Chapter Ten

Doc stood by himself by the front door, sipping some tea from a white mug while he watched everyone else mingling. He had made the rounds, saying hello to his family but after awhile it got to be too much for him and he decided he needed his space. He could sense others looking at him but he tried not to pay any attention to them while he drank his tea and savored the taste. While he stood there, he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Rosie was behind him.

"Hey, you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Rose…Rosie…blast, can't get used to your nickname, it seems a bit childish for me to call you Rosie," he said.

"Yeah, well I'm not thrilled with it either but I'd rather be called Rosie than have people get confused."

"What's really bothering you though? You've been so quiet and sullen and John and I were wondering why," Rosie said.

He sighed and took a sip of tea before answering.

"I still feel like I don't belong, Rose. Even after five years of living here, I still feel like an outsider. You and John and Namid and the Doctor and Donna are the ones I feel closest to. I care about everyone else, it's just…"

"You still feel guilty for what you did."

His eyes lowered to the floor as he nodded. Rosie laid her hand against the side of his cheek.

"Love, everyone's forgiven you for that. Why can't you forgive yourself?" she asked him.

"Because I don't feel I deserve forgiveness."

"So that's it then. You're gonna spend the rest of your life playing poor pitiful me and making yourself into a martyr until no one can stand ya anymore and you're left on your tod again," Rosie said.

Doc sighed angrily and walked away from her.

"Doc, wait, please," Rosie said, trying to run after him.

She stopped short and shook her head when he walked outside and slammed the door behind him. He walked over to a tree near the pavement, slid down against it and sipped his tea. A few minutes later, the door opened. Doc glanced over and sighed angrily when John came outside, shut the door behind him and headed towards him.

"You know, it's a wonder anyone gets a moment's peace around here," he said as John sat down.

"Rosie's upset."

"I s'pose I made her cry then. Is that what you're getting at? I'm a right bastard and made her cry?" Doc said angrily. "Well, I'm sorry if your plan to assimilate me into your clan hasn't succeeded."

"Brother, we love you," John said. "No one here hates you. No one here still thinks you're the Valeyard. You're the one that's isolating yourself from everyone except for Namid and I doubt very seriously if Namid, brilliant as she is, can fill the gaping hole in your hearts. You keep telling everyone you're trying to fit in so quit trying and just do it. It's been five years, Doc. I realize you were the Valeyard for centuries but don't you think if you just let go and let us all in, you'd finally feel at ease around us? Imiko cured you, you're not gonna turn back and hurt us again, alright, so quit worrying about it."

He put his hand on Doc's shoulder as he stared at the ground.

"Please, I finally got to have a relationship with you after all these years. Please, let us into your hearts, Brother. Let me in."

Doc raised his head and saw the pain in John's eyes. Guilt tugged at his hearts again as he embraced him.

"It's not you, John. I don't mind being around you or Rosie or Namid and I'm close to the Doctor and Rain and Sokanon and Chaska since I lived with them for awhile and Donna…well, Donna and I get along like a house on fire but it's gonna take time to get used to everybody. I traveled with only one or two or three companions at a time. I'm used to small numbers, John. Not to mention I have to get used to being domestic like you lot are."

"I understand, Doc, but just don't give up on us and run away to the stars. Because no one is holding anything against you, believe me."

Doc nodded and smiled as he embraced his brother again. They broke apart when the front door opened and the Doctor stuck his head out.

"Oh, there you are," he said as he and Clara came outside. "My mum wants to speak to you."

"Who?" Doc asked, gesturing to him and John.

"Both of you, if you don't mind. May I sit with you?"

Both men nodded and the Doctor smiled before going back inside. Clara smiled at both men while she sat beside Doc.

"I've been making the rounds, meeting everyone and I wanted to talk to each of my son's counterparts and clones personally," she said. "You see, I've offered each of them the chance to become my son and now I extend the same thing to the both of you. So would you like to be my son since you both are technically my son?"

Both men were flabbergasted.

"Seriously?" John said.

Clara nodded and John smiled.

"I'd love it!" he said.

Clara reached over and gave him a quick hug.

