Chapter 10

Yahiko jumped, startled, at the loud clattering sound that seemed to echo in his ears. He carefully tried to sit up straighter against the wall where he leaned against, but he knew that he could not stand. His head swam with dizziness, and the pain raged throughout his arm, making him nauseated. His body was shaking and was covered in cold sweat. He still gripped his shoulder with his right hand, which now ached and was stiff with dried blood.

He saw the door open, and a dim blue sky of growing twilight behind the two dark figures that entered the shack. One carried a covered lantern, which he opened, making Yahiko squint in the light that shone from it.

"What? Are you not dead yet?" One of the voices asked mockingly. Yahiko looked up and saw the smug face of Tekagami. His smile was leering and sinister, making Yahiko's dazed mind suddenly spark with fear.

"He has not the means to kill himself." The other figure stepped forward, and peered down into Yahiko. He was older than Tekagami, and his fine, quiet features seemed out of place in the dingy room. Yahiko didn't remember ever seeing him before at any of the meetings in Tokyo.

As if he was bored with him already, Tekagami turned and sat down against the wall. "Come on, Kazumasa, let us celebrate." He pulled out a large sake jug and two cups from a sack beside him, holding them up as if in salute. "Katsu has seen fit to finally promote us to watching the failed brat."

Kazumasa let out a long-suffering sigh and sat down beside his friend. "It is just as well. Katsu said we weren't supposed to talk to him, but I find sitting around in silence very tedious. At least we may quench our thirst."

Yahiko stared hungrily at the sake that was poured into the cups. The last drink he had had was the night that Katsu had commissioned him, the night before last. In his misery, he had thought many times of the alcohol, yearning for its numbing effects, something to dull the driving pain and to satisfy his body's craving. If he could just have one sip…

Tekagami glanced up and met Yahiko's eyes. "What? You want some?" he sneered. "Feeling a bit queasy?"

Yahiko said nothing, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from the sake cup in Tekagami's hand. His breath came in pants as his longing grew, his stomach churning.

Tekagami looked at Kazumasa, who shrugged and nodded, taking another gulp of his sake. Shrugging in return, Tekagami slowly refilled his cup and stood.

Yahiko held his breath as Tekagami knelt down in front of him, holding out the cup for him to take. Slowly, with shaking, bloody fingers, Yahiko reached out for it.

At that moment, Tekagami flung the sake onto Yahiko's wounded shoulder. A sharp cry escaped Yahiko's mouth, and he hunched forward, gritting his teeth as the incredibly stinging pain shot down his arm.

Tekagami's derisive laugh grated his ears. "Are you really so foolish? It's no wonder that Katsu disowned you."

Hissing through clenched teeth, Yahiko squeezed his eyes shut, despair engulfing him. He knew he deserved this pain, this humiliation.

He also knew he could expect no help from anyone. Kenshin and Kaoru wouldn't even know how to find him.

Not as if they would want to.

Yahiko let the thought settle deep into his mind. He had killed their child, had killed an innocent baby who never even had the chance to live. It had been an accident, yes, but…it was no accident that he had ever begun to use the katana, to use Everlasting Thunder, or that he had let himself be swept up by Katsu's words and cause.

"My pride," Yahiko whispered to himself. "My stupid, stupid pride."

How could he ever have a chance for forgiveness? Nothing he had done could ever be made right. No one could ever forgive him for what he had done.

The future suddenly loomed ahead of him, frightening and ominous. He remembered Katsu's words before he had left: "There is only one honorable way to avenge yourself. You know of what I speak."

Yahiko swallowed hard. Seppuku was something he didn't know if he could ever have the nerve to do. And if he didn't kill himself, he knew there was no way he could live long. Katsu had shown no intention of letting him leave the shack, and the bullet wound in Yahiko's shoulder would soon become infected if it wasn't treated soon.

It seemed that no one cared whether Yahiko lived or died now.

Turning his head so that the other two young men couldn't see, Yahiko let the frightened, anguished tears drip down his hot face.

