A very special thank you to HP-LotR-SW-HG, chamiesgirl, bubblegum and guest for your reviews :) I also just want to note that not all of my timelines and the show's timeline will line up. I have changed things a bit and a few backstories. In no way do I mean any disrespect to the real soldiers, or the show. I own nothing but my own characters. Hope you enjoy the next chapter!
Jean slept restlessly though the night. Never fully waking, but her body managed to toss and turn all night. Plagued by guilt in her nightmares. Scenarios that if she wasn't here, if she was somehow home, her father would be alright. If she had stayed home and found a local job in town instead of joining the Airborne, he might not have had the need to work extra shifts. If she had just been a normal woman and let men fight, not her, her father would be alive.
When she woke up, the sun had just crossed the horizon. Not wanting to face more grim dreams, she decided to get up.
Staying in the same clothes she had been in when she fell asleep, she slipped on her boots, pulled on her jacket, and went straight downstairs and through the front door quietly.
Wandering through the streets of Albourne in the early morning, Jean barely saw anything around her. She passed the few people that were already up and about in town, like the milkman who was delivering on the streets, and the few other working people, already busy with their days.
Jean didn't realize where she was going until she was almost there. The shooting range.
The range was a few miles off of base, so she was surprised that so much time had passed since she left the house.
Walking up to the vacant field, Jean looked at the frost on the grass across the large area.
She had heard a few townspeople, including Mr. Morgan talk about how it was strange that it hadn't snowed yet. It was mid-November, and they were used to getting at least one good snow by now. But all it had done so far was get cold enough for a frost in the morning.
Smiling softly to herself as she climbed onto the wood fence that surrounded the range, Jean remembered her father's obsession with the first snow of the winter.
He always said that he could feel when it would snow for the first time. And to his credit, he was never wrong.
Jean recalled a time when she must've been about 9. It was her first winter without her mother, and her father had been doing his best to keep Jean's life as normal and exciting as possible without letting the grief overwhelm them.
It must've been close to 2 in the morning, and Jean's father had come into her room and woke Jean up. Groggy and somewhat cranky for being woken up, Jean looked at her father in a daze.
"What're you doing, daddy?" Jean asked sleepily, trying to lay back in her warm bed.
"Come on, dear." He ushered, pulling her out of bed and wrapping her in a blanket and slippers. "We've got to get outside. It's coming."
Jean just nodded, following her father to the main entrance, shivering and wrapping her blanket around her tighter as the door swung open.
"Come on, Jean dear, it's coming, you don't want to miss it." He said, a huge goofy smile on his face.
Jean, awakened from the harsh wind outside, just continued out the door and closed it behind her. "Daddy, what's coming? Why are we out here?"
Grabbing her hand, he led her to the sidewalk and kneeled on the ground to reach her height. Being a tall man, he still had to hunch as his eyes were next to hers and he motioned her to look up.
"Magic, Jean." he whispered. "The first snow is magic."
And no more then 10 seconds later, as the two stared up into the dark, starless sky, the first snow of the season began.
Smiling down to his daughter, he saw the wonder and amazement in her face as she watched the flakes dance down on to her face and blanket.
"The first snow is magic, Jean, it means that anyone that you miss who is gone -they are able to touch you. The snow is their fingers touching you and showering you in kisses. They are able to show their love for you."
Looking from the sky to her father, she asked quickly, "Is it mama kissing us?"
Tears had begun to rise in his eyes, "Yes, love, it's mama. It's mama kissing us."
"Why are her kisses so cold though, daddy?" Jean asked, looking back to the sky and closing her eyes as she let the cold snow fall onto her face.
"It's because she wants to make sure that you feel it." He said, "The kisses... The kisses are cold because she knows that if it were warm, you might not feel it since it's too cold out. And she wants you to see her kisses as they find you."
Jean nodded, taking her father's words in and smiling up. Whispering to the sky, with eyes still closed, "I love you too, mama. Daddy and I miss you a lot."
They had stayed outside until Jean began to sniffle, triggering her father to get her back inside to the warmth.
After that night, her and her father would go outside whenever he felt the snow coming. Jean never felt it, always just trusting her father's intuition.
