A/N: So part of this chapter is a kind of response to the motivations behind Kazuma. I hope this clears it up, as I think of him more (in this story) as someone who avoids his feelings or explains them away, even as they're staring him in the face. Really, I think we all agree that he should just call it what it is. ;)

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Chapter 10

Happy Thoughts

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"Can I come in?"

The words hung in the air and Kazuma thought they would stay there, that maybe they were stuck above him in a funny cartoon bubble as he stood there like an idiot, waiting to put into words the things he'd avoided from himself, much less her. He could feel wind behind him and pushed against it to create more, feeling more like himself as he extended his power, looking at her.

Ayano's eyes were round and surprised. She seemed hesitant and he remembered how he'd left things with her, almost kissing her again and her protests at his doing so.

He let out a sigh, "I don't like to grovel…but I will."

She looked at him another moment, then glanced at the wine he was carrying, her eyebrow raised, "You better."

Of course she wouldn't make this easy and of course she'd make him explain himself. Kazuma gave an internal sigh and resigned himself to having to squirm and (if he was being completely honest) he really did deserve it.

He watched her as she stepped aside to let him in, seemingly unaware of her rather thin attire and Kazuma was angry with himself for letting his eyes linger. It was ridiculous that he'd thought he could do this. Any of it. That he thought they could flirt, that he thought kissing her was only a crush, infatuation or attraction or something he could move on from with enough will power. That he thought his feelings could be worked around…avoided.

It was utterly idiotic how far he was in this, that either they had to break off all contact with each other or he would have to…commit. Accept being in love. And look how well that turned out last time.

He closed his eyes and swallowed. When he opened them he found Ayano looking at him expectantly, arms crossed, wet hair cascading down her shoulders. In the warm light of the room she looked at home, the room itself simply furnished and decorated. He took off his jacket, feeling very warm in the small space with her. No wonder she can just walk around wearing that…He stopped the thought and smiled at her, "Have any glasses?"

"Yes," she said walking over to her desk, "But I don't plan on drinking."

"Oh come on, princess," Kazuma said with his best charming smile, "I'll need you good and drunk to hear my apology."

Ayano scoffed, but brought out two cups nonetheless, "I'd like to remain sober to revel in that."

He opened the bottle and poured the wine. Ayano watched, amused, "You carry around a corkscrew?"

"You never know where the day will lead you," he said, looking at her.

Ayano flushed, "I guess." She looked around the room and Kazuma realized that she didn't really have many places to sit. There was a chair by the desk, and the bed, but he refused to let his mind wander there.

He sat on the floor to save her the trouble of deciding and she followed suit, pulling down her shirt over her legs and looking away from him. "So what did you want to talk about?"

He'd expected the question and planned on how to begin, though it was quite different having her expectant face right here. "Ayano," he said, trying not to sound rehearsed, "You are a lovely woman. One of the most curagous people I've ever met, and I know a lot of magic users twice your age. And I think you are capable of handling yourself—and I've been…difficult to deal with." He took a breath, "And I've been thinking…feeling that—"

"Wait!" Ayano said loudly, "Are you going away again?" Her face got red and her eyes shot daggers at him, "I thought we talked about this. I mean, I'm staying and you said you'd…well, you implied that you would let me help you. I didn't think you would just leav—"

"Ayano," he sighed, rubbing his temple, "I'm not going anywhere."

The crimson haired girl huffed, "Then why are you being so weird? You're never this nice."

Kazuma gave her a frustrated look, "I'm trying to give you…a compliment—"

"Please," Ayano rolled her eyes, "It doesn't suit you; something's up."

Kazuma gritted his teeth, "Would you stop interrupting? I'm trying to tell you …"

There was a pause and, after a moment, he heard her mumble a quiet, "Oh no…"

He narrowed his eyes and looked around, "What? What is it?"

Her eyes were wide and she stood up, still looking at him, "You're…you're doing it, aren't you?"

Kazuma sighed and stood up as well, "What I'm trying to tell you is that…I love—"

"No, no," she whispered.

"…you," he finished, stepping closer to her. Her face was pale and she looked at him in shock. She shook her head and her wet hair slapped her arms.

"No," she said, taking a step back.

"No?" he said with frustration, "I just said—"

"You said," her eyes were shining, "but you don't mean it. You don't really know."

Kazuma suppressed his anger, "Why? Isn't this what you wanted me to say?"

Her deep red eyes flashed at him, "That's why."

There was a long silence and Kazuma had never felt so raw, so exposed in front of someone. But when he looked at her, almost of a mind to leave in frustration, he finally understood what she meant. Her face showed sadness and betrayal but, most importantly, longing. She'd shown him that longing that day in the rain…she hadn't been able not to, and she wanted the same from him.

