oOo

When Kíli awakened he was all alone in his room. The sun was already going down and the darkness flooded into his room, so he had to turn on the lights and put on his glasses. His body felt somehow strange, but relaxed and as if it had regained energy, too. He was incredibly thirsty, so he took the glass of water from the nightstand and drank it whole as he recognized a blanket laying over an armchair they got from a friend of his mother. This blanket didn't belong to him, but maybe to his mother.

Kíli sighed and wished he hadn't met Henry and his idiotic companions, so that he had gone to school like usual. Since primary school he never missed a day caused by illness and he wouldn't miss another day until he graduated.

But first, he had to get up to the bathroom and then go find his mother who could definitely explain what happened yesterday. As he left his room in shorts and shirt, he felt as if something was absent, but didn't know what. He just had the feeling, he missed something important, like a task he had to do or clothes he left in the wardrobe. In the mirror he saw his beard grew longer than usual in such in a short time and he decided to shave after eating and even to take a shower. He smelled something delicious coming from the kitchen on the ground-floor and heard his stomach grumbling from hunger as he thought about self cooked chili con carne or a chicken stew or a bloody steak. His mother made the best food he had ever eaten and would usually dance to the music while preparing supper while listening to the radio.

Kíli went to the stairs and got quickly down, because he remembered Fíli coming into his house the day before, but couldn't recall when he left or what he did. He was at the door of their bathroom when he heard a rock song he liked very much as another male voice began to hum which didn't belong originally to the song.

Kíli froze to stone as he saw Fíli in an apron in the kitchen, cooking something which really smelled this tasty that he wanted to wolf down his cooking as soon as possible.

Fíli turned around unsure if he heard things, but looked relieved as he saw his friend on his feet again.

"You look good, Kee," Fíli said smiling like a honey bee, turning the radio low.

"What are you doing in my house?" Kíli asked, still standing in the door, wondering where is mother was.

"Cooking?"

"Why?" Kíli looked at him as if he didn't believe him, that was because, well... he didn't.

Fíli frowned and took the hot, steaming pot from the stove. "Why? Because you're hungry, aren't you? You ate nothing more than an apple and a small buttered toast since yesterday."

"How would you know that? Where is my mother?" He turned and left the kitchen not sure what to think or to say. Why was Fíli in his house? With an apron! He shook his head knowing he had a strange dream or a vision. He couldn't remember a thing since he got on Fíli's motorbike, but he felt unbelievably good and strong, even though he was pretty sure that he had ran a fever.

The blond frowned even more as he watched Kíli's irritated face, proving that he didn't play a silly game with him. "She's on a business trip and left yesterday. Your mother asked me to babysit you. Did you forget about what happened?" Something inside his belly begun to stab his stomach painfully.

"What? Why would she ask you? And what the hell? I don't need a babysitter and I do not need you!"

"Kee, calm down. It's me, Fíli!" He placed his hand on his chest where the younger had laid two hours ago. "What happened? You alright?"

"No... I mean, yes." Kíli shook his head to get rid of his upcoming dizziness. Was his fever returning? Or was it just Fíli's presence that made him dizzy?

"Sit down."

"No."

"I said, sit down!" the older said loudly.

The younger followed the command with a sulking face as he sat down on the kitchen table, looking in confusion at the blond.

"You do not remember what happened last night?" Fíli asked calmly even if his mind was troubled by this thought and didn't dare to admit that this was really possible.

"No. I had a dream maybe... But can't remember."

"Nothing else?"

"What do you mean?"

"You had a fever since three days ago and over the last days I took care of you with your mother, but she had to leave yesterday and called today that she wouldn't make it in time. I'll have to watch over you till tomorrow, so we have time to talk and maybe you will remember... me."

"Remember what?" Kíli asked with shocked eyes. "Did you do something disgusting again?" Even though the whole room smelled of chicken soup he was very aware of the scent of apples and sunflowers that reminded him of Fíli, of course. But there was something else, he should have remembered by now, something that hid in the dark.

"Disgusting?" Fíli replied, not sure if he just misunderstood.

"What you did in the shower at school was disgusting! I didn't like it and you keep sticking to me."

He surely misunderstood again. "Of course I'm sticking to you. We are at least friends. I'm trying to protect you and I..."