"You're…who?"

"John, I'm John. This is Doc."

"And you're the original of the two?"

Doc nodded.

"How about you? Would you like to be my son?"

"Thanks for the offer but I'd rather not," Doc said.

Clara noticed John rolling his eyes at that while he let out an exasperated sigh.

"Do you mind if I ask why, Doc?"

John shook his head when Doc remained silent.

"Because a long time ago he let his rage and darkness and despair get the best of him and he turned evil and renamed himself the Valeyard. He was evil until five years ago when Namid convinced him to become good again and Imiko cured him of the last of the darkness within him. But, he feels guilty because he's done so much harm while he was the Valeyard and he doesn't think he deserves any sort of family. That's why he's declining to be your son."

"Is that true?" Clara asked Doc.

Doc swallowed hard and nodded while he continued to stare at the ground.

"I've never felt at ease since I got here," he said softly while he kept his eyes to the ground. "I never should have turned into him. I should have been strong enough to resist the darkness inside me. I hurt a lot of people and because of that, I don't deserve happiness."

"Can I ask you something? Were you abused as a child?"

"Relentlessly," Doc replied.

Abusive father?" Clara asked.

"Yes, abusive and demanding. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him."

"Then you're like my son. Merzet was the same way. His father bullied him and made him feel inadequate and unloved."

"Nice to know I have something in common with the Doctor then."

"You said you became this…Valeyard?"

"Your son did as well, although not by choice. The Valeyard that existed here kidnapped him and put a mind control disc in the front of his mind. But I didn't need any chip, I just gave in and turned evil. And to top it all off, I kidnapped John shortly afterwards along with Rose and my Jack and Donna and held them hostage while I made John my slave."

"That's how we first met your son," John said. "He has a void crossing device and him and Tara came to our universe on a whim. Tara freed me from the mind control chip Doc put on the back of my neck and after he defeated Doc, he put him in Volag Nok where he stayed until ten years ago when he escaped and came after us again."

"How long were you in Volag Nok?" Clara asked Doc.

"A little over two hundred years."

"Oh, my dear boy," Clara said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "No wonder you continued this pattern of rage up until ten years ago."

"Yes, I was enraged at the Doctor and swore revenge on him and John for what they did to me. But the original Valeyard was pure evil through and through. I'm not that way and I could feel my old persona urging me to turn away from the evil and become my old self again. With the help of Namid, I finally succeeded."

"Is that why you adopted her as your daughter?"

Doc smiled.

"Yeah, I grew to love her just like John fell in love with Tara and adopted her. Your son refers to us as the homewreckers and his second and third wives since he has to share them with us."

Clara chuckled along with them and inched closer to Doc.

"I don't claim to know what It's been like for you these past few centuries. It's horrible that you became this Valeyard but at the same time understandable if you've had the same sort of life my son has had. I don't condone you being evil but sometimes life gets to be too much and it finally wears someone down until they give up and surrender to the hate and bitterness and darkness inside them. Believe me, I lived with an abusive husband and I know what it's like to be tempted into giving up, but if I'd done that, Merzet would have been all alone. I was the only one who cared if he lived or died."

Doc and John grinned at that.

"My mum as well," Doc said.

"Is she dead now?" Clara asked gently.

John and Doc shared a glance.

"Maybe. I'm not for sure though," Doc said. "Koschei never kidnapped her though, I know that much."

"You ever think about going back to find her?" Clara asked.

"I've toyed with the idea but I need to sort myself out first."

"Well then, why not let this lot help you with that?" Clara said, pointing back to the house. "And I'll help you as well, if you'll let me."

Doc considered her offer while John sat quietly. Clara leaned up and caught his eye.

"I like Tara, by the way. She's sweet."

John grinned.

"Oh yeah, she's stellar. Rosie and I are both very proud of her and our other sons and daughter."

"And Namid's wonderful too."

She grinned when Doc's face brightened and he nodded.

"Yes, I call her, Ya'nala."

Clara grinned.

"Your miracle?"

"Yeah, because she brought me back to myself and saved me. I love her dearly."

