Jude –
After a long day cleaning and eating every single one of us was exhausted. Momma's parents left after the movie and went to go stay the night at a hotel. Stef's mom was staying the night at our house so Brandon placed an air mattress in our bedroom and slept on the floor. Mariana had stopped pretending to sleep in her own bedroom and so that meant all four of us were sharing a bedroom meant for two. At least it was clean now.
I laid on my bed staring at a picture of Callie and I that Stef had taken a few weeks after we had moved in here. We had never dreamed that they would want to adopt us, they had a lot of kids already and both of us were really old. I looked at that picture until exhaustion beat out my anxieties of seeing Callie.
There was movement in the kitchen, which let me know Grandma was probably downstairs making breakfast. I got up as quietly as I could and tiptoed past Mom's room, we hardly ever saw them even when they were home and even though the whole dynamic of the house had changed it was obvious that they were still doing the best they could.
"Oh, Jude, you scared me." Grandma exclaimed, closing the refrigerator door.
"Sorry! Can I help with breakfast?" I was handed a bowl of eggs to start cracking and whisking as she started making pancakes. "Are you excited for today?"
"Of course, I've seen the videos your moms take of Callie. She's doing so great." I could tell Grandma was nervous, she probably knew a lot of things that moms weren't telling us. Scary things that may or may not even happen, things that I had admittedly googled on my phone and still couldn't get some of those videos out of my head. "I just don't want to get in the way, you know? I think the best way to help Callie right now would be to help your mom's out at home."
"I think Callie will be happy to see you." I handed her the bowl of scrambled eggs and started setting the table.
"Thanks, Jude." By the time we finished breakfast Momma's parents had come over and I could hear more people getting ready upstairs. With this many people in the house it was almost impossible to have a conversation, food was being passed around and getting ready for such a big day.
"Lena, do you know where those bags for Callie are?" Stef asked running around the living room.
"Everything got moved around, I had put them in the closet."
"Bags of what?" Lena's mom asked.
"Clothes, she needed some new clothes. Her's were too big." Lena explained quickly handing Jesus his medication. "Jesus you look like you haven't showered in a few days."
"He's going to use up all the hot water." Mariana complained.
"Then eat fast and shower before him." A laugh went around the table, but it was no secret that Mariana was the only one in the family that could actually challenge Jesus at the table. Though breakfast was delicious and had been laid out nicely there was a frantic feeling to it. We ate and as our family got ready Lena's parents cleaned up the kitchen and tried to keep the house as spotless as they had left it last night.
"I can't find them. Please tell me you guys didn't throw the clothes away?" Lena looked like she was going to cry.
"It's okay. We weren't going to throw any of the kid's clothes away, they were all put in a donation pile in the garage, they aren't gone." Stef's mom stressed. "I'll go look in the garage, you guys sit down and finish eating." Moms sat reluctantly but ate quickly and began to pack up the car.
Everyone filed through the shower and helped to finish clean the kitchen as moms packed up the car. "Okay, everyone. Grandparents are going to get to see Callie first, by the time we get there Callie will still be waking up. We'll wait for her to get ready and then you guys can come in. We'll be gone for a few hours, and then kids you guys can come visit after lunch. Okay?"
"We aren't all going together?" My heart sank, I wanted to see her now.
"No, baby. It would be really overwhelming for Callie. Don't worry though, I promise you'll get to see her today." Stef kissed the top of my head and dashed out the door. I bit down on the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying.
"Sorry we didn't explain this to you, Jude. Things have just been"-
"It's okay. I'm fine." Lena gave me a hug and followed her parents outside.
"Here it is! I found it." Grandma exclaimed holding a duffel bag and coming down the stairs. "By kiddos, see you later!" The door closed and the four of us were left standing there with bitter disappointment hanging in the air.
"You okay, Jude?" Jesus asked softly, I felt his hand on my shoulder and I pushed him away.
"Fine, I'm going outside."
Stef –
My mom came running out with the blue duffle bag I had packed for Callie the night before and we pulled out of the driveway. It was silent in the car, today felt weird. I had never been placed in a situation like this before, we hadn't had much time to explain to our parents what was going on with Callie, and yet we felt they had a right to see her.
"Donald." I suddenly spat out.
"Who?" Echoed throughout the car.
"Callie's father, Jude's father. Fuck."
"He's still in jail right?"
"Their father is in jail?" My mother gasped from the back seat.
"He was still there when he signed the paper work, I don't know if he knows though. You'd think he would have reached out right?"
"I don't know, what if he doesn't have access to news? And even if he does Callie hasn't been in the headlines, it's been about Vico's parents."
"Well he's not her father anymore." My mother grumbled.
"Mom, seriously?" She grumbled some nonsense in the backseat and I struggled to keep my anxiety down. I didn't want anyone but Lena knowing how bad it had truly become. "It's courtesy. He's still their father and he deserves to know, for all we know Callie wants to reconnect with him." I mumbled squeezing Lena's hand.
"I'll call Mike, okay? I'll call him when we get out of the car and have him try and contact Donald." I nodded and tried to focus on the drive, but today was going to be difficult. This was going to be hard for everyone and it was going to be really hard on Callie.
"Okay, uh, can you guys wait in the front lobby? Lena and I are going to check on Callie and then we'll come and get you, okay?" The three of them agreed hurriedly and pressured us to take our time.
"Mike, hey." Lena said brightly. "Sorry to call you at work, everything's fine. Callie's great. We're just hoping you can do us a favor. Can you check and see what the status of Donald Jacob is? That's Callie and Jude's birth father, just let us know where he's being held and maybe if you can, if he knows about Anchor Beach. Don't tell him, but"-
"What?" Lena waved her hand in my face and we paused outside of Callie's room.
"Thank you, Mike. Take your time, it's not urgent." They said their goodbyes and Lena looked me over.
"What?"
"Nothing, I'm just worried about you."
"Sorry. You don't have to, I'm okay. I've been working with the therapist."
"I know you have." She squeezed my hand and I tried not to feel guilty. I didn't need people to worry about me too, there was so much going on to be worried about. We walked into Callie's room just as she got out of the shower. "Perfect timing! Here, Callie, we got you some new clothes." Lena opened up the duffel bag and picked out something for her to put on.