I am no samurai. I am only a coward.

i-i-i

Kenshin sat outside, stirring the cooking fire in front of him. He turned his head as he heard the door behind him open. Kaoru slowly slipped outside, quietly sliding the door shut behind her. She looked down at him with heavy eyes, with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

"I was going to bring this to you," he said, standing.

"I wanted to come outside," she said, putting her hand on a post as she leaned against it. "I can't stand that room any longer."

"That is understandable," he said, returning to the fire. "It has not held pleasant moments these past few days, that it hasn't."

"You said it."

He looked over his shoulder at her. "Said what?"

" 'That is hasn't.' You haven't said it in a while."

"Oh." He poked the fish that roasted over the fire. "I suppose I've been rather anxious these days. It sort of slipped out of my speech."

He heard Kaoru carefully come down the steps and stand beside him where he knelt.

"Your steps sound uncertain," he said, not looking at her. "Perhaps it would be best if you rested on a cushion in the dining room."

"Kenshin, look at me."

Surprised, Kenshin obeyed. He looked up and met Koaru's gaze. She looked down at him, troubled, and her eyes never left his as she slowly knelt beside him. She stared at him for a long while.

"You aren't yourself," she said in a very quiet voice. "Something is wrong."

Looking away, Kenshin gave the fish another stab. "Yes, something is wrong. Something has been wrong since the moment Yahiko came into this dojo, and all of this trouble started."

Kaoru was silent for a long while. The silence was long, pronounced, weighing between them dangerously.

When she spoke at last, it was in so soft of a whisper that Kenshin almost didn't hear her. "I only want to help you."

The silence went on, hard and disturbing. The only sound was the sound of the flame on the ground, burning discreetly.

Kenshin struggled inside of himself, wanting to speak, wanting to say something to soothe harshness of that dreadful silence that seemed like a chasm in between them.

But nothing came. What was there to say? He could hardly identify the roiling emotions that shook inside of his heart.

I don't understand myself anymore. He closed his eyes briefly, furrowing his brows. When would he find himself again?

The dojo doors opened slightly, startling both of them. Sano's head peered from behind them cautiously. He grinned awkwardly when he saw them sitting next to each other.

"Hey," he said, slowly stepping into the courtyard. "How is it going?"

"Hello, Sanosuke," Kaoru said in a tired voice. "We were just about to eat."

"Ah." Sano nodded at the cooking fish. "Thought I smelled dinner."

The hopeful, yet slightly embarrassed look was in the young man's eyes. Kenshin let out a short breath of resignation.

"Would you like to join us, Sano?" he asked, attempting a polite smile. But it didn't come. Now, of all times, was not the time for Sano's company.

Sano didn't move from the dojo gates as he shuffled his feet, looking discomfited. "I don't….I mean, I don't want to intrude…"

"It's no intrusion," Kaoru said. "We have enough."

"Thanks." Sanosuke sat down in front of the grilling fish, inhaling the smell. "I was feeling a bit hungry."

Sano's presence grated on Kenshin as they slowly ate their simple meal. The young man's chatter was noisy and irritating to his ears, adding to the clamor that was already swirling in his head. Kaoru was quiet, making quiet remarks and agreements when necessary.

Picking at the rice in his bowl with his chopsticks, Kenshin had lost his appetite. He was only waiting for the moment when Sano could leave, and he could go out to the fields, alone. He needed to be quiet, to practice with his sakabatou, to think only of movement and control, to escape his troubles in the simplicity of his sword.

"Did you hear about it, Kenshin?"

Kenshin looked up quickly. He hardly listened to Sanouske's conversation.

"What?"

"Some kind of disturbance last night, something to do with the German ambassador visiting here," Sano said, shaking his head. "Apparently, someone broke into the mansion and attempted to kill this German guy."

Kenshin and Kaoru exchanged glances. "And?" Kenshin prompted. "What happened?"

"It didn't work, and the ambassador ended up shooting the assassin. Crazy, isn't it?"

"And…and was the assassin…killed?" Kaoru asked, her voice breathless.