"You know, whenever I mentioned her name it was the only time you got a sparkle in your eyes," Clara said.

"She makes me happy. She's so sweet and innocent. When I met her, she was blind though."

"Blind?" Clara said, alarmed.

"Yeah, she was blind from birth until the age of ten when Imiko finally cured her," John said.

"I met her when she was five years old and for five years the only way she could see me is if I showed her an image in her mind. I was so thrilled when she finally saw me with her own eyes. She's made both me and the Doctor…"

"Could you call him Merzet? I'm sorry, but I really don't like Doctor…it's not a name to me."

John and Doc chuckled.

"Yeah, it's not a proper name, I admit," Doc said. "but as I was saying, she's made both me and Merzet proud. She's a bright spark."

"So is Tara. All the children have grown up to be loving, healthy, brilliant people."

"Good, I'm glad. I'm glad the cycle of abuse finally has stopped. But…I notice that you're still abusing yourself with your self-loathing, my dear. So will you take me up on my offer and let me call you son so I and everyone else here can help you?"

Doc hesitated a moment and then nodded.

"Thank God," John breathed when Clara gave him a hug.

"Now, about Doc…" she said as John giggled. "You need a proper name as well, dear hearts. I don't like Doctor, remember."

Doc glanced at his brother who began to snicker.

"What?" Doc said, eyeing him.

"Frobisher. Call yourself Frobisher. It worked for the whifferdill."

"Who?" Clara asked as John laughed louder.

"Frobisher was a whifferdill I traveled with in my sixth life. He was a shape shifter and most of the time he chose to look like a penguin."

"What's a penguin?" Clara said, frowning.

Doc projected an image of one into her mind.

"Weird and I thought the fox was strange," she said.

"And no, I'm not calling myself Frobisher," Doc said to John.

"Just a suggestion, Mate," John said, trying not to laugh. "Could call yourself Beep the Meep then."

"No, that's even worse," Doc said while John sniggered.

"Who?" Clara said.

"Little pesky enemy I had in my fourth life," Doc said to her.

He eyed John when he got another fit of the giggles.

"Whatever you're thinking of, I'm sure it's an inappropriate name," he said.

"Yeah, you're probably right, Jesus."

He laughed when Doc smacked him on top of the head.

"Buddha then? Mohammed?"

"Try again," Doc replied.

He leaned back against the tree and closed his eyes while he thought up a new name for himself.

"Allons-y? How 'bout that for a name?" John teased. "Molto Bene? Davros Junior? Cyberman Stan?"

Doc opened one eye and looked at Clara.

"This bloke used to be a serious man until the other two clones got a hold of him," he said to her before he shut his eye again.

"I got it! Ronnie Rani the Randy Roo!"

Doc rolled his eyes and shook his head while John sniggered.

"You sure you want this one as your son?" Doc said to Clara while she chuckled.

John thought for a moment and then a grin spread over his face. He leaned over and whispered into Clara's ear.

"Ought-oh, this can't be good," Doc said.

"I like it, thank you," Clara said to him as John leaned back up.

"What is it, Soupy Cecil the Seal or something like that?"

"No, Amato."

Doc frowned.

"What's that, Japanese?"

"According to him, it's…Italian…"

She glanced at John to make sure that was right and he nodded before she continued.

"It's Italian for Beloved. John said that you were fond of using Italian words."

Doc smiled at that.

"I like that. Molto bene. Okay, Amato it is then."

"Can I call you To-mato then?" John said eagerly.

Clara laughed when he playfully slapped his head before she gave Amato a kiss on the cheek.

"Now, be a good boy and don't be so hard on yourself from now on, yeah?"

"Yeah," Amato replied.

John smiled when they embraced one another. Clara patted him on the knee.

"Now, I think we should go inside and go mingle with the others, okay?"

They both nodded and she gave them both hugs before both of them stood up with her and went back inside.

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Across the street, Draco and his friends watched closely. They wore personal cloaking devices on their belts and were hidden from view. They watched Clara go back in with John and Amato before Draco turned his head and looked at the others.

"Almost ready to go. Give them a couple more hours together and then we'll strike!"