"Mom?" Callie called out, from the bathroom.
"Just a minute, Cal." Lena finally picked out a shirt and let herself into the bathroom. When she was dressed the door was cracked open and I watched as the nursing assistants skillfully combed through Callie's hair and brushed her teeth.
"Those clothes look better on her, I can't believe how much weight she's lost." The clothes that we had pulled out of her drawers from home had clung onto her thin frame and seemed to make everything worse. Now with clothes that fit properly she looked like a teenager again.
"Once they clear her for solid foods she'll be able to gain it back pretty fast from what I've read." Lena walked around and tidied up her already clean room.
"Hi, Mom." Callie had a crooked smile on her face, but it was evident that today was a good day.
"Hey, Callie." I sat at the table beside her and watched as they set her up for breakfast.
"Alright, we'll be back in an hour to check on you." A nurse said patting Callie on the shoulder.
"Your grandparents are here to see you." Reaching out I tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. Callie processed what I said and shrugged a little. "It's okay if you don't remember them, don't be embarrassed. They won't be here long, okay?"
"Okay." Callie answered looking a little confused, but she seemed alright. "What day?"
"It's Friday." Lena smiled. This seemed confusing for her, but hopefully the busy day of visitors would work as an adequate distraction. "Okay, I'm going to get everyone." Lena kissed the top of Callie's head and walked out of the room. Callie seemed to struggle with her words, and tried to ask me a question, but she wasn't able to articulate it.
"It'll be fine." I assured her, as Lena returned with our parents.
"Hey, Callie." They all said softly, there was a bit of an awkward tension. It was expected, but it was still weird. Our parents hadn't had much of a chance get to know Callie before the accident.
"Hi." Callie answered tentatively, she didn't recognize them.
"It's alright." My mom answered, as Cal looked back and forth between us in a way that practically asked for help. "I'm Stef's mom, your grandma. I love you, Callie." She said with a careful smile. I could see the wetness in her eyes, but she was trying.
Lena's parents introduced themselves and then we sat around the table in Callie's room. Lena apologized to Callie for not being able to see her on Thanksgiving, but told her that everyone missed her. Callie didn't answer, there was too much going on in the room for her to be able to focus and understand what as being said. She would look at Lena and I and then our parents and seem to struggle to understand why everyone was here.
"So what do you think of this place, Cal?" Lena's mom asked looking around at the sterile room that had been adorned with a few things from home. Callie's attention was captured by the mention of her name, but she had obviously missed the question.
"Callie?" Lena said softly after a polite pause. "How do you feel about the center?" Lena asked again, slowly so Callie could understand the question.
"The center?" Callie questioned.
"Here, this hospital."
"Lots of work." Callie answered with an awkward shrug.
"She's probably talking about all the therapy they have her in." Lena explained. "She's been working really hard to get home." The mood in the room was surprisingly sad.
"Once Callie is done with breakfast we can take a walk outside. There's a garden out back, it'll be nice to get outside." An intern stepped in and dropped off some of Callie's recently laundered and folded clothes. Kissing Callie's forehead I stood up to put away her clothes, my mom followed me and started helping.
As soon as we were far enough away she let a few tears fall. "What? What's wrong?" I asked softly so no one could hear. Lena was over there explaining to her parents what she was working on in therapy.
"It's, it's just shocking. I was expecting something, just not quite this. It's just hard." My mom took a deep breath and gave me a shaky smile. "I'm fine, I just needed a moment." She placed some of Cal's clothes in a drawer and gave me a tight hug.
Trying to not feel hurt I reminded myself over and over that our parents hadn't seen Callie not be able to move, breathe, or talk. They had heard about it, but they hadn't seen it. They weren't discrediting her progress either, they were just surprised. It was apparent on their faces.
After a while the tension in the room subsided and conversation almost flowed freely. Whenever a question was directed towards Callie we had to break the question down so she could really understand what was being asked. When a nurse came in to finish Callie's tube feeding I pulled a sweater out of her dresser and pulled it over her head.
"Can you get your left arm in?" I asked softly. Our parents were watching over my shoulder.
"Hey, let's give Cal some space. She has a hard time focusing if too much is going on." Lena quickly mentioned that they would meet us outside and gave me a quick kiss.
"Alright, left arm." I tapped it and she raised it up as high as it could go. "Awesome." I guided her arm into the sleeve and pulled it through.
"Mom." Callie caught my hand as I helped her.
"Yes, baby?" I tapped her right hand to get her to raise it up.
"Love you." She struggled to maintain eye contact with me. "I, you." Tears sprang up in my eyes and I crouched down so I was level with her.
"Oh, I know. I know. I love you, too. Momma and I love you so much." I kissed the top of her head and held her tightly. "We're going to hang out with Momma and our parents for another hour at most, okay? I know this is a lot, but you're doing great."
"Yeah." She wiped her eyes with her trembling left hand and gave me a weak smile.
"Okay, right hand. Just as much as you can." Her right hand trembled and raised almost a foot. "That's great." I pulled her arm through and had her rest on my shoulder as I pulled the sweater around her body and gave her another hug. "Alright, let's go outside." I stood behind her and pushed the chair through the doors.
We tried to keep the next hour light since there was still a lot for Callie to do. We walked around outside and used the time to catch up with our parents. We hadn't seen them in over a month and it felt like well over a year of things had occurred. After our walk Lena got everybody in the car after saying goodbye to Callie. I got her back into her room and moved her from her wheelchair to her bed.
"Take a nap, we'll be back in a few hours with your brothers and sister." Her eyes were already closing as I pulled up the covers and around her. "I love you, so much." I said softly tucking her hair behind her ear.
Callie –
I watched as Stef walked away tried to fight sleep, but it was overwhelming. My brain pounded so hard it was difficult to hear her footsteps echo down the hall. Today was rough, today everything hurt. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing, it was all I could do, and I finally fell asleep.
My ears were ringing, I was back at school and there was blood everywhere. I had this dream almost every time I closed my eyes, but that didn't make it easier. Pain and anxiety swept over me, there was blood everywhere and I was alone. My shaky breaths echoed throughout the halls and I frantically looked around for the exit.
