Loki was wandering the halls of the S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier, not looking at anything in particular. He'd worked here for a week already and had become rather comfortable with the environment. The men under his command in both departments had quickly picked up on his personality; they knew when to listen well and when to get the Hel out of his way. Loki could care less if any of them liked him or not because he enjoyed bossing them around, and he loved the startled looks on their stupid faces whenever he started yelling. He chuckled in delight to himself. He entered what was known as the lounge room and settled unto a soft, white leather couch. There were two other agents getting cups of coffee at the kitchenette and they'd stopped their personal conversation when Loki had entered the room. Loki wasn't paying any attention to the men so he jumped slightly when they suddenly stepped in front of him. He raised his eyebrows at them,
"Yes?" he chided, sounding slightly annoyed. One man, his name was printed as COLIN on his chest, cleared his throat and pointed to Loki's own name badge,
"Loki, huh? Like the Norse god?" he asked. Loki blinked slowly once,
"Yes." He said in a droll tone. Because there are SO many of us among the universe, he thought sarcastically to himself.
"Also like the supervillian who tried conquering Earth not too long ago?" Colin continued,
"Where are you going with this interrogation, mortal?" Loki snapped and the men looked at each other for a second. Then the second man, whose name was ANDERSON, spoke,
"So it is you." Was all he said. Colin smiled suddenly,
"There's something we wanted to show you." He said cheerfully and gestured for Loki to follow them. Loki gave him a deathly bored gaze. He continued to wave for Loki to follow,
"Come on! It'll just take a second." He said as he headed for the door. Loki sighed dramatically,
"Fine then. But if this is just something stupid I'll have your heads." He mumbled as he got up from the comfy couch to follow the men. Loki followed the men in silence for what seemed like forever, they continued to turn around halls and down stairs. Loki looked around,
"Where…?" he stopped in his tracks as he realized there were no cameras around them, nor any people. The men turned to look at him, and fury was all over their faces. All color drained from Loki's face and his expression changed to one of honest fear. Loki panicked and wheeled around like lightening, he began sprinting down the hall, but the men proved to be just as fast and they grabbed him. He yelped,
"NO!" the men threw him into the wall and the one named Colin punched him right in jaw. Loki threw his hands up to protect his face, but Anderson grabbed his arms and pulled them behind his back. Anderson kept Loki in a vice grip while Colin beat all his fury into Loki's body.
"WAIT!" Loki was still trying to squirm away. Colin gripped Loki's now blood covered chin and looked him in the eyes,
"You killed our buddy, and we heard you'd been turned mortal. Looks like it's true." The man grinned wickedly, "Good." He spat in Loki's face and proceeded to beat him further. Loki couldn't stop the cries of pain he made as he was beaten to near unconsciousness. His face suddenly hit the cold floor and he realized that Anderson had let go of him. He tried to pick himself up, to have some bit of dignity left, but Anderson stepped on his hand. Anderson dug his boot into Loki's thin fingers till they all heard the snap of bone and Loki screamed. The men walked away, leaving him there. Loki laid on that floor in his agony for a long while before he couldn't hold the tears anymore and he just cried. He curled up into himself and cradled his broken hand, crying like a child that had just been bullied by bigger kids. He had no idea how long he stayed there, he cried until his throat was sore, then he reached into his jacket pocket with his broken hand and pulled out the cellphone Tony had bought him. Blood smeared across the bright screen as his thumb scrolled through the contacts till he found Tony's name. He pressed the green button and put the phone to his ear. He tried to clear his throat so that he wouldn't sound like he'd just been crying for two hours, but as soon as he heard Tony's sweet voice say,
"Hey babe! What's up?" he broke down again,
"Tony!" he sobbed into the phone, breath coming out in hitches.
"Loki? What happened!" Tony sounded very alarmed. Loki tried to take a deep breath but it hurt,
"Just…come find me…please? I want to come home. Please." He managed to say.
"Wha…?" Tony was confused and concerned, "You're at the Helicarrier right?" he asked.
"Yes. But I don't know where I am INSIDE the Helicarrier. I'm kind of lost." He spoke in almost a whisper, embarrassment seeping through.
"Are you…crying…cause you're lost?" Tony wondered.
"No." Loki whispered pitifully, "Just come get me, Tony, please." He begged.
"Ok ok. I'm on my way. Just keep your phone on, I can track you with it." He said.
