Let the Rain Come Down

Disclaimer: All characters owned and created by Stephenie Meyer.

This chapter is unbeta'ed – any errors are mine and I apologise in advance.

~o.O.o~

Chapter 10

Edward's POV

I ached. The muscles in my legs and back had been pushed and pulled in all the wrong directions during my morning in the snow with the dogs, and all I really wanted was a hot bath with Jasper before I headed out again to the drier confines of the market. The reality was that I would make do with a hot water bottle to stave off the cold whilst I waited for Jasper to come home.

My mind was full of him. Of course that wasn't unusual, but today had been the first time since we'd been together that he'd been into town alone and, although he hadn't called, a huge part of me would not relax until I saw he was okay. I paced our room while I waited for the kettle, chewing the skin around my thumbnail. When the water was hot enough, I filled the bottle and tucked it into the back of my jeans. The heat radiated out across my tight muscles and I sighed, resuming my pacing.

I heard him before the door opened, and had to restrain myself from jumping into his arms the second he appeared. His cold-pinked face beamed, and I felt my body relax at last. Pulling off his coat, he hung it on the door before reaching for me, his head nestling into the crook of my neck, hands burrowing under my jumper to rest on the bottle. My arms snaked around his neck and held him close, my worries melting away like morning dew. After a minute or so he pulled back just enough to kiss me before walking me over to the bed to sit down.

I looked into his bright eyes, hope in my heart.

"So…?"

~o.O.o~

We sat sipping coffee, allowing ourselves to feel optimistic. Hearing all about the interview was exciting, Jasper's enthusiasm clear by the animated way he talked about the boss and his attitude to his workforce.

"He just seems so supportive, you know? His staff seem happy which is testament to his leadership. There's a picture of him and his girlfriend on his desk and it isn't a stuffy, formal one. I mean, they're filthy and look like they've gone three rounds with a Mack truck and lost, but they're laughing. I don't know – I guess I just find that reassuring. No false front."

I nodded in understanding.

"You did so good. You've won just by being yourself. And to have the boss say you will be considered is amazing. You impressed him." I nudged him with my shoulder.

He blushed, still smiling.

"I didn't think I could do it – tell him, I mean. But he didn't judge me." He shook his head, still astounded that the truth could benefit us for once rather than kick us to the kerb. "I thought I'd have to lie, pretend to be someone I'm not, but…" he shrugged, shaking his head before taking a long pull of his coffee.

Taking a big mouthful from my own mug, my thoughts were all focused on one thing:

He needs this.

Jasper's POV

That night, after Edward got home from the market, we ate a hot meal and headed to bed earlier than usual after our tiring day. Stretching out aching legs was bliss and I heard Edward's groan of relief.

Shifting over onto my side, I snuggled closer to Edward. My thumb grazed his cheek, and his head moved towards the slight touch.

"So, tomorrow's my regular appointment at the sexual health clinic. I'm going to tell my doctor that I'm quitting as a sex worker."

Despite us both knowing there was a chance of my having to go back to the street if I didn't get the job, I watched relief spread across Edward's face, the almost imperceptible relaxing of his jaw. To tell the clinic that I was giving up hustling was a major step forward in our life together. I was determined to give it up for good, not just for me, but for Edward. I couldn't keep ignoring how scared he was at the mention of my going back out there.

"I know I've only worked a couple of times since my last visit, but I'm still going to ask him to test me for everything. I need to know that I won't ever be risking your health in any way in the future. You're too important to me."

I saw his throat bob. He gazed at me, bit his lip, and nodded. I nudged his nose with my own before kissing his soft mouth, drinking him in, loving his enthusiasm. Kissing Edward was like nothing else. The heat between us was undeniable, the way he surrendered to sensation showed me how far he'd come from the frightened, traumatised boy he'd been when we met.

Or so I thought.

~o.O.o~

I woke in the night, my body curved around Edward, my arm resting on his hip in a lazy embrace. He was fidgeting in his sleep, the movement alerting me to a potential nightmare, the first in some time. A part of me had hoped they were on the wane, that his past would finally let him be. I was ready to soothe him, to chase away the fears as I had so many times before, but this time he wasn't thrashing. Instead his body was tight and fearful in my arms, and I knew something was different.

I slid my arm around his stomach to hold him close, and he flinched. Something was wrong. It was then that I realised.

"Jasper?" The childlike trembling of his voice tore at my heart. "It won't go away."

I nuzzled his hair, whispering words of comfort while I tried to figure out what to do for the best.

"It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay. I'm right here."

