Chapter 10- Scars
I found Alice in the corner of the first row of lockers. She was wearing her gym clothes, and her turtleneck (which I presumed she wore during gym to cover the scars) was pushed up her back, revealing the ribbons of pink and white I had seen before at the coffee shop. She had her arms around herself and was sobbing loudly, her tiny frame shaking uncontrollably.
Bree was hovering over her, yelling something at her. Not bothering to even try to comprehend what she was saying, I pushed my way through the small crowd of girls that had gathered and pulled Alice into my arms. As I rocked her gently, her sobs gradually started to quiet.
As Tanya was busy restraining Bree, I heard the other girls recount what had happened. Alice had apparently come to this corner to change when Bree came up behind her and pushed her into the lockers. She pulled up her shirt and called out to her friends, showing the others Alice's scars. I couldn't fathom what possessed Bree to do this, other than that she was a mean, vindictive, little bitch.
"Tanya, I'm going to take Alice home, okay?" I called over the commotion in the locker room.
"Should I call her brother?" Tanya asked.
"No, it's okay. He's at work; I got her."
Tanya eyed me suspiciously but was quickly distracted by Bree, who was trying to struggle out of Tanya's death grip. As soon as Tanya started wrestling her to the office, I coaxed Alice to her feet. I felt a dozen eyes on the back of my head, and I turned around and snapped, "What are you looking at?" Suddenly the other twelve girls in the room were very interested in their lockers and gym bags, and Alice and I made our way to the door.
Positive that I was breaking at least a dozen school rules by removing Alice from the property, I lead her to my truck. She followed without question, and I couldn't help but notice how trusting she was of me. She didn't give that kind of trust to many people. I opened the passenger door for her and helped her inside the truck. Once on the main road, I decided to break the ice by using Charlie's standard line. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
Alice didn't answer me, and I didn't force her to. I knew this girl was too much like me, and I wondered if that's why she trusted me more than her other teachers. I wouldn't push her.
After driving aimlessly for a few moments, I realized that even though Edward and I had become fairly close, I had never been to his place and had no idea where they lived.
"Alice, you don't have to talk about it, but I need you to tell me where you live."
"Just make a right at the next light and then your first left. It's at the end of the street." Her voice was emotionless as she stared blankly out the window.
After following her instructions, I pulled up to a modest dwelling, even smaller than Charlie's little house. It was in good condition, though. The lawn was neatly kept, not a stray leaf in sight despite the woodsy surroundings. Edward obviously took great care of his place.
Alice used her key, and we walked in. "This is it," she mumbled. "Thanks." I knew she was trying to dismiss me, but there was no way I was leaving her alone after what I'd just witnessed.
"Do you mind if I stick around for a while and wait for your brother?" It was a bad excuse to stay, and we both knew it. It had only just turned three o'clock. Edward wouldn't be home for at least five more hours. I debated on calling him to come early, but decided against it, at least for the moment. I knew that his job was important to him, as it was his only source of income for him and Alice. I decided I would try to handle the situation on my own.
"Sure, whatever." She disappeared down a hallway to what I could only assume was her bedroom. I used the time to call Charlie quickly.
He picked up on the first ring, and asked in a panicked voice. "Bella, what's wrong? Why aren't you at work?"
"Relax, I'm fine," I assured him. "I was calling because I won't be home for dinner, so you might want to get takeout."
Charlie was silent for a minute. "Bella, you've never not been home for dinner. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm actually at Edward's house."
"Oh, okay, kid. Have fun." I could hear the smile in his voice. Charlie had been doing everything in his power to get us together since he first came home and found Edward sleeping on his couch.
"It's not what you think. I'm just taking care of Alice. He's not home from work yet."
"Is she okay?" he asked, concerned.
"Yeah, she will be. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Okay, honey. Be safe."
"Will do." I hung up and peered down the hallway. Alice's door was still closed.
Feeling incredibly out of place with Edward not home, I decided to busy myself with some lesson planning until Alice reemerged. It was only a few minutes before I heard a violent sobbing coming from her room. I ran to the door to find it unlocked, so I knocked on the doorjamb as I opened it slowly. Alice didn't respond so I hesitantly stepped inside. "Alice?"
She was facing away from me, curled into a ball on her bed. I made my way through the mess of clothes on her floor to the other side of the bed to find her little face streaked with black eyeliner and mascara. "Oh, honey," I said softly, "please talk to me." It was killing me that I didn't know what to do or say to help her. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that this was what Charlie had to deal with almost every day when I first moved here. I owed him an apology. He was a freaking saint.
