Hey guys! Told ya I'd have this up today, although it probably isn't what you were expecting...
Chapter 9: We've got some complaints...
Mario: Hello, everyone! It's-a me, Mario! *Video game fans everywhere go wild* Thank-a you, thanks a bunch! Now, we, we being the cast, have-a some complaints and questions. And the only one who-a can answer them is-a our pris-guest Kirby's Squire! (I'm in a chair next to Mario bound hand and foot by irons)
Me: What the hell, man?! I thought you were cool! And what's this about?
Mario: I just-a told you! Now each of the Smashers is-a going to ask you one-a question, starting with me!
Me:...fine.
Mario: Great! Now, what does S.M.A.S.H. stand for?
Me: Special Military Academy for Stars and Heros. Next?
Luigi: Who's-a the ghost in the bathroom?
Mario: There's no...
Me: It's Toon Link.
Toon Link: WHAT?!
Luigi: I should-a have known!
Peach: Why do I have to live with a crazy bird girl?
Me: Because it would be ridiculous if I made you live with a psycho frog man.
Peach: Oh, that makes sense!
Bowser: Why did you give Toon Link a broken leg?
Me: Because I thought I could make some perverted joke in the end, but then I was stumped, and the words were already written, and-
Mario: Next!
DK: When did you first play my franchise?
Me: 2004...ish. Haven't gone back since.
Diddy: Burn!
Gannon: Your franchise too, dumbf*ck!
Diddy: Whatever. My question: What is brown in the summer-
Me: I taught you this one! GTFO!
Yoshi: Where do you first think of when you think 'Yoshi'?
Me: In the pit Mario needed an extra jump to get over.
Zelda: Well that's just rude.
Me: Whatever. You just wait and see what happens to you on the weekend.
Wario: When are you gonna give me a money-making scheme in the story?
Me: Sometime soon, Wario.
Pikachu: Pika, pikapi!
Me: No, Pichu is not coming back!
Pikachu: Pi!
Me: Hey, HEY! This fanfic is rated T, mister!
Red: Why can't I get Pit to like me? *Breaks down sobbing*
Me: Because you haven't tried yet!
Red: *Stops crying instantly* Oh yeah...
Lucario: Why did you bring Bisharp here?
Me: Gallade basically begged me via text messages.
Lucario and Bisharp: GALLADE!
Gallade: B-but Smash Bros is fun! *The three get into an epic fight that tumbles off the stage and out the door*
Jigglypuff: Jiggly?
Me: I don't like Link that much. *Whole world gasps in horror*
Link: WHY?!
Me: I just don't like elves.
Link: I'M NOT A F*CKING ELF!
Me: Go wine to your mommy.
Zelda: Why do you pick on poor Lucario?
Me: I don't. Like I said, Gallade wanted Bisharp to be here.
Gannon: Can I go join those evil guys?
Me: Nope, they actually don't want you.
Gannon: WHY NOT?
Me: Sorry, you used your question.
Toon Link: Can I have a doctor set my leg?
Me: Hmmmmmm...no.
Toon Link: F*CK!
Kirby: Poyo yo?
Me: Yes boss...
Mario: Can you at least-a tell us what he asked?
Me: He asked 'Can you take out the garbage tonight?'.
MK: As tier 1, I want two questions!
Me: Okay. What colour is your underwear?
MK: Pink-I mean I want to ask two questions!
Me: Fine...pink...hehe...
MK: Why is Bio Spark here?
Me: I once looked him up and it said 'he bears a close resemblance to Meta Knight'. That was when I realized he's your cousin! So, I invited him, he said fine, blah blah blah next question!
MK: Still my turn! What the hell did you do with my Halberd?!
Me: I gave it to Galacta Knight.
MK: WHAT?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SHIP IS CAPABLE OF?!
Me: Getting me outta here, so now I kinda regret it...
MK: YOU IDIOT!
D3: My turn! Why did you bring Knuckle Joe here?
Me: Geez, why does everyone hate the newbies? I actually brought him to point out weight issues.
D3: Why?
Me: Try to end world hunger in my own special way!
Samus: Of all the things to annoy me, why Sylux?
Me: Because Captain Falcon said his doctor told him not to provoke you anymore.
Samus: THANK THE STARS!
Me: He doesn't follow doctor orders, y'know...
Samus: Ugh!
Fox: I'm not sure where we are...can you enlighten me?
Me: You tied me in iron chains and brought me here in a burlap sack. Ask Mario. But later.
Falco: What did you do to my Arwing?
Me: Toon Link crashed it.
Toon Link: OH COME ON!
Wolf: Why does everyone say I have fleas?
Me: No. NO. I'm not answering this again!
Captain Falcon: *Puts arm around Samus* What do you think we should name our child? *Samus stands up and kicks him in the crotch, CF falls down crying silently*
Me: How about 'Angel', cause he/she just died before he/she could break church rules!
Olimar: Why am I short?
Me: How the hell am I supposed to know?!
Ness: Are you a virgin?
Mario: WHAT KIND OF-A SICKO TAUGHT YOU WHAT-A VIRGIN MEANS?! You don't have-a to answer that.
Me: Good. And it was Toon Link.
Mario: Toon Link, GTFO!
Toon Link: Broken leg!? Hello, broken leg!?
Lucas: Why are R.O.B. and Roy acting wierd around each other lately?
