In honor of Dream Daddy finally being out and being an amazing game

Genre: dad rivals

WARNING: two dads trying to out dad each other

Rated: dream daddy

Word Count: 4107

Naruto © Kishimoto

Story © Happii Haden

Sasori took a step back and wiped his brow, admiring his perfectly tended garden. It had been such a long time since he was able to fix his precious petunias. At least they weren't wilting anymore… Off in the distance, he heard a humming noise come to a stop. He looked over and spotted his neighbor, Kakuzu. The redhead bit the inside of his cheek. Man, Kakuzu was pretty good looking. The guy was ripped - his back muscles flexing as he pushed his mower to a halt. Sweat glistening and sliding off his perfectly tanned skin. And check out that hawt man bun! He had several tattoos as well, the most prominent one being the ones on his back - a portrait of his four children. Of course the children were a bit older now, but Sasori had to commemorate his dedication.

"Hey, neighbor," Kakuzu grunted with a small grin. The bigger man pulled out a bandana from his back pocket and wiped his face with it.

Sasori cleared his throat, "Ah, hello, Kakuzu. How're you today?"

"Oh, you know," the taller male gestured to his yard, "just taking care of the ol' green carpet. I even trimmed up my prize-winning garden. You know, the best garden of the year award I've won three times in a row."

The redhead forced a smile, eye twitching. Oh, he remembered. He remembered watching bitterly through his window as his neighbor was given a big fat check and a pretty award sign to put in his pretty garden. Sasori took a glance at his garden - it wasn't that bad… but it definitely wasn't Kakuzu's garden.

"Ah, I only wish I had more time to garden. I've just been so busy with work and raising my children. Being a single dad and all…" Sasori stated nonchalant.

Kakuzu chuckled, "Tell me about it. Ever since the missus passed… well I do the best I can to raise my four munchkins. Don't even get me started on how much they cost me either."

Sasori inhaled deeply.

"The private school is expensive as hell, But I only want the best for my kids."

Of course his kids went to a private school. Sasori wanted the best for his children too, but… as Kakuzu had stated - private schools were expensive as hell! The redhead couldn't fathom why the well known penny pincher would spend so much for education, even if it was for the sake of his kids.

Sasori shrugged, "Yanno, I went to a private school as a child. Didn't teach me anything I didn't already want to learn. All three of my kids do excellent in public school."

The tanned male raised an eyebrow, "Oh, is that so? Aside from the education, I try to make sure they can participate in after school events as well. What extracurricular activities do your kids partake in?"

The redhead swallowed. Man, was it hot out here or what? He could feel the sun beating down on his precious porcelain skin. Damn his ginger genes. "Oh, uhm… well my youngest is too young for anything after school, but his teacher tells me he's pretty great at art… and sandbox sculptures!" He snapped his fingers, smiling proudly, "My little girl is captain of the cheerleading squad and is captain of the volleyball team." Sasori deflated, "And my oldest… he, uhm…" What did that cranky teen do? He was always staying after school, but never telling Sasori why. "He helps tutor others after school…?" He said slowly, as if he wasn't sure himself.

Kakuzu crossed his arms, chuckling.

Sasori laughed weakly in response. "Uh, what about your kids, huh?"

"Glad you asked," the man grinned. "My oldest takes after her Pops and is captain of her soccer team. The second oldest runs the AV club and my other middle child is student body president. My youngest, oh boy, he's an intelligent little guy. Runs the chess club and is the teacher's assistant in both math and science classes."

Sasori felt his eyebrow twitch. "Oh, how nice. Your kids… seem nice."

"The sweetest." Kakuzu checked his watch. "Ah, speaking of the little angels, I got to pick them up. It was nice getting to talk with you. We should get together with the kids and hang out soon."

"Oh, yeah, definitely. Like camping or something," the redhead snorted sarcastically.

Kakuzu clasped a rough and heavy hand on Sasori's shoulder. "That's a wonderful idea. Camping it is. It'll have to be sometime next weekend. Got a soccer game to attend to this weekend, but hey- you could join us. It's be great to have some support for the girls. We can even hit up the pizza joint afterward. The kids will love it. What do you say?"