Several things happened inside his head at once: he remembered Tsui-Ling dying, he remembered shutting himself off, fighting side-by-side with his brother and Ayano, Ayano fighting for him. He remembered her gone and his anger and confusion, her return. He remembered her at the lake, smiling, in his room that night, comforting him, and he remembered the rain, her face wet and streaming tears and her eyes that bore down into the center of him when she told him, despite everything he'd done, the asshole he'd been-in not so many words-that she loved him.

Ayano felt hands grab her arms and saw Kazuma looking at her with an expression she'd never seen before. Her heart lifted, began racing at that look in a way it hadn't at his words just prior.

Kazuma felt everything and it overwhelmed him: he felt his fingers clench, her warm skin, her lively hair and mesmerizing eyes. And he felt the impossibility of not letting her know, this instant...

"You're it, Ayano," he said and she felt the words strum against her heart, "You're…I can't believe I haven't told you already…"

His lips were suddenly against her forehead, his arms around her shoulders and hair, "I do mean it, I love you. I can't not…" he spoke the words into her skin and her hair and Ayano thought she would disappear, her skin felt so tremulous in the air, against him.

She did her best to step away and see him and managed only by bumping into her dresser, and knocking items everywhere. She tried to collect her thoughts, to not let him distract her with fingers and lips…

She took a breath, "…so, you've thought this…for a while?" It felt unreal to talk about it. To talk about it with him, as if they were discussing fighting strategies.

He tilted his head, "Not in so many words."

"Ah," she said, for lack of anything better. She moved sideways and came to stand in front of her bed, "I thought you maybe just wanted to, erm, be physical." The word made her cringe and she had to remind herself that she was no longer a schoolgirl.

Kazuma looked mildly abashed and Ayano thought the look did not suit his general demeanor, "Well, I did." His face grew serious, "I can think about intimacy…sex, Ayano, and find it less complicated than a relationship."

"Huh," Ayano said, feeling somehow annoyed at that, "I'm not naiive, you know. I didn't know that's what you were trying to do then…"

"Trying?" Kazuma smirked, "I was restraining. Every time it felt like a mistake—"

"Mistake?"

Kazuma could hear the anger in her voice and thought quickly about how to clarify, "It felt like I was pushing…like it was something neither of us could do...but I wanted to."

She paused at that and then gave a huge sigh. She put her hair behind one shoulder, "Me too."

Kazuma was giving her an infuriating smirk, "Well, I have a certain affect—"

"Don't finish that thought," she grumbled. She turned to him, a small smile on her lips, "I'm glad to know that it's not physical anymore…"

She felt a thrill when he looked mildly shocked, "Not purely," he amended, his eyes darkening as he looked at her mouth. Ayano wondered absently if they could just stop talking now and she could really feel him against her and enjoy the happiness in her heart that had yet to subside.

But she had to be sure. "But now…?"

Kazuma smiled, "I'm here. However you want me."

"Want," she said softly. She looked at him intently, "And you?"

He watched her face as he brought a hand past her cheek. She felt him move her hair and bring it forward, holding it lightly in his hand. He stroked it and brought their foreheads together, "I want you here with me. I want to be with you."

The words were simple enough but to Ayano they felt momentous. She put her hands to the sides of his face and was relieved when he moved his head down to close the space between them. The kiss was soft, too soft really, and Ayano couldn't stand not pressing harder. She felt Kazuma smile against her mouth, but she didn't care, merely kissed him with everything she had.

When they broke apart Kazuma reached down to the ground and picked up their wine cups, "Almost forgot about these."

Ayano rolled her eyes, "You're such a booze hound."

He was giving her a soft look and she wanted to fling the cups out of his hands and be kissing him again, "I was actually thinking a toast."

She grinned and took the wine in one hand, "Do the honors."

Kazuma raised his cup, the light glinting off the rim, "To new beginnings."

Her smile made his heart skip a beat, "New beginnings." They drank thirstily, quickly, afraid to stop until the last sip was gone.

.

o-o-o-o-o

.

Jugo was taking a stroll outside the courtyard, trying to walk on his bad leg. The night was very warm and he'd felt the need for a change of scenery.

The trees in the breeze sang and whispered and the old leader felt happy at the prospects for his family, for the future of the Kannagi's. The moon cast a pale light and Jugo knew it was very late and that he still needed his rest. Nonetheless, he looked one more time through the lit door of his daughter's room.

Inside, Kazuma and Ayano were asleep sitting on the floor, backs against the bed. Ayano was leaning into the young man who had his arm around her waist, his head leaned against hers.

Jugo smiled to himself. It only took years, but maybe I'm not such a bad matchmaker after all. With a spring in his step, the old man made his way through the path.