"Ok." Loki said and hung up the phone. He was lying on his side, staring at the wall with only one eye, the other was swollen shut. It hurt even to breathe and he tried to sort out all the pain; broken fingers, possible broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, torn and bleeding face. He forced himself to not cry anymore because the salty tears burned the wounds on his face, so he focused on breathing. He didn't realize that he had begun to black out till he heard the muffled sounds of people. He couldn't focus on them enough to understand their speech but he saw fuzzy images dancing around in front of him, and then he vaguely felt a warm calloused hand touching his face before everything went black.
Tony had grabbed his car keys as he hung the phone up. Fear and anxiety were tearing him up inside. Why was Loki crying like that? What had happened to him? He jumped into his car and drove as fast as the traffic would allow. He had debated with himself about just throwing on his Iron Man suit and flying there, but he figured it couldn't be that serious. When he finally reached the Helicarrier the elevator couldn't go fast enough. He dashed out of the elevator and unto the ship deck,
"Nick!" he called and Nick Fury slowly turned from the viewing window to face him, "Where's Loki?" Tony asked.
"Working, last I checked." Nick answered, he could see Tony's anxious demeanor.
"Yeah? And when did you "last check"?" Tony inquired. Nick raised an eyebrow,
"When he got here this morning. Why? What's going on?" he watched as Tony pulled out his cell phone. A GPS screen was displayed and a little red dot stared blinking on the screen.
"Are you tracking Loki?" Nick wondered,
"Yeah." Tony nodded. Nick looked at the little map and his face became confused,
"What is he doing all the way down there…" his voice trailed off and he looked at Tony seriously.
"I need to go get him. He called me saying he's lost and he wants me to take him home." He told Nick.
"Lost?" Nick said, "More likely some men holding grudges tricked him into following them down there. There aren't any cameras on that low level because it's used like garage." Nick explained. Tony looked horrified,
"Oh my god." He said and started running, Nick followed. They ran down flight after flight of stairs till they came to some darker lit halls. Tony was looking for any doors or rooms that Loki might be locked in when Nick suddenly grabbed his shoulder. Tony looked at him in alarm and Nick was pointing behind Tony. Tony whirled around, and at the end of the hall he saw that familiar figure curled up on the floor. He gasped and ran toward him,
"Loki?" he called but there was no response. He dropped to his knees in front of Loki and Loki only made a pitiful little moan. Tony winced as he looked at Loki's broken body. His beautiful pale face was covered in blood and swollen to the point of being almost unrecognizable, several digits of his left hand were snapped back in the wrong direction, and his right shoulder was obviously dislocated. Tony gently placed his hand upon Loki's face to pull his eyelids open,
"He's blacked out." Tony said to Nick. Nick pressed the button on his headset microphone,
"This is Director Fury. I need a medical team at my location immediately. And quickly!" he ordered. Tony stood up and glared at Nick,
"I wanna know who did this!" he growled. Nick held up a hand to calm him,
"Relax." Nick ordered, "I'm sure Loki will tell us who it was." A few minutes later several medical personal were running down the hall with a stretcher and first aid supplies. Two men daintily lifted Loki unto the stretcher while a woman gave Loki a shot of pain killer.
"This way." Nick led them into a narrow hallway, "It leads outside. I'll put you two on a helicopter back to your mansion." He told Tony. They came up a few stairs and immerged outside on the landing pad. There was already a chopper waiting so the med team jumped in and strapped Loki down. They had already put his fingers in splints and were now bandaging his face.
"Geez." Tony cursed, "What did Loki do to those guys that they would beat him so much?" he wondered. Nick snorted incredulously,
"You can't seriously be surprised, Stark." He said and gestured to Loki, "You don't become the conqueror of Earth without making a few enemies." Tony watched in contained horror as the doctors sat Loki up and snapped his shoulder back into place, all the while Loki lay limp and unconscious. The doctors then began removing his clothes to further investigate his injuries. The great thing about the shirt of the S.H.I.E.L.D issued catsuit was that it zipped up the front, so the doctors were able to get it off of Loki without much trouble. Loki's ribs were smeared black, blue, and purple and the female doctor sucked her teeth in disbelief.
"They had to have beaten him for a good long while. This is ridiculous!" she was shaking her head, "I'm surprised they didn't just kill him."
"Maybe they thought he'd die if they left him there." One of the male nurses answered.