"I don't want any protection and I don't want you in my house. You're disturbing! And your appearance is just making it worse. You're irritating me, your voice, your hair, your face, even your smell. That smell of you is everywhere! I can't stand it!"

"Kee, please keep calm. I'll tell you everything if you let me explain."

"No, just go! I hate you!"

Fíli face turned to stone as he replied: "No, you don't. Now I know that you're lying."

"Back off!" Kíli hissed in anger, standing up and overturning his chair which fell noisily to the ground. "How could I be friends with a pushy guy like you? You're stupid and violent and an egoist. I really do hate guys like you!"

"I'm not like that," Fíli said calmly. "I thought, I've already proved my intention. I don't mean any ill will, Kee. I love you!"

Opening his mouth in shock, he just stood there looking at the blond. "That's... that's not true," he said bewildered. "You're joking."

"I'm telling the truth."

Kíli begun to laugh even if he didn't feel like he should. "No, it's not. And I don't want to hear anything of it."

Fíli's heart was aching, because he didn't know what happened to his friend that he really forgot about their first night together, that he forgot this feeling and the sensation of their love making and even the cuddling in the morning. "Kee, what... you just told me last night..."

"And don't call me Kee," he interrupted him coldly. "The only ones, I'd allow this, were my grandparents and my mother. You're neither of them."

"Kíli..."

"What? Let me guess, do you want to tell me that you were taking advantage of me last night and that you played your silly game again? Just shut up and leave. I'm fine and there's no reason for you to be still here."

Fíli clenched his fist, but tried to relax as soon as he spoke the words. "Leaving aside what happened the last two days, I'll tell you you're not that clever as you might think. Even so I stayed by your side the last weeks, you're still stupid as fuck and know nothing about me," Fíli said angrily, feeling his rising rage and his boiling blood in his veins. "You're an idiot not considering anybody's feelings and lying to yourself in fear, you'll get disappointed of someone's loyalty you want to trust. Yes, I will leave, but I'll do now what you expected me to do with you when you were asleep, because I hope, you will finally awake and realize what you feel!" He grabbed Kíli's arm and pulled him to himself, lifting Kíli's chin to let him look into his face. Fíli wanted nothing more than to kiss him hard on his lips to show him his desire and his love. But he saw Kíli's terrified and clueless eyes and Fíli flinched as his heart broke into pieces, perceiving that his darkest imaginations were coming true. There were no feelings left in Kíli. He was just that nerdy boy, seeing Fíli as an absurdity and the bad guy again. Captured by invisible chains he was forced to hold himself back from the one he desired the most in the world.

Fíli felt like crying, but he pulled himself together and gave Kíli just a light kiss on his forehead. He said nothing as he turned and left the kitchen. Maybe it was really useless to give it another try and Fíli should just give up.

Kíli heard the closing front door and soon after the starting engine of a motorcycle, but he couldn't care less. Feeling somehow relieved that he was gone he rubbed his forehead to get rid of this disturbing kiss on his skin. He didn't want to get kissed by him and it was even more confusing to see him without a warning in his home. At school he could prepare himself to meet Fíli while calming himself down or just by ignoring the other. But meeting Fíli here while he thought, he would find his mother, he got jumped by a blond man he didn't want to have at home. He got frightened all of the sudden as well.

Kíli went out of the kitchen and thought about calling his mother, but the emptied house felt suddenly strange and unpleasant. Still the radio was on and a not emotional fitting rock song was played, he couldn't recognize. Kíli wandered around his house not being able to verify what he was looking for or what his aim was. He had none, but felt something terribly missing. He wasn't at home anymore, at least it didn't feel like it.

Nevertheless, Kíli decided to get rid of those thoughts and have a change of clothes, so he entered his room on the first floor and was overwhelmed by the scent of sweet sunflowers. This scent somehow was everywhere and he realized that he was this customized that he didn't notice Fíli's scent in his room before. And it felt all of a sudden like home.

His heart was beating and racing as if he had run a marathon throbbing painfully against his chest as he suddenly was well aware about what happened with him as Fíli was driving him home yesterday. Or was it the day before? He could have checked the date, but didn't feel like it. He remembered this pleasuring felling as he had wrapped his arms around the blond while driving the vibrating motorbike. He remembered his erection as well as his silly thoughts about wanting to have the blond.