Until now, I had never questioned if his body responded in the natural way to pleasurable stimulus. I had just assumed it did. Other than that one night after the bath, he had always kept himself covered, pulling away from me if my body stirred when we were close, and I had accepted that it brought back painful memories of his ordeal. Now… now things were dropping into place, and I was stunned at how deeply his fear had embedded itself into his psyche.

"Edward, sweetheart, is this the first time this has happened since the attack?"

He nodded, silent as a puppet in my arms. I pushed myself up a fraction, trying to look at his face.

"Look at me, love. Please? Just roll over and look at me."

In the half-light from the window I watched him, his reluctant shuffle onto his right side to face me, knees bent up towards his stomach to hide himself. My fingertips caressed his face, turning it towards me, feeling the embarrassed heat coursing beneath his skin. Leaning in, I brushed a gentle kiss to his lips, feeling his gasp, his body still clenched tight and unyielding.

Looking into frightened eyes, I knew I had to break through this wall. I tried to soothe him, my hand stroking the nape of his neck.

"It's okay. Nothing bad is going to happen. You know I'd never let anything bad happen to you. Try and relax a tiny bit and tell me what's going on in your head so I can understand."

He gulped, the sound painful, his fingers clutching at my shirt. His knees relaxed a fraction from their clamped position, but he made no other sound. Eyes wide with fear conveyed his absolute faith that I would somehow make everything better.

I took a breath. My voice was low, the whisper of children sharing secrets in the dark.

"Are you frightened that letting go might hurt?"

Silence, but then a small nod. His body was so tensed that I felt him shake. I held his terrified gaze.

"Tell me, love. Do you trust me not to lie to you or hurt you, ever?" My voice cracked with the effort of holding back the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. He needed me to be the strong one and I wouldn't fail him.

He nodded again.

My heart was breaking, but I couldn't allow it to show. In his mind, despite everything we had talked through, my beautiful boy was so broken that he associated all sexual activity with pain. I should have known by the way he cared for me after I had been with all those other men. He always checked me over for injuries, kissing my bruises, bathing away every trace of them until I was his Jasper again, clean and pure. I loved him all the more for that.

From our late night talks I knew that he had never experienced any kind of physical loving relationship, and had no form of reference other than the basic details I shared with him of my sordid life. Despite softening what I told him, holding back the more degrading elements of my encounters, I had contributed to this. Not willingly, not purposefully, but I had to take some of the blame for the way he now viewed physical intimacy.

I had hoped that after our talk he understood that physical pleasure was a beautiful and consensual gift in a relationship. Now I realised that, to Edward, such ideas were fantasy and fairytale with no place in his reality.

I kissed him again, pouring all my love and reassurance into it, knowing he would always respond. When his lips relaxed and parted, I ran my fingers through his hair, grazing his scalp. I felt his shiver of pleasure, secure in the knowledge that my hands were safely above his waist. It was enough for his legs to relax a fraction more, giving his tortured thigh muscles a break.

He moaned, soft and low.

"Jasper?"

"Yes, love?" Another soft kiss to sedate his panic-stricken, agitated mind. He gasped.

"Can you make it go away?"

I nodded.

"If you want me to. Only if you want me to."

"Please? I-I trust you."

I stroked his hair again, pressing a kiss to the sensitive spot beneath his ear, feeling him shiver. I whispered against his flushed skin.

"Tell me if you want to stop. You're in complete control here." With a soft kiss to his mouth, I felt his heart hammering against my chest. "Okay?"

A tiny nod of affirmation. I was about to move the warm covers, but something held me back. I swallowed hard, remembering.

"Sweetheart, can I look or would you rather I didn't?"

His face crumpled into a mask of humiliation. He felt ashamed and dirty and wanted to hide himself from me. The realisation was a knife to my heart. I wanted him to know that he was beautiful, that he never needed to hide himself from my eyes because all I ever wanted to do was protect and love him.

The need for intimacy was paramount. I pushed myself upright, pulling off my shirt. In his hunched position, it was more of a challenge to free Edward from his own, the weight of his body trapping the fabric against the mattress. When he was shirtless too, I lay back down beneath the covers and held him to me, skin to skin, our faces close, breath mingling. My fingers stroked his back and shoulders, reassuring touches, until I allowed my hand to drift lower, to the top of his underwear, past his comfort cut-off point. I felt him tense, but I continued with the gentle, open-palmed stroking until I could coax him to relax and straighten his legs, opening up his body from its clenched crouch.

