Disclaimer: We own nothing
A/N Tinuviel Undomiel: Lot's of flashbacks in this chapter as we see John and Regina's rise and fall as well as John's feelings for Elizabeth begin. The second one is my favorite.The song we put in is "Grace" by Kate Havnevik. It was used in Grey's Anatomy like "How to Save a Life" but it is not in here because a similar scene happened. There is no kinky stuff in this chap, we'll get to that later. Sorry Shweir fans, but tissues are needed in this chap. I felt like killing myself as I wrote this one. Please don't hate me.
A/N Nerwen Aldarion: Yeah I'm evil for ending the last chapter that way but hopfully I'll be forgiven this chapter. I loved the emotions I used for Teyla in this chapter her baby is in trouble and she is struggling to hold on. I think it's sweet and I hope all of you do too.
Chapter 10: Trying to Live
I'm on my knees Don't know how There's no escape Nothing comes easily I feel the cold Come what may Nothing comes easily Nothing comes easily
only memories
are left for me to hold
but I'll get by
Slowly pull myself together
So keep me safe
This feels so unreal
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it seems
Turn my grief to grace
Loneliness unfold
Like from another world
I wont fade away
But I know I might change
Fill this empty space
Nothing is like it was
Turn my grief to grace
Where do I begin?
Nothing can bring me peace
I've lost everything
I just want to feel your embrace
The morning after the operation Elizabeth walked into the infirmary to see a sleepy eyed Teyla. "Hey," She said maybe a little too cheerfully.
Teyla smiled, "Hi…I had a baby."
"I know," Elizabeth smiled back but grew serious, "you should have told me."
Teyla sighed, "Colonel Sheppard said the same thing, as did Dr. Beckett and even Dr. McKay."
"With good reason," Elizabeth pointed out.
Teyla nodded but she finally let out the elephant in the room, "Dr. Sheppard says that my baby might not survive."
"There's always that risk," Elizabeth said but decided it was probably best to shake off the sadness that hung in the air, "Let's change the subject, what did you name your baby?"
Teyla hesitated before she spoke, "I haven't named her yet I'm not going to until I know for certain she'll live…I think it will be easier that way…if she doesn't make it."
Elizabeth didn't know what to say, her attempt at turning the conversation around had failed miserably, "Teyla…"
"How's Ronon?" Teyla asked.
"He hasn't come to see you?" Teyla rolled her eyes that said it all, "He took the news pretty well, all he broke was a chair."
Teyla laughed a little. Regina walked in then, "Hey you're up," Regina said, "Good I think it's time I explained exactly what is going on with your daughter." Teyla nodded and Regina began, "In addition to unstable vitals, she is suffering from Respiratory Distress Syndrome, it's common in premature infants, and it means that her lungs are underdeveloped. But the fact that she is so small is what worries me. For now we have put a special mask on her to help her breathe and I'll watch her closely."
"So she is breathing?" Teyla asked overwhelmed.
"Yes she is," Regina said, "And we're going to make sure it stays that way."
Teyla was going through so much at the moment that Elizabeth decided that doing what she wanted and giving her a few moments of piece was necessary. Laura was waiting outside talking excitedly with Rodney and John about something. Briefly, she met John's eyes, still terrified about the kiss. What should she do? Do they talk about this or brush it away? What did he want to do?
"What's going on?" she asked instead in order to tear her eyes away from John.
"I was telling them how Teyla and Ronon got together," Laura explained, "Apparently, Teyla doesn't feel like answering all the questions so she asked Dr. Sheppard to tell everyone instead."
"And I'll bet you were first in line," Elizabeth guessed.
"Hell yes," she replied, "I just can't believe we missed this. Did you have any clue?"
"I'm not a gossip," Rodney replied.
"Could have fooled me," John said, "I remember something. We were on Gitora and they both were late when it was time to go," he smiled, "I'm kicking myself now for not realizing this sooner."