Kíli liked that guy, that was true. And he did almost everything to make Fíli hate him, because it seemed Fíli had spoken the truth about him, knowing Kíli's intention in doing the things he did. Making no friends in order to protect himself from not being corrupted or hurt by another one was what he had intended, but...But Fíli was so confusing! He was a nice guy despite those embarrassing actions at the shower and after P.E.s when he was cuddling or clinging to Kíli like to little child. And Kíli hated himself for looking forward to such stupid actions. He longed for Fíli's touches as well as his upright face, his blue eyes and his sparkling blond hair which looked like the crest of a proud lion. And he also enjoyed his company in the emptied library on lonely Fridays even though he was asleep or blubbering nonsense to distract Kíli from his studies. It still was fun.

His hands were shaking as he realized that the blond really had left his house leaving him behind as Kíli ordered him. Why did he do that? Why did he throw him out of the house? Fíli never did anything to hurt him or even made fun of him like the others did. The biker boy was always honest and mostly calm in Kíli's present, doing nothing else than to sleep or to talk about random things Kíli was not interested. But since weeks he didn't feel the cold loneliness anymore and if he really would hate Fíli he would have never agreed to help him with his studies or practiced volleyball with him.

Kíli touched his forehead and knew, he had done something terribly wrong. At that point his eyes caught the date of the calendar. It was Saturday. He really couldn't remember two full days! The blond had spoken the truth again and Kíli doubted him, again. What had happened in these days that made Fíli cook for him and Kíli's room smell of him?

He tried to call his mother several times, just to realize she turned it off, so he wrote her a message to get to know what happened the last days and if she asked Fíli to take care of him.

She made him wait in not answering the messages and his pride made him stay at home, even though his heart was telling him to go and look for Fíli. He distracted himself with what he usually did in such situations: reading and studying. He also did his math homework in order to pass those to the teacher on Monday. But then at lunchtime she popped up and her face showed him, she was relieved everything turned out well and Kíli was fit again. But her son bombarded her with questions about his caretaker.

"Why, you ask?" she looked at him in surprise while she was holding her cup of coffee between her hands. The black liquid was still steaming. "Because he's your friend, isn't he, honey?"

"Uhm, well, maybe," Kíli muttered. "But I never told you. How would you know that? And why did you let him stay at our house?"

"Did I made a mistake?" she asked back looking her son deeply into his amber eyes.

"I... uhm, I don't know. But, please, tell me."

His mother sighed and laid her head on his shoulder like she usually did when they were watching a horror movie together. "On Thursday he came to our house, introducing himself as Fíli Durin and a friend of yours, knowing you from your school. To tell you the truth I've been a bit skeptical about him being your friend, but he showed me the broken pen and that he was here to give you something in return, because it was his fault that it broke hours before. Of course, I'd recognize that pen and let him in. He was quite nice and charming even though he wore those biker clothes. I felt like he was a genuine person and didn't mean to do you any harm, so I let him wait in your room. But you were running late and Fíli said that he had a bad feeling about this, asked me which way you would take to come back from school and left the house. One hour later you both arrived, you totally wet and Fíli full of worries about you. I'm a mother and I see if someone cares for another one. And he did. You both looked so cute together..."

"Mom..."

"Oh, sorry, honey. Well, where have I been?" she murmured to herself. "Oh, yes. He carried you out of the bathroom and brought you to bed. That was when he asked me to let him stay over night."

"He slept in our house?"

"He slept in your room, yes. And the fever went down. He left for school the next morning and came back in the afternoon asking for your physical condition. But in the meantime he wasn't here, your fever rose again and as he heard of your condition, he wanted to bring you to the hospital, but I was against it. I made him stay and look for you, because I felt that you both had a close connection and that his presence somehow made you calmer and feel better."

"And what did he say?"

"Yes, of course. He wanted to stay again and intended to ask me anyway."

Kíli looked in silence at the pictures Fíli had seen from the sofa, too. "What was it he wanted to give me in exchange?"

"He didn't say anything, but he chose something from his heart, I'm sure."

"From his heart?"

"It was just an impression I got from him."

Kíli took his time to asked his question. "Mom, do you think, he's an honest person?"

"Oh, yes. You doubt him?"

"Don't know."

"You shouldn't. If you want to rely on someone, he's the man you need."

"Mom..."

"Sorry, did I say something embarrassing again?"

Kíli shook his head. "No. Thank you."

- to be continued -

Thank you for your lovely comments. No blushing this time ;-)