Sasori gave a crooked smile. "Sure thing, pal." The hand squeezed his shoulder and then gave him a hefty pat on the back. He nearly wheezed and fell over. Why the hell was this man so buff?!

"That's the spirit! See you Saturday, neighbor!" Kakuzu grunted happily before running back into his house to presumably put on a shirt and grab his keys.

Sasori stared at his neighbor's shiny red lawn mower. Damn what a nice model. He left his yard and calmly walked into his house. Then he collapsed into the couch. What the actual fuck did he just do?

Saturday evening rolled around faster than Sasori had expected it to. In fact, he almost forgot about the game until he got a message on Facebook from his neighbor as a reminder. When had he become friends with the man? He couldn't remember and that wasn't the point.

Sasori grabbed his keys and rushed around his home, trying to get his kids moving. He knocked on Kankuro's door. "Hey, we got to get moving! Game starts in thirty minutes! If we're late then he'll think poorly of us and I can't have that!"

He ran upstairs, ignoring the loud groan coming from the dungeon in which his son dwelled. He banged on Temari's door before opening it. "All girls soccer game. Have to leave now!" He closed it about to head toward his youngest son's room. Then he paused and opened his daughter's room again. "I'll also need you to tell me what's happening during the game because I know absolutely nothing."

Sasori quickly left again and found himself sweeping up Gaara in his arms. "Alright, kiddo, time to go."

The little redhead huffed at the fact that he couldn't finish his drawing, but didn't object at the fact that he was being carried. Temari had told him that once he turned eight that he'd stop getting carried around and Gaara didn't like the idea of that one bit. He'd take all the carrying he could until then.

Sasori practically flew down the stairs, small child in his arms. He yelled for his other children once more and began to frantically look for his keys. "Ah, keys! Keys! Keys! Where the hell are my keys?!" He muttered under his breath.

The front door opened.

Deidara popped in, backpack in hand. He was taken a bit back by his lovers frantic searching. "Lose something, Danna?"

Sasori nearly sighed at his young lover. He approached the boy, pulling him into a kiss all the while squishing Gaara between their chests. "Keys. Need them. Can't find them."

Deidara laughed and took Sasori's hand. "You mean these, un?"

The redhead blinked and looked at his left hand. Damnit. He kissed Deidara again, this one much more short lived than the first thanks to Gaara. "Right, right. Kankuro! Temari! Let's go!"

The two older siblings finally dragged themselves out of their rooms and followed their father out of the house. Deidara did as well, slightly confused.

"Where we heading? I don't remember you saying we had anything planned."

Sasori sighed as he got into the driver's seat. "I didn't remember either. We got invited to go see some soccer game by my neighbor." He heard Deidara let out a laugh. "Don't ask. I don't wanna talk about it."

When they pulled up at the school stadium, it brought back many memories for Sasori. Of course the private school in front of him was an entirely different one than he went to, but they all looked the same to him. Unpleasant and posh. Everything about the school was big and pristine, and the stadium was no exception. The family stepped out of the minivan in astonishment. While everyone - except Sasori - was impressed, the redhead glared up at the sparkly stadium. Repressed memories of wedgies and the water cooler be dumped on him flooded his mind.

"Come on, Danna, we should go find our seats, un."

Sasori felt a little better as the blond clung to him. Sure he was what Kankuro was could call a "mega nerd" back in the day, but look at him now! Good paying job, good looking kids, good looking boyfriend… good looking in general! All at thirty six nonetheless! Take that Baki! Sasori nodded triumphantly and led his family down into the stadium.

Not surprisingly, it was packed. Sasori had assumed that it wouldn't be a very big thing. Especially since it was an all girl's game. Not that he thought they didn't deserve a crowd! Oh, definitely not! It always managed to piss him off how little people came to Temari's volleyball games. This was on a whole new level though. It was like the whole damn school was there! He looked around, trying to scout out his neighbor. Suddenly, he was approached by a big mascot. It looked like some kind bug thing… Maybe a dragonfly? Whatever the hell it was it definitely had spooked Deidara.

"Argh! WHat the fUCk is tHat!?" the male nearly screeched as he hid behind the redhead. "Oh god, it's LOOKING AT ME, UN. Danna! MAke it stOP!"