Sano shrugged. "Don't know. The police have been in a frenzy all day, looking for him. They can't seem to find him anywhere."

Kenshin felt a light touch on his arm, and he turned his head to meet Kaoru's gaze. Her eyes pled with him wordlessly, begging. He stared back at her, letting his eyes trail over the ugly wound across her cheek, the paleness of her skin, the purple stains under her eyes.

"I will try," he whispered.

"Try?" Sano looked confusedly between them. "Try what? What are you talking about?"

Kenshin stood quickly, adjusting his sword at his side. "Sano, stay here with Kaoru. I'll be back in a few hours."

"But why-"

"Just stay here," Kenshin snapped. "And don't try to follow me."

Taking quick strides, Kenshin went to the dojo gates and yanked them open. Once again he would go and try to save Yahiko from drowning in his folly.

i-i-i

Sanosuke turned to Kaoru as the gates slammed hard behind Kenshin's back. She looked towards them with tears in her eyes, her hands gripping the blanket that was wrapped around her shoulders.

"What…what was that about?" Sano asked, feeling thoroughly baffled.

"He-he's not himself," Kaoru said brokenly, her voice strained with tears. "I don't know what's wrong with him…He won't tell me. He won't speak to me…Sanosuke, what if I've lost him?"

Sano's eyes widened as she lowered her head and began to sob heavily.

Obviously, something was going on that he didn't know about.

But seeing her cry like that, it didn't seem right to just let her do it by herself, and his heart rent at the sight of her so broken. She was just a kid, and so vulnerable after having gone through so much.

"Come here," he said as he pulled her close. "It's alright, Jou-chan." She buried her face in his shoulder, weeping. He tried his best to find the right words to say. "I'm sure Kenshin will be fine…"

"But he won't!" Kaoru suddenly cried, looking up at him with streaming eyes. "He won't! He can't forgive him! He can't forgive himself! And what if he never does?...I'll never get him back!"

Sanosuke looked down at her, his eyebrows knotted. "Why don't you tell me what happened?" he said gently. "From the beginning. And then we'll see if Kenshin can be saved or not, all right?"

i-i-i

"And you say that you know where he may be?" Chief Uramura asked, bewildered.

Kenshin nodded, his hands folded behind his back. "I followed him to that house the night he returned to Tokyo. He may not be there now, but it is a place to start."

The police chief rubbed his eyes under his spectacles. "We have been scouring the city all day. The ambassador is furious that an attempt has been made on his life on his first visit to Tokyo…and for no apparent reason." He shook his head. "And now you say that it's a group of anarchists. What will the emperor say to that? He has personally inquired into this situation, you know." He squirmed in his chair uneasily as he glanced about his sparse office.

"They are hardly any real threat to the emperor," Kenshin said, his voice bitter. "They are a group of reckless young men led by an arrogant young leader. You will dispel them easily."

Chief Uramura again shook his head, smiling ruefully. "You are indeed invaluable, Himura-san, as always." He stood and straightened his jacket. "Lead the way. My men and I will follow."

i-i-i

Kenshin ignored the curious faces that turned his way as he led the group of armed police through the streets of Tokyo. He kept his face straight and stony, gripping the hilt of his sakabatou tightly. He didn't know what would meet him when he got to that meeting house. Yahiko's dead and bloody body, stretched across the floor? Or Yahiko, glaring at him with burning eyes for revealing his secret to the police? Or perhaps Yahiko wouldn't be there at all.

Kenshin quickened his steps, feeling confused and dazed. He felt so drained, so emotionally worn. He didn't know what to feel, what to think. He only dreaded what would meet him at that shabby meeting house on the corner.

He stopped when they got to the edge of the designated neighborhood. The street was quiet and calm in the growing evening, and the familiar house stood dark and silent in the shadows.

"There it is," Kenshin said to the chief, who stood beside him. "The last one on the corner."

Chief Uramura nodded. "Right." He beckoned to two young officers behind him. "Come on."

As planned, the three of them, with Kenshin trailing behind, went to the front of the house while the rest of the group stood back, waiting to spring to action if the situation became dangerous. Kenshin's heart was pounding as the police chief raised his voice. "Open this door."

