Charlie ran.
He needed to find Nate – and save him. Stop those monsters.
He had quickly confronted his mum about where Nate lived, and managed to wrangle a string of numbers from her.
The numbers seemed more like a code than a house number; which made sense given the strange nature of the nethersphere.
The lost souls hadn't bothered him this time; they largely ignored him as he raced down the street.
The address was logical, like a library index, so it didn't take Charlie long to work out the district, building and floor where he could find Nate.
His trainers clanged on the metal steps of a walkway. Moments later, Nate answered the door, surprise evident in his eyes.
"Wow," Nate uttered, leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe. "I never expected to see you here."
"What do you mean?" Charlie responded, out of breath.
Nate backed away, allowing Charlie inside. "You never come over. You didn't visit before any of your resets."
Charlie hesitated, a wave of guilt trapping his breath.
"About that…" he paused for a moment. "I've had some time to think. I've worked some things out about these creatures. You're still seeing them, aren't you?"
"What?" Nate's eyebrows rose sharply and he threw Charlie a confused grin. "No."
"Nate," Charlie almost snapped. "Don't lie to me! Please don't lie to me again."
Nate held Charlie's pleading gaze for a moment, and gave in. His shoulders slumped as he sighed.
"Okay. Okay, yeah, I still see them."
They were silent for a moment.
"Maybe I can help," Charlie suggested.
"How?" Nate muttered, rubbing his eyebrows.
"I've faced monsters like them before," Charlie insisted. "I don't think they're after you. I think they're coming for me, and the Doctor."
At the mention of the Doctor, Nate visibly lost interest. He didn't want to know.
"No, Charlie, that's…"
"You don't believe the Doctor's real?"
"No…" Nate began to protest, but quickly gave up. It wasn't worth fighting over a lie again.
"No-one else thinks he's real," Charlie grumbled. "But I know he is. And every time I remember - every time I believe he's real, they make me forget. That's why the resets keep happening. Because of the Doctor, and these creatures."
Nate leant against the wall, burying his forehead into the crook of his elbow.
"Charlie," he spoke softly, his voice muffled by the wall. "Do you really think this is what I wanted to talk to you about?"
He sighed again, his shoulders shaking as he drew breath.
"I wouldn't have shown you that memory if you were going to take it so seriously."
"But, I…"
"It wasn't…" Nate shot a glance at him.
Charlie couldn't quite read his expression.
"Answer me this one, Charlie. How do you feel?"
Charlie frowned. "What?"
"Now. Here."
Charlie shrugged. "I… I don't know."
Nate laughed, mirthlessly. "Hypocrite."
"Excuse me?"
"You tell me not to lie," he snapped. "And then when I ask you something, you don't tell me the truth!"
Charlie's insides were burning.
"Does it matter?"
Nate tore away from the wall.
"Yes! Yes, of course it does!" Nate yelled. "Just because we're dead doesn't mean anything's changed. I still think the same. I still feel the same.
"Just because…" Nate paused, his eyes softening as he looked at Charlie again. "Go be happy with Sam. You don't need me any more."
He waved Charlie away, channelling him back down the hallway.
"Go and do something more important. Go and live out your fantasies of time and space with the Doctor."
"You don't understand!" Charlie protested, desperately trying to summon the right words.
"Don't I?" Nate growled.
"I only wanted to travel in a time machine so I could get you back," he hastily explained. "I thought… I don't know. But it became so much more, I don't know how to explain."
Nate glared at him for a few minutes, his lower lip trembling. His voice broke.
"You're so selfish, Charlie."
Charlie felt a lurch in his stomach; a sickening feeling bubbling in the pit of his stomach.
"I'm… I'm what?"
"I… can you just go? Please?"
Nate blinked, and he was no longer looking at him; hiding his eyes as they began to shimmer.
Charlie raised his arms in frustration, his muscles tensing, fists chenching - his whole body burning as he realised.
He had hurt Nate. He was still hurting Nate.
"I… I'm really sorry Nate. I never… I never really…"
It wasn't enough.
And that was it. Their friendship was over.
He backed away, and a moment later, he found himself outside, in the dark and the cold of the the nethersphere.
Charlie traipsed back down the metal stairway, suddenly feeling very lost.
He found a wall to lean against, maybe cold corrugated iron, maybe rough concrete - it didn't matter - and he slumped into a corner.
He'd lost him. He'd lost him again.
He'd gone to the furthest reaches of the universe to get him back, but he and Nate had already lost each other long before Charlie met the Doctor. And it was all his fault.
He drummed a rhythm of despair and defeat into his forehead until it smarted.
He didn't need a fancy computer program to remember all the moments he'd spent with Nate. To relive the last year of his life, and to realise he had missed so many tiny hints that something was wrong.
He should have seen behind Nate's mask of jokes and wry remarks. Nate hadn't been okay.
He got bored with things after an hour. He spent less time with him. And he was so easily provoked; he'd fly off the handle at anyone who made an attempt to rile him.
But then, he had always been like that.
