June 10th, 2013

I.

It had to be you.

II.

Well first of all, ouch.

I don't really recall the details of what the heck happened that night, but it's safe to say that I'm not a virgin anymore. I just know that it feels so good... So fucking good.

I think I was half drunk, and I don't recall how we got to a hotel. But we did, and he was on top of me before I have the chance to protest. He knows I just showered, and he was breathing into my hair, and I wanted to cry.

Not from fear, he didn't do any kinky stuff. Just straight up vanilla sex. OK right now I'm not going to pretend that I'm innocent and not know the knowledge of different kinds of sex, which Hinata probably doesn't. The thing is, I knew sex, but actually never had it.

What saddened me was that it was completely carnal. I didn't know if it's something sad or something to celebrate on. There was lots of passion, but not much variety of emotion. I felt he was like fire, scorching me up in to charcoal. It felt good, having a man to lean against, having someone to be there. He gave me attention, and observed me to see if there's anything I like or didn't like.

He was so handsome.

His beauty could pierce my heart open. Especially to someone as sensitive as I am. He is just so perfect, with his carefully sculpted face and narrow, deep eyes. His hair sleek and silky, and it was something I love to tangle my hands in. He let me, but I could tell he did not like it.

Every time he thrusts in, I couldn't help but make a small moan, and he feeds off from it. I suspect it boosts his already massive ego.

At last, when my climax came, I finally felt what it's like to fly up to the sky, to have someone toss you up to the most pleasurable corner of the heavens. I couldn't help myself, but I scratched his back with my nails, and that seemed to only please him more as he thrusts further. I could've fainted-I probably blacked out for a few moments there-because he came, and I don't remember how.

Great Sakura. Sex. You experienced sex without emotional attachment, how does it feel?

Well first of all, it hurts.

Second of all, it's humiliating.

Before morning came, I forced myself to wake up earlier than him, and snuck out. The morning after awkward conversation is just something I couldn't handle. Then I sneaked into a drug store and bought morning after pills and a bottle of water.

I gulped them down in the back of a taxi. I couldn't go home-nanna will ask. So I called Sai.

He was quite understanding for me waking him up at six in the morning. Probably because we bully him so much at lab that he's too meek or couldn't careless to fight back. He saw the state I was in but did not ask questions.

He's also rich. I don't know how or why. He lived in a penthouse suit somewhere downtown, and he offered me fresh robes and towels and a shower. I took advantage of them gratefully, and came out facing a note written by him, explaining he had to go on some errands, and I was welcome to stay as long as I like, in the guest room.

And by that time I was so dead tired that I slept for like, a million hours.

No really, just twelve.

III.

It occurred to me, how much we are willing to sacrifice for love, but then ultimately we are only in doing it to protect ourselves.

It really is selfish, then, to want this love when I wasn't willing to give it myself.

I wonder if I should rethink my whole existence.

IV.

I had a wonderful dream, actually.

At first I was so tired that I slept like a baby, and afterwards I begin to get flashes of images and dream vision. I dreamt that I'm in the tropicals and right beside a beach. It was sunny and very cool. I was wearing a light purple sundress, and wearing a large sun hat with a pair of shades. I look quite cool, and I was walking along the beach searching for beautiful colored stones. I found a lot, actually. So much that I begin to gather them all on my dress.

Then I reached the edge of the beach, (yes in my dream there is an edge) and I stopped because I saw Sasuke.

Him and his Fioravanti suit. He was standing there, emotionless.

I saw him I was so surprised I dropped all my colored stones and ran to him. He extended his arms out, and I ran to his embrace. Except-there really isn't any, because the moment I touched him, everything fell into darkness.

How fucking wonderful.

And then I was woken up by some banging on the door. At first it was in my subconscious, and I covered my head with a pillow to get rid of it, but it's getting more and more presistant, accompanied by some yelling. I couldn't take it anymore, so I jumped off the guestroom bed.

At first I stood still and looked around-whoa, I'm not at home. Then the memory from last night came rushing, and I quickly tried to get to the door. Too bad I was a little limp, and then I tried very hard to make it to the door without pulling a muscle.

"Whoa is it?" I yelled in annoyance.

"Open the fucking door!" I heard.

I quickly opened it, and a very angry blond haired-girl came in. Behind her, stood Naruto.

I thought I was seeing things, and I rubbed my eyes, no, still there.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

The girl was questioning me like machine gun blasting through rounds, "What are you doing here? What's your relationship with Sai? Where is the bastard? Did you sleep here?"

I stared at them, and decided it's time to go.