"Dr. Sheppard said they got together on P1X-739," Laura said.
"We missed a lot didn't we?" John said to everyone in general, "I mean they were alone there for two weeks."
"They hid it well," Elizabeth defended, "I mean these things just happen don't they?"
"Are you kidding? These things take ages to build up," Rodney said, "That's why I can't get a girl, I move on too fast."
"Or you give them Syphilis," Laura teased, but John barely heard her. He remembered a time when he followed the same belief as Rodney.
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6 Years Ago
"I hate hospitals," John mumbled to himself as he picked at the dismal tray of food that resembled breakfast. He'd crashed his plane while trying to outmaneuver enemy fire and look where it landed him.
"Dr. Mason, tell me about this patient," an older resident doctor asked one of her four interns as the entered his room.
The one in question was a gorgeous red head who piqued his interest, "Capt. John Sheppard," she began, "crashed his plane after a battle with Iraqi fighters."
"After I kicked their asses," John added in, giving her a smile.
The intern smiled back and almost missed her resident's question, "Diagnoses?"
"Uh, a concussion from head impact, a ruptured appendix and a fractured wrist."
"What will be done for the Captain?"
"The concussion will heal itself," she continued, "the wrist has already been put in a cast and Dr. Wilson removed his appendix last night."
"Excellent, Dr. Mason," the resident said, "You'll keep an eye on him until he's cleared to leave in a few days."
"That's fine with me," John jumped in.
As the other interns and the resident left, Dr. Mason pulled out her stethoscope and began her examination on him. "You can take the shirt off," John grinned, "I know you want to."
"Oh so you're a mind reader now?" she asked.
"One of my many impressive talents."
"And what are your other talents?"
"Hop on this bed and I'll show you," he replied flirtatiously.
"Can't, it's against hospital regulations," She informed him.
"Regulations were meant to be broken."
"I thought it was rules."
"Regulations, rules, same thing," John explained, "Since I'll still be here tonight, how about you come around to share an awful tray of hospital food with me?"
"Sorry," she apologized, "Patriots are playing the Giants tonight."
"You like football?" he asked in surprise.
"My dad got me into it," was her explanation.
"That's it, will you marry me?"
The doctor shook her head while smiling, "You're lucky I know you're not serious."
"But I am serious," he continued, "No other girl I know likes football, besides you're insanely hot."
"Thank you, Captain," she replied.
"You can call me John."
"Okay, John, well everything looks good, I'll be back in a few hours to check up on you again."
"I'll be counting the minutes, doctor," he smiled.
She rolled her eyes, but stopped at the door before leaving, "And you can call me Regina."
"No," he said, "I'll call you Reggie."
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Teyla lay in her hospital room staring straight ahead, for over an hour she'd replayed the latest conversation she had with Regina.
"Her lung collapsed," Regina had said, "It's common in cases like this, I inserted a tube into her chest until her lung can stay up on its own." She had made it seem like everything would be okay but Teyla could see the doubt in her eyes.
So lost in her fear she gasped when she realized that Ronon was glowering at her from the doorway, "What are you doing here?" She asked.
"I've come to see my daughter," His voice tinged with anger, "who I didn't know about until yesterday…the day she was born."
Teyla sighed, "Not now Ronon."
"No your right," Ronon continued, "The time to have this conversation was when you first found out you were pregnant."
"Ronon please…"
"So I guess withholding things from me is a new hobby for you..."
"Just stop it!" She yelled out, "I know you're angry with me and you have every right to be but you cannot shout at me and scream at me not now!" She covered her face with her hands as her sobs broke loose, "Not when my daughter is lying in there barely breathing, not when she could die…you can yell at me later but not now!"
Ronon didn't say anything and Teyla longed to know what was running through his head. Maybe he was going to say something but Regina interrupted having heard the whole scene, "Ronon can I talk to you for a moment." They left Teyla alone to try and stop her tears.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Regina asked.
