Harry raised his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose tiredly. Then he took the glasses off completely and laid them on the table in front of him.
" I need a break. Let's stop and get some food. " he suggested to the red head sitting at the desk beside him.
He was in the middle of studying for the written part of his Auror test which he would take in less than a week.
He looked over at his companion and for a moment he thought he was going to protest, but a knock on his door gave him the excuse he was looking for. He gave Ron his best ' saved by the bell' look, then grabbed his glasses, shoving them on before opening the door to find Ginny standing on the other side with an arm load of take out containers.
" I brought Chinese. " she beamed at him, happily. " I figured you could use a breather. "
He guided her inside, after relieving her of several of her bags. " Thank you. I was just telling him I was getting hungry. "
" Well, then I must be able to read your mind. " she answered still smiling. " I was just at Diagon Alley with Mum, looking at flowers for the wedding. I'm so tired. "
She sank exhaustedly into the armchair under the window and started handing out food.
" You shouldn't be distracting him like this. " Ron chided around a mouthful of Chow Mein.
" He has to eat. "
" Yeah, I have to eat. Do you know how much you sound like your wife ? " Harry interjected on his own behalf.
Ron winced around his fork. " I do, don't I ? " Then he grabbed one of the boxes and closed it. " Speaking of my wife. I really should be getting home. She's going to murder me for being gone so long. She can't ever get Rose to bed without a fight. " He raised the container and smiled. " I'm taking this with me. A little gift to appease the angry beast. I hope you don't mind. "
" Help yourself. There is more than Harry and I could ever eat on our own here. " Ginny agreed, readily.
" Well then, " Ron said as he grabbed his coat. " Will you help him study after you eat ? "
She nodded. " Yes, Mione. We will study after we eat. "
" That's funny. Really funny. " he muttered as he left the room, closing the door behind him.
Ginny turned to Harry with raised eyebrows. " Has he been like this all day ? "
Harry smiled. " Most of it. He just started being impossible about an hour ago. "
" Well, " she smiled back as she shifted and pulled her legs under her. " I, unlike him, have complete faith in you. I don't think you'll have any problems with the tests at all. "
" I appreciate your confidence in me. Can I take that to mean you aren't going to make me continue studying until my head explodes ? "
" No, I am not. I was thinking maybe we could just relax for a while. I think you need a break. I mean, you know very well he's going to be back tomorrow, straight away, right after work. " she told him.
" Yeah, I know. I really appreciate his help, but you're right, I need a break. He's been killing me for two weeks now. I need a break. "
" So what should we do ? " she asked, sitting up a little straighter.
" I don't know. " He pushed away a carton of food and stood, stretching fully, his hands brushing the ceiling as he did.
" Merlin, you got tall. " she commented whimsically.
He pulled back in and smiled sheepishly. " I guess I did. " Moving to the bed, he flopped down on his stomach and smiled up at her. " Did you find the flowers you wanted ? "
She sighed and shrugged at the same time. " No, Mum is pushing me towards roses."
" You don't like roses ? "
" I like them just fine. They're just so typical. They aren't really me, are they ? "
" No, " He replied. " You are definitely far from typical. "
" I think I'll take that as a compliment. " she smiled wiry.
" Good, so what are you thinking of instead of roses ? "
" I have no idea. I haven't seen anything I like yet. Nothing jumps out at me. "
She got out of the chair and came to the bed, nudging him over to make room for herself, laying beside him and resting her head on his arm.
Harry loved that she was so comfortable with him. Twice now in the last two weeks, she had visited him like this. The first time they had laid together all night, talking and just, well, laying there, being together. Harry hadn't been so happy in years. He couldn't believe how much he had missed her. Laying on his bed, with her at his side, he finally felt peaceful, complete, whole once again. The beast in his chest purred contently as she shifted against him, her leg brushing his in the process.
" Can I make a comment here, without you getting upset ? " he asked, quietly.
" That depends on the comment. " she replied.
