Then the fright began!

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Chapter Nine: The Battle

Steel rang on steel as the two swords collided, the Morrigan deflecting Gordon's thrust. She quickly retaliated, swinging her cutlass down towards her adversary's knees – Gordon stepped back, avoiding the slash, and countered with an upward stab off his back foot. The Morrigan dodged, but the rapier managed to cut into her cheek.

The Morrigan scowled, wiping away blood with the back of her hand.

"You picked the wrong weapon, Winter Knight," she taunted. "You need a slashing weapon, not a-"

She was cut off as Gordon lunged at her – she dodged under another stab towards the face before deflecting her quarry's sword.

"Don't monologue while fighting," snapped Gordon.

She swung at him again, but he deflected her slash with a flick of his wrist before delivering another thrust, the tip of his rapier catching her in the shoulder before he sprang back out of her range. She screamed incoherently and waves of crimson fire tore across the field in a wide arc, tearing at the ground. Gordon called a small wall of ice and crouched behind it as the searing flames turned the air around him into an inferno.

As the firestorm ended the Winter Knight sprang to his feet and muttered something. The ground underfoot began to ice over, and the air filled with mist.

The Morrigan looked around warily. "You think a little low cloud can stop me, Winter Knight?" she called into the roiling fog. The only reply was the crack of ice underfoot. "You cannot hide forever, Queen's Killer!"


Stan's cane slammed into the zombie's chest, knocking it over. Nearby, Soos spun a hammer in his expert grip and knocked two more away. It wasn't doing much good, though – the three defenders were being slowly but steadily pushed back towards the crater, where they could be easily surrounded and overwhelmed.

"It's no good, bro," said Soos. "Their shambling is too well-organised!"

"Darn European co-efficiency!" growled Stan.

"If only we had a karaoke machine," lamented Mabel.

"Dude, we could try improvising!" declared Soos. He stepped forward, raising his left fist to his mouth to imitate a microphone. "Disco girl, coming through, that girl i-"

A trio of zombies lunged at him, screeching incoherently as they went for the eyes. Soos squealed and jumped back.

"Guessing they don't like BABBA," he gulped.

"The fiends," scowled Mabel.

Stan rolled his eyes as he swung his cane into a zombie's face, causing it to explode for no readily apparent reason. "Well, unless either of you have any bright ideas..." he growled.

Mabel narrowed her eyes. "I think I've got one," she declared. "DOLL MABEL TO THE RESCUE! TEGANAU!" She turned into her doll form.

Stan titled his head. "Mabel, sweetie, I'm really not sure that's gonna..."

Mabel screeched out a battle-cry and leapt into the air, launching a flying kick towards a zombie's head. She burst through it, causing the undead minion's spiked helmet to fly into another and take it out. Mabel landed on another zombie's shoulder – she delivered her best attempt at a roundhouse kick into the zombie's cheek. It was flung to the ground as if struck by a war hammer.

"...Her doll form has super strength now," said Stan, flatly.

"Dude, she's like a plushie Ant-Man!" exclaimed Soos.

"It's official, I'm having a psychotic episode," Stan muttered. He nonchalantly slipped on his brass knuckles and strolled back into the fray, the look on his face indicating just how done with this he was.


Gordon slipped silently through the mist, the Winter ice underfoot letting him walk as steadily and silently as he would on plush carpet. He could see the Morrigan ahead – she was facing the wrong way.

He dashed up to her, using his considerable fae-given speed, and ran her through. Or tried to, anyway – she spun to confront him, slipped, rolled away and his strike missed. Before he could try another attack the Morrigan sprang to her feet and swung her sword at his head. He flicked his sword and the blow slid past. The Morrigan made a wide, powerful slash, but when Gordon moved to block it she changed direction at the last second and cut deep into his right leg.

Steel. Iron. The Bane. Agony. Fire. MAKE IT STOP.

Gordon screamed.

The Morrigan didn't hesitate. She rammed her sword through his leg, burying it to the hilt.

Gordon fell to the ground, screaming and making small, half-hearted flailing motions. The cacophony was enough to draw the attention of the Shack crew – even the zombies stopped at the noise.

The ice began to melt away and the fog dissipated. Gordon lay in the dust, writhing in pain and trying in vain to get the sword out. The Morrigan stood over him, a nasty sneer on her face.

"Checkmate, Winter Knight."

Gordon managed to spit out a very rude word.

"Gordon!" exclaimed Mabel.

"Aw, dude, that looks painful," gulped Soos.

The Morrigan turned to them, her sneer deepening. She stepped over Gordon and strode towards them. "The Winter Knight is defeated," she declared. "In comparison, you are nothing." The crater began emitting a faint greenish light. "What hope have you now?" There was a very faint sound on the wind. It sounded almost like a train horn. "Wait...what is that?"

