I just had to do it, I love Cas too much to not have in it this all the time.

I sit in my car at the pump thinking about what I just did. What the fuck is wrong with me? Cas? I really had to say it was Cas? Couldn't I have just rammed my head into the oven behind the counter? Or better yet, say that the kid barely out of diapers was my one true love? Yeah, I'm amazing.

I jump at a knock on my window, "Honey, I haven't seen anyone this angst ridden since the Winchesters had a falling out." I open the door to see a short black woman standing there with her hands on her hips and a smirk on her face, "Well I guess it's just a Winchester trait. Deana as I live and breathe, you sure did grow up."

"Can I help you?" I don't want to be rude but I have no idea who she thinks she is but I have to be going home before dad wakes up and thinks I just left. Like I did all those years ago.

She looks up at me and for a second it feels as if she's actually looking down at me, "Dean Winchester are you telling me you don't remember me? When I practically raised you?"

"Missouri?"

"Damn straight."

"You look different."

"I look old Dean." She does, but it's understandable, she's how old? Sixty? Seventy? I have no idea, she's always been old and mysterious. "Now I'm not ancient Dean, and no I'm not telling you my age. Ladies don't do that."

I want to ask why but I bite my tongue, "Listen Missouri, it was nice to see you but-"

"You have to get home to your dad, yeah I figured. But before you leave town you stop by and see me. You hear?"

I get back in my car and start the engine, but before I close the door I lean out and call to her, "It was nice seeing you again, and I'll stop by. I promise."

When I get back to my old home dad still isn't awake. I don't blame him, it's barely after seven and even on a good day he would never be awake this early. There's nothing to do besides watch some TV or clean this rats nest and I don't even clean my home. I find something stupid to watch on the Syfy network and send a text to Cas telling him that when eve he gets the time to call me.

My phone rings ten minutes later and I can here Cas yawning into the receiver, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, and when I said had the time, I meant when you were more awake."

"I can go if you want me to."

Damn it this guy needed to stop being so nice, it's making me itch. "No that's fine. I actually have something to tell you. It's funny when you think about it. You're going to laugh."

"What is it?"

Even though we're not in the same room I look down at the floor and stare at the old fast food wrappers, "Well I woke up early this morning and went to the gas station for food. You should have see the selection, nothing like the one next to your apartment."

"Dean you're stalling."

"Anyways I ran into Michael, and he started being a douche bag, so I told him I have a boyfriend whose name is Castiel. And I might have told him that you were stopping by later this week."

"Dean-"

"No listen, it's not like we're going to run into each other again and even if we do it's not like he's going to ask about you. I just started talking without thinking what I was saying. I tend to do that a lot. I even think I'm doing that right not, but yeah it happens. Wow I'm talking a lot I should stop now." I clamp a hand over my mouth and squeeze my eyes shut. Why did I have to be such a screw up?

"I can come down if you want me too."

'No." I don't even hesitate, "I can't ask you to do that."

"It's not like I'm needed at work, they can manage without me." And not for the billionth time I question just what it us Castiel does for a living, "And I'm due a vacation."

"This wouldn't be a vacation Cas. My dad is insane and the people here all think I am too. No I don't want to drag you into this. And besides, it's only five more days. I just wanted to tell you what an ass I made out of myself." And I wanted to hear your voice the first thing in the morning.

"I have nothing better to do up here."

"And if you came down here you'd see just how crazy my life is and you wouldn't ever want to talk to me again."

"Oh my God what an even better reason for me to drive down."

"I'll think about it." the idea is tempting, but who am I kidding? Cas would see just how messed up my dad is and he'll finally see why I'm so broken and he won't want to risk being poisoned by me. It's how it always goes.

"Or I could just ask Bobby for your address and surprise you. I honestly don't want to go into work this week. Gabriel is being a real dick and I need to show him that he can manage by himself. At least for a few days. Anyways you're in Kansas? I could be there by noon. Do you honestly want to sit with your dad all alone for the next few days?"

I don't, but I also don't want him to see all of this, "You're not going to get scared and leave in the middle of the night are you?" I say it jokingly but I know he can hear the shake in my voice. He doesn't bring it up.

"Never."

"Good."

Dad wakes up around ten. Which gives me two hours to try and break it to him that I'm having one of my friends stay with us for the next few days, and when I say that it's a boy he starts asking all the normal questions. "So wait. You have a boyfriend?"

"We're not dating."

"Is this the same boy you were on the phone with last night?" I want to ask how he knows that, but it's obvious he must have come up to check on me and heard me talking. I wonder what all he heard. I blush and turnaround from the table and dig in the mini mart bag and hand him a few pigs in a blankets. "Will he- will he be sharing a room with you."

"If he does it's because the rest of the house is too dirty for a human to sleep in."

Dad wrinkles his nose at me but doesn't say anything, "I guess I should clean up a bit, but this house is too big for just one person to clean."

I almost say that mom did it all by herself, but I don't want to get into a fight so I keep my mouth shut about that, "I'll help you."

He looks surprised and gets up when I do. The pantry looks like it too hasn't been touched since I left, but thankfully most cleaning products don't go bad for a long time. I tell dad to tackle the living room, the room where he spent most of his time making a mess even a pig would think was gross. I in turn stay in the kitchen and start to work. If there had to be one thing I really hate about my apartment, it would be the kitchen.

I love big kitchens.

Cas doesn't show up right at noon, and I didn't expect him to, but when he doesn't show up by 12:30 and dad and I have cleaned almost every room in the house and most of the laundry is put up or piled on top of the dryer, and there's nothing left for me to do, I start to worry. What if he was just messing with me? He was probably just getting my hopes up. Michael use to do that.

It's one o'clock and even dad starts to look at the clock like it's the reason we're stuck sitting here like a couple of dumbasses.

"How about I run to the store and get us some beer and hamburgers?" it's almost like he's apologizing for the let down I'm experiencing.

I don't want him to be buying anymore beer, but I could do with a cold one. So I nod my head and he heads out the door without a word and I slump a little lower in my chair. At 15 after one I hear my dad come back and I decide to meet him outside. This way I can get my beer quicker.

But it's not dad's car sitting at the curb, it's the pimpmobile.

"Hey!" Cas swings his legs out of the car and I just stare. I can't believe that I actually thought he would play some cruel joke on me. Cas is too nice for that. "Sorry it took me longer than I expected, Gabriel would not let me leave without explaining things to him."

"Who's Gabriel?" out of all the things that's going on I have to ask who Gabriel is. I could give two fucks about Gabriel, because now I don't have to be alone with the man who can barely tolerate me.

He shrugs and I let it slide because I'm suddenly in a really good mood. Again I see the neighbors staring out of their windows, their ugly faces peeking out from perfect curtains and flower beds.