Alice was babbling unintelligibly, and I tried to focus on her words. I only caught "Bree" and "bitch" and "burns." I realized she was trying to tell me what happened.
"Alice, slow down. Take a deep breath. What happened?"
"I was changing in the corner like I always do, so people can't see me. Bree came around and started saying shit. She asked me why I wore turtlenecks and long sleeves all the time, and she said people were saying I was a cutter - but I'm not, I swear. I would never do that! I told her that I wasn't, and she told me I had to prove it, and I told her no. Then she slammed me against the locker and pulled up my shirt, and called out to everybody to 'come look at the freak.' It was so humiliating."
I tried to keep my expression calm, though in reality I was seeing red. I knew high school girls could be mean, but Bree was in her own special class of bitch. I put my arms around Alice's tiny frame and rocked her carefully until the tears subsided.
"We'll deal with Bree," I assured her. "But you need to know something, Alice. You're better than her. She's got an ugly heart, and you're so beautiful."
"I'm hideous," Alice argued.
"No, you're not. So you have a few scars. Nobody cares about that, Alice, except for girls like Bree. She builds herself up by tearing other people down. You need to show her that you're better than that. That you're above all her crap."
"How?" she asked in a small voice.
"By going back there tomorrow and acting like what she did didn't faze you at all."
Alice didn't respond for a few minutes, and I let her sit in silence while I continued to hold her and stroke her hair. Finally, she spoke. "I wish I wasn't the way I am."
I frowned. "What do you mean by that?"
"Like... scared all the time. Feeling sad all the time. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I'm tired of the way I feel. I always feel like people are looking at me, talking about me. I just want to disappear."
Alice may as well have been reading out of one of my journals. I understood how she felt more than she would ever know.
"Alice, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"What happened to your old friends? Edward told me you used to have a lot of friends. Why aren't they your friends now?"
"Nobody wants to be friends with me now. Nobody talks to me."
"Is it that they don't talk to you, or that you shut them out?"
Alice finally rolled over to face me. "The first day I came back, everybody was whispering about me. I heard them. Nobody came to talk to me or ask how I was doing. I thought it would be better just to be left alone."
"Maybe they were worried about you, and that's why they were whispering? Maybe they were waiting for you to talk to them? Sometimes, when people have had bad things happen to them, others are worried about approaching them because they don't want to upset them."
"Maybe..." she said. "But it's too late now. Everybody hates me. Especially Jasper."
"Who's Jasper?" I asked.
"Just this guy. He was like my boyfriend before the summer. He went to Texas over the summer to visit his grandparents, and then the fire happened while he was gone. Edward said he came by a couple of times when I was still really sick and couldn't see anyone. Then, I came back to school and everything changed. Now he doesn't talk to me at all."
"Why do you think that is?"
"Because I'm ugly," she stated flatly.
"Alice, you are not ugly, and I want you to stop talking bad about yourself. Yes, you have some scars, but you're still you."
"They're so hard to cover up, because they're everywhere. I have to wear bulky clothes to cover them. I can't dress like I used to, and my hair is all messed up."
It was at this point I wished I was a typical girl, so I could take her shopping and show her all the things she could wear that wouldn't show her scars, and take her to get her hair and makeup done, and just let her feel better about herself, if even for a little while.
But how could I help raise this girl's self esteem when my own was so low?
"Bella, I'm really tired. Can I take a nap?" I could see in her eyes that the events of the day had left Alice exhausted.
"Of course, honey. Do you want me to call your brother?"
"No... we're having enough problems with money as it is..." Alice admitted. "He won't want to leave work." I made a mental note to ask Edward about that later and see if there was any way I could help.
"You're much more important to him than work. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, I know," she said, but her voice was fading into sleep.
"I'll still be here when you wake up," I assured her.
"Thanks, Bella. I..." she trailed off, and I heard a soft snore come from her. Poor girl.
I retreated back to the living room and turned on the TV. My mind was too frazzled now to focus on my lesson plans. I found myself watching a "complete makeover" show when I had an idea. I just needed some help.
I reached for my phone and scrolled through the numbers. I had to build up my courage for a few moments by telling myself "This is for Alice." Social calls were not my forte.
I found the number I wanted - one I had never called before in my life. I pressed the "send" button and crossed my fingers.
