Hello all! Yep, I'm now into double figures with my story! This is the very first time I have ever got this far with a story!

Another chapter on reflecting musings but this time from Edward!

Patience readers - Bella will be waking up if not by the end of this chapter but very soon - will she remember anything? Will she be okay, will she just go on as though nothing has happened, will she forgive Edward for deserting her, will she want him back? You are going to need to read on and find out all the answers!

Well, as per usual I own nothing, S Meyer has it all although my characters are still held captive!

Thanks to Jennifer who is my Beta - MissJayJay - a lovely girl! I should also mention that this is a cross-over chapter and story between the books and the films so "nothing is as it seems!, or is it?"

So, please feel free to go ahead and read and enjoy also, if you read please please remembe to review! Oh, and thanks to all you great reviewers out there, it's all really kind of you, thanks!

Enjoy…………………review review review review review …..

CHAPTER 10

Bella lay in my arms sound asleep while I sang her lullaby. She looked so peaceful in slumber, so content. You would never really know that she was so ill unless you looked closely at the shadows dulling beneath her eyes.

I knew that if she was awake that there would be no hiding how ill she really was. Her eyes held no emotion whilst awake, they were virtually dead. I almost let out a brittle laugh at that thought, "Bella's eyes dead" somehow it seemed quite apt at that moment. Her eyes were almost like mine, what I would not give to have her forever, to be like me, to have her with me for eternity.

I stopped myself short at that point, where on earth did that come from, I thought to myself! I would never let such a thing happen to her, she was a human, made of flesh and blood, she had a heart which beat, and blood that flowed through her veins. No I would not take that away from her, never. As I said she was human and I would do everything in my power to ensure that she would remain that way.

To save myself the turmoil over the thought of such a tragedy occurring, I quickly moved my thoughts onto something else. I could have stayed there all night just staring at her beautiful face in slumber. I could never tire from just simply looking at her. She never did see herself clearly, as I did. She always did think herself as a simple, plain, and insignificant human alongside me which was ridiculous really. Yes, she was human but she certainly was not simple, plain or insignificant infact she was the complete opposite. She always said that she was "nothing but human" which was right but I was so grateful that she was alive.

My mind began to wander, vampires were always easily distracted and my thoughts moved to the time we first met…….

I had heard that there was going to be a new pupil starting at Forks High and I honestly was not interested at all. I had heard all the excited voices of the pupils. The guys all wondered if she was going to be a "looker" and the girls all wanted to know if they could be her "best friend". I remember thinking that some humans were really shallow and I will no doubt always think so, even after meeting some of them and getting to know them a bit more.

I recall that first day really clearly. I had walked in and Bella was sitting at a table with Jessica Stanley, a girl who I really did not like listening to in the slightest. A lot of drivel passed through that girls head. Not a nice girl at all. Alongside her was Angela who turned out to be a really good friend to Bella. She was quiet and reserved and mainly kept a lot of her thoughts to herself. Then there was Tyler, yes Tyler with the van but I really don't want to think too much of that incident. That was just too close for comfort that one. That was the first time that Bella nearly died. I shuddered at the thought.

I had never met anyone in my entire 109 years on this earth that was more accident prone or clumsy than Bella, and that took some doing! If an accident was going to happen then you could be assured that Bella was at the centre of it all!

Next was Mike, oh how much I wanted to strangle that guy at times. He really thought he had a chance with Bella. He really did not see that Bella was not interested in him in the slightest but I suppose a guy can always dream! What bothered me I the end was the lurid thoughts that passed through his murky little mind, oh what I wouldn't give…….

There were another couple of friends, one of them was Ben. A nice quiet guy who was always really interested in Angela but too shy to do anything about it. I smiled at the thought of that time. Emmett and I decided to play act in class one day, well it was my idea really, but Emmett went along with it. We pretended that I was interested in Angela as a possible girlfriend and talked about it quite openly in class and much louder than was needed. Ben was supposed to overhear what we were saying and act on it, which he did, and before long he had asked Angela out and started dating. They made a nice couple too and Bella was really pleased about it.

Then there was Lauren. I didn't really have anything much to do with her, all I knew was that she was evil to Bella and because of that they never really spent any time together. Bella always did have a good sense of someone's character and she was right when it came to Lauren.

Now Jessica Stanley, what a girl she was! Jessica thought she was better than anyone at all; she thought she was so much more beautiful, more popular and thought that she wore better clothes than all the rest of the girls. A very vain girl indeed. I did not like the way she treated Bella at times but they never really got to be close enough to do her any harm. My worries were unfounded on that level.