More than anything else I wanted to hold him, to show him he was loved, throughout this experience, to keep him present and focused. If he mentally detached himself in the way I always had when I worked to avoid the sickening feeling of being molested, then I feared I would never be able to reach him sexually. I couldn't bear the thought of that.

Cradling him to me, I felt his heart pound in time with my own. My hand stroked his chest and side, into the dip of his waist and down to his hip. When he felt me touch his underwear again he went rigid in my arms until I kissed him, long and slow. The distraction seemed to be helping, and it was time to take the next step. My fingers slid beneath the padded elastic band on his hip and his body jumped, his anxiety peaking at the feel of my hand beneath the fabric. I splayed my fingers across the upper swell of his backside, my thumb grazing the crease of his groin. He was starting to shake with nerves, and I stilled for second, reassuring him with a silent eyebrow flash before easing the fabric down far enough to free his erection beneath the covers.

His brow creased, cheeks aflame, but I held his gaze, needing him to focus. With a deep breath, I ran the back of my forefinger in a light sweep along the length of him, seeing his eyes widen, his mouth dropping open in a helpless response.

My lips found his in a fleeting reunion, and I whispered what I needed to know before this continued any farther.

"Are you okay?"

His gentle moan and nod encouraged me onward.

Nuzzling my nose to his, I wrapped my hand around his straining shaft, letting my heat sink into his skin. He quivered and twitched in my gentle grasp, a drop of fluid collecting beneath my thumb before I had even begun to show him the true pleasure his body could bestow. Unable to see and fully appreciate the beauty of his body in all its tumescent splendour, I began to stroke him, firm and steady, discovering his body by touch, pulling muted whimpers from his throat, his teeth clamped around his bottom lip. I swept my thumb over the sensitive head that nudged the palm of my hand on each upstroke, smearing the precious fluid that collected there. The only other sounds in the room were soft, sticky and rhythmic. When Edward jerked beneath me I searched his face for signs of distress, seeing instead a mix of confusion and shame in the darkness of his wide pupils, the set of his tight jaw. When I circled my thumb across the underside of his proud head, his mouth dropped open, air hissing into his lungs.

I dropped tiny kisses to his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, hearing his breath catch with each fleeting touch.

At some point, when this was over, I needed to ask him if he had ever touched himself. It seemed unlikely to me that he hadn't, but rather that recent events had blocked out those pleasurable memories, denying him something so fundamental.

Touching him this way, under the covers out of sight, felt illicit. The world paused, reduced to this heightened, pin-sharp moment in time. Unable to watch his body's reactions, only his face and flushed upper chest visible to me, I kept him locked in my gaze. I witnessed pleasure dance across his face, at war with the shock and trepidation clouding his beautiful green eyes at the threat of his imminent climax.

It was no surprise that his tightly wound body was ready for release with minimal stimulation. I held him close while he gasped and keened his way toward orgasm, so afraid of how losing control would feel. My blood hot, I rode the storm clouds gathering in his wide eyes, the tempest raging within until he relinquished control at last, back arching, body jerking, shuddering with the force of his release.

I pressed my lips to his, so gentle now, seeing the wet tracks on his cheeks, tasting the salt on his lips. More tears welled, the unexpected pleasure forcibly expelling a fraction of the fear and pain that dwelled in the deep dark recesses of his nightmares. I hoped that he would one day be able to let go of the shame he felt in his naked body and the pleasure it could give him, and to see how truly beautiful he was, body and soul.

I held him while he wept, shock and relief melding into one. I felt my own scalding tears burn my cheeks.

My words were zephyr-soft across his skin.

"You're so brave. You did so good. I love you so much."

~o.O.o~

Waking with Edward in my arms, his head on my chest, I replayed the events of the night before in my head, the memory of which seemed unreal in the morning light.

To have broken through the wall of his mental prison was huge, and for him to have faced down such an enormous fear to make love with me blew my mind. It was something I had never expected to happen in reality, to see that level of trust and raw emotion directed at me. It was humbling.

I combed my fingers through his hair, feeling a wave of love so strong I would've taken on the world to protect him. All this time he had been caring for me, worrying about me, looking after me when it should've been the other way around. He deserved a better life and it was up to me now to make sure he got it.

I wanted that job. I wanted out of the sex market. I wanted a better life for us, one where we no longer occupied the lowest rung of the food chain. Just to have a little spare money to buy Edward a gift was beyond my reach right now and I knew he didn't care about that, but, damn it, I did.

Things were going to change. Today was the start of better things.

~o.O.o~

Edward was quiet and shy when he woke, almost unable to meet my eyes. I kissed him good morning, before filling the kettle for a wash before breakfast. After the events of the previous night a bath together would've been wonderful, but he had work which was important.