Sitting on the fence, Jean looked at the frost and tried to let her mind become completely blank to stop the thoughts running in her head. Memories were good, but they were too painful. It wasn't real yet that he was gone. It couldn't be real. She needed a bit more time.
As the sun continued to rise behind the clouds, Jean could feel the cold moving in and began to see her breath as she exhaled.
Listening to the wind sing across the field, Jean closed her eyes and turned her head toward the sky. As she did this, an animal in the distance made a noise.
"That was a barn own." A voice said from behind Jean, startling her as she snapped her head to the side. "I heard that they make screeches instead of hooting like most other owls."
Jean nodded and greeted him, "Lieutenant Speirs."
"Private Murphy." He walked up to the fence. Jean silently cursing him as she hadn't even heard him approach. "Are you here for shooting practice?" He asked.
Jean looked at the field, "No sir, just couldn't sleep."
Staying silent, Speirs bent over and stepped through the wood fence, Jean noticing the rifle on his shoulder. "Mind if I shoot?"
Jean shook her head as the CO of Dog made his way to the line of the field a few hundred yards from the targets.
For the next 30 minutes or so, she watched the man a few years in front of her shoot with deadly precision at the targets. Annihilating most of them with shots to the center with deep breathes, patience, and excellent accuracy.
He changed positions from standing, to on one knee, to scoping from his belly on the ground and back up multiple times. All in his own time, with no rush. As he moved fluidly, Jean saw the grace that he had and knew that he was a good leader for his company. The stark difference between him and Sobel was shocking.
Whereas Sobel demanded respect with his words and challenges of his mind tricks, Speirs would just walk into a room and everyone in it seemed to be in awe of him. Or scared, Jean wasn't very sure what other people felt let alone herself when he walked into a room, but from what she sees on the other mens faces, there was always a mix of fear and respect.
But as she watched him hit two more bullseyes on a closer target, she knew that part of what she felt was fear. Not fear of the man, but fear of what she felt about him.
Looking back to the sky, Jean noticed that more clouds had rolled in and that the temperature seemed to have dropped. Rubbing her hands together and then realizing that her pockets were much warmer, she shoved them into her sides.
Speirs had gotten up and was making his way to Jean on the fence.
Walking up, he paused at the fence, leaning against it. First looking at Jean and then to the sky that she was looking at before looking to the now vacant field.
Jean continued to sit and Speirs stood for a few minutes in silent, just enjoying each others company without feeling the need to speak. Jean felt more at ease now than she did for the past 12 hours. His presence provided a relief and so did his lack of prying questions.
Looking over to the man next to her, she spoke.
"Looks like it's going to snow." she said softly.
Looking back to the sky, Speirs frowned a bit. "Really? It's cold enough, but it's been colder here already without any snow."
"Yeah," Jean replied, "But it just feels like it's going to snow, doesn't it?"
Not replying, he just looked to Jean and nodded.
"My father, he-" Jean started, and caught herself as her voice cracked. "He loved the snow. Said it was magical. Especially the first snow."
Speirs, looking at her with an intensity as if he was trying to look into her soul through her eyes nodded slowly, as if agreeing.
Breaking eye contact, Jean took her hands out of her pockets and looked down at her hands that were beginning to turn red and rubbed them together.
As she did so, her company walked up to her and handed her a pair of leather gloves.
"Here, looks like you need them more than me." Speirs stated. "You fingers look like their about to fall off."
Smiling, Jean shook her head, "Oh, no thank you, I'll head back soon."
"Even so," he cut her off, "It's at least an hour walk back to town and you'll need something more than jacket pockets."
He put the gloves over her hands, and let go, not letting her take time to refuse without letting them fall to the ground.
"Thanks," she mumbled.
As she slipped her hands into the soft leather, she sighed softly. The gloves felt great. They were still warm, but she felt the need to frown at him since she saw a smug smile on his face.
"Any time," he almost whispered.
As the looked at each other, Jean felt something hit her nose. Then her cheek. Breaking eye contact, she looked up to the sky.
It was snowing.
