a/n: Long Chapter incoming!

I'm doing better at uploading! See? With the way this is going, I really think I'll end up doing a sequel - it just seems fitting. Still don't know what other story to start publishing but I fully intend to. It'll get me more focused on writing. OH and another thing. Dr. Even who is continuously going to crop up in the story is literally just a bit of a borrowed personality from Kingdom Hearts - Vexen - because his original name is ... well, you know? Even? And I was actually driving myself up the wall with a name before I just thought 'hey, duh - Square Enix already has some quaint scientist types to borrow from' and since I HATE... I HATE Professor Hojo (the only other predominant science-psycho I could think of) and if anyone LIKES that guy then seriously - I'm buying you a shrink - a whole shrink... but I mean, anyway... Vexen was the better option. I can't believe I just had a rant about that.

As dire as the circumstances on Cocoon, the provisional government did their best to listen to the requests of the people and give them what they wanted. Over the past few weeks their attention had been focused on weapons development. They now had a small artillery collection and foot soldiers had better ranged weapons where their magic was unavailable. Compact medical kits were designed and distributed to anyone who would take them.

Hope's magically psychic boomerang hadn't caught on very well. But nor had Fiala's water bottle trick. (Hope would never let her live it down.)

It left Hope fuming when he heard the most recent demand from the civilians. These complete (calm, Hope)... barstools wanted booze. Alcohol. They said if salves were possible, alcohol was too. He could only imagine when this got to Fiala. He hoped she'd refuse. He wasn't prepared to help govern a populace of drunkards; they made enough inane errors as it was. Alcohol would mean a baby boom - and casualties - and fights.

The figurehead of their government was an older gentleman called Rais. He had a good public demeanor and was skilled at comforting people. He was a little odd at times and couldn't keep the focus on a topic for more than two minutes but he was there for diplomacy rather than any genuine authority. It was agreed amongst Hope, Fiala and their most trusted associates that two teenagers (no matter how experienced) and a bunch brainiacs with poor social skills weren't exactly going to be the most reassuring leaders. Rais stepped into this role nicely whilst a body of, roughly, 12 main people truly did all the work.

But he had a habit of making outlandish promises for the sake of keeping everyone content and it was hard to reject his ideas without upsetting many. With the initial shock at the mass l'cie fest the Cocoon fal'cie had implanted now thoroughly dulled - people forgot the times were hard and became demanding and had no concept of how lucky they were just to be alive.

To Rais, agreeing to this new demand would simply be a method of appeasement. To Hope, this was a new disaster. He was going to have to spread the word to the others as soon as possible so they could collectively boycott the idea with as much conviction as they had.

He headed off to check on the development of their firearms and as a means to go cool down but he was halted before he could get there by a cool tone calling his name.

"Mr. Estheim."

"... Dr. Even," said Hope cautiously, stepping into the tent. Even unnerved him a little. He was sure that the guy would've had his medical license revoked under ordinary circumstances because his morals seemed to be a bit lacking.

"Annoyed with Sir Rais' latest update?" he smirked. Hope scowled.

"These people are so ungrateful-"

"There is a solution, however. We tell them that yeast is a necessary ingredient in the inhibiting solution for their l'cie brands and they must choose between their lives or their sobriety."

"I'd rather not feed anyone a lie."

"It is not a lie. I've been at work with Fiala's original compound since the efficacy of Nullvae is diminishing. Yeast is very useful - it boosts the effects and requires less Nullvae. It's preliminary work, but it is also promising. I'll be running it by Fiala once I've refined it."

"Th-that's... that's great," said Hope, at a loss. He had no idea why yeast was useful.

In fact, about all he knew is what Nullvae was. It was a stroke of luck - a miracle - a blessing. Fiala had her nose to the grindstone during its development but her exhaustive work paid off when she finally concocted a compound that abated the effects people were enduring having turned l'cie. There was not one single brand on the planet that was developed past half-way thanks to it.

"Indeed. It might even reduce the chances of a brand exploding into full development due to trauma such as the one our casualty suffered the other week," droned Even casually.

"Huh..?"

Even pinned his sharp eyes onto Hope's features, taking in the confused reaction. Hope watched amusement fill the older man's eyes slightly and it sent a shiver down his spine which he hoped wasn't visible.

"Please tell Miss Fiala that we'll only remain stuck in one place if we fail to shed our burdens. I'm sure she'll understand, Mr. Estheim."

He used to fumble, and be awkward, and edge around issues. He hadn't gone to check on the firearms development after all, he'd headed home instead. He expected to find Fiala doing some heavy reading and wasn't disappointed. She was curled up on the counter top, of all places, with their pet cat dozing on her feet. She didn't even notice him approach her she was so absorbed in her book.

"Fiala, I saw Even today-"

"Shit, Hope!" she snapped, lurching slightly and sending their cat skittering off to somewhere else in the house. Hope expected to be bitten later for disturbing the lazy slob's nap-time. She closed her book and glared at him.

"I saw Even today," he repeated. "He said something about yeast being useful for Nullvae."

She gawked at him slightly before hoping off the counter, using his shoulders to balance herself. She fetched her discarded boots and was tugging one on when Hope seized her wrists.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to pry! I want to know what-"

"He said he'd get in touch when it was more refined. Just stop... don't go," he urged.