"Where are you going!? I'm not done with you!" She yelled at me.

I shut the door to the guest room, and changed in to my cloths from yesterday. Sai cleaned and dried them. Ah how thoughtful. After getting my jacket and bag, I was half way out the door when Naruto asked, "Sakura-san, what did you do?"

I turn to look at him, and he was looking at me with worried eyes. My first instinct was to tell him to fuck off, but then I was reminded to have closure and to let go. So I said quietly, "I don't think you're in any position to question me. I did what I wanted to."

The girl immediately jumped in front of me and asked, "Did you sleep with Sai?"

"What? Ew! No!" I yelled.

She seemed immediately relaxed. But then was suspicious again, "What are you doing here?"

"What are YOU doing here?" I asked back.

"He's my boyfriend." She answered.

I stared, then said, "Sai is my classmate. I needed a place to crash this morning. He was nice enough to offer me the guest room and dry cleaned my cloths from before. I don't think that's going to happen if I was fucking him."

She stopped yelling. "Oh."

"Yes." I said.

She then turned around to Naruto, "Man, Naruto, what the hell! You scared me fucking half to death!"

Naruto lowered his head, "Somebody told me that Sakura was going to-I don't know... this is all so messed up.

"Who told you?" I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, and what did he or she say?

He averted his eyes, "Sasuke called me this morning, saying you might be missing. So I checked with everyone..."

I rolled my eyes. "Naruto, we're done."

He sighed.

The blond haired girl said, "this is just another mess I don't want to get into. Girl, you gotta leave. Naruto, goodbye. Say hello to my brother for me. See you next week."

"Right." Naruto said before turning towards the door. I followed him out as the door slammed behind us.

"Who was that?" I asked in annoyance.

"Temari. She's Gaara's sister." Naruto answered.

"Oh." I blinked.

He turned to me, "Are you ok?"

I ignored him and limped towards the elevator.

"Sakura!"

I sighed, turning to him. "Naruto, it's a messed up world we're living in, isn't it?"

He looked confused.

"Remember?" I chuckled at the memory, "remember the night when you were in bed with Uchiha?"

He watched as I laughed harder. "What if I say that I was in his bed yesterday? Except this time, there was penetration."

This successfully angered him, or, did something to him. Because he was stunned and he turned pale.

"He isn't right for you, Sakura." He whispered.

I went into the elevator, and he followed me in. I sighed because I suddenly found all this is pointless. I thought I would be very happy to see him mad, but I'm not, I'm not, I'm fucking not. I don't wish for him to be sad, because it would not make me happy. What would make me happy is if I go back in time and fix everything that went wrong. What would make me happy is if I went back in time and forgive him when I had the chance.

Thinking this, I started sobbing.

He was all over me and pulling out tissues from his jacket, comforting me with gentle words and death threats to Uchiha.

Hinata is better for him. She's more right. She fits him, and I don't. I don't because I don't even see him for who is actually is. I was too selfish to deserve him. He really is like a sun, all forgiving and precious. His rays lights up everybody, and he deserves someone who would follow him for who he is and adore him without pretense. I was too into ruling over him and commanding him to do whatever I wanted. He didn't complain, he never did, but I know I was not reasonable. Deep in my heart, when I was still with him I thought that I was too good for him. But it's not true. Now that he's not mine anymore, I realized it was actually me who doesn't deserve him.

When the elevator reached the bottom floor, I wiped my tears away and smiled at him.

"Naruto, I wish for nothing more than to go back in time and work this all out. We both know it's too late and you've moved on."

He looked a little intimidated, but I hugged him and then kissed his forehead, "please be happy."

V.

"And that's why, I think I've finally moved on. Whenever I look at him, I don't have this urge to stab him. But I feel a little melancholy." I told Kimimaro-senpai.

He look worse than before, even paler and thinner, which I did not think it was possible.

"That's good." He smiled while drinking the tea I made for him.

"Do you think fate arranged us to be this way? A person who offers everything is fated to be bound with a person who is too ignorant to cherish it?" I asked.

He pondered this, then replied, "of course not, Sakura-chan."

"Then it's so hard to find someone, it's like a miracle."

He shook his head, "Sakura, I'm sure you've heard this before, but you're too absolute. You search for things that aren't couldn't normally be accomplished by others."

"And Sasuke said I'm too immature too." I said. "I thought about it, maybe I was. Because when I was with Naruto I did think I was above him."

"Oh that's normal." Kimimaro smiled, "That's just Uchiha trying to get into your head. Most people get the feeling when they're with Naruto. Maybe not that Hyuuga girl now."