Once we finished eating, we arranged for him to meet me at the clinic after he decided he was coming too for moral support. I was more than happy with that. I suspected he wanted to get another look at Esme's doctor friend, to make sure he was good enough for her. The thought made me smile. Dr Cullen was a good doctor, understanding and non-judgemental. I couldn't imagine him being anything other than a good man. I hoped I was right.

Kissing Edward goodbye, I saw him blush like he had the very first time. My chest tightened with love for him. It was a new day and he was a new person. Our relationship had changed – deepened - and it was an adjustment. I had no doubt that his mind would be working overtime that morning while he walked the dogs. I hoped playing with Jupiter would help him get everything into perspective.

Once he left, his cheeks already pink before the cold air had gotten a chance to bite, I boiled more water and washed my body and hair in the sink, wanting to be clean and tidy for my check-up with the doc. After the turn of events last night I had decided to ask for some additional supplies. I was still going to collect my usual condoms and lubricant because it made sense to have them on hand just in case the money situation got desperate. It was just that there were other items available that might, just might, be useful if mine and Edward's sexual relationship were to progress any further.

Better to be prepared and not need them. But, they could help Edward destroy his demons once and for all if he ever decided to face them head on.

~o.O.o~

It was a familiar walk to the sexual health clinic, but that morning I felt different about it. It was a walk into the unknown, a necessary and regular part of my life to be relegated to the past, or so I hoped. My scarf was tucked up around my nose, holding in the warmth from my breath to ease my healing lungs. The sidewalks were cleared on the main street and I took it easy, reaching the corner of the block and waiting for Edward. It was several minutes before I heard footsteps, the sound of boots on the concrete making me turn to see him approach. His shoulders were huddled in his too-big coat, and I made a mental note that if the job worked out, I would use my discount to buy him a warm, well-fitting coat of his own.

I held out my hand and he took it, walking into the building hand-in-hand.

I gave my name to the receptionist and waited to be called. Edward looked nervous, reading the health information displayed on the walls around us, the warnings regarding safe sex and virus transmission. His voice was quiet.

"I remember seeing posters like these while I was waiting to be treated. They scared the shit out of me. I thought I'd contracted every disease."

My arm slid around his waist, my mouth at his ear.

"I know that feeling. I'm grateful every day that you're okay."

"Mr Whitlock?"

I looked up when the doctor called my name and jumped to my feet, Edward alongside me. I followed him into the consult rooms and he closed the door. I shrugged off my coat and hung it on the rack.

"Take a seat, Jasper. Now – any changes since I last saw you? Any problems?"

"No, no problems. I'm careful. I, well, I haven't worked much as I've been ill with pleurisy."

His kind eyes looked at me then, pen poised in mid-air.

"And how are you now? Still on medication?"

I nodded.

"Almost finished – the second round seems to have done the job. Just being cautious while I build my strength again. This is Edward, my partner." I turned to smile at him, reaching for his hand. "He's been nursing me, feeding me and making sure I don't overdo it. I would have been in real trouble without him."

Edward looked bashful, but held on to my hand.

"Well, it sounds like you were very lucky to have such an attentive partner, Jasper. I'm certainly glad to see you're on the mend. So – we'll run the usual check-up and blood work for you. If you'd like to step into the exam room and get undressed, we'll get started."

I looked at Edward. "I won't be long." Then I headed into the private room leaving him to wait.

After the usual thorough examination, I spoke up.

"I'm giving up sex work."

He looked taken aback and it struck me that I had never had any real prospects before.

What a hopeless case I must have seemed to him.

"That's excellent news, Jasper. You have other plans?"

I nodded.

"I've had a job interview and I'm waiting to hear. If I get it then fantastic. If I don't… well, I'm going to keep looking. Edward works two jobs and has been supporting me while I was sick. Unless we're absolutely desperate, I won't be returning to sex work. I want a fresh start."

I held out my arm for him to attach a band, tapping my arm to raise the vein.

"I'm pleased to hear that and I wish you every success. I'm guessing you'll still be wanting condoms – you and your partner are being safe?"

"Yes to the supplies – I need them in case the worst happens. I'd rather be prepared. And, well, my partner and I aren't sexually active in that way. Something bad happened to him. But I would like some dental dams this time if that's possible?"

Dr Cullen looked thoughtful.

"Yes, of course."

I winced when the needle bit into my skin.

