Author's Note: Thank you so much to the people that have been reviewing this story. I know that it seems like I'm dragging this out, or prolonging the Azzie side of things. Well, I think that it's important to establish, or highlight the bond that they have-the friendship first, so it doesn't screw up later on down the line. But to those who have been waiting for something along those lines, there's some of that in this chapter.
Anyway, please review. I know that people are reading, so, help another author out. You know? It is what helps me out with my writing. Thanks!
"Leaving?"Izzie asked, a lump forming in her throat. "Leaving...Seattle Grace?"
"I don't-I don't know..."George muttered, clearly distraught. "I'm sorry, Izzie. I had to tell her. There was no other way."
Izzie stared at him, as if what he had said was spoken in some other language. "No other way...what are you talking about? We made a-"
George held his hands up, worry clouding in his eyes. "I just thought you should know. You deserved to know, incase word gets around the hospital."
"You think she'd go and tell people?"Izzie asked, fear laced through her words.
"No. I don't think...I don't think she'd tell people. But she's friends with Doctor Mont...with Addison. And she's bound to get it out of her. I don't know..."George mused, leaning his head on a nearby table.
"You don't know? What about me? Don't you think I have problems to deal with, too? Didn't you even realize-"
"I did realize, Izzie. Callie's my wife. I...I love her, Izzie. I do. And I know that it isn't what you'd want to hear..."George sighed, staring down at his shoes. "I'm sorry."
Straightening her stature, Izzie gave him a sad smile. She knew he was sorry, because she was, too. It didn't make things better. "Me too. So, I guess I'm going to go back and..."
"Izzie-"George called, causing her to stop in her tracks.
"George, I can't. Okay? There's...nothing left to say. I'm sorry. Maybe we can be friends or whatever."Izzie said, finding the words she was saying hard to utter. "But I think you need to be alone. Trust me, it helps. Bye, George."
Izzie returned home that night, immediately jumping at the chance to take a shower. Once the water was on full blast, she checked to make sure the door was locked, and climbed inside. Safe inside the warm, watery cacoon, she cried. She was tired, afraid, and sick. Sick of always pretending to be the happy one, of being the one everyone came to with issues, hoping she could help. Massaging the shampoo into her hair, Izzie knew somehow that she'd be okay. She had Meredith-the girl she could confide in. And she had Alex, the one who she-Izzie's hands froze in her hair, soap beginning to sting her eyes. At that moment, it struck her.
With all of the talking-and helping-Alex had been doing lately,she wasn't sure who Alex was to her.
The sun invaded the dreams Izzie was having the following morning, and as she pulled the covers back she found herself groaning in pain. A result of too much alcohol, combined with the stress of everything happening around her, Izzie knew it wasn't going to end easily. Setting her head against her pillow, she tried in vain to sheild her eyes from the sun streaming in from the window. Grumbling, she stood, padding over to the window to shut the curtains even further than they already were.
As she turned to survey the rest of her room, she wasn't surprised to find it completely folded in shadows. For once, she didn't find that fact at all revolting. For once, Izzie Stevens found the fact that all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep not at all surprising. It felt better, because if the churning in her stomach was any clue, the rest of the day wasn't going to get any better.
"Iz..."She could hear Meredith calling from the hallway. A knock came at the door, and turning over, Izzie could see her entering the room. "Are you okay?"Meredith asked, almost as if she was afraid of the answer. So far, Izzie seemed like she was handling the issues with George and Hannah pretty well, and she was afraid that maybe she had finally cracked.
"No."Izzie replied, her answer muffled through the comforter that covered her entire body. Pulling it down, Izzie shot a look of pity in Meredith's direction. "I'm sick."
"You're sick?"Meredith asked, not sounding too surprised. "Are you going in?"
Struggling to sit up, it wasn't until then did Izzie realize how weak she felt. "I should. I feel like I should."
Meredith tilted her head, wishing it was brighter in the room. She had seen what happened between George and Izzie the night before, and it didn't take much to figure out what it had been about. Turning on the lamp next to Izzie's bed, she sent her a sympathetic look. "No offense, Iz...but you don't look like you should."
"Thanks, Mer. Really makes me feel better."Izzie shot back, stifling a laugh. "Ow...see, I'm...I have to go in, though. The follow up on a patient..."
"That you wouldn't be able to do like this? Izzie, just stay home. Just for today."
"Izzie's staying home?"Alex asked from the doorway. "Am I interrupting?"
"No, you might as well come in, too. But I'm warning you, I could be contagious."Izzie replied, glad for the company. She watched as he sat next to her on the bed, offering a smile.
"Trust me, if you're contagious, I'd rather catch what you have rather than-"Alex trailed off, watching the look in Meredith's eyes. "Well, anyway...you want us to tell Bailey?"
Izzie groaned, shaking her head. "I'll call in. It's what I should do."She said, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Thanks, guys."
"Will you be okay alone?"Meredith asked, knowing what she was going through.
Izzie nodded, feeling the need to sleep. "They'll think I'm hiding. I'm not, guys. I just-I don't feel..."She began coughing, groaning as she did.
