Chapter Ten

Early May 2019

"I had a good time tonight," says Veronica when they get home from Parsons' party late Friday night.

"Yeah, it was fun," agrees Logan, following her into the living room.

He watches as she pulls off her jacket and lays it on the arm of the sofa, before he steps up behind her and slides his arms around her waist.

"You seem in good spirits," he comments, dropping a kiss to the side of her neck.

She smiles. "Yeah, well, I've had a couple of glasses of wine."

"I recall," he says, smiling as he remembers how she and Firefly spent half the evening giggling uncontrollably—at what, he still has no idea—while Sarah, pregnant and unable to drink, just observed them with bemusement.

She turns in his embrace, bringing her arms up to the back of his neck as she gives him a lazy, affectionate smile. "Love you, Echolls. Not sure what I'd do without you."

"Me too."

There's a familiar tightening in his chest in response to the look in her eyes. With everything going on lately, it's been a while since she's looked at him like that, like she wants him. And while he'd like nothing more than to sweep her up in his arms and show her exactly how much he loves her, there's something he needs to say first.

"Hey, listen," he says, linking his fingers against her lower back. "I owe you an apology."

She frowns adorably, looking puzzled. "What for?"

"I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions about Nick," he admits. "He's a good guy."

The moment he realised he actually knows the guy Veronica's been hanging out with, and that he is indeed happily married—to one of Logan's fellow officers, in fact, the guilt was quick to set in.

"Yeah," she says pointedly, raising an eyebrow. "I know."

"I shouldn't have assumed the worst."

"No, you shouldn't," she agrees with a nod.

"It's not that I didn't believe or trust you," he adds. "I just hated the idea that someone else was there for you instead of me."

"No," she says then, causing him to frown in confusion. "You hated the idea that another guy was there for me."

He has no comeback for that; she's right. So, he just shrugs in surrender and says, "Guilty as charged."

"Look," she says, tightening her arms around his neck. "It's not like I went out there and said, 'I'm gonna go find some random guy to spill all my personal secrets to'. It was just easier to talk to him than the others. I love Mac and Wallace, but they know everything about me, they know what I've gone through in the past and how this is affecting me now; and I'd feel weird talking to Sarah about it because apparently all Chaos has to do is look at her a certain way and she gets pregnant.

"Yeah, I know," he agrees. She's got a point. "And I get it. So, I'm sorry."

She smiles. "Thank you."

"We good?" he asks, just to be sure.

"Uh, huh." She nods. "All good."

"Great."

"Awesome," she murmurs, her eyes dropping to his mouth, her attention seeming to shift now. "Now we've established that, can we get back to the topic at hand?"

Logan's eyebrows draw together. "Which was?"

"This."

She rises up, her lips meeting his in a soft kiss. Her mouth moves over his gently at first, but she soon parts her lips, deepening the kiss. His hands flatten on her lower back, holding her close as he returns it with equal fervour. When she pulls back, he opens his eyes to find her looking up at him with hooded eyes and a soft, tender smile.

"Oh, that." He flashes a grin. "Yeah, I think that's a topic we need to cover right away."

"I agree." Still smiling, she steps out of his embrace and holds out her hand in invitation. "Come to bed?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

He nods, sliding his hand in hers and squeezing lightly as he lets her lead him up the stairs. When they get to the bedroom, Veronica closes the door and moves to stand in front of him, her hands coming to rest on his waist as she looks up at him, her gaze tender.

"I'm tired of feeling like crap, Logan," she says quietly. "Will you help me forget for a while?"

Logan smiles as he lifts a finger to brush the hair from her face. "What did you have in mind?"

Her tone is soft, almost pleading as she says, "Make love to me?"

"Of course," is his equally soft reply.

He cups the back of her neck and lowers his head towards hers, capturing her lips in a tender kiss, trying to convey all of his love and support through the embrace. Her fingers dig into his waist, low moan sounding in her throat and he slips his free arm around her, holding her close as his tongue slips between her lips.