They'd be in the common room at break, and when Nate wasn't chatting excitedly away, he would sometimes sit in total silence, staring out of the window at the clouds drifting past, or the boys playing football. He became so wrapped up in his thoughts; Charlie often wondered what he was thinking about which swept him away from the here and now.
Sometimes, Nate had a really short temper. The other kids could wind him up so easily, and he'd get into an argument with them, and these were the moments Charlie dreaded.
On this particular occasion, Charlie had left him thinking alone for a few minutes, so he could talk to a girl in his physics class, whom he'd had a crush on at the time.
When he heard the raised voices, immediately followed by a hush as everyone stopped chatting to spectate, Charlie had that familiar sinking feeling of a lead weight descending into his stomach.
Charlie didn't catch what Nate had yelled at the trio of grinning guys, but he did hear their laughter afterwards.
Nate swore at them again, which only served to amuse them more.
"What the hell would you know?" he roared, his voice straining slightly, as he failed to supress his upset. He caught Charlie's eye, and tore himself away from them, his fists clenched, and his cheeks flushing a deep strawberry.
"All right mate, calm it. Jeez!" one of the guys mocked, struggling to contain his smirk.
This irked Nate even more, and he whirled back around, an uncontrolled look of rage bristling across his features.
"Shut up! I'm not your mate!" he screamed at them, prompting a couple of raised eyebrows. He cursed at them again, and another of the lads stood up, rolling up his sleeves, and squared up to Nate.
Charlie recognised him as a guy named Jamie, who was in his maths class. Nate wasn't as tall, or as strong as Jamie, but that didn't seem to deter him.
It was like watching a mouse fighting a cat – a cat that provoked and pawed at its prey before it struck it down.
"What you gonna do? Throw your books at me?"
Jamie turned with a smirk to his friends, who backed him up with a string of grunts and 'yeah's.
Charlie sighed. Nobody had ever let him forget that.
Nate retaliated verbally with some extraordinarily creative insults. He half expected a teacher to burst into the room, complaining about his language, of all things.
"Are they going to fight?" breathed Livvy – the girl in his physics class.
Charlie glanced at her, and saw that she – along with everyone else in the room – was watching the unfolding event with keen interest.
And no-one was standing up to help Nate. Not even him, Charlie suddenly realised
Why had he never done anything?
Maybe it was because he was as shocked as everyone else on the occasions it happened. As chatty as Nate was, he was also quite shy. It should have been so unlike him to erupt with anger, but he had always done that - for as long as Charlie had known him.
Maybe Charlie never intervened because he was just scared. He didn't have the courage to stand up and say something; even to defend his friend.
It was easy to imagine standing up and doing the right thing in his thoughts and in his dreams.
It was easy to stand and fight when you were on another planet light years away, when you could escape the consequences of your actions.
It was easy when the Doctor was there.
Nate shot one final glare at the guys, and skulked out of the room.
The noise of idle chat swiftly returned to the common room.
Jamie and his gang returned to their corner, as if nothing had really occured.
Livvy whistled. "Wow. Drama…"
"Hmm?" Charlie grunted.
"Why are you still friends with him?" she asked.
"What?" Charlie responded, a little stung.
What was that supposed to mean? Would she not have liked him because he was friends with Nate?
The question was asked offhandedly, like it wasn't really important. But it clearly was.
Charlie had always felt that Livvy was smarter than he was. They had really quite fascinating conversations in physics, and sometimes, Charlie had an inkling she was flirting with him - though he always shrugged it off.
He heard another angry outburst from the corridor. Nate yelling at some kid to watch where they were going.
"I'd better go and find him," Charlie mumbled.
He followed Nate outside, where he practically collapsed onto a grassy incline outside the sixth form building.
Nate's scowl disappeared when he noticed Charlie sit down next to him.
"You're not gonna shout at me too, are you?" Charlie asked, a little hesitantly.
Nate shot him a look.
"'Course not," he muttered with a half-smile.
"I… right." Charlie gathered his thoughts for a moment. "What was that about?"
Nate shook his head. "Nothing."
Nothing. It was always nothing.
It should have been obvious, but Nate never said.
It was only after Nate's death, that Charlie realised he wasn't really friends with any of the other kids in school. It seemed that nobody else really cared about him at all. Not even Livvy.
He had just existed.
Why the hell had he been so stupid?
What was he supposed to do now?
"I don't know…" he said aloud.
No, he whined. He sounded pathetic, and he hated himself for it.
He didn't know what to do.
He didn't know what to do with his hands, as he fumbled between grasping his hair and twisting his fingers together.
He would call Sam. His … girlfriend.
She was the only thing that was new. The only thing that didn't hurt.
Maybe they had a good relationship in the afterlife. Maybe he had trusted her.
Charlie pulled out his phone, found her name, and called her.
She answered pretty quickly.
"Hey Charlie. What's up?"
Her voice was pleasant, unconcerned.
Of course it would be. She wouldn't have known what was going on.
There was silence. He couldn't speak. His words were trapped.
"Are you okay?"
"Can… can you come and find me?" Charlie croaked.