"HEY!" Tony snapped, "That's my boyfriend! Ya wanna be a little more respectful?" his fury was pouring out. The entire medical staff halted their movements and looked up at Tony in shock,
"Your…b…?" the woman couldn't even repeat the words. Tony continued to glare,
"Yeah, you heard me! MY. BOY. FRIEND. And you'd better take good care of him!" he shouted. Nick snorted in amusement. The doctors immediately went back to work cleaning Loki up,
"Of course, Mr. Stark!" One of the men answered. Considering that Tony Stark funded the majority of the medical staff at the Helicarrier, these men and women knew better than to piss him off. They soon landed upon the roof of the Avengers Mansion and Tony jumped out of the chopper to open up the roof elevator. Bruce's medical rooms were on the third floor, so the trip down was short. Thankfully Bruce was in the med rooms when they entered and although his face showed his surprise he was quick to act. They moved Loki unto an actually hospital bed and Bruce stuck an I.V. into his left arm.
"What happened?" He asked no one in particular, but he saw that Tony and Nick were uninjured, so it obviously wasn't a fight.
"Some jerks at S.H.I.E.L.D. cornered him and beat the shit out of him." Tony growled. Bruce winced,
"Gosh. Wow." He was looking at Loki's wounds, "They were really pissed."
"Unfortunately, most of the world isn't just gonna forgive Loki as easy as Tony has." Nick stated then turned to Bruce, "You think you can take care of him?" he asked. Bruce nodded,
"Yeah. His life isn't in any danger, but he'll be in a lot of pain for a while. I can handle it." He said. Nick nodded in recognition,
"Then we're gonna go." He placed a gentle hand on Tony's shoulder, "Relax. I'll find out who it was. I won't let them get away with physical assault, I don't care who the victim was." He reassured Tony then he left with his medical staff. Tony sighed and sat down in a plastic chair next to Loki's bed. He dropped his face into his hands and rubbed his temples,
"I should have thought of this…" he whispered. Bruce sat down next to him,
"Don't beat yourself up. I mean, I knew a lot of people would still hold animosity toward him, but I never imagined someone would do this." He said. Tony sighed again, this time sounding exhausted,
"I'm supposed to be helping him. Teaching him. Protecting him." He looked up at Bruce now, "I fucked up." He looked back at the floor pitifully, "I always fuck up." He mumbled. Bruce wasn't good at this sort of thing so he said the only thing he could think of,
"It's not your fault, and I'm sure Loki would agree with me." He tried to give a reassuring smile but Tony didn't look at him, so Bruce just left the room uncomfortably and went down stairs to tell everyone what had happened. Minutes later Clint, Peter, Steve, and Thor came rushing into the med room and each of them cringed at the sight of Loki's swollen, bruised body.
"Aw damn." Clint said while shaking his head. Thor was standing by Loki's bedside, a mixture of fury and sorrow swirled in his eyes and he clinched his fists. Peter sat by Loki's feet and frowned,
"Aww." His voice was heavy with concern, "He'll be ok, right?" he turned his big, hopeful eyes up to Steve who was lightly stroking Tony's hair. Steve smiled softly,
"Yeah he'll be fine, in a couple days." He said.
"Who did this?" Clint asked. Tony shrugged,
"We don't know. They led him down into the garage of the Helicarrier, so there weren't any cameras." He answered.
"What a bag of dicks." Clint said. Steve shrugged one shoulder,
"I honestly can't say I'm surprised." He said. Tony and Thor both turned equal glares of fury upon him and he backpedaled, "I'm just saying!" he said as he threw his hands up in defense, "I mean, of course there are people out there that still hate him." He explained. An awkward silence settled until Steve told Peter it was past his bedtime. So Steve and Peter left with Clint trailing behind, and then Tony and Thor were left alone, with only the occasional beep of Loki's vitals monitor filling the silence. Thor's eyes never left Loki's poor bruised face,
"I will kill them." He whispered softly to no one. Tony glanced up at him and saw an anger that he'd never seen in Thor before,
"Not without me you won't." he commented and Thor looked at him in surprise for only a second before he smiled,
"Of course." Thor nodded, "We shall get them back for this, together." Tony smiled in return. A stranger silence filled the space between them now, it wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't exactly welcome either. Tony gently cleared his throat and stood up, stretching his back,
"Well I think we should both just get some rest. And hope that Loki wakes up ok tomorrow." He said. Thor was frowning,
"Yes. Though I do not think I will be able to sleep." He responded. Tony watched him for a minute and Thor still didn't remove his eyes from Loki's face, like he was trying to see into Loki's soul or decipher him in some way that couldn't have been possible before. "I cannot bare it…" he suddenly whispered and Tony was startled,
"Bare what?" he asked.