They kiss for several long moments, just enjoying the intimacy, but then he pulls back, hiding a smile when Veronica whimpers at the loss of contact. He bends, picking her up in his arms, bridal-style, and carrying her to the bed, gently laying her down on the mattress.

Tugging off his shirt and jeans, but leaving his boxers on for now, he climbs onto the bed. He takes his time undressing her, his mouth travelling down over her bare skin as he goes, tongue flicking out to taste her as he shows her just how special she is to him. His fingers slide across her stomach, resting there for a long moment. He looks up at her, pressing a soft kiss just below her belly button as he tries to convey that he loves every part of her, no matter what. Her fingers tangle in his hair as she smiles down at him with nothing but love in her eyes.

"I love you," he murmurs softly. "Always."

A myriad of emotions swirl in Veronica's chest as she looks down at Logan, his hands gently cupping her stomach as he presses a tender kiss to her flesh. The gesture causes a lump to rise in her throat, as she realises what he's trying to say.

He loves all of her, regardless.

"I love you, too." Her voice catches on the words.

Logan smiles, dropping another kiss to her stomach before moving lower and dipping his fingers below the waistband of her pants. She lifts her hips in invitation and he eases both her pants and underwear down over her hips. He drops them to the floor, then settles between her legs, looking to her for permission. With a smile, she gives a nod, then sucks in a breath when he parts her lips with his fingers and lowers his mouth to her sensitive flesh.

As he works his magic, kissing and licking and stroking her intimately, Veronica lets go of all the stress and heartache and worry of the last few weeks and focuses purely on the pleasurable sensations Logan is arousing in her right now. She needs this, needs to feel loved and desired, needs to forget about everything else for a while.

"God… yeah, right there…" she murmurs breathily, tightening her fingers in his hair as his tongue hits that sweet spot… the one that never fails to send white hot pleasure shooting through her whole body. "That's…it…"

And then she's riding it out, intense waves of orgasm crashing over her, and it almost feels like it's washing her clean, dissolving all the negative thoughts and feelings. For the first time in the three weeks since all this started, she feels relaxed… happy, even.

"You okay?" whispers Logan when she comes down, looking up at her with a soft, tender expression.

"Uh huh…" is all she can manage, her breathing heavy and skin soaked with sweat. "Wow, that was… I really needed that."

"Glad I could be of service." He smiles.

His response tugs at something in her heart and she swallows, her voice catching slightly as she says, "Get up here."

Logan grins, rising onto all-fours, then sliding over her, his hips coming to rest between hers. His arousal presses against her intimately, hot and hard even through the soft material of his boxers, and Veronica can't help moving her hips against him, already aching for release again. Logan supports his weight on his forearms as he looks down at her, his eyes dark and filled with desire. She can't look away, caught in the intensity of his gaze. It's only when he lowers his head and his lips meet hers in a soft caress that her eyes slide closed and she loses herself in the kiss. As the kiss deepens, his fingers brush gently against the sides of her neck and the touch sends shivers down her spine.

He presses firmly against her centre, the brush of his hard length against her clit through his boxers causing her to gasp against his mouth. She needs him inside her, needs to feel loved and cherished and happy. Her hands travel down over his back, fingers tracing the muscles beneath the warm, smooth skin. She dips her fingers beneath the waistband, then slides her hands lower, squeezing the supple flesh as she tugs him even closer, rocking her hips more sharply so that his arousal presses against the very spot that never fails to make her see stars.

Veronica inhales sharply, tearing her mouth from his, aching to feel him inside her. Logan's mouth moves to her neck as she tugs at his boxers and he takes the hint, shifting so she can ease them down. When they're out of the way, Veronica slips a hand between their bodies, wrapping her fingers around his length and stroking slowly. He makes a soft sound against her skin, burying his face in her neck.

She positions him at her entrance and he lifts his head, looking down at her with affection as he asks, "You good?"

She can't keep the gentle smile from her face as she replies, "I'm good."

"Good." He smiles, kissing her softly.