"Some thing is wrong with…"
"Yes I'll tell you what's wrong here; Teyla is my patient and is recovering from major surgery and her daughter, your daughter might not make it through the night. What she doesn't need is to listen to you shout at her because of your wounded pride." Regina took a breath, "you are not going to take another step into that room if all you plan on doing is yelling at her, now please leave immediately."
She left leaving Ronon standing in shock, his daughter was dying? He had known that she was having problems but never thought that this could be a reality.
Regina left Ronon standing there as her gaze fell on the broken Teyla. That fight reminded her of time when the anger had crackled across the room and everything she held dear came crashing down around her.
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3 Years Ago
Regina was sitting on the sofa staring at the clock as she watched the second hand tick away the minutes. She'd been sitting there since last night after the entire world seemed to stop spinning. There had been no pacing, no drinking, only sitting and lots of crying.
At last the door slammed open and her husband walked in. "Thank God," she gasped, "Where did you go?"
John didn't answer just gave her a piercing glance and then storming towards their bedroom. "John, we need to talk," she said.
His response was to grab his suitcase out of his closet and dumped it on the tangled sheets on the bed, "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Moving out, what's it look like?"
Regina looked horrified, "No, John, you can't go, we have to talk about this."
"About what?!" he demanded, "You screwed my best friend; I think that handles all the talking."
"I know, I know," she said, "It was a mistake. I made a mistake. I don't know how it happened. We only went out for a bite to eat and then we came back here and…"John threw an armful of his clothes from the dresser into his suitcase, "No you can't do this!" she cried and took out the clothes as he returned to the dresser for another.
He tossed in another and again she took them out. "Stop that"
"I'm not letting you leave!" she cried back, tears were starting to fall again, "We can work this out, John; we can, I know we can. We're the couple everyone is jealous of."
"No…we…can't!" he shouted and threw in the clothes she'd removed and then zipped the suitcase close.
"John, wait!" Regina pleaded with him as she followed him out of the bedroom, "It was just one time; I know they say that in all the books and movies but it's true. I missed you and I was stupid," he'd reached the door now, "John, please!"
He turned around and she threw herself into his chest, "Please, I'm sorry you have no idea how sorry I am." Even though her arms were wrapped around him, John made no move to return the embrace. He couldn't even touch her now.
"We can survive this, John," she said, "just give me a chance."
John shook his head, "I can't touch you…I can't even look at you without being sick."
Her pounding heart cracked, "Please," she begged.
John let go of his suitcase and removed the gold band from his ring finger; a symbol of eternal love and trust that seemed to be mocking him to his face now. He held out the wedding ring to her and Regina shook her head, "I'm not giving up."
He dropped the ring which rattled on the hardware floor and rolled towards Regina's feet. He opened the door and slammed it closed as he left the apartment. Regina ran to open the door, "John, come back!" she sobbed, "Please come back!"
The elevator doors sealed him away from her forever. Weeping out of pain, Regina returned to empty apartment completely blinded by tears. The glint of gold on the hardwood floor reminded her that her marriage was over and that sent the tears flowing even harder.
Gulping for breath, she picked up the ring, "I'm not giving up," she swore, "I'm not giving up."
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Everyone was crowded outside the infirmary waiting for Teyla to wake up or to at least hear some news. John was sitting outside listening to the gossip that was going around.
"Do you think they'll survive this?"
"I hope so; I mean those two are so cute together."
"I heard they got together on Gitora."
"No it happened before that."
"How?"
"No one really knows. Did you know he was married?"
"No, where did you hear that."
"Jackie, she told me that Laura told her that Ronon was married to someone named Melena, and she cheated on him with a bunch of guys. Well Teyla found out, but she didn't know how to tell them and then she got pregnant. So she didn't know how to tell him that too and then he found out about his wife from a Satedan friend."
"Oh poor guy, It's a wonder if he'll ever trust another woman again."