I struggled to get to my feet, but my right leg didn't move the way it was supposed to. I used the lockers for support and began the trek down the halls, searching for a way out. I kept forgetting which way to go. I knew this school like the back of my hand, but suddenly things looked unfamiliar and I was lost. My head pounded, I just needed to find Momma. She could help me, she would know what to do. But there was no one, I walked around for what felt like hours.
"Callie? Callie, let's get up." There was a hand on my back, and my eyes snapped open. I was still here. Still in this place, a hospital, but not. It took a considerable amount of effort to roll onto my back and I instantly regretted it. The room spun a little and nausea consumed me. I shut my eyes quickly and took a deep breath. "You okay?" Someone squeezed my hand, their voice was vaguely familiar, I knew I had heard it before but that's it.
"Ouch." I muttered. This was happening more frequently, I would sleep, but I would just dream about being in school. Over and over. The dreams only seemed to be getting worse along with my quality of sleep.
"Open your eyes for just a second, I turned off the lights." The voice said gently. I cracked my eyes opened and a light passed over my eyes quickly. "It's meds time, and then lunch. If you're not feeling better after that I'll have someone come and check on you. Alright?"
"Yeah." She turned on a single lamp on the dresser across the room and I propped myself up on my left arm. I took a deep breath and tried to sit up the rest of the way. Lightning flashed through my body as my muscles fired uselessly and trembled. My core ached and my back muscles struggled to hold me up.
"Slow down, kiddo." I looked up at the voice and recognized the nurse's face, but I couldn't think of a name.
"I can do it." I insisted.
"Not yet. Maybe by next week, but not yet. If you pull a muscle or something you'll set yourself back." She explained, placing her forearms under my arms and pulling me into a sitting position.
"So, what?"
"I haven't known you very long, but I know that would drive you crazy." Did she know me that well? How long had I been here? A few weeks? A month? I didn't feel older, it couldn't have been years. I would have remembered a year. Would I? She draped my left arm over her shoulder and moved me from the bed to a wheelchair. "Alright, meds first, then lunch." She seemed to go on auto pilot. A series of pre-measured syringes were placed on the table in front of me and after close inspection of the IV in my arm she began to push one after the other.
Once she finished she began messing with the tube in my nose, she plugged it into a pump of some kind and I watched as a milky fluid rose up through the tube and into my nose. I looked back at the nurse and tried to think of something else. I couldn't feel whatever was in the pump actually go into my stomach but thinking about the tube in my nose made me notice how uncomfortable the tube itself really was. It scratched the back of my throat constantly and there was a faint burning sensation in my nose. I reached up to rub my nose, but my hand was quickly pulled away.
"I know it's awful, but you need it."
"How long?"
"Hopefully not too much longer. You've been doing really well so hopefully it'll be out soon." She smiled and grabbed a hairbrush from out of the bathroom. "Your moms are coming back with your siblings. I've heard you have a lot of siblings."
"Yes." I answered softly. She patted my shoulder and began brushing.
Jude –
Our parents came back looking a little grim, but without our grandparents in tow. As soon as they stepped through the door it seemed as though there was still plenty of work to be done. They dumped a stack of mail in their room and sat down for a quick lunch.
"Callie will be ready to see us in an hour. We need everyone to be ready to leave by then." Stef called out through a mouthful of leftovers. There wasn't much for us to do to be ready, but we made sure the kitchen was still clean and I helped Mariana start a load of laundry.
"Do you think, are you ready to visit Callie this time?" I asked as Mariana closed the washing machine.
"What is that supposed to mean?" She grumbled and began to put the wet clothes in the dryer.
"I just mean, you. It was really hard for you to visit Callie last time. I'm here for you, if you have the same problem this time."
"I'm fine." The trust we had was gone. The entire family was changing, Mariana didn't trust me the way she did before Callie got hurt. She didn't seem to trust anyone anymore.
"All right, c'mon. Let's go." Stef's voice echoed throughout the house. "Damnit. Lena, do you see the car keys anywhere?"
"Just relax and take a breath. Callie's going to be fine even if we're late." Stef ran around the house looking under cushions and searching in they hadn't even entered. "Stef, I have them. They're here on the counter." Lena called up the stairs. Mom came charging back down and kissed Lena quickly.
"Okay, kids in the car!" She shouted throughout the house. Mariana pushed past me and was the first one out the door. I grabbed a card I had made for Callie off the counter and followed her. I took my usual seat in the middle of the car and Brandon moved to the back, beside Mariana. Jesus was the last one in the car and once he got in Mom started the car and pulled out of the driveway.
"So, does this place just look like a hospital?" Jesus asked texting rapidly on his phone.
"Yeah, I guess so. Once you get inside you see it's different, but it still kind of looks like a hospital." Lena answered.
"Does it have a cafeteria?"
"We were just at home, you didn't grab something to eat then?"
"I did, but what if I get hungry?" Jesus protested.
"Mom, how long are we going stay and visit?" Mariana asked from the back.
"A few hours, why? Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm fine, why does everyone keep asking me that?" She grumbled.
"Just checking on you. Sorry."
"What happened to your parents? I thought they were coming back to the house?" Brandon spoke up, removing his headphones.
"They were just tired, wanted to get a little time to themselves. You'll see them for dinner." Jesus spoke up with another question, but I pulled my headphones out of my pocket and picked a random song in a random playlist to cover up the never ending barrage of questions that were going to continue the entire ride to see Callie.
I stared out the window and watched as we got on the highway as if we were going to the hospital but pulled off rather quickly and pulled into the parking lot of a large building about thirty minutes after leaving home.
"Okay, I know you guys are really excited to see Callie, but she's still struggling with a few things. Okay? She's doing great, but she still has a long way to go." Stef looked at each of us and nodded.
"We know, Mom." Mariana answered. It was something you would expect to hear from her, but the tone wasn't right. You would have expected it to sound a little annoyed but overall happy, excited to see Callie. But she sounded as though she hated every one of us and she would rather be anywhere but here. I couldn't tell if moms caught the change of tone, but there was tension between the four of us in the back.
The six of us walked into the front door and we waited patiently and, to Momma's surprise, quietly as we were signed in and handed "visitor" badges. We followed moms down the hallway and passed a series of rooms that were nothing like the hospital. There was a game room complete with a pool table, air hockey, and a flat screen TV. We passed a cafeteria that was more like a small restaurant than anything else. Then there was another room that was half library and there were some people sitting in the other half playing board games and card games.