Veronica can feel every inch of him as he slowly enters her and she bites her lip as her eyes slide closed. This feels like coming home, and it's been too long since she felt it. As Logan rocks gently, his movements slow and deliberate inside her, she begins to regret not being more intimate with him over the last few weeks. She's missed this… the feeling of completeness and contentment she's only ever experienced with him. And when he brings her to the edge of orgasm, then proceeds to make sure she tips over into ecstasy at the same time he does, the feeling of completeness is combined with feelings of overwhelming love and contentment.

Afterwards, they lie together in bed, sheets pulled haphazardly over their rapidly cooling bodies, just savouring the moment. Veronica snuggles close to Logan's side, wanting to prolong the feeling of closeness, the fingers of her right hand linked with his left and resting on his abdomen.

"This is nice," she murmurs softly.

"Yeah, it is." He agrees, the fingers of his other hand sliding along her arm.

"I'm sorry for being distant the last few weeks," she says. "I just…it's…"

She trails off, not quite sure how to articulate how she's been feeling lately.

"It's okay, you don't need to explain," he says gently. "I get it."

Veronica tilts her head up, opening her mouth to say more, but when she sees the understanding expression on his face, she closes it, relaxing against him again.

"Thank you," she murmurs. "For being understanding."

He nods, gently squeezing her fingers between his. "Come on, let's get some sleep."

Logan sits in the hospital waiting room on Wednesday morning, his leg bouncing nervously. Veronica is in surgery for her laparoscopy right now, so he's stuck out here, anxiously waiting and hating that he can't do anything to help.

A couple of seats along from him sits a young mother with a small, gurgling baby in her arms and a blonde-haired toddler, who is over in the small play corner, chatting away to herself as she plays with a toy tractor. Logan smiles as the little girl discards the tractor for a bright red fire truck and starts pushing it across the floor. The place is empty apart from the four of them, which means she has free rein of the waiting room. It doesn't take long for the girl, head down and fully concentrating on her fire truck, to run it right into Logan's leg.

"Emma, what did I tell you about looking where you're going?" the mother scolds, a stern expression on her face.

"Hey, it's okay," Logan says quickly. "No harm done."

The woman gives him a grateful smile. "Even so… say sorry to the nice man, Emma."

"Sorry, nice man," says the little girl, looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes.

"It's okay, but thank you," he replies courteously, before nodding to the truck. "That's a cool-looking fire truck."

Emma doesn't respond, her attention focused on the toy again as she starts pushing back across the floor. Logan can't seem to take his eyes off her as she goes.

"You have any of your own?" the woman enquires after a moment.

"Oh." Logan straightens at the stark reminder of why he's here. "No, not yet. We're trying. My wife is…" He nods in the direction of the corridor. "It's, uh, it's been a little more difficult than we thought."

"Isn't it always?" she responds.

"I guess so."

As he glances toward the small baby in the woman's arms, and then back to Emma playing on the floor, the overwhelming desire to have a child of his own rears its ugly head. The sheer longing for it makes his stomach clench and his chest tighten with emotion. He can't bear to think how he's going to feel if it doesn't happen. Of course, he meant what he said: he's in this marriage for the long-haul, even if they can't have kids, but he can't help but wonder if there will always be this niggling sense, just below the surface, that something's missing in his life. This has to work. It just has to. Because as long as it does, he won't have to think about the alternative.

"Lieutenant Echolls?"

Logan looks up in the direction of the voice, his thoughts abandoned for now as he sees the doctor who performed Veronica's surgery—a lean, middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair—walking along the corridor towards him.

"Yes?" He stands quickly and meets the man halfway.

"Veronica's out of surgery now," Dr. James says with an encouraging smile. "The procedure went well and we were able to open the blockages in the fallopian tubes."

"Thank God." Logan exhales heavily, relief flooding through him. "Can I see her?"

"She'll be in the Post Anaesthesia Care Unit for the next hour or two," the doctor informs him, "then depending on how she's recovering, we may need to keep her in overnight, but if not, she'll be discharged and you can take her home."

"That's great." He flashes a smile. "Thank you, Dr. James."

"All part of the job, sir." The doctor returns the smile. "I'm needed elsewhere right now, but someone will let you know when you can see her."

"Thank you," repeats Logan gratefully.

