October 5th 2014

Gail sat in her bedroom, her eyes skimming across some book that she hadn't even bothered to check the name of. It was a distraction anyway, and not a very good one at that. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't absorb the words, couldn't force herself to become engrossed to the point that she forgot about everything else. It had been a week since she had spoken to Holly. She had left countless voicemails since then but there had been no further contact with the brunette. Her newly acquired mobile phone sat on her bedside table, its persistent silence taunting her. She was awaiting a call that the sensible side of her knew would never come and yet she couldn't suppress the glimmer of hope that would have her hearing the dulcet tones of Holly's voice again. It was why she had stayed home every night this week, sat in solitude, awaiting a shrill ringtone that would cause her heart to burst in her chest. But it never came and it likely never would.

"Gail, hey Gail you in there?" Chris interrupted the chilling silence with a knock at her door.

"Yer Chris, you guys back now?"

"No just me, Dov and Chloe are staying on, Dov found some new trivia geek friends"

"Of course he did" Gail muttered more to herself than anything

A moment of silence followed and Gail went back to aimlessly flipping through the pages

"Uh listen Gail, uh I'm not sure if you want to or not but do you want to play a video game or something, I mean don't feel like you have to, you probably don't want to"

Gail wasn't sure if it was Chris's nervous rambling or his charming indecisiveness but eventually she relented, perhaps it would prove to be more of a distraction than the book anyway.

"Um sure Chris, I'll be out in a sec ok"

"Ok awesome, that's great" and with that she heard him bound off down the hallway. Gail smirked to herself, his puppy dog enthusiasm really could be charming at times. She hauled herself of the bed, the book discarded on the floor, and with one last hopeful look at the phone exited the room.

"So how drunk are you? I want to know how easy it is going to be to kick your ass"

"You always kick my ass anyway Gail"

"Oh I know that, I just want to know how much time I should factor in here, I mean is it going to be one of those done in 5 minute situations because I might need more of a challenge than that, in fact maybe I should just play the computer"

"Anyone ever tell you that gloating is an unattractive quality?"

"Ha once or twice, but when did I ever listen to anyone?"

"Good point but anyway I've barely seen you for five minutes all week, whooping my ass a few times for half an hour isn't going to hurt you"

Gail knew that Chris wasn't trying to feign neglect, instead in his own unique way he was trying to broach the subject of her and Holly. Chris had never been good with just approaching an issue front on, even when they were dating he would ask a thousand questions before broaching the subject he really wanted to talk discuss. The two had yet to talk about Holly, in fact Gail had yet to talk about it with anyone but Tracy, but Gail realised that now was as good a time as any. Rip the bandaid and all, right?

"Yer look, I'm sorry about that I just haven't exactly been in a good headspace lately and I didn't want to drag you down with me"

"I heard about you and Holly, I just wanted to say I'm sorry" and when Gail looked in his eyes she could tell that he truly genuinely meant it. It never shocked her when Chris was so open, sometimes he had the nature of a young boy, bashful and earnest and excited about anything and everything. Gail suspected that it was because his own childhood had been robbed from him by his deranged mother.

"yeah" She shakily breathed out, her head falling to her hands, her feet tucking underneath her on the coach. Not saying anything Chris moved his arm around her like a protective big brother, his touch easing her burdens if only for a moment. The two sat there like that for what seemed like forever, their forgotten video game running in the background.

"I wouldn't mind if you talked to me about stuff you know" Chris's voice broke her from a tired trance that she had settled in to

"Chris I.." Gail started shaking her head

"No hear me out, listen we are friends right? Or at least I think we are, but we don't really share anything, meaningful stuff I mean, maybe we should start"

"Yer Maybe" she shrugged, it was noncommittal to say the least.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you" Chris blurted out, Gail wasn't quite following where he was going

"Huh?"