The redhead chuckled and hushed his childish lover. "Just a mascot, Dei. Honestly…" he shook his head. "Uhm, hello…?"

The mascot did a happy dance but then lunged toward the couple. Deidara freaked and pulled the redhead down with him. Sasori wasn't too happy, but felt a fire start as soon as the mascot pulled off it's head. That punk!

Deidara glanced up from his position on the ground. Then he jumped to his feet, snarling. "Hidan! What the hell?!" He grabbed the other male by the front of his costume and presumed to shake the man. This didn't phase the albino much and he only laughed as his friend tried to rattle common sense into his friend's brain.

Sasori stood up and dusted himself off. It was at that same time that a familiar man jogged up to him. He was wearing a coach outfit. Kakuzu. OF COURSE HE COACHED THE SCHOOL'S SOCCER TEAM. OF COURSE.

"Glad you could make it!" Kakuzu grunted happily as he patted Sasori on the shoulder like he always did. "I see you've met Hidan," the man sighed. "Kid is a handful, honestly. Oh, but it's lovely to see the kids." The man dug through his pocket and handed everyone a tiny piece of candy. Everyone except Hidan.

"What the hell, man!?"

Kakuzu waved the college teen off, clearly used to ignoring the annoying albino. "Now, who is this?" he asked referring to Deidara. "I don't remember you mentioning another kid? Perhaps she's Kankuro's girlfriend?"

Both Kankuro and Deidara let out groans simultaneously.

Sasori chuckled and shook his head. "Actually," he motioned the blond over, "this is my boyfriend, Deidara." He planted a sweet kiss on top of the blond's head.

"Oh!" Kakuzu's eyes widened. "I see… huh." The man seemed disappointed? "Ah, well it's nice to meet you, Deidara."

The blond shook the bigger man's hand, eyes widening as the hand swallowed his. This guy was a monster! Kinda hot… but a monster!

Sasori tightened his arm around his lover. "Mind taking the kids to our seats, Dei?"

The blond looked up at the redhead, confused for a moment. Then he smiled and laughed, "Sure thing, un." He gave Sasori a short, yet passionate kiss and led the man's children up the stadium. Not without flipping Hidan the bird though. In which Hidan retaliated with his ugly mascot, giving chase to the blond.

This left Sasori and Kakuzu.

The redhead spoke up first, feeling slightly more confident. "So, you coach regularly?"

Kakuzu offered a small smile, "Ah, not always. The current coach is with his wife about ready to have a baby. Told him I'd step in for him."

Sasori nearly rolled his eyes. Why did Kakuzu have to be such a good person? "That's nice of you. Oh, looks like the game is about to start. Guess I should go join the others. See you after the game?"

The taller male grinned, "Definitely."

Joining his children and Deidara up in the stands, he eyed his neighbor below. He rarely took interest in the game and solely focused on the man. It seemed like Kakuzu was always trying to one up him and he needed to find a way to beat this guy! Or at least prove he was better at something than him. A nudge to his side brought his attention to his lover.

"Staring at another man for so long is bound to make me jealous, Danna," Deidara joked. "Even if he is pretty hot."

Sasori pouted and furrowed his eyebrows, "Hey! You can't call him hot! He… He's the enemy!"

Deidara rolled his eyes, "What on earth are you even talking about? Have you not been checking him out this whole time?"

"No!" the redhead waved his hands in defense. "So what if he's good looking!? I'm good looking too!"

The blond gave him a confused look, as did many other patrons nearby. "Yes, Danna, you are very good looking."

Sasori frowned, "But… like better looking than him? Right?" Oh god, what if Sasori was losing his youthful good looks!? He was almost forty. Oh geez. What if Deidara decided he didn't want to be with him anymore? He didn't want to be a single, lonely dad! A hand to his face caught his attention and pulled him from his dark thoughts.

"You're going to get worried lines, un." The blond pressed his lips against Sasori's and chuckled softly, "Whatever you're thinking about - Stop."

Sasori flushed lightly.

"My Danna is the most handsomest man in the world, and I could never ever have a man as beautiful, thoughtful, and loving as him~"

"Deidara…" the redhead muttered, leaning into the hand.

"Besides," Deidara smirked, "you're the only daddy for me."