"Don't you see?" she asked him, muted giddiness in her eyes. "This could be amazing, Hope!"

"Fiala, I want you to stay here," he demanded.

"Why?"

"Because... I'll make crepes... but only if you stay..."

Fiala would give somebody the clothes from her back in exchange for crepes. Hope made more than was necessary in an effort to keep her grounded at home. It was all he could do besides locking the door and taking her key. He perched one plate in his palm, one on his forearm and carried a variety of toppings with him through into the lounge where Fiala was sat plaiting her hair. Hope took it as a good sign that she'd decided to bathe and get into her pajama's.

Hope dropped the sauces and toppings onto the coffee table gracelessly and handed her the plate off his arm. She took it with a sweet smile and immediately snatched up the chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Hope rolled his eyes, sitting at the opposite end of the sofa with her, stretching out his legs across the seats either side of her legs which were also sprawled out in his direction.

There was a few minutes of silence whilst Fiala necked her first crepe. Hope was more demure and scooped up polite mouthfuls.

"We're too busy," he said, looking glum.

"Such is life."

"No, I want to be selfish. I want to lie in tomorrow and I want to stay up late tonight. and I want to talk. Because for some reason, we don't do that lately."

He sounded like a desperate boyfriend. He mentally cringed at how clingy he sounded but it was quickly erased when he saw Fiala's brows crease and her lips twist into an expression of sadness.

"I know... Things are rapid and... sometimes, I'd like to just run away. I'd like to just set off with a carafe and rations, maybe take a blanket and some salves and just GO. With you. But I don't shirk my duties."

"... I don't think anyone would notice if we slowed down... just a little."

"I would notice."

"But if you forgive yourself for it..."

"I suppose we did buy some time already," she said wistfully.

They both sighed in relief. The conversation they just had was intriguingly tense. It'd been a budding shouting match. They could somehow successfully argue even when they agreed with each other. Luckily, they just never meant anything by it.

Fiala put her plate on the table and Hope thought she was ill for a moment until she crawled over the couch and sat between his legs, resting her back against his torso. She picked the plate back up and began eating whilst her head lazily rolled over onto his shoulder. He put his arms either side of her and sat his plate in her lap since his own was... occupied.

"I thought I wasn't affected by it," she mumbled. "I thought I was coping."

"... But you aren't?"

"I killed a man!" she blurted out.

An uncomfortable silence settled like dust on their shoulders. Hope's hand was raised to fetch another crepe but he dropped it to his side whilst Fiala stared up listlessly at the ceiling.

"K-killed?"

"... His time was up. I thought I was doing the right thing. And now I'm not really that sure..."

"Time was up..? Do you mean... wait, did his brand form fully?" asked Hope slowly, recalling Dr. Even's unusual words to him earlier that had taken him by surprise.

"... That was no excuse for me to just... to play god and permit the end of his life. Oh god... oh gods!" trembled Fiala. letting out a belting sob. "I killed - I took life! It's a disgrace! It's a disgrace to everything I am! I'm meant to heal - to develop. To SAVE. As a woman - I should carry and create life, not flick it out-"

"Fiala!" snapped Hope, shoving his plate aside and taking Fiala's away from her. He clasped his arms around her shoulders as she shuddered convulsively with belated tears. He couldn't stand to see or hear her cry. "Fiala if it had gotten that way, then the only end was ever going to be death! Everyone knows there's no return from being a cie'th! You saved his dignity as a human being instead of letting him fall to shambles as a woe stricken cie'th!"

"But what if he wasn't going to turn into a cie'th, Hope?! What if I killed him for no reason!?"

"... Would you have wanted to wait long enough to find out if that was the case or not? Would you have wanted to wait long enough for there to be nothing of his humanity to salvage?" he pleaded desperately, but in such a quiet, eerie tone. "... I... I think you did the right thing. And you're braver than I am..."

"Braver?" questioned Fiala in a hoarse voice.

"I'd have run away from my problems by now. You should've told me sooner... maybe you could cut me a deal?"

"D-deal?"

"... I tell you all of my burdens. You... you tell me yours. We share and divide our troubles. Maybe then, we can ebb them away from each other until they're just... they're just there with no real consequence... Even Dr. Even said... he told me to tell you that if you fail to shed your burdens, you'll only end up stuck in one place."

"Wh-what does that psycho know?" spluttered Fiala through her tears, laughing half-heartedly.

"Fiala... is it a deal?"

"... Deal. M-maybe you'll look p-p-pretty without a frown on y-your face," she taunted.

Hope laughed against his will, holding her tighter as if tethering her to world still. The crepes sat, forgotten, to their sides as they poured out all the things that were shredding them up and corroding them slowly, releasing the tension that had lead to them merely existing together instead of enjoying each other's company in the first place.

Briefly, in the mixture of all the messy thoughts, Hope resented that the only time he even managed to get Fiala in his arms is when she was on the brink of despair. One day, he would change the purpose, the meaning, of his arms being around her.

Just not today.

a/n II:

Null - to cancel out
Vae - Woe [Latin]