"Now you're going to tell me what's going on," Shane pointed a finger at me. I cowered, looking back and forth from Shane to Sam.
"I-I was just talking to Merle," I choked. Merle and Sam both scoffed. Surprised, I looked at both of them, wondering what they could be thinking.
"Talking," Sam growled. "That's why you were on your knees then, huh?" I flinched.
"She wasn't doin' nothin' she wasn't supposed to," Merle defended me, which only made me feel a little better.
"Is that so?" Shane looked from Merle to me doubtfully.
"Hey, she ain't the one-"
"Merle!" I shouted and he stopped talking immediately. He stormed up to me, getting right in my face.
"What's wrong with you, huh? You want him to get away with this? You want me to kill him so he'll stop fuckin' you, but you don't want anyone else to know what he's doin'? You just want ol' Merle to put himself on the line for your stupid ass?" Tears sprung to my eyes.
"You said you would help me! You were the only one who could see it. No one else is going to believe me. They think I'm crazy!" Today was turning out to be a very strange day, even given everything that's happened. I wasn't typically one to raise my voice or threaten people, like I had with Glenn. Unfortunately, there was no way to silently slip out of this situation. At least, not anymore.
"This is worse than I thought," Sam's voice calmly broke through the arguing. Merle and I both turned to look at him, eyes wide. Sam watched me sadly, shoulders slumped.
"I'm sorry she's brought you into this, Merle. She really is sick and she doesn't even realize it," I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Lydia, come over here," Shane waved me over, but I didn't move. My shoulders fell and so did my spirit. He believed him. How could he believe him?
"I'm going on the run," I said, standing my ground. "Glenn said I could go. I just want to be useful," I was certain an argument was about to start, but changing the subject still seemed like my best bet.
"No, you're staying right here," Shane insisted, speaking to me as if I were a child.
"I'm going. I'm not crazy," My fists clenched tightly and a part of me wished lashing out would be of some use. If I really were crazy I'd probably have the upper hand.
"If she insists on going I'll go with her," Sam said, arms crossed.
"No, it's too dangerous. We can't let just anyone go," Shane was right, of course. Even if everyone didn't think I was insane it would still be a stupid idea for me to go. I'm not all that graceful or resourceful. I'd probably get myself killed, but the possibility of dying seemed better than staying here for another night.
For twenty minutes Shane and Sam argued. I would have stayed right next to Merle if I could, but Sam dragged me to his side. As much as it pained me, we had to work together to convince Shane to let me go. There was, of course, one stipulation. Sam was coming too in order to keep me under control.
Sam and I rode in the back of a car with Glenn and T-dog. T-dog and Sam spoke to each other as if nothing was going on. Glenn kept glancing at me in the rear view mirror. I knew he was probably questioning what I'd told him. He didn't even seem convinced when I got him to agree to let me go. Regardless, he was the only person aside from Merle who might help me.
Seeing the city again was shocking. I knew they bombed the place, but seeing it in ruins was traumatic. We passed storefronts and restaurants I used to pass every single day. They were all unrecognizable. Fires were still smoldering in the allys and walkers roamed the streets. We hit several of them on our way to the department store. I'd never seen even close to that much blood in person. Luckily, it didn't make me want to puke as badly as I'd feared it would.