"Seeing him like this…" Thor gestured to Loki's sleeping frame, "So…weak…and…mortal." He spat the last word like it was poison on his tongue, "It is…pathetic. This is not my Loki. My Loki is strong, unyielding, and deadly in every way. Yet now, he cannot even defend himself against two bullies." He sounded angry and confused by this fact.
"That's not true. He defended himself against two guys before just fine. I think this time it just caught him by surprise. And they didn't fight fair." Tony told him. Thor nodded,
"Indeed. Humans never fight with any sense of honor." He sighed. Tony didn't reply to this comment even though he could have brought up many instances when humans had been honorable. "I think I shall follow your advice and go to bed now." Thor said and headed for the door. Tony nodded,
"Yeah." He followed Thor from the room. But neither men actually slept that night.
The first thing that registered in Loki's mind when he awoke was that he couldn't feel his body. His mind was stuck in a haze and his entire body was numb, he felt strangely disconnected from it, like his head was floating in a dark sea while the rest of him detached and sank to the bottom. He groaned in annoyance and tried to sit up but his limbs were not responding to his mental commands. He blinked a couple of times, trying to clear the fog from his vision, and looked around. As things came into focus he realized he was on a hospital bed. Confusion settled upon him and he looked down at himself to find that almost every inch of him was wrapped up in bandages, two of his left hand fingers were in splints and his right arm was in a sling, he also realized that he was looking through only one eye. His left hand finally responded and he reached up to touch his face, his index finger came in contact with a heavy bandage that covered the majority of the right side of his face, including his eye. He dropped his hand and sighed. He slowly turned his head to the right to see a second gurney beside him, this one empty, and the door leading from the room. He turned to his left and found a long metal table littered with medical supplies, journals, and binders. He recognized these belongings to be Bruce's and it relaxed him to know that he was at the mansion. He was able to force himself unto his left side to reach out and press the red CALL button on the wall beside his bed then he laid still and waited for Bruce to come to him. Sure enough a minute later Bruce entered the room with a big grin on his face,
"You're awake!" he exclaimed, "That's wonderful." He came to Loki's side and began checking all the monitoring devices and the I.V.
"Why can I not feel all of my body?" Loki groaned. Bruce looked confused for just a second before he understood what Loki meant,
"Oh!" he chuckled, "Because I drugged you up on painkillers. The numbness will wear off eventually. But you don't need to worry about it because you're not gonna be getting out of bed anytime soon." Bruce told him.
"Did Tony find me? Is that how I'm here?" he wondered and Bruce nodded,
"Yeah. Him and Thor have both been in foul moods since it happened." Loki looked at him with a little surprise,
"How long ago did it happen?" he asked, "How long have I been unconscious?" Bruce smiled,
"About two days. It's fine. I kept you drugged because I wanted you to sleep most of it off, otherwise you would have been suffering in a lot of pain." He frowned a little, "Well, when these painkillers wear off you're still gonna be in a lot of pain, but less than before." Loki just groaned again and closed his eyes,
"Perhaps you should just knock me unconscious till I'm completely healed." He whined. Bruce laughed,
"That wouldn't be safe, or healthy." He explained, "Would you like something to eat?" he asked. Loki shook his head,
"No, thank you. Where is Tony?" his voice was soft and pleading. Bruce frowned again,
"He's not home right now. In fact, you and I are the only one's here. They all "assembled" to go investigate some bank robberies. I stayed here in case you woke up."
"Thank you." Loki said softly. Bruce's eyebrows came together as he just realized that Loki had said "thank you" twice now and it stunned him to know that he'd never heard those words pass Loki's lips before. Loki was always one for demanding, commanding, and belittling others, but not using manners. The few times that Loki was polite always involved heavy sarcasm and something that he was trying to get out of the other party member. Bruce smiled,
"It's no problem at all." He assured. Loki tried to take a deep breath but winced and his hand flew to his ribs and he frowned.