"This place looks awesome." Jesus called from the game room and jogged down the hall to catch up with us. "Brandon, could you drive us to visit Callie? I wanna try out that air hockey table."
"No, he can't. If you guys want to visit Callie you need to be with either Mom or I. They won't let you in if you aren't." Lena said quickly and we turned down another hallway. "The dormitory is on another floor, so we have to get in the elevator." We all piled in the elevator and the butterflies started in my stomach. Now I could actually talk to Callie, she might not be able to answer everything, but she could talk to me too. Every time we turned down another hall my heart pounded a little harder. We were getting closer and closer, until we stopped in front of a door with Callie's initials written on it.
Stef knocked softly and opened the door. We waited outside with Momma and I bounced on the balls of my feet anxiously. "Just let me check and see if she's asleep, okay?" Mom said softly and stepped inside the room. I heard a little commotion and Stef talking to Callie, but we were only left waiting for about thirty seconds. The door was opened the rest of the way and we stepped into Callie's bedroom. She was sitting in a wheelchair at the table in the corner of her room and she watched as each of us walked in. I had seen this room before, I recognized it from the videos that moms brought home on their cell phones of Callie having speech therapy or giving her presents.
"Hi, Callie." I couldn't stop smiling from ear to ear. She was there, in front of me, she was okay. Her eyes were open, she was sitting up she was really there.
"Hi." She seemed to reply automatically. She looked like Callie, she looked like Callie before the accident. The feeling was different though, she didn't look at me the same. She didn't seem happy to see me. She didn't even seem to notice that I was there.
"Hey everyone!" Someone said from the doorway. "You guys must be the Adams – Fosters?" Everyone nodded, but I couldn't stop looking at Callie. Vico had done this, Vico had taken her from me.
"Callie?" I said softly stepping closer. She looked at me, she actually looked at me and her eyebrows came together. "Do you know who I am?"
"Jude" – Lena placed her hand on my shoulder, but I pushed her off.
"Know who I am?" Callie repeated softly.
"What's my name?" I tried not to shout, but hatred was boiling in my stomach. "You know me, what's my name?" Stef grabbed my arms roughly and tried to pull me away.
"You – I know." Callie struggled. She made eye contact with me briefly. "Brother." Tears rimmed her eyes and I sprinted out of the room before she could see me cry.
"Jude, stop. Now." Stef was pissed, I froze in my tracks about ten feet from Callie's room. "What the hell was that?"
"She doesn't know me. She doesn't remember anything, that's not Callie. I want Callie." My hands were shaking and my face was wet with tears.
"That's not true. She remembers everything from before the accident. She remembers you, I promise."
"She doesn't even know my fucking name!" I screamed into Stef's face. She looked taken aback for a brief second, but the emotionlessness that followed was terrifying. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm really sorry."
"I know." Shame filled the silence between us. "And Callie does know your name, but it's going to take a lot more work and practice before she can talk as fluently as she did before. One thing that won't help is getting angry at her. However frustrated you are, it's worse for her. Okay?"
My stomach sank, the furrowed eyebrows and the tears in her eyes. Callie did understand me and I had yelled at her. I had yelled at her and I didn't even give her a chance. "I'm sorry."
"I know you're frustrated with Callie, I know because I get frustrated too. I get frustrated when she can't tell me what's bothering her or what she wants. I get frustrated when Callie doesn't want to do therapy, I get angry when Callie forgets words like 'cup'. I'm telling you all these because we're all going to get frustrated, but we can't blame Callie."
"I wouldn't"-
"We all will, and I know because I've done it." I watched as Mom tried to hold back tears.
"I hate Vico, I'm glad he's dead." I growled.
"Don't waste time thinking that way." I could still see the disappointment etched on her face. "If you give Callie a chance you'll be surprised. Give her a little space and some time and you'll see that she's still the same. She still loves you, she asks about you, she recognizes you. Finding the words is just difficult. Okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, okay." I dried my face. Looking back towards the room dread filled me, I had just yelled at Callie after not seeing her for a few weeks. "I have to apologize, don't I?"
"Of course you do." She hugged me and then turned me around to march me right back into Callie's room. Callie didn't seem too upset with me, but she was even more reserved than before.
"I – I'm sorry, Callie." There was only silence in the room. "I didn't mean to get mad with you. I'm sorry I yelled."
"It's okay." She said softly and Stef started up some casual conversation to fill the awkward presence I had left in the room. While mom was telling a ridiculous story about something that had happened at work Callie's left hand reached out slowly and held onto mine. Her hand even felt different, her grip was tight but it wasn't strong and I could feel her hand trembling in mine. But the energy was there, I could feel Callie inside and she was terrified.
I squeezed her hand back and hoped that this meant she had forgiven me. Though Callie didn't participate in conversation the mood in the room slowly changed. It felt nice, we took turns telling Callie happy things that had happened recently and even Mariana seemed happy here.
"So, when can Callie come home?" Brandon asked during a lull in the conversation.
"We, we're not sure, B." Stef said sadly. "There are still a lot of goals that they want Callie to accomplish before she comes home."
"It's okay." Callie spoke up. "I'm okay." She squeezed my hand again and a shaky smile crossed her face.
"Can I paint your fingernails?" I asked after glancing down at her hand. She looked confused, but I looked expectantly at Mariana and after rolling her eyes she pulled out a few different colors. "Can I?" I asked again holding up the polish.
"Y-yes." She answered after a moment.
"Great! Put your hands on the table." Callie placed her left hand on the table. "You can put both up."
"Can't." Callie whispered. Lena reached over and slowly placed her right hand on the table, I tried to pretend I hadn't seen Callie wince a little.
"Here, why don't I do the right hand while Jude does the left. We can do every other nail different colors. It'll be really cute." Mariana exclaimed grabbing a matching color off the table. She picked up Callie's right hand gently and started painting her nails. I got started on her left, and Callie seemed to relax. She seemed relieved to be able to participate in an activity in which she wasn't expected to keep up with something. The only thing she needed to do was sit there.