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o-o-o-o-o

.

Ayano's body was sore and tingling and she couldn't place why she felt so strange. When she opened her eyes she realized she was waking in a completely different place in a room that had become so familiar to her.

She tried to lift her head, but found it tremendously heavy and realized there was something leaning against her. She tilted her face and saw Kazuma's chin and cheek and knew they must have fallen asleep. She tried to shift again, but his body against hers drew her in tighter, scooted her closer into his side.

Ayano sighed and realized she'd been tensed up, so she tried to relax. She was here with Kazuma and he was holding her and he…he loved her. She shut her eyes and leaned further into him, unable to think about everything at the same time and just trying to stay happy in the moment. Soon, however, she felt him stir and move his face and she opened her eyes again. Ayano wondered if she'd somehow dozed off because the light seemed to have moved further into the room.

Kazuma's head moved away from hers and she realized just how sore her back was. She budged a leg and found it tingle in response: it was completely numb. The young man next to her let out a small sound and Ayano looked at him, watching his now open eyes focus on hers. She gave him a small smile and saw him give her one back.

"You're so warm," he murmured and drew her closer.

Ayano flushed, "Sorry."

"No, it's good. Come here," he pulled her half into his lap and Ayano had to concentrate very hard on her breathing, hoping that her face wasn't as red as her hair. She leaned back into him and felt his hands wrap around the bare skin of her stomach.

Bare skin…? Ayano's eyes snapped open and she realized that her shirt must have ridden up and she was in her underwear on his…

She quickly tried to extract herself from his embrace, but found him resistant, "What are you doing?"

"I have to brush my teeth," she said quickly, trying to pull down her shirt.

She could practically hear the smirk in his voice, "You sure it's not the lack of pants?"

"Shut up!" she sputtered, moving away from him, "I don't want you seeing…"

"Your underwear?" Kazuma smirked, "I think we're beyond that. Do you remember our first mission?"

"Well," she said haughtily, trying to regain some of her dignity, "I want to be prepared."

That seemed to shut him up and Ayano watched in satisfaction as he seemed unable to say anything. She stood up and stepped over him on the way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Once inside, the redhead looked at herself in the mirror and was surprised at how composed she looked. Well, for having drunk a bunch of wine and fallen asleep on the floor. She looked less tired than she had in days, and though her hair was mussed and shirt wrinkled, she rather liked the happy face that looked back at her. She brushed her teeth and hair and came back into the room to find Kazuma lying on her bed, his hands behind his head.

He turned to her when she stepped out and smiled and Ayano thought her legs might be numb again…it was hard to stand. She didn't know what she was supposed to do and thought it unfair that she could kiss him and fall asleep with him and love him one minute and be incredibly out of sorts the next. The silence lasted while they looked at each other until Ayano turned to her dresser and started rummaging for clothes to change into.

Kazuma watched as she shuffled, "Is everything okay?"

Ayano stopped her attentions and looked at him, a ball of t-shirts clutched in one hand, "No." She gave a sigh, "I don't know what to do now." She motioned between the two of them and turned back to her clothes.

The wind-magic user sat up on the bed and looked at her, "What do you want to do?"

Ayano didn't stop going through the drawers, "I don't know. It's different with you." After a moment she paused, "Isn't it?"

Kazuma shrugged and walked up to her, "I don't think it has to be, really." He looked at her, "Except we get to do this…" Suddenly they were kissing again and Ayano had to agree with his logic and really, screw all of it if they could just keep doing this. During dinner and walks and fighting and training…

Ayano stepped back, "In front of everyone?"

Kazuma smirked, "I think everyone knows…or at least seemed to before I did." He added, "I'm not hiding anything."

The Kannagi heiress felt a possessive burn in her chest and nodded, "Alright, I'm in."

He looked at her and she realized that she hadn't seen him smile like this, genuinely and widely, in a very long time. That she was causing it made her feel powerful and light.

Kazuma glanced at a nearby clock and sighed, "It's time to go pick Ren up from the hospital."

Ayano nodded, "I'll get dressed." She looked at the clothes she'd scattered and was unsure where to start. Everything felt open to possibility: Ren was all right, they were in no immediate danger, Kazuma loved her…

The contractor smiled, sensing her hesitation, "How do you feel about a picnic?"

…

A/N: Alright, I think I'm officially off the writing bug for a few days. Thank you for the feedback and please continue to give it. I hope this is still something people are interested in reading/watching develop. I'm hoping for this to be an antidote to just pure romance/love confession plots where everyone's intentions are completely pure. I tend to make everything just a little bit harder on the characters, and maybe wrongly so...?

Anyway, please review!