Edward's POV

My knee bobbed while I waited for Jasper to finish with Dr Cullen. I could hear them talking, muffled words drifting through from the other room. My mind had been whirling all morning, trying to make sense of how I was feeling.

Relieved. Overwhelmed. Embarrassed. Emotional. Grateful.

Even more in love.

I jumped when I heard the door open and Jasper appeared, tucking in his shirt. For a moment I had a mental image of him doing that after being with a customer, and my heart clenched. Then he smiled at me and everything came back into focus. The doctor fetched a paper sack like the one Jasper had at home that I knew was full of his condoms. I watched him reach into a different drawer in the supplies cabinet and add some additional packets into the sack before folding it closed and handing it over. Jasper took it with a nod.

It was now or never.

"Uhh, Dr Cullen? Would you have a minute? I'd like to ask you something in private if I may."

He looked surprised, but recovered well.

"Certainly. Would you like to come through?"

Jasper looked worried and confused. I mouthed 'It's okay' and followed him into the other room.

The door closed and I took a deep breath. My mouth was dry and my throat clicked.

"I apologise for taking up your time, but I wanted to know if you could test me too? I was… I was… raped… a few months back." I struggled not to choke on the word. "The clinic tested for most things, but I never had a follow up because I was homeless. I just worry that I might make Jasper sick."

Dr Cullen watched me intently for a moment before speaking.

"If it's okay with you, I think a full exam might be a good idea too. Let's make sure everything is as it should be."

My hands trembled while I fumbled at my clothes, hearing him pull on latex gloves. It took every ounce of courage I could muster to remove my underwear and lay on the exam table with my knees up, letting someone look at my naked body in such a vulnerable position. He was gentle, inspecting me for any signs of disease, asking me questions.

"Does it hurt when you pass water? Any discharge? No sores or bumps? Any pain on opening your bowels?"

To each question the answer was no. Then the part I dreaded, feeling him part my cheeks to look at my bottom. Eyes closed, I flinched despite myself and he used very light touches to check in and around the area. I focused on my breathing when I felt his fingers holding me open.

"Were you in the same line of work as Jasper when this happened, Edward?"

I felt the blood drain from my face and shook my head, my lips pressed tight together.

"Are you sexually active now?"

"No, no I'm not."

"Well, if you're wanting to resume sexual activity I can reassure you that you've healed well. Some scarring from the amount of stitches needed, but nothing that will cause a problem if you're careful and use lots of lubricant."

I closed my eyes and breathed in sharply.

"No…no. I haven't. We don't. I mean, until the attack, I was a virgin."

He nodded in understanding.

"That was a traumatic event for anyone to deal with. It can take time to get past something like that. And you should know that intercourse isn't an essential part of sexual activity. Many patients I see enjoy very healthy and happy sex lives without it."

I nodded, mute.

"Okay, Edward. You can get dressed and we'll take some blood from you."

I scrabbled for my clothes, desperate to be out of this room and back with Jasper.

While he tapped my arm, I asked him the question that had been at the forefront of my mind.

"Dr Cullen, what happens here is confidential, isn't it?"

Concentrating on my vein, he answered without looking up.

"Yes, Edward. Nothing leaves here. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I have this friend. She's an absolute angel to Jasper and me. Bottom line is, I don't want her to know what happened to me. I couldn't bear to see the look in her eyes. She doesn't deserve to carry that around with her. It's my burden."

He looked puzzled. I took a breath and continued.

"She's so kind. She took us to Goodwill the day after Christmas to get new clothes. I… I thought I recognised you from there. You were talking to her."

His furrowed brow smoothed out and I felt the sting of the needle.

"Esme. So you're that Edward. She's very fond of you, you know. Both of you." His voice softened. "She's a special lady. It's very considerate of you to not want to worry her unduly. Don't worry, Edward. It would be unethical for anything discussed in here to be repeated. Okay?"

He held the cotton ball to my arm and smiled down at me, his eyebrows raised in reiteration. I nodded, holding his gaze.

"Please be good to her."

He ducked his face, clearing away the needle and blood sample, but not before I saw his cheeks pinken.

Moments later, I was back in the outer room with Jasper looking at me with worried eyes.

Dr Cullen flashed a reassuring smile.

"Okay, so I have your telephone number on file now. If there are any problems with either set of tests I will be in touch. If you haven't heard back from me after two weeks then everything is clear."

Jasper stood, looking at me.

"You got tested?"

I nodded, chewing my lip.

"I don't want to risk you getting sick because of me."

He gazed at me, something akin to awe on his face.

Unable to speak, he simply nodded and took my hand.

~o.O.o~