That sent John's mind wondering again as he saw another woman join the crowd. Why did he have to kiss her? God, that was so stupid, it hadn't felt stupid—far from it—but it was insane. Elizabeth started talking to Carson, probably to make sure Teyla was alright. He knew she would let it go. There were rules about these things and she was this classy, beautiful woman while he was the rugged bad boy who was always diving into trouble. She needed the man who was the marrying kind, which wasn't him—even though he used to be.
Trust. It was something John knew a lot about, especially when it came to women.
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Almost 3 Years Ago
John was standing out on the balcony outside of the Control Room staring at the water crashing on the pier below him. Annoyed, he reached up and scratched the bandage on his neck. The damn bug, if he never saw one of those monsters again it would be too soon.
The door behind him opened, and he turned to see Elizabeth walk towards him. "Hey."
"Hey," she replied, "I went to see you in the infirmary but Carson said you were already out."
"Yeah, couldn't wait to leave."
"I understand," she said. John surveyed her look tonight. She was back in her red t-shirt and BDU's. Her hair was curly again, instead of straight. He liked it like that. Those glossy curls had made him want to reach out and touch them every time he saw them framing her lovely face.
"Take care of each other," Elizabeth said, making him raise an eyebrow, "That's what you were going to say."
"Yeah," John replied.
"Oh, I was just wondering if that was all."
"That's everything."
"Okay."
He smiled inwardly before saying, "I like your hair like that."
"Like what?"
"Curly," he explained, "It looks better that way. Not that you don't look good with it straight it's just…beautiful when it's curly."
Elizabeth smiled, "I'll keep that in mind," she cast a quick glance at her watch, "I have to go, take it easy."
"Beckett said the same thing," John replied.
"Good," she said, but before she left, Elizabeth continued, "Are you sure that was what you wanted to say? I mean you can tell me if you want."
"Curiosity killed the cat," he teased, "Get out of here."
"I'm dropping it," she assured him before leaving their balcony.
He watched the closed door she'd just left through and then turned back to the water. "I trust you," John said to her even though she was already gone, "That's what I was going to say. You wouldn't understand since you don't know me, but that means a lot. God only knows why I do, but for some reason the minute I saw you I knew you could be trusted. You wouldn't hurt me. You would help me no matter what I did. I don't know what this means except that I trust you."
Of course Elizabeth couldn't hear him, but he kind of hoped that on some level she knew. John had no idea how his feelings for her were or why he trusted her when he hadn't had faith in women since the divorce, but maybe someday this would lead into a future with her. It was a start at least.
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Regina wasn't ignorant that after the fiasco with Ronon and informing her that the baby's lung had collapsed Teyla hadn't said a word to her; she just lay there in her bed with a dejected look on her face. Regina figured it was time to bring out the big guns to cheer up her friend.
"What are we doing?" Teyla asked as Regina helped her into a wheelchair.
"Well I realized that I've only told you the worst stuff that could happen and I've probably got you worried to death," Regina explained, "the one thing I haven't done is let you see your daughter."
"How is this going to help?"
Regina smiled, "You might be surprised." She wheeled the Athosian towards the isolette where the tiny baby girl lay, "and this is your daughter." She grinned happily when she saw the amazed look on her face, "You can reach in and touch her."
Teyla tentatively reached in and gently stroked her little girl's fuzzy head. The baby stirred a little and waved her arms. Teyla smiled and tears filled her eyes, different ones than before, ones of happiness and joy.
She stayed with her daughter for over an hour just watching her little baby breathe. Regina smiled she knew that she had done the right thing and now Teyla wouldn't be so sad.
Regina was wheeling Teyla away when the machine started beeping. "Dr. Sheppard the baby's not breathing!" The nurse said as she rushed over.
Regina ran to the baby's side "She's not breathing on her own, damnitt, intubate and push 0.1 of Atropine and 3mg of Ketamine."