"Yeah, they're fucking perfect together." I grumbled.

"Hahaha." Kimimaro laughed, then turned serious. "All joking aside, Sakura, I don't think it's a good idea for you to interact with Uchiha Sasuke."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Naruto is at least right on this one." He said, "Uchiha Sasuke deals with business that are dangerous and shady. It's not right for a girl like you, and you should stay as far away from it as possible. Not to mention, he has so many enemies that could make up an army and destroy him."

"Uh..."

"And he won't love you back." Kimimaro said, with his eyes staring straight at me. "You're a girl full of contemplating on love or what it means to be in love. He isn't. He will use whatever he deem necessary to succeed. You have no use to him right now, perhaps in the future you will, and you must know the difference of when he approaches you, does he want sex, or your demise."

I sighed, because I don't know how to answer it without sounding stupid. He is like the same level as Kakashi is in my eyes. He's so wise and intelligent and observant that I'm sure I would never defy with whatever point he was making.

"Be good." He said. "You're already very clever. Be extra careful with Sasuke."

I nodded, and he leaned back and closed his eyes. I assumed the conversation between us is over, so I snuck out as quietly as possible.

VI.

Grandmother told me that she received a invitation from the Uchihas, asking us to attend the semi-annual charity drive.

They say it's a drive, and they say it's for charity, it's actually a very grand and high class party that influential people compliments other influential people on their success in the first two business quarter. At the end of the day, maybe they get together and write a check for the charity of the Uchiha family's choosing. Other than that I really don't see the reason why they would get together. I rarely attended, and Grandmother was always rarely attends too, but this summer, she wants me to attend.

I really don't know what to say. She say it's sort of like a rite of passage for me, to push me into the world of adults and experience what it's like to survive out there. But the point is, I don't know how to survive out there-and I don't want to! I want to stay couped up in a poor man's house and just live my life without the glamour... Wait, but I do want pretty clothes. So it's all very conflicted in my mind.

The party itself is in like a week, on a Saturday evening. The hosts are the Uchiha family, of course, and they're having it at their house. Knowing them, the mayor and etc will definitely be there. So if the mayor's there, then Naruto is gonna be there.

Maybe I should use this as an excuse to prove to everyone that I've moved on. Since I've already made my closure with the man himself, why wouldn't I go?

Right, there poses the question of the younger Uchiha himself. The guy who is merciless, ruthless, cold, manipulative, and all in all, not a very nice guy.

However, I have a feeling that the entire world would be at my side and asking me to stay the hell away from him. It's not like I'm clinging on to him, for fuck's sakes. He is the least thing on my mind-I have too much other crap to do.

Speaking of which, the job hunting is not going well. I really don't want to resort to like, begging Uchiha Itachi to give me a position in his company, but at the same time a desk job that would fit my schedule is very hard to find. I mean, I still have to attend school. Being a grad student is full time work already. What possible position could I possibly take that is still a desk job, but would fit around my day classes?

The answer, is none.

Speaking of which, I asked nanna if she remembered that when I was young I clung to Uchiha Sasuke and didn't let him go. She actually confirmed to the story. How come I have no recollection of this!?

It's getting increasingly hard not to call him.

VII.

Whoa! Had drinks with Tenten today.

It was a Friday night, and I was very bored. I looked online and saw that most of my Facebook friends are ones that doesn't care to talk to, so I scrolled down until I see Tenten. I asked her, "you working today?"

She immediately replied, "no, at home in a bath, stewing in my own filth."

I immediately loved her.

"Drinks and wings?" I asked, hoping she isn't the type of girl who would find wing eating offensive.

She send a smiley face and, "see you at OJ's in two hours?"

"Alright!"

I quickly hopped into the shower and got ready. It feels so nice having someone to hang out with that I'm not to familiar with. I mean, we are in the same research group together, but that's basically it. I usually stuck with Ino, and now I'm thinking I should expand my horizons.

This time, I really did wear just jeans and a T-shirt. Except this time, the T-shirt is of our city's sports team. I grabbed my jacket and a random leather bag and stuffed my wallet inside and walked out.

OJ's is two bus rides away from my house, and with commute it takes like forty minutes to get there, so I finished prep work by putting lotion and blow dried my hair, nothing else.

Thank god when I saw Tenten, she's in a tank top and a hoodie. I smiled at her appreciatively and we both walked in.

"We have to run tomorrow." Tenten observed. "Look at all these wings."

"Yeah." I said, "I want to try parmesan and blue cheese..."

"What about hot wings? I heard they have the most amazing hot sauce ever..."