Beginning to feel tears begin to well up, she closed her eyes and smiled up at the sky, spreading her arms out letting as many snow flakes that could fall on her as possible.
Completely forgetting the man next to her, she sighed as a few tears escaped the sides of her eyes.
Speirs looked at the woman before him and smiled, seeing her lose herself in whatever was in her head completely. Then quickly putting on his mask that he has let slip down, he decided it was time for him to leave.
"You father was right," he said loud enough to break her spell as she looked at him in surprise, seeing his stoic face. "The snow does magical things."
Jean looked at him and he bent through the fence and began to make his way back to the town.
"Stay warm, Jean." he said as he walked away.
Jean continued to stare at the lieutenant as he walked away, leaving her to smile and cry as the snow continued to fall on her.
Getting off the fence after a few more minutes of enjoying the weather, Jean looked back at the field and up a final time before taking off to head back to the city center. As the snow melted with each kiss on her face, she whispered, "I love you too, dad."
It took Jean just under an hour to wander back to town. She took her time, slushing through the snow that was already starting to accumulate on the ground.
As she walked up to Mr. Morgan's house, she saw a few sets of footprints that had already gone up and down the walkway to the front door.
Frowning, she continued and opened the door, only to be met by 3 sets of faces. Mr. Morgan, George, and Bill all in the front room.
Sighing, she slipped off the leather gloves that weren't hers and quickly shoved them to her jacket pockets. Then began to untie her boots, not wanting to track the mud up the stairs.
As she was done, she straightened up and looked at the 3 men with worried faces in front of her.
"Dearie, we didn't know where you- and I just heard about... I'm so sorry dear." Mr. Morgan said with a crestfallen face and tears beginning to fill his eyes.
Jean tried to smile at the older man, but she found herself starting to well up too.
"I'm sorry, I just couldn't sleep and went for a walk." Jean started as she put on a mask again, not letting herself cry.
"Sunshine, it's almost lunchtime, how long of a walk did you take?" Bill asked roughly, a small crack in his voice as he tried to scold her.
"Bill, I was walking. I just needed time to think." She said.
Scowling at her and then sighing, Bill nodded and then quickly walked toward her and gave her a tight hug.
"I'm sorry about your father. " He whispered in her ear as he held her still. "Sunshine, we were worried about ya, that's all. We heard last night about your pops and tried to find you this morning and had no idea where you were."
He let her go but held on to her shoulders and looked at her in the eyes. "No disappearing on us, okay?"
Jean nodded, tears starting to fall. Bill quickly used his thumb and wiped a few tears away before they fell. Then he took her chin and held it up as they continued eye contact. He nodded at her and she nodded back, knowing he was trying to help her be strong. Ever since meeting him, Bill had helped her fight any weakness that she thought she had, including helping her hide emotions, especially when Sobel would try to get her down.
As he stepped back, George stepped a bit closer. "How you doing, Sunshine?"
She shrugged and said "I'm just tired. I think I'll go and sleep for a bit." She looked at Mr. Morgan and he looked at her and nodded.
"Yes, yes, you get all the rest you need, dear." Mr. Morgan said, beginning to usher her upstairs, past George and Bill. "And when you're done, I'll a nice cuppa and some lunch for you, alright?"
Jean nodded and yawned, feeling the exhaustion from the last day sink in as she started up the stairs. Pausing, she quickly went back and grabbed Bill and George and hugged them both with one arm. "Thank you. I love you guys." she said in the ears.
They each hugged her back and slowly let her go, saying they both loved her too.
"Once you want some company, you just let us know, Sunshine, okay?" Bill asked.
Jean smiled and nodded and yawned again. George pushed her back up the stairs and she went up straight to her room. This time, taking the time to change out of her uniform and to a plain shirt and pair of extra PT shorts. Pulling the blankets up, she looked at the pile of letters spread from the bed to the floor and left them. She would see if she had the strength to go through them later. For now, she just wanted to sleep.
In just a few minutes, Jean was fully asleep. As she slept, she just had one dream. It wasn't about guilt, or worry that she let her father down. In her dream, she was 9 years old, standing outside in the middle of the night with her father as they laughed and let the snow fall on them until they got too cold.