Alex patted her back, feeling concerned. "Maybe you do need to go in. See what's wrong with you."He suggested.
"Thanks, Alex. But i'll be fine. Some cough medicine, a couple aspirins...I'll be-"
"If the next word out of your mouth is fine, I don't wanna hear it."Alex said, warning her. "When are you going to get it? Me and Mer...we're here to help you. If you're sick, you stay home. You deal with it. It's okay to...not be okay."
"Alex is right. I'll try and get out at lunch to see how you are. If you want that is."Meredith offered, not knowing if she'd accept her idea. In truth, she knew Izzie would want alone time, but she herself was almost afraid of what would happen if she did.
Izzie nodded, closing her eyes. She felt Alex's hand, warm against her back. She found herself wishing that it wouldn't go away, that he'd stay there. And while she knew that her nod signaled it was okay for Meredith to come home during lunch if she could, Izzie found herself wishing that it was Alex coming home to help her.
"You all need to be studying as much as you can, but that does not mean you won't be working. Stevens isn't here today, so the rest of you will have to make up for her absence-"
"Izzie isn't here today?"George asked, oblivious to the real reason.
"That is what I said, wasn't it? Yang-you'll be with Burke. Grey...Sloan. O'Malley's with Shepherd, and Karev will be with me."Bailey replied, looking as they stared at her. "Did I studder? Did you all suddenly get a massive helping of hearing loss?"
"No, Doctor Bailey-"George began, only for her to cut him off.
"Good. Then get moving!"Bailey said, ushering them off in different directions. She then turned towards Alex, arms crossed. "I trust you won't be giving me any trouble today?"
Alex shook his head to reply. "Not from me, no."
She nodded, pleased. "Good. We have a patient in clinic who needs specimens delivered to the lab..."Bailey began, listing the things she needed him to do before handing him several files that needed to be delivered. "Get to work, Karev. Just because Izzie isn't here doesn't mean you can let up on your work."
He pressed the button to the elevator, waiting impatiently. While he knew what he was doing was important, he couldn't help but get the feeling that he wouldn't be seeing an O.R. that day.
Izzie rested her head against the kitchen island, watching the timer as time clicked by. Eight more minutes and her batch of muffins would be done. It was probably a bad idea, she knew that. Still, as she had regained some of her strength by sleeping for an extra two hours after Alex and Meredith left, she decided she had to do something. Going in late was out of the question, but making muffins seemed like an okay option.
Hannah liked the one her mother had brought from the cafeteria, so Izzie thought that maybe it would be nice if she could have some that were homeade. Feeling the growling coming from her stomach, she stood up and walked to the fridge, searching for something edible. Spotting a container of rice, she decided to pull that out as a means to eat something before the muffins cooled. Afterall, she planned on taking several of them in for Hannah.
As she pressed the buttons on the microwave, she heard the front door open. "Izzie?"She heard Meredith call.
"Kitchen..."She replied, watching as Meredith walked into the room.
"Hey. How are you feeling?"She asked, setting a bag down on the counter.
Izzie sighed, shrugging. "I'm baking. That's a good sign, right?"
"I guess so, yeah. I don't have much time, I've gotta scrub in at three. You picked a good day to be sick, you know. It's been a slow day. I mean, not that you chose to be sick or anything..."Meredith mused, grabbing a bottled water and the half empty pizza box from the fridge.
Izzie sneezed, waving her hand at her. "It's okay, I understand."She said as the time beeped, signaling it was time to take the muffins out. Sighing, she looked at Meredith. "I just sat down. Could you-"
"It's fine."Meredith insisted, dawning an oven mit to reach in and grab the pan out. "You know, if it was me that was sick, you'd tell me to be up in bed sleeping..."She said, setting the muffin pan next to the cooling rack. "But ince you're...you, I know you won't listen."
"Thanks, Mer."Izzie sighed. "I don't know. I just..I feel useless just lying around here. Like I should be doing something or...something."
"What did you and George talk about last night?"Meredith asked, afraid of the answer she'd get.
"He-"Izzie began, drawing in a stifled breath. "-he said Callie's leaving. Whether that means SGH or him, I have no idea. But I know that she knows, which is going to make going back to work..well-"She paused as Meredith placed a hand over hers. "Yeah?"
"I know the whole thing Alex said earlier will end up contradicting with this...sort of...whatever...but you'll be okay. I mean, things are screwed up now, I know. But things'll...they'll get better."Meredith said, for a moment wondering where all the positive came from.
Izzie noticed, and managed to laugh without wincing. "Thanks, Mer."She said, eating a forkful of rice.
"Good. Okay.."She said, sighing. "So you're okay then? Have you-"
"I took some aspirin about an hour ago. I think I'll just chill on the couch or something. Watch a movie. If I vomit, I've got a bucket. Don't worry, I can take care of myself."
With that, Meredith nodded. "I'm going with Derek after work. Alex should be home sometime sooner, though. Are things okay between you two?"
"Yeah."Izzie said, smiling a little. "Yeah, they are."
Knowing she wouldn't get much more of an answer, Meredith nodded, making sure Izzie was comfortable, and then left.