Sasori sighed loudly, but still kissed the blond. "Way the ruin the mood, brat, but… thank you."

"Gosh," Temari sighed, "you two are so… corny. It's kinda cute…"

Kankuro rolled his eyes, "Sickeningly sweet."

Gaara smiled and crawled between the two. "Daddy and Deidara is the best!"

Just seeing his lovely family brought a smile to Sasori's face and made him completely forget about his rivalry with Kakuzu.

Until they reached the pizza palace of course. There his rivalry was rekindled and a fire in his heart burned as he wished to out-dad the other.

As soon as the two dads entered the restaurant, their children, and Deidara and Hidan, scattered. The two fathers both got in line to order their pizzas and drinks.

"As a thank you for coming to the game, I'll cover your costs," Kakuzu offered.

Sasori shook his head, "Oh no no, I wouldn't want you to do anything like that. If anything, I'd like to pay for you and your kids."

Kakuzu seemed to mull over the idea before shrugging, "If you insist." He ordered first and pointed to Sasori behind him, "My buddy is covering the cost." Then he went to go fetch them seats.

Sasori couldn't help but feel duped.

Kakuzu - one. Sasori - zero.

The redhead rejoined his company, finding the man's oldest sitting with him. He sat down across from them. "Ah, so you're the soccer superstar," he greeted. "I'm Sasori, your dad's friend and neighbor."

The girl looked up at him and smiled, "I've heard quite a bit about you. It's nice to finally put a face to the name. I'm Atsuhi." She stuck her hand out for the older male to shake.

Sasori took the hand, eyebrow raised. Kakuzu talked about him? For how long and why? Also, why the hell was his oldest so much more well-mannered? Why couldn't Kankuro be polite like this? Speak of the little devil…

"Hey dad, can we get a few more coins. I'm trying to beat Deidara and his punk friend at this game and I-" he paused as he caught sight of the neighbor's pretty daughter. "I… I, uhm… why'd I come over here again?"

Kakuzu reached into his wallet and handed Kankuro a few bills. "Here ya go," he grunted, making eye contact. It was as if he knew that the redhead's son was eyeballing his precious darling daughter.

Kankuro nodded, "Uh, thanks... " He quickly darted off.

Sasori chuckled and shook his head. It was rare to see his son so flustered. He definitely was going to use this against him later. "All tuckered out from the game? Or do you not like cheap arcade games that rip you off?"

Atsuhi laughed, "Both actually, but… I'm no good at video games… or arcade games. Any type of game that isn't a sport actually. My dad, however, is amazing at them. Isn't that right Pops?"

Kakuzu cleared his throat. "Oh, yeah. Pretty good at em."

Sasori narrowed his eyes, still smiling. "Oh, me too. The pizza won't be out for a while… perhaps we could… play a little."

"Just for fun," the tan male nodded.

The two daddies stood and hunted down the nearest cash-for-coin machine they could find. At the same time of their departure, Temari slid into the booth a serious look crossing her face.

"Tell me, do you find my brother attractive? If so, please do feel the need to take him home and lock him away in your basement. Don't worry, he's a dungeon dweller… or so my dad says. He'll be fine down there with the spiders. Oh! Make sure you feed and water him often as he gets cranky if not well taken care of. I have a contract… if you'd just sign right here…"

With a hand full of coins, both Kakuzu and Sasori made their way around the arcade searching for a family, friendly, and fun competitive game. Oooh, look skeeball! Kakuzu turned to Sasori. "You a gamblin man?"

Sasori chuckled, "Only on the weekends. Oh, would you look at that? It's the weekend." Definitely not. The redhead couldn't gamble to save his life. Now, if he were kidnapped and his only way to get free was to guess each and every pair of Deidara's panties he'd be a free man in no time. That didn't make him a pervert, did it? Eeh…

"How about a little wager then?" Kakuzu smirked.

"Depends…"

The tan male chuckled, "Nothing too outrageous. How about… loser has to babysit the winner's kids for one night."

Sasori could already feel the headache forming from seven children rampaging through his normally quiet home. On the other hand, if he won that meant a whole night with no kids. He could have Deidara over and they could… Or better yet he could have the whole night to himself! Oh, how he dreamed to read a good book and go to bed early! "You're so on!"