"What I did, how I broke up with you, it was really shitty of me I mean you didn't even do anything and then I forgave Dov in a second and just cast you aside, I'm not sure we have ever truly recovered from that, our friendship I mean"

"Yer well shit happens"

"Gail please I'm trying to be honest here"

"Ok, Ok sorry go ahead"

"The truth is I got scared alright, I was head over heels in love with you and yet I didn't really know anything about you and deep down I knew you didn't love me back"

Gail went to protest but Chris stopped her "It's ok Gail, I'm not stupid I knew and I'm ok with that now but I guess at the time I just thought that maybe you felt that way about Dov and I reacted so angrily because I wanted you to feel the same way about me as you did about him"

"But I never felt that way about Dov" Gail was slightly confused

"Well I know that now but jealousy can be an ugly thing I guess"

"Right" it came out more like a question than anything

"Look I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm an idiot and I'm sorry I treated you that way"

"Was an Idiot" Gail corrected

"Huh?"

"You were an idiot, you seem to be pretty ok now" Chris smiled at her and Gail couldn't help but smile back. He was right, even when they were together she never really shared herself with him. They knew things about each other of course, what each other's families were like, how they were raised, though even then they only learned about those things because situations forced it upon them. Gail suspected she would know nothing of Chris's mother if it wasn't for that arsine case a few years back and she was certain that she would not have shared anything about her mother if she wasn't so present at the division. Weirdly this felt like the most honest conversation the two had ever shared.

"And BAM, dead again come on Diaz, I thought I said I wanted a challenge" Gail threw her arms up in glee as Chris slumped into the couch. The two had been playing video games steadily for about 2 hours, thankfully the mushy chit chat from before was well behind them.

"Ugh, I'm out"

"What?"

"I can't lose again Gail it's not healthy for my ego"

"Ugh fine go get me a beer then"

"Got get it yourself"

"Losers get the beer Diaz, that's the rule now scram"

Chris moved off of the coach with a huff, the clank of the beers signalling his arrival at the fridge.

"Here"

"Thanks buddy" Gail remarked smugly, Chris replied with a scoff. Gail skulled her beer in 2 swigs, all that winning had made her thirsty.

"I haven't spoken to her in a week, Holly I mean" Gail didn't know quite what compelled her to say it but maybe Chris was right, maybe they should talk about things more, or of course maybe it was the alcohol. Chris sat down next to her, listening intently but offering up no words.

"You want to know the worst part, I have no idea what I did wrong, no clue what so ever, If she would just tell me then maybe I could do something about it"

"She left no indication?"

"None what so ever, when we dated was there anything I did that annoyed you, I mean was I terrible to be around?"

"No Gail you were fine, better than fine like I said I was head over heels in love with you, sure you have your quirks that could be annoying but if anything I always thought that Holly liked your quirks, from the outside looking in of course, she just seemed to get you" Chris had just voiced how Gail herself saw the relationship. Holly did for lack of a better phrase just get her, understood her more intimately than anyone ever had and perhaps liked her more than anyone ever had as well.

"Yer well I must have done something" Chris turned pensive at that, a nervousness seeming to settle in to him.

"You know Gail I'm not sure if anyone has told you this before but you are pretty insecure"

"Gee thanks Chris stick the boot in why don't you and yes I am aware of that"

"I mean in relationships as well though, and not just romantic ones. You never think you are good enough. It is like you are just waiting to screw up or for the other person to leave"

"Yer well that is generally what happens so.."

"Except maybe you didn't screw up this time, maybe this isn't on you"

"What?"

"Well it wasn't until recently that I saw it, it is almost like you feel like the inferior one in every relationship, Holly, your mum, us at the division. It's because of that that you think you did something wrong, but maybe you didn't at all, maybe this is Holly's issue"

"I didn't know you knew me so well" Gail replied quietly

"Well until recently I didn't, I never took the time to try and figure you out"

"So what changed?"

"The shooting and the aftermath, I guess I just try and take more in now, it's cliché I know but you never know when your time is up"

"Aint that the truth"

"You should keep trying to call her, figure out what is going on in her head, she will answer eventually, I'm sure of it"

A soft smile reached Gail's lips, her eyes brimming with tears. She muttered a soft "Thanks Chris" before making her way back to her bedroom. She had never been more thankful to have him in her life. They may have a messy past but Gail thought that right now they were exactly what they needed to be for each other.

"Anytime" he replied barely audibly.