Izzie did as she said she would for the rest of the day. She slept some, but mostly laid on the couch watching movies. It felt good to have a relaxing day, but at the same time she knew that she'd have to return to work the next day. Whether it would be under good or bad conditions she had no idea. As she reached again for the bucket beside her, Izzie drew in a deep breath, closing her eyes. When nothing came up, she settled down again. Her arm strewn carelessly over her head, she thought again of what had been happening.
There was Hannah. She still wasn't sure how to react to her. Was she supposed to be happy around her, never delving deeper than 'hi, how are you feeling?' and bringing her gifts? Was there some code she was supposed to follow now that she was talking to her own daughter again? Izzie knew that the day would come when Hannah would leave the hospital again, that much she knew. Still, she couldn't help but feel sad. She wanted a chance to know her without either of them getting hurt.
Staring at the television screen, Izzie thought of George. He was her friend, at least she hoped he still was. They had gotten through so many things together. Through Denny, through his father, through Meredith almost dying. It made sense that they'd help each other out. But what happened between them was something Izzie doubted their friendship could survive. It was true-that she loved him-but in a way that friends who ared about each other would. A part of her still missed Denny, still missed being able to see him. Tears poured from her eyes when she thought of what he might think of her.
He wouldn't be happy. Sure, he'd say that things would be okay. She'd get better, she'd be fine. And while Izzie would want so badly to believe it, a part of her knew that she might not be. If he had lived, Izzie thought, she could have been married by now. Of course, it all ended the same night it began. She remembered the way all of her friends stood watching her, watching as she layed next to the body of the man who she thought she loved. The way Alex picked her up, cradling her weeping body away from Denny, away from any memories of the past.What he said to her then had been so much more simpler, so much more kinder than what he had said before.
He wasn't anymore. The body laying on the hospital bed wasn't Denny. He wasn't himself lying there lifeless.
Izzie stared blankly at the ceiling feeling a different kind of feeling flow through her. It wasn't sadness, or fear, and it sure wasn't happiness. It was more of a slightly warm, somber-like feeling. One that told her that yes, she was bruised and broken right now. But she'd seen the way patients came in, and how much better they looked when they came out. Somehow, she felt that things would be okay.
"Izzie!"Alex called from out in the hallway, and Izzie could hear the shutting of the front door.
Forcing herself to sit up, she coughed. "In here."She called to him, staring at his hands as he came in. "What's that?"
Alex smiled sheepishly, holding up a brown paper bag. He sat down on the couch next to her, setting the bag on the table. "Soup. I figured you'd be hungry, and I'm not exactly the best chef in the world, so I figured I'd stop and get you some."
Izzie's eyes grew misty again, and she nodded. "Thank you."
"Yeah, I got Cheddar bacon and Tomato basil...both have potatoes, but I wasn't sure which one you'd want."Alex replied, pulling the containers out of the bag.
"Either is fine."She insisted as he passed her a container along with a plastic spoon. "What's that?"She asked, pointing to a piece of folded paper that was in his hand.
"Oh..."Alex said, setting everything down. He turned to her, contemplating for a moment on how she'd react. "I went to see...I went to see Hannah. I told her how you were sick, and you weren't there, so you sent your friend instead. She uh...she drew this for you.."
Izzie smiled again, taking it from him. As she unfolded it, she saw a picture of a person, who she guessed was supposed to be Hannah, along with a little bear. "Get better Doctor Izzie. Love, Hannah and Francine."Izzie read out loud, almost crying as she did. "Wow."
"Izzie?"Alex asked, again settling his hand against her back. He wanted so much to make sure that she'd be okay, that she wouldn't feel bad or upset anymore. However long it took, Alex swore then that he'd be there. Izzie may have been mean to him in the past, just as he was to her. But she needed him more than she herself was willing to admit. "Iz?"
"I just...I don't know how I'm supposed to be...with her..."Izzie sobbed, setting the soup on the table. Alex nodded, wrapping his arms around her. "Should I be, you know...friendly? I mean, her parents don't like me already. I can tell...they think I'm gonna...I'm..."
"It's okay, Izzie."Alex muttered, kissing the top of her head.
"They think i'd try and steal their daughter. She's my daughter, Alex. I mean, she's...she's their daughter. But I'm the one who..."
"I know. It's okay, Izzie. Trust me."Alex replied, not knowing if he got through to her.
Izzie nodded against his shoulder, clinging to his shirt like a lifeline. "I just don't know what to do. I don't know how...how I'm..."
"Breathe..."Alex muttered, wondering if he needed to worry about her.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel."Izzie whispered, gaining some control of her emotions.
Alex had to agree with her. When he was telling her what to do, giving her advice, it was different. He was being her friend then. But buying her soup, seeing her daughter-holding her while she cried..it was something different altogether. He wasn't sure what she needed, but Alex couldn't help but hope that it was him.
Her breathing slowly evened out, and shortly after, Alex realized that Izzie had fallen asleep. Leaning back, Alex couldn't help but smile. It had been a long time since Izzie had fallen asleep in his arms, and as he sat watching her sleep, he found himself hoping that it would happen again.