in my body, the desire lying in wait, the euphoria wanting to reemerge at his mere utterance of the opiate.

Donis instantly picked up my reaction and looked at me intently. "My goodness, Hauptmann! Have you used heroin, too? Even Luther only uses hashish as he doesn't like the stigma of the drug. As for me, I've never tried it. Don't like the needle aspect."

It was on the tip of my tongue to say that I had once felt the same way about heroin until I had been properly and blissfully introduced. And as for the needles? The anticipation of the needle sliding into my skin was sensuous, the prick of it divine with what it was delivering.

"Hauptmann, you are a man of the world. Much different than the majority of the other tightly wound Nazis I have worked with in the past. They think even smoking tobacco is evil!

"And here you are: An upstanding Wehrmacht officer who has used hashish and heroin and who knows what other drugs. I never would have thought you the type. I can only imagine what other pleasures you indulge in when you are not gallantly running around being an officer for the Furher. I'm positive drugs have lowered your inhibitions even further."

Hearing Donis mention the drug had triggered a reaction within me. I began to struggle internally. I thought I had put my heroin addiction to rest, but obviously I had not.

I wanted to ask Donis if he by some remote chance, did he happen to have any heroin on board or where he could readily procure it? Just a very small amount, mind you . . . Not to be used now or on Rhodes, but when I returned to France, and only on very stressful days, like when I had encountered the partisans or dealt with the SS.

Donis easily read my internal struggle.

"I have connections on Rhodes which could supply you with heroin at a good price," he slyly offered. "Or, would you prefer to keep your drug use at just the hashish level?"

I couldn't stop myself from looking at the pipe. It was lying there innocently with a slight wisp of smoke escaping from it, beckoning me.

My men would never have to know; I would be in the cabin with the boy for the remainder of the journey. The boy certainly wouldn't realize that I had been using drugs. The effects would surely dissipate by the time we arrived in the morning. Donis had assured me they would.

I dismissed the thought. It was not a good idea to take the drug while I was on a mission. Now, if the hashish had been offered to me after I had completed the mission, and I was off duty relaxing on Rhodes, then it would be acceptable, I rationalized.

I turned to escape.

"Mind yourself, Captain," I said, my voice deadly and calm. My back was to him so he would be unable to witness my internal struggle any further. "I will not tolerate having my mission compromised for any reason. I will hunt you down like a rabid dog if you should cause me to fail."

I quickly left the small cabin, closing the door behind me. I closed my eyes and leaned up against the bulkhead to steady myself for a moment.

I was lightly trembling. A part of me felt weak, but a larger part felt stronger. I had been offered drugs and had successfully turned them down. Yes, I had desired them very strongly, but I had not accepted them. I had even turned down the captain's offer for him to procure heroin for me.

I straightened up and gathered myself. Yes, I had turned the corner and I had my drug addiction under control.

I quickly went up on deck and checked the remainder of the crew. They were sober and aptly sailing the Athene. I reminded my men to remain diligent and not to become complacent. My experience warned me how easy it was to relax after a mission's difficult phase only to be visited by disaster at the last moment.

I returned to the small cabin and knocked on the door.

"Yes?" asked the suspicious Klein inside.

"It is I, the Hauptmann."

"Is anyone with you?" he questioned, still suspicious. I was satisfied to see how he was following my orders exactly.

"No, I am alone." I could hear him give a sigh of relief before he opened the door and stepped back into the hallway.

"What was it, Herr Hauptmann?"

"He was smoking a tobacco commonly found in the Middle East," I half-way explained.

"Do you mean some type of drug?" Klein questioned, wide-eyed.

"Yes," I truthfully confirmed to him without providing any details. "The first mate and the remainder of the crew are uninfected. We should reach Rhodes without incident."

"What a pig," he spat out, making an ugly face. The look of disgust and contempt against Donis was obvious. "What type of a weak man wants and uses drugs?"

I looked at Klein sadly, merely shrugging my shoulders slightly. His reaction was the same one I had held previously.

I could only imagine Klein's reaction if he knew that only ten months previously his commanding officer had become a raging heroin addict in less than a week. I had come very close to forfeiting my body and Troy's life to obtain more of the drug.

"Remain on guard outside the door and notify me when you are relieved," I ordered him. I glanced down at my watch. "We still have about six hours until we reach Rhodes."

I reentered the cabin to find the boy had not moved a millimeter from the time I had left. He soon yawned widely and went over to the bunk. He wrapped himself in my tunic and laid down. He closed his eyes and was soon asleep.

I watched him sleep peacefully for several minutes before I returned to my report.