Mariana finished a lot faster than I did, but she continued to hold Callie's right hand carefully so the polish wouldn't get messed up before it dried. "Alright, let's switch seats." Mariana said once I finished. Mariana handed me Callie's hand once we hand switched seats and I started painting the other nails. I pulled Cal's hand up closer to me and she let out an audible gasp.
"Sorry, sorry." I said quickly dropping her hand. The color drained from her face, and she had a pained expression.
"It's okay." She said shakily.
"You're fine, Jude." Lena said reassuringly. "It's just sore, you didn't hurt her." I picked up her hand again, but now my hands were shaking. "Don't worry. It's her shoulder, it just hurts if it gets moved past a certain point. You're okay." I took a deep breath and tried to shake it off. I finished the last of her nails as quickly as I could and handed the polish to Mariana so she could fix some of the spots.
"Mom, can I go check out the game room?" Jesus asked after checking out the stack of activities in book shelf along the wall.
"Stay here for a few more minutes, okay? Then you and Brandon can go hang out." Stef said with a smile.
Mariana finished Callie's nails and Momma placed a pillow on Callie's lap and her hands on top of it so that they wouldn't get messed up. I was left with nothing to do now, I felt awkward not being able to have a conversation with Callie. But now that we had been here for a little over an hour I could tell that our presence was taking a toll on her. She was exhausted, she was squinting and was slumped a little in her chair.
"Stef, I think the boys should go ahead. It's about time for Callie to relax."
"I'm fine." Callie answered quickly.
"I know, baby." Lena kissed the top of her head and gave Stef a quick look. Stef gave her an understanding nod and let Jesus and Brandon leave. "It looks like your nails are all dry, you ready for a nap?"
"Not tired." Callie muttered, but it was obviously a lie. She flinched and pressed her left hand against her eye.
"Jude won't leave. He'll stay here." Stef said softly.
"Yeah, I promise." I said quickly, I smiled but Callie had her eyes shut tight. Stef pulled the wheelchair away from the table and brought it over to the bed.
"Sorry." Callie sounded like she was going to cry, and it hurt my heart. I had seen a lot of terrible things happen to her, and I knew that even worse had happened that I didn't know about. But she was really struggling, and it was really hard to see. It made sense now, moms always being exhausted and constantly on the phone with doctor after doctor.
"It's okay." I said gently.
"Just give her a minute, Jude." Stef said softly. She picked Callie up and tucked her into bed. "She just has a headache, but a nap will help a lot. Today was really busy for Cal, but she'll be okay." I nodded and watched as Mom carefully eased her out of the sweatshirt she had on and helped her lay down.
"Can, can I talk with Callie until she falls asleep? Is that okay?"
"Well, I – I don't see why not." Lena stumbled. They each said goodbye and Stef squeezed my shoulder.
"I'll be back to check on you guys in ten minutes, okay." I nodded and Stef turned on a small lamp in the corner and turned off the lights. "We'll be right down the hall."
"Okay." Callie answered, Mom laughed a little and cracked the door. "Miss you." Callie muttered, she kept her eyes closed and a tear fell from the corner of her eye.
"I miss you, too." I reached out to hold her hand, but I paused. I didn't want to hurt her again. "Sorry."
"Why?" Mom was right, she was a lot easier to talk to when there was less going on.
"I yelled at you, and I left you at school. You were hurt and I tried to get you out, I think I hurt you more."
"Don't remember." Callie's eyebrows came together. "It's okay."
"It's not, you've helped me plenty of times. I couldn't help you." Callie cracked her eyes open and placed her left hand on top of mine.
"Love you." She was obviously exhausted and even though she wasn't fully asleep she was too tired to talk anymore.
"I love you, too." I squeezed her hand as her breathing slowed and the crease between her eyebrows slowly disappeared. I didn't have to wait long for mom to come back to check on Callie. Mom was always worried about Callie these days, and it was obvious why.
"Did you guys talk about anything special?" Stef asked tucking the blankets around my sister.
"Not really, I just apologized again." Mom nodded and made sure no one had left anything behind in Callie's room. "Do – how much do you think Callie understands?"
"It depends, why?"
"I – I guess I'm just trying to figure out how I should act when Callie comes home. I just want things to be easy for her." Mom closed the door behind us and we walked towards the game room.
"I'm sure Callie will want us to treat her the same, but she does a lot better at understanding if you talk a little slower and look right at her. Don't worry too much, okay?"
"I'm not." I slipped my hand into mom's. "Don't worry too much. Callie's going to get a lot better." Stef smiled and wrapped an arm around me.
Callie –
I woke up expecting to find people I recognized in my room. People that were close to me, and people I really cared about. But they were gone. My moms and my brothers and sister, that's who was here. It was time to wake up for dinner, so they were long gone, but I tried to feel neutral about it. They couldn't stay here all day watching me sleep.
"Hey, Callie. Are you feeling okay?" A nurse asked from the corner of my room.
"Tired." I answered truthfully. "Sore."
"No worries. We'll do dinner and then you can go right back to sleep. Okay?" That would be great, I nodded and reached up so I could get help sitting up. The nurse let me stay in bed as she checked the feeding tube and hooked it up to the pump. "You had a busy day. Who came to visit you?"
"Family." She injected all the medications into my IV and waited with me until the pump let out a beep telling us it had finished. "Tomorrow? What day?" I asked as she cleaned everything up and prepared to leave.
"Tomorrow is Saturday, you have physical therapy." I nodded and eased back into bed. "It's just a half day though, maybe you can hang out with Kelsey some."
"Kelsey?"
"Your friend, from school. She's been asking about you." I searched through my shitty memory, but I couldn't put a face with that name. "Alright, you relax and get some sleep. If you need anything let me know." She turned off the lights and I could feel some sort of medication start to take over. It was something to help me sleep and within the next ten minutes I was unconscious.
I woke up without dreaming, it was weird, but not unexpected. I hadn't had a decent quality of sleep in weeks and they had been keeping track. I went through the normal routine. I was helped out of bed and taken into the bathroom for a shower and was dressed. My teeth were brushed and I was finally able to spit on my own without drooling on myself. Someone combed through my hair and I sat at the table like I could actually eat breakfast.
"Hey, Callie!" Someone said brightly from the door to my room. I lifted my head up and turned as far as I could, which was only a few inches. That girl, she was friends with my sister, she was on crutches. We hung out a lot. "Kelsey." She said with a smile.