"Well, I think I'm going to be greatly bored stuck here." He said then looked at Bruce with a small smile, "Would you mind bringing me some books to entertain myself with?" he asked. Bruce was taken aback a second time by Loki's soft politeness,
"Uhm…yeah. Sure, ok." He turned to the door then back to Loki, "If you want, I can bring you some videogames too." He pointed at the flat screen TV on the wall, "Tony had an Xbox installed in here for all the times he was bored stuck in a hospital bed." He chuckled. Loki smiled and nodded,
"Sure, that would be nice." He said. Bruce left to collect a handful of video games and a couple of large tomes such as The Complete Works of Harlan Ellison and The Complete Collection of Sherlock Holmes. He placed the items on the bedside table,
"If you want me to turn a game on for you then just press the CALL button again, ok?" he said and Loki smiled.
"Thank you." He said and picked up the Harlan Ellison compendium. Bruce smiled to himself, he knew that Loki would go for that book first. Loki was a huge fan of mentally disturbing, post-apocalyptic, visions of Hell on Earth. The kinds of stories that give the average person nightmares and make them question their sanity.
"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that your favorite story from him is A Boy and His Dog*." Bruce smiled. Loki laughed, then winced slightly at his ribs again,
"I like that one a lot, but I'd have to say my actual favorite is I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream*." He said. Bruce visibly shivered and stuck his tongue out in a show of disgust,
"That one just scares the shit out of me. But I can see why you like it. Assuming that you would take the place of AM in the story, huh?" he inquired. Loki smirked,
"Am I really that predictable?" he laughed again, but then his jolliness fell and he seemed to withdraw into himself. His eyes grew distant, like he was watching a vision that only he could see.
"Loki?" Bruce called quietly and Loki's eyes flickered to him again, Loki smiled,
"Sorry." He mumbled, "I…have a lot on my mind." His voice trailed off as his smile faded a second time. Bruce's eyebrow pulled together in concern,
"That's ok. I'll just let you be then." He headed for the door, "Just remember to call if you need anything." He smiled and left the room. Loki sat there and stared at the open book in his lap, but never once did his eyes actually read the printed words. An emotion gripped his chest, one that he'd felt before when Thor had thrown Mjölnir through his bedroom wall, he'd also felt a flicker of it when he'd accidentally kicked Tony into the wall of his workshop, and yet he still didn't know what it was. It made him feel terrible, like his heart was being crushed in an iron fist and it was hard to breath. Along with this unknown feeling, anxiety crawled under his skin, and uncertainty guided his thoughts. He had never felt so unsure of himself before, unsure of who he is or what would happen to his life. And the more he thought about his past, the things he'd done, the people he'd hurt, this unknown feeling grew stronger and stronger, till he felt tears stinging his eyes. His gaze moved from the book's page to the blank wall as he continued to drift in his thoughts. There was only one face that kept appearing in his mind, one person that made the pain in his chest unbearable, one man that made Loki wish he could take everything back. Thor. The only person that had always been there for Loki, through thick and thin, through all Hel, and Loki had hurt him more than anyone else. Yet, despite it all, Thor was the first person to forgive Loki of all trespasses. Loki wanted to lie to himself and say it was just Thor's nature to be so forgiving, but that's not true at all, Thor could hold grudges better than most. Depending on what you'd done to deserve Thor's fury he might even hunt you down for years just to wreak vengeance upon you. And the only person Loki could think of that held grudges better than him or Thor would be Sif, she never let anything go, still to this day she refused to forgive Loki for what he did to her hair even after he'd offered to fix it. When he'd first laid that little curse upon Sif's hair he hadn't the power to change it back, but now that he was much more powerful he offered to return her hair to its natural golden. Sif refused the offer because she was vain, all of Asgard had decided that she was so much more beautiful with her ebony hair, and that's why she kept it. So she continued to hold a grudge on Loki and she would bring it up any chance she had to blame and banter him. At first Loki had only offered to fix her hair because he wanted her to shut up about it already, but now, he really wished he could set it right and that same unknown feeling clawed harder at his heart as he thought about Sif. Just like how Thor and Loki had been best friends all their lives, Loki and Sif had been enemies. In fact, Loki couldn't think of a single time that they'd gotten along or agreed on anything. They were like two cobras trapped together, constantly hissing, spitting, and biting one another, waiting for the other to finally die so the victor could take its place. Loki frowned at these thoughts. He now understood why Sif hated him so much. Not because he'd been mean to her, or because he'd ruined her hair, no…because the man she was in love with had eyes for only Loki. Because Thor was in love with Loki. Loki's face twisted between a mixture of sorrow, disgust, and confusion. How could this be? How could Thor feel this way? And what could Loki do to fix it? Although Thor's feelings had helped in some areas, like his willingness to forgive Loki, it was harming in a lot of other ways, like Sif's hate for Loki and now Thor's hate for Tony. Loki groaned in exhaustion and rubbed his temple with his left index finger, since he couldn't remove his right arm from its sling nor use his middle and ring fingers on his left due to their splints. He closed the book and placed it on the table, having lost all interest in reading, and tried to go back to sleep. He wished Bruce would really give him more drugs so that he could sleep peacefully, because trying to sleep any other way he would still had nightmares. It was truly depressing to know that he could never have peace, not even in sleep. But there must have been enough of the medication still in him because he found it rather easy to drift off and let his eyelids slowly close.