They set up the bags and after a moment the violent beeping stopped. Regina listened to the baby's breathing, "Clear and equal." She put her stethoscope down and breathed a sigh of relief.
Suddenly she remembered who she had come up with; she turned around to talk to Teyla. She expected to have to calm down a frantic mother; she didn't expect to find the wheelchair empty and Teyla gone.
John, Rodney and Elizabeth were all talking in her office about something or other when Regina rushed in, "I lost Teyla!"
"How do you lose a whole person?" John asked not sure if she was serious. He realized that joking was a bad idea considering that Regina was close to tears.
"I was taking her to see the baby and the baby stopped breathing so I had to get her breathing again and when I did Teyla was gone." Regina explained all in one breath, "She isn't in the infirmary and I don't know the city as well as any of you."
"Alright we'll start a search, she couldn't have gotten far."
The four of them began an extensive search of the city, looking in Teyla's old quarters and anywhere else she could be.
John was searching the southern pier when he saw Teyla standing at the railing staring at the ocean stretched before her. She wasn't crying she wasn't anything just cold and numb, she didn't even acknowledge his presence when he stood next to her.
He just stood there not sure what to say to his friend, he tried to think of a time when he had felt the same way, a time not so long ago when the essence of calm was a front to the mess he had felt inside…
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Less Than A Year Ago
Plastic walls surrounded John as a nurse in a hazmat suit took away his uniform which he had exchanged for patient's clothes. Everyone that looked at him held a look of judgment. Some thought he was brave, other's thought he was stupid for doing such a desperate act that may just bite him in the ass in the end.
Rodney entered the room and stood on one side of the plastic barrier, "Hey," he said.
"Hey," John replied, "A lot of people are leaving," he speculated as he saw two more doctors leave the room.
"Elizabeth woke up."
His breath caught in his throat, "She did?"
Rodney nodded, "The nanites shut down. Carson says she should be alright."
"That's good," John said as he sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands, "That's good," he repeated as relief washed over him.
Rodney paused before saying, "How did you do it?"
"Do what?"
"You weren't scared at all. I mean, Elizabeth was dying and you weren't afraid. I was just wondering how you did it."
John lifted his head from his hands, "I wasn't scared Rodney…I was terrified."
Now he was surprised, "What?"
"I've never been more scared in my entire life," John admitted, "I kept thinking that at any moment, Elizabeth might die. Just stop breathing, stop existing; just…die. And I couldn't do anything about it." He swallowed hard and leapt to his feet, "It was my fault that she ended up like that. She was my responsibility and I let that robot inject her with nanites. It was my fault!"
Rodney couldn't be sure, but he thought that John might have been on the edge of tears, but that was just his imagination…wasn't it? "You were right," He said at last, "She could hear you. She said that you convinced her everything was a lie and that Atlantis was real. You saved her."
The Lt. Colonel didn't look wholly convinced, but then he nodded, "At least she'll be alright now."
"She will," Rodney said. John sat back down on the bed more pulled together now. "Carson should be here soon," Rodney continued, "So I better go."
"Alright," he said.
"I'll just…" he gestured to the door, but paused before leaving, "John do you…?"
"Do I what?" John asked.
Rodney shook his head, "Never mind, it was stupid I mean you couldn't ever…I'm just going to go."
Once he was gone, John continued to stare at the door, "I don't know," he admitted, "I think I do. Why else would I risk my life on some flimsy hope to save her?"
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"Watchya doing?" John asked a little cheerfully deciding that a little joke would be better than nothing.
She didn't look at him, still staring at the crashing waves, "She stopped breathing." She said in a monotone voice.
"Well she's breathing now," John informed her hoping that some good news would brighten her up. It didn't work.
"She's dying, my daughter is dying and she hasn't even truly lived, she doesn't even have a name." Teyla continued her voice starting to crack with the tears she was trying desperately to contain, "She's dying because of me."