That first day I heard Jessica telling Bella who the Cullens were just as I passed by their table. She was telling her who Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were and how Carlisle and Esme had adopted us. I also heard her Jessica telling Bella that I was very fussy about whom I dated and that none of the girls in the school were good enough for me. I remember laughing at how ridiculous that really was, and if only she knew the truth!

Our first class together was Biology and that was when I found out the effect that Bella had one me. She had stood at Mr Banner's desk and just as our eyes met a blast of air blew her scent over me and I gasped involuntary. I wanted to throw myself across the room and kill her then and there. I shudder at the thought of what I could have done so easily that day. I could have killed my love. What kind of monster would that have made me, would I have been able to stop, and how many of the kids in the class would I have killed. It really does not bear thinking off at all.

I stayed away for nearly a week after that. Bella seemed to get the idea that I did it because I hated her but she was so wrong. I went to the Denali Clan and just sat and thought for hours and hours and then Tanya came to speak to me. Tanya always wanted me for herself, she told me so and I had to let her down gently. I eventually returned and then Alice hit me with the "Edward you love Bella" story and I could not believe it, after all these years I go and fall in love with a human! I was stunned to say the least, Alice had to actually point out the obvious, and I did not even know my own feelings. I was so determined that it would not happen and I was counting on Alice's visions to be subjective. So I set out to change the outcome which was probably, on hindsight a stupid thing to do because there was nothing I could have changed it to!

I kept trying to avoid her, but then I kept bumping into her too! I was fighting a losing battle and in the end I decided to give in and try at least to be friends with her. She was having none of it, how stubborn she was then and still is.

I sat beside her that day in Biology when I got back and decided that I should introduce myself to her. What she did surprised me however because she accused me of leaving because of her. I could not believe it, she had hit the nail on the head but I was not about to tell her that. Instead I decided to ask her brought her to Forks. She had looked so shocked and surprised that I was willing to make "small talk" with her but she went on to answer my questions. I had a lot of questions and she answered them all without any quibble whatsoever.

I was really surprised that she mentioned the colour change in my eyes, I had not realised that she had noticed anything before. She asked me if I wore contacts because the last time she had seen my eyes they were black and now they were a golden amber colour. I said the most stupid thing possible "the lighting in the school did funny things to the colour of my eyes". No wonder she looked at me as though I was talking double Dutch! I was embarrassed and vampires don't get embarrassed so what did I do? I walked away - ooh big scary vampire I was! thank god Emmett was not around to watch my mumbled explanation of my changing eye colour; I would never hear the end of it!

In an effort to redeem myself I decided to speak to her at the biology field trip and blew it again. I asked her why she was not going to the Prom and what was she doing in Jacksonville that weekend. She just looked at me like I was crazy and wanted to know how I found out about that. I really could not come up with anything much at all. Once again I blew it. I thought then that I was absolutely useless at relationships, which would not be that surprising seeing that I never had one before even though I was 109 years old!

Then there was a time when she had gone to Biology class which just happened to be the day that they were doing "Blood Typing". Funnily enough I had already got permission that day to "skip" class. It was not a good idea for a vampire to take part in blood typing, for obvious reasons! I decided that I would sit in my car and listen to some CD's. I would have gone home but I wanted to sit and keep an eye on Bella, why I could not figure out, but I wanted to do it anyway. I had been sitting listening to Debussy which was one of my favourites when I had seen Bella being half carried out of the school and falling onto the sidewalk virtually unconscious. I must admit I reached her fast, but not fast enough, I was in a public place and could not use my usual vampire speed so had to "jog at human pace". When I reached her Mike was trying to lift her up. I looked at him that time with scorn and immediately took charge. I was very worried about her until I discovered that she had virtually fainted due to the fact that she has a phobia about blood! That one got me, I must have picked the one girl in the universe who fainted with the smell of blood, yeah, I fell in love with a girl who had a phobia about the one thing that kept me "alive"!

Jessica and Angela had been talking about going to Port Angeles to look at prom dresses and Bella arranged to go along with them, more just for the trip itself. I felt quite protective over her even then although I had only spoken to her a few times. I didn't like the idea that she was going to Port Angeles but I really didn't want her to know that so I followed her! God, what a stalker I was!

I had followed her through both Jessica and Angela's mind that night and when they went in to try on dresses I thought that I had better stop and give them some privacy. Only when I went back to check their minds Bella had faded out of the picture and I panicked, I could see in Angela's mind where she was heading so I followed but her scent only lingered around the bookstore and I could tell she never actually went in. By this time I was imagining all sorts of things and I was frustrated because the sun was still up so I had to trail the streets in my car and wander into random humans' minds to see if they had seen Bella. That's when I saw them, herding Bella in a back alley. They had vile, putrid minds and had been looking at Bella like a chew toy, they wanted to use her then toss her out like trash. I was beyond angry, I was livid and I thank my mind reading ability that I managed to get to her and make her safe before I lost all of my control.