" Well, it just seems to me, that you haven't found anything that's jumped out at you yet concerning the wedding. " He shifted this time, so he could look at her face. " I know you and your Mum have been shopping several times now and you haven't found anything you liked, not flowers or cakes, or well, anything. "
She nodded. " I know, I just want everything to be perfect. I swear I'm not just being picky. "
" I wasn't thinking you were being picky. " he answered again quietly. " I was thinking that maybe you were having second thoughts about the whole thing. I know you well enough to know that once you start actually making plans, your mind will be set and there will be no turning back. Do you think maybe by not finding anything you like, you're putting it off somehow ? "
She studied his face and he did the same to her, looking for any sign that he was completely off the mark and had made a mistake in saying anything. But she didn't appear angry. Actually, he couldn't read anything on her face as she looked at him so intently.
" Why do you think I would want to put off the wedding ? " she finally asked, her voice cracking slightly as she did.
" I don't know. You tell me. "
She was silent for so long, he began to get afraid of what she was thinking. " I"m not sure either. It seemed like such a great thing at the time. There was a sunset and a beautiful ring. And I love Oliver. I shouldn't be having second thoughts about this. I know I shouldn't. I feel horrible for not being more excited about it. I want to be overjoyed with anything concerning the wedding. I want to be so excited about it all that I can't stand it. "
Harry brushed a red lock from her shoulder and looked at her expectantly. " But..." he urged.
" Well, " she shrugged her shoulder. " I guess maybe I'm not so sure now. I keep picturing myself married to Oliver for the rest of my life and ... " she let her voice trail off as she paused to collect her thoughts or maybe to gather her courage, Harry wasn't quite sure which. " Honestly it gives me the chills. When I close my eyes and picture the wedding of my dreams, this is just not how I pictured it. I feel like there is something very important missing from my perfect wedding."
" What isn't how you picture it ? Whatever it is that's missing from your perfect picture, I'm sure we can figure out a way to make it happen. " Harry offered.
A smile spread across her face, but it vanished just as quickly as it appeared. " I don't think so, actually. I think maybe this is just something I'm going to have to work out in my mind and learn to live with. "
Harry's eyes darkened. " I don't want you to have to settle for anything. If there is something you need to make you excited about this, I will do whatever I can to give it to you. " And without meaning to, he took a deep breath.
" Harry, just drop it okay. I'll work it out, really. " He heard her tell him, but his mind was spinning out of control in an entirely different direction suddenly.
Her hand was resting over his heart. He was sure she could feel it thumping against her palm. He tried to steady it's wild beating but only managed it make it speed up even more. It was her smell. He chided himself for forgetting his rule for being this close to her. He never allowed himself to breath very deeply. He never let himself linger on the feel of her skin. He never let himself become lulled by the sound of her voice. These were his safeguards. Because he knew without a doubt, if she ever found out exactly what she did to him, how she affected him, this would end. She would no longer be so comfortable laying with him on his bed. She would no longer allow him to hold her in what she thought was an innocent brotherly embrace. She wouldn't let him be close enough to her to feel her hair brush against his cheek.
And he couldn't allow it to end. He knew it wasn't healthy. He knew he shouldn't be feeling the way he felt about her and he hoped in time it would stop. In time, it would become what it was supposed to be, a friendly togetherness. A closeness like she shared with Ron or George. That was what this was suppose to be now.
His breath wasn't suppose to hitch when her bare skin brushed his. His heart wasn't supposed to race out of control because he caught a hint of the aroma that was Ginny. Her voice wasn't supposed to make him feel like he was falling off a cliff, into an abyss of pleasure.
No, he just wasn't suppose to feel like he did. And he tried, Merlin how he tried, not to feel what he did when she was close to him. It was exhausting, constantly examining his every move towards her, constantly trying to control his body's involuntary reactions to her.
" Are you okay ? " she asked suddenly and he guessed that his thoughts were betraying him, written across his face. He tried to let his muscles relax, concentrating on physically relaxing his face into a nondescript expression.
" I'm fine, why ? " he lied.
" You just looked weird all of a sudden. Like you just remembered something important. "
" No, I'm okay. We were talking about the wedding. Tell me what you think is missing. " he urged her again.
" I already told you, I don't want to talk about this. " she repeated herself, looking away from him.
" Come on, Now I know that you know exactly what's missing. Tell me what it is. It'll help. I know you girls picture your wedding all your life. So obviously something important is missing from your dream wedding. " He continued.