Kenshin heard scuffling noises inside, and hushed voices. The door slid open a crack, and a beady eye peered out at them.

"What do you want?" a reedy voice called out. "Why do you disturb me at my home?"

Chief Uramura's tone was stern. "We have reason to believe that this house has been used for traitorous purposes against the emperor. I command that you open this door, and-"

Suddenly, there was a shout from one of the police officers. Kenshin spun around as he spotted two plain-clothed figures tearing down the street, their legs pumping fiercely. Two of the officers were on their heels.

"There is a back door!" Kenshin called, running behind the house. "This way!"

But it was too late. Kenshin jerked the door open and looked around the empty room. He went into the hallway, and peered into every room. All empty.

Chief Uramura came up behind him. Kenshin shook his head. "They're all gone, escaped. And no sign of Yahiko." He shook his head again, not knowing if he should feel relieved or worried. "No sign of Yahiko."

"Sir!"

Uramura and Kenshin turned as a young officer came bounding in excitedly. "Sir, we've caught one of the traitors!"

Chief Uramura turned and gave a little nod to Kenshin. "Good. Perhaps not all has been lost after all."

i-i-i

Yahiko jumped from his delirious dozing as the shoji door was yanked open, and Katsu stumbled in. He shut it behind him quickly, and leaned against it, breathing heavily, a sheen of sweat on his brow. Takagami and Kazumasa scrambled to their feet, staring bewilderedly at their leader.

"We've been found out," Katsu panted. "The police…have found us out."

"The police?" Takagami's face paled. "But how-?"

"They came to the meeting house," Katsu interrupted, his eyes snapping, his voice tinged with anger. "Those fools came and didn't even think to guard the back door. We all escaped and outran them." He began to pace the floor, running his hands through his disheveled hair. "This never should have happened…"

"But how did they find out?" Kazumasa said, wringing his hands nervously. "I thought we had all been so careful…"

Katsu stopped his pacing and glared at Kazumasa. "Oh, we had. It was all flawless."

"Then…then how?" Kazumasa repeated.

"We have this dog to thank for that." Katsu spoke slowly as he turned his dark gaze to Yahiko. "For who did I see as I ran out of that back door…but the rurouni?"

Yahiko's stomach clenched and his heart beat faster as he looked up at Katsu. Katsu's eyes burned dangerously, black and mysterious as he glowered down at Yahiko.

"What did you tell the rurouni?" His voice was dangerously low. "Are you a

traitor two times over?"

Yahiko didn't answer as he stared fearfully at Katsu. His mouth was dry, and his tongue was leaden in his mouth.

Katsu's lips curled into a snarl as he reached down and yanked Yahiko's arm upward. Yahiko could not hide the pained shout that escaped his lips, as the burning

soared up and down in arm.

"What did you tell the rurouni?" Katsu shouted as he shook Yahiko viciously. "What did you tell him?"

Yahiko bit his lip to keep from crying out. "I told him nothing!" he cried desperately. "I didn't tell him anything."

"Don't you dare lie to me!" Katsu screamed, bringing his fist across Yahiko's face, again and again. "What did you tell him?"

The metallic taste of blood burst in his mouth, and once again the blackness began to overtake him as the pain exploded through him. Yahiko's pleas were drowned in the gurgle of blood that filled his throat, choking him.

"Ikazuchi-sama!" Takagami's voice pled. "Please, someone may hear you!"

Yahiko felt himself crumple to the ground as Katsu's hand released him, vomiting blood, gasping for breath. One last thought fluttered through his mind as he gratefully let the darkness cover his consciousness.

Kenshin is looking for me…

i-i-i

Author's note: Ack! It's been two weeks since the last posting! School has been keeping me very busy these days… hides sheepishly behind a chemistry book

I tried to make it up to you all by trying to make this chapter a bit longer. I also tried to move the plot along a bit.

And I am having a very hard time describing Kenshin's tumultuous feelings. If anyone feels that I am being too vague with describing them, please tell me.