I remember the rage I felt when I discovered what was happening and I could have murdered each and every one of them at that precise moment. I scared the living daylights out of them and that was simply by looking at them.

What really got to me was that the leader was a known rapist and I knew he had all intentions of making Bella his next victim; it still makes me shudder when I think about it. I got her into the car safely and proceeded to screech at her like an idiot about putting her seatbelt on and asking her to talk senseless drivel to me until I calmed down. I never really thought too much at the time but I don't ever recall asking her if she was okay but I think she was! That's my selfishness coming out again or should I say a vampire's selfishness? Once I was calm and she was safe we ended up at the restaurant that she was to meet the girls at. They had already gone there and had dinner. Some friends I thought! Well, that was when I took the chance to spend time with her and she went with it too, quite easily. I was more than delighted!

We talked for quite a while that night, asking and answering questions and getting to know one another and although I was already in love, hook, line and sinker, I fell all over again.

I remember too that it was the same night that she discovered that I was a mind reader but for some strange reason that I could not understand I could not read hers. She was relieved at that but then in typical Bella style she asked me "is there something wrong with me then?". I did laugh as I recall because only Bella could have thought that there was something wrong with her because I could not read her mind!

That was the same night that Waylon was killed. The authorities thought it was animal attack but my family and I new better.

We began to spend quite a bit of time together, talking and just getting to know one another even more. I was determined to learn every little thing about her and I think I succeeded in that. It was the next day that she really found out what and who I was and whilst I thought she would run in terror, I was utterly delighted that she did not.

To learn that your boyfriend is a 109 year old vampire is not an easy thing to accept never mind understand but Bella took it in her stride. What an amazing girl she is!

I showed her what I looked like in the sun with the intention of making her understand that I was a monster and dangerous and her response threw me! She thought I was beautiful and loved it, she did not care what I was, she only cared that she loved me. I could not believe she was so accepting, it made me wary but I did not walk away, I stayed with her against my better judgment. I tried to explain how her blood affected me and I wanted to drink it, to kill her and she responded by saying that she knew I would not hurt her, ever! She knew me more than I knew myself! I tried to explain it to her but all I could come up with was saying that "she was like my own personal brand of heroin".

We lay on the ground in what we called "our meadow" and we declared our love for one another. I always loved what we said to one another! I said "and the lion fell in love with the lamb" to which she replied "What a sick masochistic lamb". Not the most romantic of sentiments but it explained our relationship to a tee!

I really loved the first morning that I took her to school in my car! The stares were amazing, I loved seeing the look on Mike's face and I just sailed by them all because I had the prize that they all wanted. I was delirious.

The first time I took her to meet my family was good too although Rosalie did her best to put a damper on it all. I had introduced her to the entire Cullen clan who she seemed to like despite Rosalie. Jasper even greeted her accordingly but being an old southern gent he would do no matter how old you are you never forget your roots.

All Rosalie managed to think of was what kind of harm Bella could inflict on our family should anyone find out about us, but that was Rose, always thinking of herself. She could never be happy for anyone other than herself.

Then I decided to take her to play baseball with my family which was fine until Victoria, James and Laurent showed up. I again shudder to think of that time. I had put Bella in so much danger that I could not begin to forgive myself.

The second I realised that James was a tracker and he got a whiff of Bella's scent I realised just how much danger I had placed her in. I will never forgive myself for that, for the suffering she had gone through then but then I will never forget the abject fear I felt the second I realised that she had got away from Alice and Jasper and made her way to the Ballet Studio to meet James. He had managed to convince her that he held her mother hostage so Bella went to meet him in an effort to save her beloved mother.

Bella was never good at lying, she was too pure to lie and she was not good at figuring out if anyone else, especially our kind was lying or not. She was too trusting for her own good.

We had been on our way back to Forks and when I arrived at the airport and Alice told me that Bella had gone I was beside myself. I tracked her scent as far as the taxi rank and then it simply disappeared. Thank goodness that Alice and Jasper had spoken to her earlier about the ballet studio. It had appeared in one of Alice's visions so we decided that she was enroute to there.

I really did not think I would have made it in time and all the way I was trying to think of ways to end my own life if I did not get there in time. I was thinking of going to the Volturi which are "our kind of royalty", they "govern" over the vampires in our world and their job is to ensure that we maintain our secret and not divulge our existence to humans. I had already made up my mind that I could no longer live in a world without my Bella and if I got to the Ballet Studio and James had killed her then I would not be able to exist without her. I had not realised the intensity of my feelings for her until that very moment.