As he returns to the waiting room, running his hand through his hair and sinking down into his seat, he notices that the woman with the baby is watching him curiously. He shoots her a quizzical glance in return.

"Sorry," she says quickly. "I didn't mean to stare… it's just, I thought you looked familiar. You're Logan Echolls."

"I am." Logan plasters a smile on his face, not really in the mood to be entertaining his father's fans right now.

"I used to be a fan when I was younger," she admits, looking a little embarrassed.

Logan raises an eyebrow. "You know my father was a no-talent asshole, right?"

"Oh, no, not your father," she clarifies, looking surprised. "I was a fan of you."

"Of me?" He suppresses an incredulous snort. "Why?"

"I don't know." She shrugs. "You were in some of the articles and that Tinseltown Diaries episode… and you seemed kind of lost, you know, acting out and all that. I thought it was great that you got yourself straightened out and joined the Navy."

"Wow, uh… thanks." Logan blinks, not used to people giving him the benefit of the doubt over his past actions.

"And you know," she says, adjusting the baby in her arms as she leans a little closer to him. "We didn't believe the Bonnie DeVille accusations for a second. I'm glad that lawyer managed to clear your name."

"Yeah, me too," he agrees. "Though she's not actually a lawyer. She's a PI."

"Right." She nods. "I remember now… her name was… Veronica, right? Veronica Mars?"

Logan grins. "Veronica Echolls now."

The woman breaks into a grin. "You guys got married?"

"Uh huh… last January."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks."

This whole conversation is so surreal, being recognised in a hospital in Virginia Beach, talking with some random woman about his past. The last couple years, he's mostly managed to stay under the radar.

"Wait, you said you and your wife were…" She says, realisation obviously dawning as she glances in the direction the doctor appeared from. "Oh."

"Yeah." He nods. "But we'd rather keep a low profile and not advertise being here, so…."

"Oh, yes. Of course," she responds quickly. "My lips are sealed."

"Thanks." He smiles. "I appreciate that, uh…?"

He just looks at her in question, hoping she realises he's asking for her name.

"Oh, uh, I'm Alyssa," she says, thankfully taking the hint. "I'd shake your hand, but my arms are kind of full right now."

"No worries." Logan nods towards the now-sleeping baby. "So, uh, boy or girl?"

Alyssa smiles down at the baby. "A boy. His name is Michael. He's three months."

"He's beautiful." Logan manages, a lump forming in his throat as he looks down at the tiny bundle.

Geez, get a grip, Echolls, he scolds himself. What's with all the emotion today?

"Thank you."

They chat for a while longer, until the receptionist calls Alyssa and her kids for their appointment and Logan is left alone in the waiting room.

He passes the next hour reading some of the magazines set out on a table in the middle of the room, until he spots Dr. James wheeling a fully-dressed Veronica down the corridor towards him. He stands immediately, making his way towards her. She looks okay, but tired and a little pale.

"Hey." He smiles. "How're you feeling?"

She nods. "Sore, but okay."

"That's good." He turns to the doctor. "She can go home now?"

"Yes, she can. I don't see any need to keep her in overnight, so we can discharge her now," he confirms. "Though she will need to take it easy for a few days. I've given her a prescription for some painkillers, and she may experience some nausea, so in that case, I suggest eating plain foods, and also drinking plenty of fluids. Very light exercise is okay—but nothing more strenuous than walking, and no heavy lifting for the first week. It's fine to shower, but—"

"Hey, I am still here, you know," Veronica complains from the wheelchair. "You can tell me these things."

"I'm telling you both," assures the doctor kindly. "Veronica, you're still recovering from the general anaesthetic, and you may not remember all this later."

"Oh." Veronica responds and Logan suppresses a smile at her discomfited expression. "Well, okay then."

"As I was saying, it's fine to take a shower, but no baths for the first week. And, no sex for at least a week either."

"Okay." Logan nods in understanding. "I think we can manage all of that."

"Here." The doctor retrieves a pamphlet from his coat pocket. "This has all the aftercare information you'll need in case everything I've just said has gone in one ear and out of the ear. And, Veronica, if you experience any prolonged pain or sickness, or something doesn't feel right, don't hesitate to come back and see me."