John sighed, "This isn't your fault Teyla…"
Teyla turned and looked at him, "I should have let Regina tell about my pregnancy, I should have told you or Elizabeth or Carson…but most of all I should have told Ronon. If I had done anyone of those things she wouldn't be lying in the infirmary struggling to breath. Who else is there to blame but myself?" He didn't answer as he struggled to find words. Teyla finally broke down as she started to sob, "She's dying, she's really dying."
"She's not dying," John began, "She's trying to live, fighting to breath, battling for more time, more time to grow up and drive you crazy, keep you up at night and bring boys home, get married and have children, she is battling for time. What she needs is help, help from you, her mother." He held out his hand, "Come on let's help her win this battle."
Teyla hesitated before she accepted his arm and he slowly led her back to the infirmary.
Regina came by to check on Teyla one last time. When John had brought her back to the infirmary she had refused to return to her bed and insisted of sitting by her baby to 'help her win the fight' as Teyla called it.
Teyla stayed with her daughter all night the machine beeping steadily, a reminder that her baby was alive for at least another moment. She didn't even know that she had fallen asleep until she woke up in the morning in her bed.
She looked around wondering who had brought her there and how her daughter was doing when Regina walked in, "Teyla I need to talk to you…"
When Teyla heard those words she knew the worst had happened, "She died didn't she?" She tried to compose herself, tried not to break down.
Regina smiled, "No Teyla she's alive." Teyla could scarcely breath herself, hardly believe what she was hearing, "Her vitals are stable I think she's going to make it." Tears fell down Teyla's face, different from the ones she had cried for so long, happy tears. Regina grinned happily, "Teyla your daughter is going to live."
Teyla wiped the tears away, "Callina, that's what I want to name her…it means miracle."
"It's perfect," Regina said, "Now I do believe there are three friends of yours who would love to hear this news." She laughed, "I'll send them in."
Regina let Teyla tell Elizabeth, John and Rodney about Callina and Regina went to go check on the newly named baby herself. She walked in to see Ronon still watching over his daughter like he had been doing all night.
"Hey I told Teyla the good news," Ronon nodded a reply and she continued, "She's naming her Callina…it means miracle."
"It fits," Ronon said simply.
Regina walked over to the isolette and looked in at the tiny baby, "For a while there I was afraid the worst would happen, but she came around." She looked at the Satedan with a knowing eye, "I think it was because she had the love from both her parents." Regina sighed a little, "Maybe you should talk to her."
Ronon shook his head, "I know you still care about her," Regina said, "You stayed with her after she fell asleep and carried her to her bed for goodness sakes. What made you come around?"
He didn't say anything for a while but finally spoke, "I didn't know she was in trouble. I know you said that the odds of her survival weren't good but I didn't know or didn't want to believe it." He reached in and gently stroked his daughter's fingers, "I wouldn't have said anything to Teyla if I had known."
"You're still angry with her aren't you?"
"She hid so much from me…I can't be with her if I can't trust her to tell me everything."
Regina sighed, "You don't understand what she was going through."
"You're just saying that because you're on her side."
"Yes I am because I know what it's like to have someone close the door completely on me," Regina explained, "but Teyla and I are different, she has some pride left and I don't. She wasn't going to hold on to you unless you want to be with her…not because of the baby."
Ronon didn't say anything just stared at his daughter for another moment before mumbling a goodbye and walking away. Regina shook her head at his retreating figure and looked at the baby, "Your parents are fools in love…I just hope they realize it before you get married." She laughed, "Great now I'm talking to babies."
"Well she agrees," Regina looked up to see John standing in the doorway.
"What are you doing here?"
"Came to see the baby," he replied, "I knew she would pull through."
"You always were optimistic," she commented as she leafed through Callina's chart.
"Bad stuff only hangs around for a little while then the good stuff comes," John philosophized.
"Good motto," Regina said. As John smiled at the tiny baby, she watched him and wondered over her new found hope. "Can we talk about us?" she asked.
John looked up, "What do you mean?"