Loki was brought back into consciousness by a familiar voice, although it sounded far away because he was still mostly asleep, he definitely knew who it was,
"I thought you said he was awake?" whispered Tony,
"He was. He must have fallen asleep again, there's still a lot of painkillers in his system and they make you pretty drowsy." Bruce answered in a whisper as well. Loki felt a warm, calloused hand stroke his forehead, the same hand he'd felt right before he'd blacked out, he moaned softly,
"Tony?" he mumbled sleepily and pried his one eye open to see Tony's relieved smile,
"Hey there." Tony cooed sweetly, "How ya feeling?" Loki smiled in return,
"Mostly alright. I can feel the pain relievers wearing off though." He gave a slight grimace and Tony frowned. Tony turned to Bruce,
"Can you give him some more?" he asked. Bruce gave a hesitant look,
"I don't really want to. It's not safe to be on such heavy medication for longer than necessary. It's best if he just deals with the pain." He explained. Tony tried to argue but Loki held up his only moveable hand,
"It's fine, Tony. I'm not in that much pain." He said, "And I've been through worse…" he looked away from Tony as he said that. Tony's thumb was absently rubbing the bandage over Loki's eye and Loki turned to give Bruce a look,
"Can you remove this?" he pointed to the bandage, "I don't like having only one eye." He growled subconsciously. Tony couldn't help snickering,
"Grown an aversion to "one-eyes", huh?" he smiled and Loki nodded. Bruce looked hesitant again,
"I guess I can…it'll probably still be pretty swollen though." He moved closer to start removing the gauze tape, "Your eye socket is fractured…" he told Loki. Loki simply closed his eyes till he felt the warm bandage pulled away from his face. Tony winced loudly and Loki opened his eyes to look at him. He then saw Thor standing by the door, looking rather uncomfortable, and Steve sitting on the other gurney behind Tony. They were all looking at him like his eyeball was hanging out of the socket.
"Wow." Bruce was observing the wound, "It's actually a lot less swollen than I'd thought it would be." He smiled.
"Might I have mirror?" Loki asked and Thor suddenly stepped forward shaking his head,
"I think it best if you do not look…" he said softly. Loki considered it for a second but then shook his head in return and put his hand out to Bruce,
"No. I want a mirror, please." He said. Bruce handed him a large handheld mirror. They all frowned when they saw Loki's reaction to his reflection, his expression twisted between horror and something of agony. A vicious red wound splayed across his right cheek and eye. Cracks like tree branches spread out from as far back as his ear lobe, up to his brow and the bridge of his nose. An injury caused by his skin being broken over his cheek bone and socket, and it would certainly become a scar. Another trophy of battle, a memoir to his never-ending failure, carved into his flesh so that he may never forget. Scars were flaws to remind him of his flaws, of his weaknesses. Never again, he always tells himself, never again, he always lies. But Loki knows well that there is no one in the universe he lies to more than himself. He started breathing heavily as anxiety crept back into his skin. He was hideous…ruined, constantly ruined. Looking at his marred face was like watching a train wreck, he wanted to look away but couldn't. Tony slowly reached for the mirror to take it from Loki, his brown eyes were watching Loki's face carefully. Loki suddenly screamed and despite his arm being in a sling he threw the mirror with such force that it hit the far wall and shattered into a confetti of plastic and glass. No one said a word, and they all took care to not stare at Loki's face. Loki was still panting in a combination of panic and fury, he stared at the blank wall, eyes ablaze with insanity. Tony gently touched Loki's arm, to bring Loki back to reality, and Loki's eyes flickered to Tony. He saw sadness and concern on Tony's face. Loki sighed and visibly relaxed, but there was shame and embarrassment all over his face. Tony leaned a little closer to him,
"Who did this to you? Tell us so we can punish them." Tony whispered. The look Loki gave him was surprising, Loki looked angry yet determined,
"NO." he said with such ferocity that everyone in the room did a double-take.
