BellaEdward Alice
Hey, bby, what's your sign?
Virgo.
Virgo sounds a lot like Virgin. Are you?
Am I what? A Virgo?
No, a virgin.
No, I'm a Virgo.
No, are you---never mind.
VIRGOS ARE SHY AND THEY TRIP A LOT.
No, that's just you.
Oh right.
I think my sign
should be a Mermaid!
But there's no such thing as
mermaids, nor is it an astrological sign.
EDWARD, WE'RE VAMPIRES. How do you know that there aren't mermaids?
Fine, maybe there are mermaids, but a mermaid is not an astrological sign.
Yes, it is. I just made it up. Mermaids like shop and are incredibly awesome.
I'm not going to say anything.
Wise decision, young grasshopper.
Yesterday, me and my friends went to the mall since we were bored.
And we saw this hot guy in the Cheesecake Factory.
And my friend, Jade dared me to go up and use cheesy pickup lines. (I'm kind of showing. At this point you can't tell if I'm pregnant or just fat. This is essential.)
So I go up and say, "Hey, babe, what's your sign?" And he's like, "Um, I'm a …leo."
And then I'm like, "Cool, do you come here often?" He's all, "Um, no."
To finish it off, I hold my belly, and say, "So maybe, after my baby's born we can go get a drink. That is, if my pimp approves." Then I give him the number to a local pizza place, wink and say, "call me."
Greatest day. Ever.
And so I wrote this.