"Thank you," Logan says with a smile. "We will."

The doctor just gives a nod, then instructs a hospital porter to wheel Veronica out to the parking lot. Logan helps Veronica into the car, before slipping into the driver's seat. Before starting the car, he turns to Veronica who is resting back against the headrest, her eyes closed.

"You okay?" he asks gently.

"Uh huh." She nods, her eyes still closed. "Just a bit lightheaded."

"Not surprised," he says. "Come on, let's get you home. You can spend the rest of the day lounging on the sofa while I wait on you hand and foot."

That gets her attention and she lifts her head, opening her eyes to look at him with a small smile. "Really?"

"Now what kind of husband would I be if I didn't take care of my wife when she's just gotten out of the hospital?" he responds playfully, as he starts the ignition and eases the car out of the lot.

Two days later, Veronica is starting to go stir-crazy being stuck in the house by herself. Sure, she could always go for a walk, like the doctor suggested, but truth is, since she got home on Wednesday, she hasn't been feeling up to going much further than the kitchen or upstairs to bed. She's also totally bored. Logan was great on Wednesday, helping her with anything she needed and keeping her occupied, but he had to go back to work yesterday, and now she gets to spend all day on her own.

She's never been a great patient when she's sick, but couple that with the fact that she hasn't worked for the last two months and is itching to do something, and she's struggling to stay sane. In the end, she resorts to calling her father for help.

"Hey, Dad," she greets when he picks up the phone.

"Veronica!" He sounds surprised she's calling, which makes her feel just a little guilty, considering she hasn't talked to him since before Mac and Wallace came to visit. "It's good to hear from you. How are you?"

"I'm okay, Dad," she says. "How're things on your end?"

"Good. Good," he replies. "Business is steady. We're all missing you though."

"I miss you, too, Pops." She pushes down the longing she feels at the thought of being back in Neptune again.

"I heard Mac and Wallace had fun on their trip."

"Yeah, it was great to see them," she agrees. "So when are you going to come out to visit?"

"I really don't know if I can, Veronica," he says, regret in his tone. "I've been pretty swamped here lately. I just don't think I'm going to be able to take any time off."

"Oh, hey, that's okay," she says quickly, trying to hide her disappointment. "Maybe we'll manage a trip back to Neptune sometime soon."

"That'd be good, honey," he responds. "So, uh, not that I'm not glad to talk to you, but was there a reason you called?"

"Actually, there was," Veronica says. "I was wondering if there was anything you needed help with, like maybe research for a case? Something I could do from here?"

"Oh." He seems a little taken-aback by the request. "Well, um, I didn't think… I mean, since you're on the East Coast now, I—"

"Please, Dad," she interrupts. "I haven't worked a case in months; I need to get back in the game."

There's a pause on the other end, before he says, "Well, there are a few cases that I haven't had time to look into properly yet. Maybe you could do some of the background work for me."

"Really?" She smiles with relief. "That'd be great."

"But, Veronica, are you sure?" he asks. "I don't want to dump a load of work on you when you have your own life to lead."

"Oh, I'm sure," she says quickly. "I need something to occupy my time while Logan's at work. And maybe it'll help me figure out what I want to do out here."

"Well, if you insist, I guess I can email some details over to you."

"Thanks, Dad, that'd be awesome."

Another pause follows, before he says, "So, everything's going okay in Virginia?"

"Yeah," she replies. "It's okay. I mean, it's different… it's not Neptune, for sure, but it's okay."

She deliberately keeps her answer vague, not ready to talk about her potential infertility with him just yet, not after he seemed so excited at the idea of becoming a grandpa a few months ago.

"I'm glad. And Logan's settling in too?"

"Yeah, he is," she says. "It's easier for him because he's used to moving, and he has his job and friends here, you know?"

"I can understand that," replies her father.

"Yeah," she says, just as the doorbell rings. "Sorry, Dad, I gotta go. Someone's at the door."

"Okay, but listen, if you ever want some long-distance company, I'm just a Skype call away."