"Hello?"
"Rosalie, it's Bella. Please. You have to help me."
~~ID~~
Thankfully, Rosalie had agreed to help. We were going to take Alice out for "girl time" on Saturday, as much as it pained me. Rosalie actually sounded excited about the idea. Of course, I hadn't discussed this with Alice yet, but I hoped she'd be open to it.
Alice was still sleeping, even though it was approaching eight o'clock. I didn't have the heart to wake her up, and I knew Edward would be home soon. The bar wasn't far from his house.
I froze when I heard the sound of keys jingling in the lock. He entered the house and threw his keys on the table, oblivious to my presence.
He turned around and jumped when he saw me sitting on his couch. "Hey," I said softly.
He smiled at me. "Bella? This is a nice surprise. Where's Alice?"
"She's in her room. Edward, we need to talk." I regretted my choice of words instantly when I saw his smile falter.
"It's about Alice," I clarified, and he relaxed just a little. "Something happened today."
He sat down next to me, and I took his hand. He looked down surprised, because I rarely initiated the contact between us. With a deep sigh, I said, "Alice had a run in today with one of the mean girls at the school, in the girl's locker room. This girl, Bree, pushed her in the locker room and pulled her shirt up while the other girls laughed at her. Alice didn't take it well."
Edward immediately started to tug on the ends of his hair with his free hand, as he always did when he was frustrated. "Is she okay?"
"Yeah, I think she will be. But I need to tell you something else. I promised Alice I wouldn't, but I think in light of this you need to know." He nodded for me to continue. "Alice told me at the coffee shop that day that she hates the way she looks, and she worries about how other people see her. That's why she dresses the way she does and doesn't talk to anybody. She's pushing people away because she's afraid they'll judge her just based on her appearance." I sighed. "She doesn't know how beautiful she really is."
Edward looked heartbroken. "I didn't know she felt that way."
"All teenage girls worry about their appearance, and poor Alice hasn't really been coping well with the burns. I had an idea... but I don't know how much it will help."
"What is it?"
"Um... well, my brother's girlfriend is coming over on Saturday, and I thought we could take Alice out. See, Rosalie, his girlfriend, really likes clothes and makeup and stuff, and I thought she might be able to spend some time with Alice and boost her self esteem?"
"That's a great idea, but..." he trailed off and started tugging on his hair again. I reached my hand up to his and gently pulled it away from his hair.
"But what?" I urged.
"It's embarrassing," he said, looking away from me.
"Edward... you deal with my crazy ass everyday, and you think you can tell me anything that would make me think less of you?"
"Okay." Still not looking at me, he said, "I don't really have the money to give Alice to go shopping."
"That's not embarrassing," I said, wondering why he felt so bad about that.
"It is to me. It's my job to take care of her, and I'm barely scraping by. I've looked into getting another job, but then I'd never see Alice, and she won't have anybody. When my parents died, they were in a lot of debt. I couldn't afford the payments on their house, so I sold it, and we moved in here. Most of the money from the sale went right back to the bank. The rent on this place is a lot cheaper than their house payments, but I'm still just barely scraping by."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but it's really nothing to be ashamed of. You've been put in a really bad situation, and you weren't ready for it. Nobody is taking anything away from you. You're doing the best you can."
"I'm really trying to do everything right for her. It's such a great idea for you guys to take her out and have her spend some time outside the house, but I just can't afford it, and I feel like I'm letting her down."
"Tell you what," I said. "I'll make sure Rosalie brings everything she needs for Alice's hair and makeup, or whatever girls like to do." He smirked at my lack of knowledge. "And we'll take her out, but we'll pay for her lunch and stick to thrift stores. Alice doesn't seem like the high-end fashion type anyway." I smiled at Edward, but was surprised and saddened when he didn't return it. Instead, I noted unshed tears brimming in the corner of his eyes.
"Christ, Bella. I don't deserve you. I can't believe all this shit happened to her. I wouldn't have known what to do for her, and here you were... always saving me. I don't deserve you," he said again, and my heart fell. I don't think he realized how much he helped me, too - how much I didn't deserve him. As I opened my mouth to object, his hands were suddenly cupping my face, and he was looking into my eyes with a deep penetrating gaze. I was rendered speechless.
I closed my eyes for a moment, his touch relaxing me instantly. Suddenly, I felt his warm breath on my face as his warm, soft lips press urgently onto my own. I froze.