"What?" Thor, Steve, and Bruce asked in unison. Tony gazed at Loki in confusion,
"What do you mean "no"? You're not gonna tell us who did this?" he asked and Loki nodded,
"That is precisely what I mean. I don't want you to do anything to those men. I do not need to be defended." His voice tailed off at the end, sounding not very sure. Tony threw his hands up,
"What…what?" he babbled, "They almost killed you! That's assault! And they're gonna go to jail for it, just give us their names." He explained.
"No." Loki glared at them now, "I got what I deserved." He said. Tony actually gasped out loud and they all wore the same astonished expression. "I killed one of their friends." Loki continued, "They have every right to hate me…and I got what I deserved…" his voice became very weak and he turned his gaze to the floor.
"I…but…" Tony sighed, "Loki, that doesn't make what they did right." He said and Loki glared at him again,
"And neither does it make what I did right!" he paused to swallow, "But if it makes those men feel any better…then I hold no anger or hate toward them." Tony was shaking his head in disbelief,
"You are CRAZY! I don't care how THEY feel!" he threw his hands up again in frustration, "They hurt you. And I want them put in jail!" he demanded,
"NO!" Loki screamed in fury, "I said NO." he was quieter now, "I accept this as punishment. You, Anthony Stark, are allowing your feelings for me to dictate your judgment. I will NOT change my mind about this and you WILL leave those men alone." Loki's tone was final and Tony glared at him. Bruce stepped forward,
"Ok, ok. Let's relax, please. We don't need Loki aggravating his wounds any further." He was placing a hand on Tony's shoulder urging him to let the matter drop, Tony looked up at him for a second then suddenly rose from his chair and stormed out of the room. Loki looked at Thor and saw a broken look in his eyes, the same look Thor had worn when he'd been forced to sew Loki's lips together, as if Thor knew his very existence was the end all and be all of Loki's suffering. But it wasn't, and Loki longed to tell Thor how his existence might just be the only thing saving Loki, and bringing him happiness. Tony was still a complicated case in Loki's mind, it was obvious that Tony felt deeply for Loki, but to what extent and what did it really matter? Tony would be dead in another sixty years while Loki would live forever, was a relationship with a mortal man really worth the time and effort? Loki sighed and he suddenly wished Tony hadn't left the room because he now wanted to be held and comforted. Steve got up off the other bed and looked at Loki softy,
"You know, I understand that you want to be forgiven and redeem yourself…but…this" he gestured to Loki and his injuries then Steve shook his head, "Just wasn't right. No matter what the reason, it's never ok to senselessly beat another person." He gave Loki a sad look and turned to leave. Loki threw his hand out to Steve,
"Wait!" he called and Steve turned around in surprise, "Steve…I wish to speak to you…" he gave Bruce and Thor a slight smile, "Alone, please." He said and although Thor's face showed reluctance he still left the room, Bruce right behind him. Steve sat down in the plastic chair that Tony had been in earlier and looked at Loki with honest interest,
"What can I help with?" he smiled. Loki placed his hand on his chest and stared off blankly for a second,
"I…have this feeling, an emotion…it keeps coming back, and it hurts…but I don't know what it is…all I know is that I've never felt it before…" he spoke quietly. Steve nodded slightly,
"Can you explain what it feels like exactly?" he asked. Loki fought tears back,
"It is not sorrow, but it brings sorrow with it. And…and I can't stop thinking of everything I've ever done, and these thoughts only make the feeling worse. Then I find myself wishing that there was some way I could take everything back…" he whispered the last sentence. Steve's face lit up in understanding and astonishment,
"Loki…I'm pretty sure that your feeling regret." He said. Loki looked at him with an open, innocent face and confusion,
"Regret? What…what does that mean?" he wondered. Steve was seriously shocked,
"Well…it means that you feel bad about your actions in the past, about the things you've done. Everybody does stuff in their life that they regret, that they wish they could take back. You…you've seriously never felt regret before?" he asked incredulously. Loki looked unsure of himself,
"I'm quite sure, yes. I…never had a reason to regret anything. I believed that I had nothing left to lose and that death would be a sweet escape, so what was there to regret?" he shrugged his left shoulder. Steve nodded in understanding,
"And, what, might I ask, is your reason now?" he inquired. Loki thought about it for a minute,
"Perhaps…knowing that Thor never truly hated me all this time…and redemption. I was never really given a chance at redemption before, but you, The Avengers, for whatever reasons have decided to give me that chance. And now I fear that I will screw it up, just like I screw up everything." He said. Steve put a gentle, yet strong, hand upon Loki's shoulder and looked him right in the eyes,
"No, you won't. The fact that this regret has suddenly come to you and is actually affecting you like this is proof enough that you won't screw it up. The fear of failure, loneliness, and more regret is what will motivate you. I know how badly you want this, Loki, I know how badly you want to be accepted, I can see it. Just don't give up on yourself." He smiled wider and gave Loki's shoulder a little squeeze, "You can do this." He said with vigor. Loki looked at him for just a second before he couldn't hold those tears back anymore and he threw himself around Steve's shoulders, sobbing like a child all over again. Steve was completely thrown off by this sudden display of emotion.