The next morning with renewed belief Gail decided to chance a call to Holly whilst getting dressed for work. It may not have been the most ideal of times but late at night clearly wasn't working out too well for her. As the dial tone rang hope sparked in Gail, it had only been a few times on the last week that the call had actually rang, all of her other calls had gone straight to voicemail.

"Hello" She had undoubtedly woken Holly up, she likely hadn't even bothered checking the caller ID before answering.

"Holly shit you pick up, I wasn't expecting you to" Gail replied, her voice half muffled by the shirt she was currently pulling over her head. It was hardly a perfect opening sentence.

"Jesus Christ Gail, do you realise how early it is" the grogginess in the brunettes voice had now been replaced by annoyance.

"Yes I do but you need to hear me out ok and since you weren't answering any of my night calls I figured I would give this a shot"

"Oh so it's my fault then"

"No I didn't say that at all" Gail was trying to be patient, she really was, but the snappy Holly that had confronted her in these two long distance phone calls was nothing like the women she had come to love. Holly was the most patient non confrontational person she had ever met, almost too patient sometimes, and yet it was like she couldn't wait to pick a fight. It would make it easier of course, a massive fight where awful things were said in the heat of the moment, the break would be cleaner. Gail wasn't going to give her the satisfaction, if there was anything Gail Peck was good at it was fighting and she was sure as hell going to fight for this, for her. There was no way she would offer up the easy way out.

Holly huffed at the end of the line "Just say what you have to say Gail, I need to get some sleep I was up all night"

"Are you ok?" Gail couldn't help the flood of worry that overcame her

"Yes I was working, now what was it?"

And so would start the most honest and emotional monologue of Gail Pecks life. Through her tears she recounted all the ways she loved Holly, all the ways in which she was important to her, all the ways in which she made Gail herself better and most importantly all of the reasons why she should get back to Toronto and get back to her. She didn't plead with her, didn't hassle Holly for a reason as to why she had left. Gail had heeded Chris's advice from the previous day, maybe this was Holly's issue and maybe all Gail had to do was let her know how important the brunette was to her.

She had been up half the night rehearsing her speech, what she would tell the brunette to get her to come back, and yet when it came to it she didn't say a single word of what she rehearsed. Her words spilled from the heart, the emotions behind them so raw and palpable that Gail had never been more certain that she had never felt so strongly about anything as she did about Holly and her desire to get her back. By the end of it she was almost sobbing and yet she was resolute that she would finish.

Silence followed, as Gail's body filled with tension. She had said everything she had to say, now all she could do was wait for Holly's reaction. Eventually the silence became too painful, if it wasn't for the slow breathing she could faintly make out on the other end of the line she would have been sure that Holly had hung up, Gail had to break it.

"Holly are you there?" It came out as a whisper, she felt like a child again quietly calling out for her mother after all the lights had been turned off at night and the darkness that left her terrified overwhelmed her.

"Yer, yep I'm here" Gail could hear the tears in the other women's voice, it gave her a sense of hope, at least her speech had got to Holly in some way

"And?" the anticipation was killing her

"And I don't think I've ever heard you speak so emotionally for so long" Holly softly chuckled

"Yer well when the situation calls for it"

"Are you sure you didn't hire a speech writer?"

"haha nope that was all me, I can be honest sometimes you know" it was like they had reverted back to their old selves for just a small moment, Gail had never welcomed their harmless banter more.

"I can't come back Gail" and those five words, so softly spoken by Holly, hurt her more than any bullet ever could

"What, what do you mean, you can it's easy, I love you, I need you, can't you see that?"

"I'm sorry Gail I just can't, I think it would be best if you don't try and call me again for a while ok, could you please do that for me?"

"Uh ok sure yeah" Gail was stunned, Holly's words blurring together in her mind, she would have agreed to just about anything at that moment

"Thanks" there was another painfully long pause "Bye Gail" and she heard the faint click of the phone as the other women disconnected. Holly's voice had been calm and soothing, far from the dismissive way in which she had ended their last phone call. Somehow it only made her departure seem even more final.

Sorry about the delay, unfortunately work has been hectic lately. As always thank you all for the reviews, they are greatly appreciated.