She ended up in the hospital with a broken leg. She almost died and it took me all of my strength and willpower to save her. James had wounded her and to add insult to injury he bit her. I could not believe it. I had no other option available to me than to suck the venom out of her body, something that was not an easy thing to do at all. The taste of her blood was delectable and it truly did not compare with her scent whatsoever. Who would ever have thought that I, an evil monster, a vampire, could fall in love with someone as true and pure as Bella, a human? It defies all logic really.

In the end Carlisle tended to Bella and I held her in my arms throughout the journey to the hospital. She had been given so much morphine by then that the pain must have been ebbing and all she wanted to do then was sleep so I urged her to do so, not that it took much at all.

We had to lie to Charlie; well we couldn't exactly tell the truth, "Oh by the way Charlie, an evil vampire attacked your daughter and put her in hospital, why? Oh that was because my family and I are vampires too and Bella is human and they want to really annoy us and kill her because we have befriended her so to speak" Yes, Charlie would believe that and accept it even easier, I don't think so!

She was in the hospital for weeks on end but I stayed with her, I would not leave her even if I wanted to I couldn't. When she got home I got Alice to help her get ready for a big important event but I didn't tell Bella what it was. She was furious when she found out it was Prom. I was sure she thought I was going to turn her into a vampire that night and that's why she had got all dressed up. I told her that her prom was an important right of passage and I was not going to let her miss out on it.

We had some good times together and most of our time was spent out in the woods. Bella would climb onto my back and I would run with her for miles. I loved the warm feel of her against me, it was good just to know she was there and with me, and she was safe. Her safety was always my utmost concern and I hated being away from her for even a second.

We spent every single night together, not literally but if Charlie ever found out that I spent every one of my waking nights in Bella's bedroom then I think he would have tried his very best to shoot me!

Each night when she went to her bed I would climb in her window and simply lie beside her. I would wrap her in her duvet then keep her close to me with my arms around her. I hated the idea that she would feel the coldness of my stone body so the duvet was necessary to keep her warm. She would fall asleep every night to the sound of me humming her lullaby to her and if for some reason I was not there she had nightmares. I hated those times because it always happened when I was not around, granted it was very rare, but when I returned to her side I simply held her and offered her reassurance. I hated seeing Bella in any kind of pain and did my very best to prevent that from happening.

I remember the first time I took her running, I have always found it very exhilarating however I forgot that she might not be used to such speed so I was really concerned when she told me that she could not climb down from my back. When she did manage to climb down she was quite dizzy and feeling sick, I felt awful so once I helped her overcome this I told her next time close your eyes! The look on her face when I said that was funny because all she said was "Will there be a next time?" and gulped! She was so funny my Bella.

Mostly we would hang out in our meadow, the most peaceful and magic place on earth. A place where we could just be ourselves, not hiding from anyone and a place where we could be safe.

One of the most precious memories I had was the memory of our first kiss! If I lived to be 1000 years old I would never ever forget that moment and I doubted Bella would either. It was painful for me because of the scent of her blood, but it was so chase but passionate at the same time. I had to control my strength around her as I did not want to hurt her. I could not lose control of my emotions either which frightened me but for some reason she always tried to push the boundaries. So, when we did kiss it was always I who ended the kiss, no matter who started it.

Bella was my life now and I needed to make sure that she was always going to be looked after. I needed to be there for her always and if it was the last thing I ever did then that is what I would do. I loved her so much, words can simply not describe the intensity of my feelings for her, and I am so very protective of her and will never allow anyone or anything to harm her.

She is the love of my life and I have waited nearly 100 years to meet her and I am not about to let her go now.

I look down at her sleeping form and see her lips form into a soft gentle smile; she must be having a nice dream. I would like to think she was dreaming of me, no wait, I would prefer that she was dreaming of "us" but as I could never read her mind then that is something I will never know unless she tells me. She is quite secretive with her mind and is also quite protective of her thoughts. She always says that she would get embarrassed if I could read her mind, which makes me want to probe it even more!

I continue to look at her lovely face and I lean down to kiss her forehead. As I do so, I hear a soft gasp and then an even softer mumble of "Edward, is that you, have you came back? Oh, Edward" and I realise that my love has awoken but there are tears running down her cheeks.

All I can think of is that she is awake, she recognises me and she has spoken, but why oh why is she crying? I gather her even tighter in my arms whilst she sobs heart wrenchingly into my chest.

Well, that was Chapter 10, hoped you liked it! Next one will be Chapter 11, mmmm a bit obvious that one eh? No seriously the next one will be about?/ Ha ha ha wait and see!

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