"I know." I answered quickly, but she smiled. She sat down at my table with me and a nurse placed real food in front of her. I didn't feel hungry, but I missed everything about food. I missed the different textures, flavors, hell I even missed just sitting in front of something that looked appetizing.
"Sorry, I can wait and eat somewhere else." Kelsey said softly.
"No, no. It's okay." I assured her. She nodded and started eating. "Sister yesterday. Family." I struggled to string a sentence together.
"Yeah, I saw your family yesterday. They hung out with me after seeing you." That was good, I got a feeling that she was lonely. She never seemed disappointed that I couldn't hang out with her all the time, but she was always there. "Your moms said you got to see your grandparents too."
Did I? Was that the awkward people I saw yesterday? I would believe it. I didn't recognize them, but I didn't recognize anyone these days. "Okay." I picked at the bracelet on my right hand and practiced touching my thumb to all my other fingers.
"We have physical therapy together today. Do you know what you're working on?"
"Sitting." It was a ridiculous notion, that I had to learn how to sit by myself, but it was true. I spent hours every week trying to stay upright.
"I'm working on standing. It sucks." We both laughed a little.
"You home soon?" Kelsey picked at her food awkwardly.
"Yeah, I'm going home soon."
"Not happy?" I didn't understand the emotion on her face, but it definitely wasn't happy.
"Not really. I know you really want to go home, but you're my only friend and I'll have no one at home." I struggled to make sense of what she had said. We hadn't been friends before this, but I was her only friend? I thought she had a lot of friends, I was sure she had a lot of friends.
"Sorry." I wanted to say so much more, but I couldn't put the words together.
"It's okay."
"No." I tried not to feel mad at myself. Kelsey was my friend, and I couldn't even find words to make her feel better.
"Don't, don't do that to yourself Callie. You're doing great. You'll be out of here right after me and then we can hang out at your house. Your moms said it's okay." I nodded and tried to touch my right hand to the table. "Okay, what do you want to do till therapy?" Kelsey asked pushing her empty plate away.
"You pick." She picked a board game that I had no idea was even on my shelf. "Thank you." I said softly as she set up the entire game and handed me a piece.
"Stop saying that." She said shortly. "You go first." She held a spinner down on the table and I gave it a clumsy push with my hand. We played for over an hour, but I never really grasped the concept of what was supposed to happen in the game.
"Callie, Kelsey, time for the gym." Someone knocked gently on the door frame. I pushed myself away from the table with my left hand and used my left foot to inch the wheelchair towards the door.
"I'll see you in there, Cal." Kelsey called after putting the board game away and crutching down the hall.
"Here, Cal." The nurse said softly, and she knelt in front of me to put on the thick soled shoes that sat in the corner of my room for therapy. She pushed me into the gym and my physical therapist was there waiting for me. "I'll see you in a few hours." The nurse behind me patted my shoulder and the physical therapist took her place.
"Alright, you remember the drill?" She had a huge smile on her face. I recognized her, I didn't know her name, but I liked her. I shook my head. "That's alright." She had me scoot to the edge of my chair and she watched me sit there for a few seconds. "You look really solid today, let's stretch and see how everything is." She picked me up and had me lay down on an examination table. She stretched everything and it hurt like hell, some part of me knew that it used to be worse but not by much. It sucked and took nearly an hour of massaging and pushing and pulling.
"Better?" I asked as she finally let go of my foot.
"Much better. I think we can try standing today."
"Me?"
"Of course you, but don't worry. I'll be right here. First sitting." I put my left hand behind me and tried to push myself up. "Great, now can you put your right elbow here?" She had me prop my right elbow up so there was a little support. "Can you push yourself the rest of the way?" I pushed myself up a little farther, but once I tried to lean against my right hand it collapsed under my weight. "I've got you, it's okay."
"Stupid." I muttered to myself.
"No, you're fine. Next time, lean your weight to the left." We tried it three more times before I was able to pull myself into a seated position. "Awesome, awesome job Cal." She moved me back into my wheelchair and I was pushed to a different corner of the gym. "Okay, time for the hard stuff." I sat on the floor and did a series of exercises to strengthen my stomach and back, then they had me sit on a yoga ball and try and hold myself up for ten seconds at a time.
"Hard." I grumbled after another hour of therapy.
"You did great though." She helped me get back into the wheelchair and we started working on the grasping strength of my right hand. This was less exhausting, but it was still difficult. It required more thought than strength, but this was better than the foggy memories I had of not being able to move anything.
"Done?" I asked as she put away the last container and someone started setting up the many icepacks I was always provided after a session.
"One last thing." She reached down and took off my shoes. "These are going to feel really uncomfortable, but you'll get used to them." She pulled up my socks almost all the way to my knees and slid my ankle into a plastic brace. "Your moms picked the color. You'll need new ones in a few weeks so if you hate it, let me know." She pulled the straps tight and I flinched as my foot was held in a slightly uncomfortable position. She put the other one on and then tied my shoes over them. "They're going to feel uncomfortable, but do they hurt?"
"No." She smiled a little and motioned for someone to move closer.
"Okay, ready, Callie?" She asked. There was an excitement in the air that I couldn't explain or understand. Hands tightly gripped my upper arms and I was gently pulled to my feet. My knees buckled, there was no way I would have stayed standing if I didn't have the support of at least two people. "Look at that, you did it." I looked up and I could see myself in the mirror. For the first time I recognized myself, and for the first time I truly felt like this wasn't entirely hopeless.
Stef –
I left work with another bag of letters for Callie, and a pounding headache. Working security at sporting events was officially my least favorite thing. Thousands of drunk people fighting over spilled beer and overpriced hot dogs. Pulling into the driveway it was obvious that everyone had gone to bed. Even Brandon's bedroom was dark. Trying not to make noise, I placed the bag of mail on the already overflowing pile and grabbed Motrin and a bottle of water.
Standing in the kitchen slowly taking off my uniform I couldn't help but stare at the pile of mail. There were probably some really important things in there. I kicked off my boots and dragged the basket of letters over to the table.
Sorting them into piles was easy. Callie had the largest stack of mail that Lena and I could go through later. Most of her mail was get well cards, but every once in a while we would find a donation to help with her medical expenses. There was the occasional letter to Brandon about applying to a specific college and a never ending stack of fashion magazines for Mariana.