So the game began. The two adults threw the heavy balls down the lane, racking up points and drawing a crowd. It was intense and Sasori could only think the high heavens for his excellent bowling skills. Deidara and his sons cheering him on in the background… He could do this! He could so do this!

They were neck and neck. Kakuzu only a few points behind Sasori.

The redhead rolled his last ball. It went up the ramp with a valiant speed and curved just as he planned. Oh yes! Get that 100! It hit the edge of the hole. And as if time had slowed, Sasori could see it lingering on the edge for a millisecond. Then it fell backward, bounced off all of the other holes and rolled back down the lane right at him. The buzzer went off. He stared in disbelief at the tiny brown ball. Then at their scores. Kakuzu - 120215. Sasori - 120200.

Sasori crumbled to the ground, half of his body on the lane. He could feel the weight of losing on his shoulders. He could never face his children or Deidara ever again. What a failure of a dad he was! Couldn't even win at skeeball! The child's version of bowling! Something he was supposed to be good at! A heavy hand clasped his shoulder. He looked up with bleary eyes.

"Good game, pal," Kakuzu grinned.

He helped the poor redhead up, Sasori inwardly groaning. Did he have to be such a good sport too!? What a gracious winner.

After the very serious game of skeeball, the group of eleven people sat down to enjoy some greasy pizza and bubbly sodas. Even though Sasori was still sulking in his loss, he had to admit he was having fun spending time with his family and frenemy. He looked around the table - it was good to see his kids interacting with other children for once.

"Ah, I guess I should formally introduce to my children," Kakuzu started. "You already met Atsuhi, my oldest. Boys, introduce yourself."

As if they had been waiting their whole life for this, the three boys were suddenly attentive and eagerly introducing themselves to the Akasuna family.

A short boy with neatly pulled back hair spoke, "Hello, Mr. Akasuna! My name is Raiden! I'm ten years old and really love school! I heard you're a scientist! That's super cool! I'd love to be a doctor when I grow up! Maybe some day, when your back finally gives out, you can come to me to get it fixed and a refill of Vicodin!"

Sasori stared wide eyed at the little brat. Firstly, the kid was way too excitable, and secondly, there was no way in hell he'd ever see that little punk doctor! Way too damn smart for a ten year old.

The next to speak was the second oldest. He was just as excitable as his younger brother. "Name's Daichi. I love racing bikes and playing in the mud! I get hurt quite a bit… but that doesn't mean I'm some dumb kid!" The boy's cheeks puffed out in annoyance. "I'm head of my A/V club, I'll have you know!" Daichi nudged the brother next to him. They looked about the same age.

The boy next to him fidgeted in his seat. He seemed quite shy and had even longer hair than his sister. "H-Hayate Takihama…" the boy thrust a hand out. "P-P-Pleased to meet you!"

Sasori shook the nervous hand.

"I'm… I'm the sc-school body p-p-president… I'm o-only thir… thirteen. U-Uh, Daichi… w-w-we're twins! H-He likes to p-p-pretend that we're n-not though…"

Good god, could this kid talk any slower? The redhead wasn't exactly a patient man and he nearly told the kid to just spit it out. How was this kid elected student body president? Didn't that require being well spoken? Thank God none of his kids were this painfully shy. Even little Gaara was more pronounced than this preteen.

"Ah, well it's nice to meet you all." Sasori turned to his children. "Guys?"

Gaara smiled shyly and gave a small wave. "Hi."

The redhead rubbed his neck, "This is Gaara. He's a bit shy."

He glared at his other two children, as if trying to send them telepathic messages. Introduce yourself!

Kankuro swallowed, "Uh, I'm Kankuro… and no! Deidara is not my girlfriend!" He looked around a bit nervous. "Not that anyone asked, but… just so it's known!"

"Seconded," Deidara butted in.

"Temari, your turn," the eldest teen grumbled, nudging his sister.

The blond girl sighed and glanced up from her phone. "I'm Temari. I like cheerleading, sports, boybands, and make up."

Sasori nearly face palmed as his children did anything but impress their neighbor. At least they tried. He coughed, trying to distract the other family from the conversation. "Ahem, right. So, the weather…"