I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep.

~Kelly Clarkson, Because of You

"She has secrets too, Solo," Reeikan had told him once.

He gathered her into his arms, pulling the tangled sheets away from her legs and soothing her in the best way he could. He felt responsible; he had said some pretty nasty things to her today. She twisted in his arms and screamed again.

"Shh," he soothed. "It's okay now Leia, I'm right here. Nothing is going to hurt you."

She whimpered, "please don't" and his heart broke. What could she possibly be dreaming about? He pulled her closer and rocked her gently, hoping it would help to calm her. "Don't hurt me," she whimpered, and then she screamed again.

"I'm sorry Leia, I'm so sorry," he said, brushing the hair that clung to her face away. Chewie appeared in the cabin and Han quietly asked him for a cool, wet towel. She screamed again, a softer scream. "Not again, please not again."

"Leia," he called. "Leia, it's okay. Shhh, no one is going to hurt you." Chewie returned with the towel and he gently mopped her forehead. "No one is going to hurt you Leia. I won't let them." She turned against his chest and screamed again. This scream was different. It was the most agonizingly painful sound he had ever heard in his life. It wrenched his heart. He had to wake her up. "I won't let them hurt you Leia."

"Please don't let them, no, please no," she said.

He shook her, "Leia, wake up. Leia, get up. Wake up." She resisted, screaming, telling him over and over again to keep them away, to not hurt her again. "Leia, wake up!"

"No, no, no," she said, escalating to screams, shaking her head until her eyes flashed open. "Don't hurt me," she said with nightmare filled eyes looking right at him.

"Leia, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you. You're awake now, it's okay," he cradled her and soothed her until she calmed down. "Leia?"

"Han, I'm so sorry. I can't believe," she stammered, working herself into more tears, trying to climb out of his embrace.

He pulled her back to him, "It's okay Leia, calm down." He took the towel to her head again. She snuggled closer to him, but he realized it was only so he couldn't see her cry. "No one is going to hurt you."

"You don't know me," she whispered. "You don't know the half of it."

It was a slap in the face, but she didn't know. Had he not said the same very thing when Xaverri wanted to get to know him more? When she complained about not knowing him at all? But this was different, it wasn't a wall to keep people out, hers was a wall to keep everything in. "So tell me."

She looked up at him, "you don't want to know. I promise." She climbed away from him, and got back underneath the sheets. "I'm fine, I'm sorry I disturbed you, Han. But I'm fine, really."

He was about to say that he didn't think so, but he stopped himself. Instead, he picked her pillow off of the cold floor and handed it back to her. He stood up and walked to the bulkhead. "I'm sorry Leia." He slapped the controls and the door slid shut as she said "for what?"

He checked the computer while he was awake and slumped into his pilot chair, watching the stars streak past the dimmed glass. He hoped they would reach Bespin sooner than the three weeks his navicomputer was proposing. It was going to be a long ride if this happened every night, especially if she wouldn't tell him what was wrong. But he understood wanting to keep the past to yourself. It couldn't hurt you as often if no one else knew about it. He just wished she would share with him; maybe he would be able to share with her too. Or maybe…he was going to have to share first. But that couldn't happen yet. He wasn't ready yet. She wasn't ready yet, especially if she had her own horrors to deal with.

No, he decided, he wouldn't put his burden on her. But he would gladly take hers. He knew she had been through Imperial interrogations, but she never said what had happened. And he didn't even know if that was what her nightmare had been about.

As the days drug on, he became more and more convinced that her interrogation had been mostly off the record. The things that went on were often brutal at best, sick and twisted most often. Her nightmares were consistent, at least once a night. Sometimes they were worse than others. He couldn't take it when she screamed, that gut wrenching, agony filled, truly painful scream. That's how he knew what had happened to her. Her whimpers and whispers held other clues. They had tortured her unforgivably. And one night her whispers spilled out what else the officers had taken their liberty with. They had raped her. Numerous times. He didn't think they would have taken it that far. She was a high profile prisoner, even if she was a Rebel. He couldn't believe that even Tarkin would have allowed it.

His only consolation was to know that all those who had tortured her had most likely died when he helped Luke blow up the Death Star. He ached to discuss it with her, but he knew what a blow it would be to her to know that he had found out all the intimate details of her interrogation through sleep talking. He never mentioned her nightmares after they happened. He let her forget she'd had them. But he held the secrets closer to his heart than anything else.

He made a new vow, to never betray her secrets.

He remembered those nights when she asked him after the Battle at Endor what his childhood was like. He remembered them vividly. Her screams still echoed in his head. Her agonized face had replaced his mother's in his dreams. He remembered that she was the one person he wanted to share his secrets with. Even if she didn't want to share hers with him, consciously. He didn't know if he could take of the layers of mask that years and years of living with an alibi had provided him. He took a deep breath, and took the plunge into his own subconscious.