"Thanks, Dad."

"Talk to you soon, okay?" he adds. "Bye, Veronica."

"Bye."

Veronica hangs up the phone, then carefully eases herself up off the sofa, her stomach still sore from the surgery, and makes her way to the front door. Pulling it open, she's surprised to find Sarah standing on her doorstep.

"Sarah, hey," she says. "What are you doing here?"

Her friend gives a small shrug and a tentative smile. "I haven't seen much of you lately—other than the party last week—I just wanted to check in, see how you were."

"Oh, sure. Come on in." Veronica opens the door wider, gesturing for her to enter. "No Ava today?"

"No," says Sarah, stepping inside the house. "We've enrolled her in day care a couple mornings a week. It gives her the opportunity to meet and play with other kids, and it gives me some time to myself."

"Ah, sneaky." Veronica smiles as they head into the living room. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Oh no, I'm fine. Thank you," Sarah declines politely.

They take a seat on the sofa as Pony comes up to greet Sarah with a soft bark, her tail tagging enthusiastically.

"Hey, girl." Sarah ruffles Pony's fur in greeting, before turning to Veronica. "So, um, I feel like you've been avoiding me lately."

"What? No, of course I haven't." Veronica's eyes widen as she tries to sound convincing… because she has been avoiding her friend. "I've just been… busy."

"Veronica…" Sarah just looks at her sceptically, obviously not buying it.

Veronica sighs. "Okay, fine. I may have been avoiding you just a little bit."

"Why?" Sarah frowns. "Was it something I said, or did?"

"No." Veronica shakes her head quickly. "It wasn't you, it was… I've just been going through some stuff lately, and I just didn't want to… bother you with it."

"You wouldn't be bothering me, Veronica," Sarah says incredulously. "We're friends."

"Yeah… yeah, I know." She sighs. "It's just… it was hard for me to talk about, especially with you."

"What do you mean, especially with me?" Sarah looks a little offended. "Why?"

"Because you're pregnant," Veronica admits. "And because Logan and I have been trying to conceive for months and it's not happening."

"What?" Sarah's expression turns to one of surprise as she smiles. "You and Logan are trying? That's amazing."

"Trying being the operative word," she says. "Turns out I might not be able to have kids after all."

"God, Veronica…" Sarah says, her face falling. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah." She shrugs, looking down at her hands. "After you told me you were pregnant again, when you weren't even trying, it made me wonder what was going wrong for me and Logan. So we got checked out. Turns out Logan's perfectly healthy, but me… not so much. As it turns out, I had blocked fallopian tubes."

"Oh, honey." Sarah reaches out a hand, rubbing Veronica's arm comfortingly. "I'm so sorry. Can they do anything?"

"They already did, actually," she admits. "I had a laparoscopy on Wednesday and the doctor managed to open the blockages, but the chance of actually getting pregnant now isn't exactly great... maybe 35 or 40%."

"That's something though, right?" says Sarah encouragingly. "It means there's a chance."

"Yeah, there's a chance," she agrees. "I'm just trying not to get my hopes up too high."

"Well, I'm rooting for you."

"Thank you." Veronica offers her a smile. "And I'm sorry for ignoring you. It was just hard being around you, seeing you pregnant and happy and healthy, and knowing it may not ever happen for me."

"I'm so sorry you've been feeling that way," Sarah apologises. "I can only imagine how hard this is for you."

"Yeah, it's been tough," Veronica acknowledges. "And you don't need to apologise; it's not your fault. I'm the one dealing with this."

"But you're okay, though? You're recovering from the surgery okay?"

"Well, I'm sore, and tired, and pretty bored right now," Veronica admits. "But yeah, I'm okay."

"I'm glad." Sarah smiles. "Look, I can understand if it's hard to be around me with this little one—" her hand comes to rest on her small bump "—being a constant reminder, but if you do want to hang out or just need someone to talk to, please just give me a call, okay?"

"I will. Thanks, Sare."

"You're gonna be fine, you know that, right?" her friend assures her. "It'll all work out like it's supposed to in the end."

Veronica exhales heavily. "I really hope so."