Me: On Tuesday morning, R.O.B. saw Roy making out with a blow-up doll of Marth. *Whole world stops spinning* Great, see what happened, Mario? I broke the world!
Roy: I-I-I D-D-Did no such thing!
Me: Dude, R.O.B. showed me a recording.
Roy: R.O.B.! *Lunges at the robot*
R.O.B.: WhydidyouaddfourSoniccharacters ?AHHHHH! *Runs off stage and out the door*
Me: If he comes back alive, someone tell him it was only going to be Tails at first, but then I couldn't think of a fifth Zelda character, hence opening for Knuckles, then I needed someone as fast as Sonic, hence Blaze-
Sonic: She cheats using pyrokinesis!
Me: -and then I added Amy for the heck of it.
Pit: How do you describe being me in Smash Bros?
Me: The pits.
Popo: Why am I suddenly good at gambling?
Me: Author powers.
Nana: Why is my brother an idiot?
Me: When he came out the doctor dropped him.
Nana: On the floor?
Me: In a HazMat bin.
Popo: Oh you guys are so not being serious. Haha, hahahaha, ha...ha?
Me: Sorry, dude.
Popo:...sniff...
Mr. Game & Watch: Beep beep? (What was your first video game?) *Eyes of everyone fixed on me, glinting with hope*
Me: Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland. *Hope in eyes dies* Pokémon Gold after that.
Sonic: Why am I so f*cking awesome?
Me: Because you're Sonic the f*cking Hedgehog, that's why!
Sonic: You know it!
Me: Yeah!
Snake: Why do I not have someone else to represent my franchise?
Me: Spoiler alert! *Only Luigi covers his ears* He shows up in a couple af chapters.
Waluigi: Expecting a question?
Me and Waluigi: To bad! Waluigi time! Hahaha!
Daisy: What's my Final Smash?
Me: I'm still thinking on it.
Bowser Jr.: Is my dad even possible to kill?
Me: Nintendo has forbidden me to answer that.
Knuckle Joe: Well, since the Pokémon newbies aren't back yet...where do I find sushi?
Me: At the market. *Joe doesn't get it*
Bio Spark: When did you first think 'I'm going to write a fanfic'?
Me: My 16th birthday, but I didn't get around to it for like, 360 days... *Pokémon all walk back in* Felling better?
Gallade: Actually, I think I'm gonna puke up blood in a sec...Can I go to the Pokémon Centre?
Me: Sure, buddy.
Toon Link: I hate you!
Me: MK, be a knight and lead him there.
MK: Fine...let's go Gallade. *Walks out the door with Gallade limping behind him*
Bisharp: Can I go back to Route 11 yet?
Me: No!
Bisharp: Damn...
Noxus: Why am I even here? I'm not that big a character.
Me: I needed two Metroid Newbies, but Sylux was the only one I really wanted, so, I put all the possible characters names in a hat, and drew yours.
Noxus: Wow, I feel special now...
Me: Hey, there weren't that many good guys in that hat. I'm glad to have a noble and just Vhozon here!
Sylux: What do you think is in this suite of mine?
Me: Well, first of all, it's not yours. It should be Samus's. It's a Federation prototype, but the only one in the Federation who could really use the Lock-Jaw, and therefore the suite, is Samus. You obviously STOLE IT.
Sylux: Wow, great deductive skills.
Popo: You forgot to say Sherlock.
Sylux: Not being sarcastic.
Me: Hey, give him some credit for knowing what sarcasm is. After all, HAZMAT BIN.
Popo: You suck!
Me: Second of all, I really couldn't say. I mean, your head FLOATS.
Sylux: Why yes it does. *His head starts spinning around and then stares at Lucas* Boo.
Lucas: AHHHHH! *Collapses into feeble position*
Me: Nice. Wait...where are Marth and Ike?
Link: Marth went into shock when you answered Lucas's question, and Ike took him to the hospital.
Me: Well, how am I supposed to answer their questions?
Link: Ike wanted to know if he could invite his girlfriend over to 'play'.
Me: No, no, no!
Link: Marth said he wanted a palace.
Me: No.
Link: Okay, then if you'll please excuse me... *Turns around and starts drawing devil horns on a picture of me*
Amy: Why do you not like SonAmy?
Me: Who said that? You'll get him someday.
Amy: Yay! *Sonic faints*
Tails: What happened to the Tornado?
Me: Toon Link crashed that, too.
Toon Link: Anyone have a razor blade and an understanding of cutting wrists?
Knuckles: Can I dig to the bathroom real quick?
Me: Why not just walk?
Knuckles: You really don't know where we are?
Me: Fine. *Knuckles digs through the stage while I look around* Heeeey...this is Bunker 17! Why are we in an incomplete nuclear shelter?
Mario: Blaze set your old stage on fire. *I glare at Blaze*
Blaze: Uh...on a scale of 1 to 10, how much trouble am I in?
Me: 62
Blaze: Crap...
Krystal: Well, I guess I'm the only one left...so...um...oh! How did that music box put us to sleep?
Me: Darkrai. Well, if that's all- *Roy and R.O.B. crash through the ceiling, which is impressive, cause, you know, nuclear shelter* Oh my God! R.O.B.!
Roy: Can you sleep with one eye open?
Me: Uh...no?
Roy: Good...
Me: Mario, get me outta here! NOW!
Mario: We'll-a see you guys next time!
END. P.S. I OWN NOTHING!
Warning! Next chapter isn't funny!