She sat up and stood quickly. " I don't want to tell you. " she answered as she began to pace.
He sat up as well and reached out to grab her hand to stop her. " I'm sorry, Gin. I didn't mean to upset you. I just want to help make this perfect for you. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. "
" Guess, maybe, I should be getting home. It's Friday. Oliver is supposed to spend the weekend with me. " she said, pulling her hand from his and giving him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
" Okay. Maybe we can get together for lunch next week some time. " He suggested getting up and coming to her.
" Yeah, that'd be great. And I'll see you for Mum and Dad's anniversary next Friday. "
" Yeah, of course, I wouldn't miss it. I don't want to miss anything like that ever again. " He said, letting his voice off to little more than a whisper.
" Well, yeah, we don't want you miss any of them either. " she smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
" Will Oliver be there next weekend ? " He tried to make it sound as nonchalant as possible,but he feared he failed miserably.
" I don't think so. I know he's trying to get things ready for the O.W.L.S. He's swamped at school. Why? Did you want to see him, cause I can bring him by here, if you do. " she offered.
" No, " he shook his head, nervously. " I was just curious. I know you haven't seen much of each other since you got engaged. "
"Oh. Well,. Like I said, he's been really busy. "
" Yeah. "
Both sets of eyes dropped to the floor and Harry felt himself fidgeting with his glasses nervously.
" Oh, this is so stupid. " Ginny exclaimed suddenly, with an exasperated sigh. " Why can't we do this ? Why does everything have to end up so awkward and weird between us at some point ? "
Harry shook his head. " I don't know. I wish it didn't though. "
Ginny narrowed her eyes and stared at him for a moment. " I think I do know why it always gets like this eventually. And I think you know why, too. "
He swallowed the lump that had suddenly risen in his throat and tried to keep from rubbing his sweating palms against the front of his trousers. " Why do you think it is ? " His voice cracked as he spoke.
" Because when we're together, all either of us can think about is this. " she answered simply before pressing herself into him and pulling his lips down to hers.
He fought her for a moment. But a moment was all he was capable of. Her tongue brushed over his lips and he opened his mouth giving her all the room she wanted to explore. His heart pounded against his ribcage almost painfully and so loudly he was sure she could hear it. Moving his hands, he grasped one in her hair and the other at the small of her back pulling her tighter still, leaving no room for so much as a breath between them.
" I shouldn't have done that. " she said, her breath grazing over the sensitive skin of his throat. He found himself still incapable of letting her go.
" No, you probably shouldn't have, but I can't say I'm sorry you did. "
" I think you should let me go. " she breathed.
He moved reluctantly, realizing she was right. His beast roared in protest as she slipped away from him.
" We have to stop doing this. " she manged, swallowing loudly. " This can't keep happening, Harry. I'm engaged. I love Oliver. "
He dragged his hand through his hair roughly and readjusted his glasses again. " I know. " He began to pace. " I know this has to stop. "
" What are we going to do ? "
The words in his head rolled over and over again and caused his heart to sink further every time they repeated themselves. " Maybe we shouldn't see each other alone for a while. "
" No, " she answered firmly. " That isn't an option. "
His eyes flew to her face. " Why not ? "
" Because, as horrible as this is, as bad as I feel for feeling this way, the thought of losing our friendship makes me feel worse. " she answered with teary eyes.
" I don't want to stop being your friend either, but I can't make myself stop feeling this way. " he replied, impatiently.
" We just need to use our heads. This is just lust, silly left over feelings of lust from years ago. " she said in a steady voice.
He spun towards her and eyed her intently. " Do you think that's what this is ? " he demanded. " You think all I want is to jump you ? "
" What ? " Confusion was evident on her face. " Of course that's all this is. "
" Ginny, " he breathed. " I still love you. I never stopped. "
She stared at him for a long moment without saying a word. He couldn't' tell what she was thinking, her face was so clouded by an emotion he couldn't explain, couldn't define.
Then she turned and left without saying another word.
There was no way he was going to let her just leave like that, not now that she knew the truth. She had to say something to him. He followed after her, yanking the door opened and running into her back as she stood in the hall staring at Oliver.
" Somehow, I just knew when I didn't find you at home, I'd find you here. " Oliver smiled sadly at them before turning and leaving.