"Ok let's order that too. Thank god it's wing's day. So an order of parmesan and an order of hot?"

"Yes! And two beers?"

"Ohhhhh OJ's have a new tab. Let's see... Belgian chocolate beer...Oh my gosh, raspberry pop. Is this bar leaning towards the other side?"

"Let's order an order of each!"

This is exciting. A girl who would actually eat this stuff with me. Ino would take one look at wings and walk away.

So we spent like ten minutes ordering and discussing the menu, and then we started talking. The first thing, of course, is her asking me. "What the heck were you doing with Uchiha Sasuke the other night?"

I coughed and then said, "I ... well. It's not what you think. It's not a date."

She laughed, "I can tell. If it was, I don't think you'd be wearing a Sponge Bob tee."

I grimaced, "I made a mistake with him. Now I regretted it."

"Yeah, I understand." She sighs.

"What? What do you mean? You went out with him?" I asked in surprise, because... well, it's surprising.

"No!" Tenten glared. I quickly retreated slightly. She continued, "I meant that, I heard rumours, and saw things. You know, working in an restaurant, gossip spreads fast."

"Oh tell me, please please tell me." I begged her.

She eyed me skeptically, "you're not setting me up are you? If you're like, Uchiha's girlfriend and you're trying to get him into trouble-"

"No." I said, pulling out my phone. "Look, I haven't called or texted him ever since that day you saw us. We were not involved in any way at all. Like, forever."

"I see." She laughed, then said, "Well, I know this girl in our restaurant. You know in every environment there is this one girl you just want to smash her face against a wall?"

I nodded, because I totally understand.

"Well, this girl claims she slept with like, most powerful men in our city. And I was like, uh, she probably didn't sleep with the mayor. But what's disgusting and infuriating is that I saw her slipping her number to Uchiha, and then he took her home that day. She even ditched work."

"Your manager-!" I gasped.

"If it's to please the great Uchiha, no one would dare to defy him. What pissed me off is that I had to work like, double the workload I was assigned to. I am at the end of my ropes already. I fucking have no idea how he could even take her to his bed. I mean, he's rich enough to have some sort of choice, right? Obviously no, he had to take whatever was at hand."

Oh fuck, I was at hand. But I didn't say that, so I nodded and agreed, "the bastard!"

"And besides, she came back the next day with vivid details of how her sexual experience was." Tenten then giggled. "She said his cock was this big." She made a gesture.

I almost choked.

"Are you ok?" She quickly give me a napkin.

"Yes, I'm just... shocked." I blinked.

"Yeah. I know." Tenten rolled her eyes. "That bitch can sure exaggerate."

"Well." I sighed, "It doesn't really matter. Since he is that much of a bastard, I don't think there are anyone who is willing to love him anyways. If they have an ounce of respect for herself she would stay away from him... after she knows how much of dick he is."

Tenten eyed me.

I quickly said, "That night made me realize how horrible he is."

"Really? Pray tell." She was intrigued.

"Well." I said. "He's dangerous, and he's very mean, and he's skeptical too. He has like, this totally massive ego. And guess what he wore to Eden? Fioravanti!"

"Ah, the little bitch!" Tenten exclaimed. "Does the Uchiha all just throw money around like it was nothing? I hope he gets some stains on it."

"Me too." I said.

"But, did you see his brother!?" Tenten's gossip face is on as her face leaned in and whispered.

I shook my head, "a long time ago, but I can't remember much."

"You should've seen his brother." She sighed in completely ecstasy. "I'm having trouble believing if he's real."

"Ah, potato, potahto. All Uchihas have this... gene that just ensure they win the genetic lottery of awesome appearances." I waved my hand. "You know Erika?"

"Who?"

"Ari! The girl in our class. The fourteen year old."

"Oh yeah."

"She's Uchiha Itachi's daughter."

Tenten was so shocked she dropped her wing from her finger onto the table. "What?!" She gasped at me.

"Mhmm." I chewed on the chicken, mhmm juicy.

"You're shitting me." Tenten gawked.

"Nope. I saw her mother and uncle picking her up one day."

"No shit." Tenten still gawked. "I thought she was just some... beautiful robotic doll that Sarutobi-san made and put her in our group just to spy on us."

I roared with laughter at that one.

"Seriously!" She was trying very hard to convince me. "She is fucking creepy, man. The way she moves, it's like grace had puked all over her. And her cloth and her bags! Oh my god. And she's so pretty!"

"I know. And she barely talks to us."

"I just thought because of the doll reason..."

Then we spent the next hour and half gossiping about everything in existence.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

TBC

A/N: Tenten is nice :)