One of the last envelopes was heavier than the others, it caught my eye. It had a rather plain outside, but it was titled to the 'Parents of Callie Adams – Foster' but it didn't look like any of the bills sitting on the side of the table. I opened it and stared at the letter for five minutes before understanding what was being told to me.
Callie had been referred, by a family member. Though more information and confirmation is required, she has been approved. Callie was being offered a wish. A wish that I have always associated with dying kids. Kids that were going to die any minute and deserved to do something special. Was that my daughter? Every doctor we had talked to recently kept telling us how happy they were with her progress, but was she still this sick? Flipping the page, I began to read again. A doctor's note was needed to confirm Callie's condition and its severity, within the template provided for the doctor it asked about possible limitations and services that may need to be available in case of emergencies. Past that was a ten-page booklet intended for Callie providing her with ideas on what she could "wish" for.
What in the world would Callie wish for? A year ago she would have wished for a safe place for Jude and herself, but now she was supposed to be a normal kid that could wish for normal things. "Hey, I thought I heard you come home." Lena said behind me. I dropped the stack of papers nearly jumping out of my skin. "Sorry."
"It's okay." I should hide the letter from Lena, we shouldn't do this. We don't even have time. "I was just sorting through all the mail. Callie got some more letters at the station."
"That's great." Her arms wrapped around my shoulders. "You smell like beer."
"Yeah. Callie got – well we, we got this letter for Callie." Shuffling to the first page I handed the letter to Lena. "It's from the Make a Wish people. Someone sent in a letter on Callie's behalf and she's been approved."
"Oh." Lena seemed a little defeated.
"Yeah. I didn't even think about something like this."
"I guess it could be nice. A family vacation, even if it's just for a few days." She said softly. "We'd have to stay somewhere close to a hospital, if Callie hit her head or stopped breathing we'd be in trouble. If something happened, if we lost a bag with her medicine in it. That's just too many things that could go wrong, maybe we can wait a few months?"
"Yeah, maybe." There were a lot of things that we would have to account for. "What would Callie even want to do?"
"She"- Lena looked a little lost. "She'd just want to be with her whole family." I nodded and took the letter from Lena's hands. Carefully tucking it back into its envelope I pushed myself away from the table.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine, I'm just tired. And I smell like beer." We left the mountain of sorted mail on the table and I took a shower. I tried to think of anything but that letter sitting on the table. It only seemed to confirm how close we had been to losing Callie. How close we still are in some ways.
Climbing into bed, beside Lena I found her hand among the sheets. "I think we should wait for Callie to decide what she wants to do. We can wait for the wish until she's a bit better and then she can choose."
"I really don't want to talk about it." I said quickly, causing Lena to turn in bed and face me.
"You sure you're okay?" Her face was only a few inches from mine, I could smell the toothpaste she had used a few minutes before.
"I'm fine."
She leaned in and kissed me, her hair smelled like grapefruit. "Everything is going to be okay, I know it's hard to believe."—
"I believe you," I kissed her again, and held her as close to me as I could. My heart began to race, but this was different. This was nice. I placed my hand on her hip and rolled her onto her back. I pulled back a few inches and looked into her eyes, her hand rested gently on the back of my neck. A small smile appeared on her face. "I've missed you."
"I know," She answered slyly. I leaned in and kissed her again, her lips were softer than I remembered. I ran my hand along the hem of her shirt and moved it away slowly. Her warm skin met my fingertips and I deepened our kiss.
Lena's cell phone began to ring and she turned away to answer it. "Hey, ignore it." I kissed her neck and smiled as her breaths became short. My cell phone suddenly blasted out its own song. I groaned and turned to find mine in the pile of clothes on the floor, Lena reached for her phone on the bedside table.
"It's Callie." Lena said shortly, swinging her legs off the bed and pulling on some sweatpants. I rushed to find my phone before it stopped ringing.
"Hello? Hello?" I asked, hoping I had caught the phone on its last ring, but Lena's phone started to ring again.
"Hello?" Lena asked sharply. "Yes, I'm Callie's mother." I tossed Lena's shoes onto the bed and finished getting dressed. "We're on our way, do not sedate her. We'll handle it." I opened the door to the car for Lena to get in and jogged to the driver's side.
"Why would they sedate her?"
"She tried to run away, she's really upset and managed to get herself into the wheel chair and down a few halls before being stopped." Lena said with a weak smile. "She thinks she's in a group home, that we gave her up." The forced smile melted off Lena's face and tears fell down her cheeks. "She's scared and hurt and we left her alone when she can't even remember her own name." The entire car ride was silent, but Lena held onto my hand. It was three in the morning and the road was empty. The glow on the horizon only lied, the city was in the distance and there were still a few hours until sunrise.
I pulled into the empty parking lot at the rehab enter and turned off the car. Neither of us moved to get out. "Have you thought about what we're supposed to say?"
"I don't think she remembers you telling her about Vico." Lena answered looking out at the front door to the center.
"Oh." Words caught in my throat. "Will – will you help me this time?" Lena looked at me, but I tried to look at her anywhere but the eyes. "Callie was really upset the first time, I don't know if I can do it alone."
"Of course." She said with a serious nod and stepped out into the cold. I followed her and locked the car as we approached the front door. Lena gave it a tug, but it remained locked. I reached out to the wall and pressed the security button.
"Hello?" A voice crackled through the intercom.
"We're here to see Callie Foster. We're her parents."
"The Fosters, yes come in and someone will meet you in the lobby." The door gave an electronic buzz before clicking open. As soon as we stepped into the lobby a nurse we had only seen a few times came running around the corner.
"Sorry you had to be called, but this seemed like a special circumstance you would want to handle. "
"Don't worry, it was the right choice." Lena assured her walking towards Callie's room. I followed behind her and stepped into Callie's room to see her trying to twist her arm out of someone's grip. I had never seen her this angry in the past nine months she had been living with us.
Lena crossed the little room in a few quick strides and crouched in front of where Callie was sitting on her bed with the other two nurses who were trying to keep her from standing or hitting someone.
"Hey, Callie." Lena said with more confidence I could even imagine having right now. Callie looked up at Lena and somehow managed to look even more pissed off.