There was a brief silence.

Then, with a deafening roar, a train burst out of the crater, flying towards the Morrigan in a graceful arc. The horn blared as it came down on top of her with a sickening crash, kicking up a plume of dirt and sparks. As it made contact, the zombies dropped, as if they were marionettes with the strings cut.

Mabel's jaw dropped. Stan raised an eyebrow in confusion. Soos just stared and muttered, "...Dude, what?"

The smoke began to clear. There was a faint ding and the door slid open. A tinny voice said 'Please mind the gap.'

Dipper climbed out of the train, utterly dazed. He straightened his hat and shook his head as Wendy and Sam climbed out after him, the latter grinning like an idiot.

"Wasn't that fun?" asked Sam.

"No," declared Dipper.

"Dipper!" exclaimed Mabel, skipping over to her brother, jumping on his shoulder and hugging his face, "How did you find us?!"

"Well, it was easy enough," shrugged Sam. "I still had his Mars bar."

Caerdwyn corkscrewed out of the train, savouring the Mars bar as if it were the only food left on Earth. There was an expression of pure bliss on his face as he pinwheeled through the air.

"Yeah, he's kinda weird," said Wendy.

"I don't mean to interrupt this reunion..." wheezed Gordon.

Sam hurried over and glanced at the injury. "Well, this is gonna sting," he said.

"Hilarious," snarled Gordon.

Sam grabbed the hilt of the sword and pulled it out. He threw it over to Dipper. "Here, put it on the wall," he declared.

Dipper stared at the red-stained gift. "...Thanks, man," he said, flatly.

"You're welcome." Sam stood up. "Well, looks like that's it," he shrugged, "I'll just grab some Summerborn to clap her in chains and we can..."

"Dudes, duck!" thundered Soos.

Everyone threw themselves to the ground as the train was flung over them, slamming into the crater with a sickening thud. The rain, which had faded to a light drizzle, started up again in earnest.

The Morrigan was standing where the train had been. She was bloodied, dishevelled and had a very, very nasty scowl.

"I think we just made her angry," gulped Dipper.

"Well, angrier," shrugged Stan.

"Summer Knight!" thundered the Morrigan.

"E-yep," shrugged Sam.

"I am going to kill you," she snarled. "I am going to skin you alive as you beg for mercy. I am going to claim your friends as a prize. I shall use the fat one as a rug. The old one's skull will be made into an inkwell. The twin children shall become my throne. I shall wear the redhead as a crown when my Empire returns! All of you will suffer!"

"Yeah, you really need a psychiatrist, ma'am," said Sam, "Now, why don't you just surrender so that we ca-"

The Morrigan roared and thrust out her arms. The ground in front of her fragmented – the entire group were knocked backwards by kinetic force, tumbling into the crater.

"Ow," muttered Sam.

"Oh, cry me a river," grunted Gordon, clutching his leg.

Sam looked up, out of the crater. The Morrigan was slowly but purposefully advancing. "Okay, fellas," he said, "any bright ideas?"

"Dude, I'm stumped," sighed Soos.

"We go down swinging, I guess," shrugged Wendy. "It's all I can think of."

"There's a mine." Gordon was freezing his wound with his powers to stop the bleeding. He looked towards the group. "Three feet below us," he declared, "there's an old British mine tunnel. Inside, there is an unexploded mine. There's enough force in that mine to disintegrate anything or anyone standing above it when it goes."

"How do you know that?" demanded Stan.

"One, I was there when it was planted," replied Gordon. "Two, I can sense the energy, and I reckon we can use that."

"Gordon, are you suggesting that we use the energy of an unexploded mine to power a spell?" demanded Sam.

"No," replied Gordon, "I'm suggesting using the energy of an exploding mine."

There was a long silence.

"Gordon, you've finally become cool," declared Sam. "Okay, I can set up that spell, but I'm gonna need a favour."

"What do you need?" asked Wendy.

"I'll need you to distract her," replied Sam.

"Did you just say distract her?!" demanded Gordon.

"More than usual."

"Yes, ask the crippled man to distract the war goddess," grumbled Gordon. "Nice. Thank you, Scotford, thank you so much."

"If you've got energy to snark, you've got energy to fight," snapped Sam. "Now get out of my crater."

"At least let me stay to watch your-" demanded Wendy.

"Don't mess with me when I'm wizarding!" declared Sam, pointing with his chalk. "Now go!"

Wendy and Gordon both nodded, and the group climbed out of the crater. They found the Morrigan waiting – she was so enraged and using so much power that she literally glowed red.

"Who do you think you are, you damnable mortals?" demanded the Morrigan.

The group took up battle stances. Soos narrowed his eyes.

"You messed with the wrong shack, dude," he declared.


YHYLE ZOW VCK VUK ZCE.


AN: This won't end well...