"I'm so sorry!" Loki cried into Steve's shirt, "I'm sorry. I was so scared! I thought they were going to kill me, beat me to death, and the whole time all I could think of was how I would die alone! With no one to hold me and tell me that everything will be alright, no one who loves me, or cares if I'm gone." He was clutching Steve as if Steve was the only thing keeping him alive. Steve gently hugged him back, not really knowing what else to do. Loki pulled back to look Steve in the eyes, "Please, don't let me die like that. I'll do anything! I don't want to hurt people anymore. I…just don't want to die alone…" Steve couldn't help the tears that came to his eyes as he looked at Loki terrified and despite. "Please…help me…" A new flow of tears ran down Loki's pale face. Steve knew what it was like to be alone, when he'd first awoke in this new century, this future, he was all alone. Steve was traumatized by the fact that he'd "fallen asleep" while his family and friends grew and died, all without him, and he'll never stop believing that he doesn't belong here, in this time, he should have died alongside his friends, his loved ones. But he couldn't change that, and now he has new a family that he loves dearly when not too long ago he had nothing but trauma and confusion. Now here in front of him was man in very much those same shoes. Steve smiled in earnest and nodded,
"Of course I'm going to help you." He said gently and hugged Loki again, "It's ok. You're not gonna die alone, I won't let you." He stroked Loki's hair soothingly and he felt the slighter man relaxing slowly. "Don't be afraid." He pulled Loki away and held him at arm's length, "We just need to teach you how to live all over again, how to be kind and caring, how to interact with people, etcetera." he chuckled, "But you're a bright man, you'll learn quickly I'm sure." Steve turned to his left and grabbed a tissue from the box on the bedside table then handed it to Loki. Loki absently took the tissue and dried his face then blew his nose. Steve was still smiling at him when he finally looked at him again,
"It just all feels so hopeless…" Loki sounded absolutely pitiful.
"No, nothing is hopeless." Steve assured him, "It's just going to take time." He smiled jokingly, "And for someone who's immortal, time shouldn't be an issue." He said. Loki gave a slight chuckle,
"WAS immortal, I'm not anymore." He corrected then gestured to his wounds, "Obviously." He mumbled.
"This is only temporary. We're going to get you changed back. I promise." Steve said. Loki rolled his eyes playfully,
"So I keep hearing." He smiled and Steve laughed,
"We're working on it!" he said. Loki's smile faded just a fraction,
"You…um…you won't tell anybody about this, will you?" he asked and Steve saw the potential embarrassment in Loki's eyes. He smiled again,
"Of course not. I would never do that." He said sternly. Loki relaxed again,
"Thank you, Steven. For all of this, for everything." Steve hugged him again,
"Don't even worry about it. As long as you're willing to accept my help, I'll give it." Loki laid back on the bed and yawned,
"Ugh, bother, crying makes you tired." He said and they both laughed. Steve stood to leave,
"You should rest, you'll heal faster." He told Loki and Loki nodded,
"That sounds good to me." He said through another yawn, "Good night Steve." He mumbled already half asleep.
"Good night, Loki." Steve whispered as he left the room.