"Home." She spat. I placed my hand on Lena's shoulder and sat in front of Callie too.
"I know this isn't home." Lena said sympathetically. "It's scary being away from everyone."
"Home." Callie pleaded. "Sorry, Momma, I'm sorry." She sobbed.
"I'll hold her." I said softly to the nurse. I took a firm hold of Callie's left wrist before the nurse let go and backed away. I sat on Callie's bed and suddenly realized that Callie could hardly sit up on her own. The nurse across from me had a firm grip on Callie's shirt so she wouldn't fall over
"What are you sorry for baby?" Lena asked gently. Callie seemed to search for an answer. She looked at me as if I was going to tell her what she did wrong.
"M – m – Monday, up for school?" Callie closed her eyes, I suddenly noticed a bruise on her forehead that had blossomed into a black eye. I started to say something, but Lena shook her head. "At school, blood, my fault."
Lena looked shocked, this was the first time Callie showed any evidence of having any memory past leaving the house for school.
"No, group home. I'm sorry. Home, please." Callie began crying again, she leaned all the way to the left and rested her head against my shoulder. I let go of her shirt and wrapped my arms around her in a hug.
"Callie, you aren't in a group home." I said softly. I'm not sure if she heard me or understood me, but I held her tightly and Lena replaced the other nurse on her right side. "What happened to her forehead?" I asked a nurse coldly.
"We're not sure but we think she may have bumped her head getting out of bed, there's a security camera in her room and we can check the footage if you want."
"Yeah, I want to look at it." I answered immediately.
"Stef, can you do that tomorrow?" Lena said softly, Callie was still crying in my arms. "Thank you for your help, could we have a few minutes with Callie alone?"
"Absolutely. Just push the button on the wall if you need us. We've checked to see if she has a concussion and we haven't seen any signs, but someone will be coming in to check on her every hour." The nurse stepped out of the room and we were left with a slightly less hysterical Callie.
"Callie, do you know where you are?" I asked as she paused to take a breath.
"N – no." She took ragged breaths, but kept her face buried in my right shoulder. "Something wrong. Can't walk."
"It's scary, I know." Lena said softly. "You're in a hospital that's helping you get better."
"My – my head. Hurts." She continued.
"I'm sorry, Cal." I kissed the top of her head and reached over to dry her face. "Do you remember what we talked about a few days ago?"
"No." She huffed.
"Okay, it's okay." Lena began to rub her back and I rested my chin on the top of her head. "You're in the hospital because you hurt your head." My throat closed over and tears burnt my eyes.
"On Monday, a few weeks ago, you were at school." Lena started after taking a deep breath.
"Yes." Callie confirmed.
"On your way to lunch someone started shooting. Everyone else was okay. Brandon, Mariana, Jesus, Jude and I we're all okay. Someone brought a gun to school and started shooting and you were shot." Lena continued.
"Okay." Callie whispered softly. I waited for more, but there was nothing.
"You've had a lot of surgeries and therapy, and your doctor says you can come home soon. Your bedroom is waiting for you and Jude misses you." I added.
"Yes."
"How are you feeling?" Lena asked gently. She seemed concerned by Callie's rather calm state.
"Tired." She muttered.
"Where are you?" I asked suddenly feeling nervous that she would just forget everything.
"Hospital." She breathed. "Home soon."
"What happened at school?"
"M – Monday. Hurt head." Her eyebrows came together as she tried to remember the specifics. "Forgot." She answered a few moments later.
"You were shot." I reminded her gently.
"Right." She looked up at me and Lena. "Love you."
"We love you too. You've been adopted, you're not going anywhere. Once you're out of the hospital you're coming straight home." Callie seemed to scan her memory for this.
"Mmm, I."
"Take a breath, relax." Lena said calmly. I was starting to worry that Callie was going to have a seizure. She was worked up and her breathing was irregular. She had hit her head and she was obviously exhausted, each of these could easily induce a seizure and they were all happening at once, but Lena remained calm.
"Stay." Callie asked.
"Yeah, of course. Someone's going to stay with you tonight." Lena responded automatically.
"T – t – tired." She stuttered.
"Okay, it's okay." Lena and I eased her back into bed and tucked her in. After kissing her and rubbing her back I started to stand up. She grabbed my hand and let out a little noise of protest.
"Go ahead and climb in bed with her. Maybe it will help her sleep. I'll go check in with that nurse for the security tape and I'll see if I can get a cot to sleep on." I kicked off my shoes and moved into the space between Callie and the wall and rubbed her back.
"Sorry." Callie whispered, a tear fell from her eyes.
"No, no. You have nothing to be sorry about. Relax, I won't go anywhere. Get some sleep." I insisted and climbed under the covers with her. "Everything's okay. You're safe." I found myself whispering over and over, until she was truly asleep.
"Hey." Lena whispered, stepping back into the room. "We checked out the tape, Callie hit her head on the arm of the wheel chair as she was getting into it. It was crazy to see, but made her doctor a little worried. The physical therapist has a note to check her out to make sure she didn't hurt herself."
"That's good, I guess. I'd rather not deal with finding a new rehab center." Lena nodded and leaned over to check on Callie. "She's asleep, didn't take too long." A janitor knocked on the door frame softly and pushed in a fold away bed. He set it up in the corner and smiled as Lena thanked him softly.
Lena turned off the light and I heard her climb in the bed. The screen from her phone lit up the room. "I texted the kids, told them not to worry. I'll call in to work tomorrow."
"You might not need to. She could be okay."
"I'll decide tomorrow." I heard her settle into the bed. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Hey everyone! Thanks for reading! I love the constructive criticism so feel free to share your opinions. There are only going to be the three points of view currently expressed throughout the entire story (Stef, Callie, and Jude) this is mostly just so that the story doesn't get too messy and confusing with a lot going on. It's already a busy story and if there was anything else it would fall apart. And even though I wish I could write you guys twenty page chapters every single month or even a few times a month it's just about impossible. Super sorry, but I've always aimed for quality over quantity. I personally want to keep this story at the standard I set for myself so even though it may take a while for a new chapter I'd rather it take a while and be proud of what I wrote than have dozens of chapters that don't make either of us (readers and author) happy.
Please review!
Thanks
-Kodi