"Well you've started talking to me again, which I am grateful for but…" she took a deep breath, "We were good together."
He nodded, "Yeah, we were."
"And I still want to be with you," she continued, "I know you still aren't over the whole Brian thing, but I think we can work it out. It will be hard, I know that, but I want to do this and…"
"Alright."
"It will take time…" Regina stopped talking, "What did you say?"
"You wanted a second chance and you deserve one," John explained, "Let's try this…you and me… again. Give it one more shot."
At first, Regina didn't know what to say, she almost couldn't believe what he was saying. In the end she chose to say nothing but close the distance between them with a warm kiss which John returned to her.
The newly reunited couple failed to see Rodney passing by who noticed that they were together. Briefly, he thought of interrupting them, but decided that since they were working things out it would be better to let them continue. He was passing Elizabeth's office when she stepped out carrying several files in her hands, "Are you going to see Teyla?" he asked.
She nodded, "As soon as I hand out these reports I'll visit her and the baby."
"Save the baby for last," Rodney warned, "John and Regina are making out in front of her."
The files slipped from Elizabeth's fingers and scattered across the floor, "What?"
"I saw them kissing in the infirmary, I guess they made up," he explained.
She couldn't speak, think or breathe; just stared at Rodney open-mouthed. "Are you alright?" Rodney asked.
"Fine," she stated, "Just need some fresh air." Immediately, Elizabeth turned and headed for her sacred balcony, leaving the files in a pile on the floor.
Elizabeth wasn't sure how long she'd been standing on the balcony staring at the moonlight sitting on the water. It still hadn't fully sunk in the fact that John had been kissing his ex wife in the infirmary. She hadn't cried. Weren't you supposed to cry in situations like this? Instead she felt numb inside. All she could do was stare at the ocean seeking comfort that eluded her.
The door behind her opened and—like always—she knew John was behind her. "Hey," he said, "Uh, Teyla wants to see you."
"I was going to see her later," she replied automatically.
"Good," he said then frowned, "Are you okay?"
"Fine."
"Okay then," he said as he turned to leave.
She fought with herself before it just slipped out, "Was it just me?" John turned back away from the door, "Was it all in my head? The flirting, the coffee, the cookies, carrying me off to the mess hall, was I crazy to think that you cared?" Elizabeth bit her lip, "And that kiss…I guess it didn't mean anything."
John realized that she knew he'd gotten back together with Regina and that she was finally admitting to him what he's always wondered, she had feelings for him. "It did mean something," he confessed, "And it wasn't all in your head. I…I do care, but…"
"But she was once your wife," Elizabeth finished, "and you loved her, I guess you still do."
"Elizabeth…" John began.
She shook her head, "I'll be fine, you should go see Regina, I'm sure she's looking for you."
He wanted to say no. He wanted to stay and comfort her, say something to make this well, but what would make this better? If he had known how she felt would he have made the same decision? Don't think about it, John, he thought, it's too late now. So he did what she wanted and left.
When the door sealed closed, the cover over her emotions fell away and the tears that had refused to come spilled over in buckets. Elizabeth clutched the rail as she cried, then that couldn't hold her up anymore and she sank to the ground overwhelmed by sobs. Her heart had split down the middle and she felt like she'd lost everything. She'd lost John…forever.
TBC
A/N: Tinuviel is having a fit, she hated how we had to end this one but hey drama, drama, drama. I really loved the scene I had between John and Teyla, a sweet friendship scene is all because hello they are friends. Under no circumstances are Teyla and Ronon even close to getting together right now, they still have alot of pain and anger they have to deal but of course they care about each other and now have a baby together. BTW for all of you fans who thought I would kill off the baby just a warning for the future, if the baby is born it's going to live I could never kill a baby, I mean it's a baby. Next chapter Ronon finally gets the chance to yell at Teyla and Elizabeth seeks comfort in a bottle of Tequila. LOL stick around and what do you think???