A/N: First of all thank you for all the reviews and responses to this story the past few weeks! I know I drug this out quite a bit because of writer's block so the fact that you all stuck with me means a lot! :)

This chapter was quite a headache. I've beat myself to hell and back over it, and it's still not quite how I wanted it but I'm tired of sitting on it and waiting for it to perfect itself lol. So I hope it reads alright, and is true to the characters.

Thank you to my loves, Alexis, Sara, Jo and Kelly for their help. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. There's only one more after this and then the epilogue so the end is in sight! Please leave a review and let me know your thoughts. :) xo

Disclaimer: Same as Ch. 1-9

John could not believe the words he'd just heard leave Mr. Brooks' mouth. He'd heard the entire exchange from behind the garden wall that led into the courtyard. When he'd first approached he saw Anna sitting alone, but just as he was about to walk towards her and make his presence known he'd seen Peter emerge from the backdoor. His mother had always told him that curiosity killed the cat, but he burned to know what they would talk about. Mr. Brooks looked awfully determined.

John had never expected to witness a kiss between them. He'd come very near to running away right then, and leaving the shattered remains of his heart behind him forever. But his feet would not carry him away, they stayed firmly planted where he stood forcing him to bear witness to the woman he loved most kissing another man. You've done enough running John Bates, give her a chance. Then, Anna had pulled away and John felt a spark of hope inside of him. She'd never pulled away from him, she'd always begged him to continue on whenever they had found a moment for such things.

He heard Anna's words and he saw the look in her eyes. Even though he was thrilled to know that she was choosing him, he could see the anguish she felt at having to hurt this man. It was obvious as John watched the exchange between the two that Peter was in love with her, and that on some level she loved him too. He was hit by a pang of guilt. If he'd never come back she would have been happy with this man, Mr. Brooks would have treated her well and given her the family and life she deserved. But then he remembered Lord Grantham's words to him that day in the pub; that deep down Anna wasn't truly happy, not the way she had been with him. John had vowed to be a better man for her, and that began with believing her when she said she loved him, and trusting her to make the right decision for herself.

Then he witnessed the second most shocking thing that evening...Peter proposed to her. It was obvious that Anna was about to let him down, and the proposal sounded more to John like a final act of desperation. This was the man's last chance to try to win her back. John felt deep in his heart that he knew what Anna's answer would be, but the pain of his past kept him from hoping too highly. Instead he held his breath, hidden behind the garden wall and waited for her answer.

"Wh...What did you say?" Anna's voice was barely higher than a whisper. She watched in utter shock as Peter straightened his stance, and held her hands tightly in his.

"I asked you to marry me, Anna." His voice was solid, but his eyes betrayed his nervousness.

This was the very last thing Anna had ever expected to happen this evening. Peter was proposing marriage, he loved her enough to want to spend his life with her. But he knew she wasn't choosing him, he had too. This had to be out of desperation, surely he didn't actually wish to marry her.

"Peter, you can't seriously…"

"Oh but I am serious, Anna. I have wanted to marry you from the moment I first laid eyes on you. Anna please, please just listen to me. I was the one who was there for you. I was the one who put you back together when you thought you'd broken apart forever. I'm the one who loves you. I'm sure this Mr. Bates is an honorable man, who left for honorable reasons, but the fact is he left Anna. I didn't...and I never will."

Anna's heart was racing so fast she felt it would soar right out of her chest. She tried to speak, but Peter wasn't done.

"Look, you don't have to answer me now but I just needed to lay all my cards on the table. I needed you to know how committed I am to you, and only you. I love you so much. Please...choose me. I will make you the happiest woman alive, I swear it." His words were fast, and desperate, and he had to catch his breath when he finally got them all out in the open.

The answer was written all over her face, and she knew he could see it. Anna's heart was broken...but not shattered as it had been before. And that was what gave her the strength to do what she knew was right. Knowledge however did not stop the tears from flowing freely. She didn't try to hide them, they were a symbol of all this man meant to her, and Peter Brooks meant so much.

"Peter, there are no words for me to say that could properly describe how much you mean to me. You have been my only friend the past year. The only one I could lean on, and trust in my darkest days. I always knew that you were there for me." She took a deep breath and looked at their hands for a moment. He deserved for her to look him in the eyes when she said all she needed to see. So she did, but the tears she saw there were enough to break her composure completely. Finally she gathered herself enough to go on.

"I truly believed that I was ready to move on, that I could allow myself to be happy...that I owed that to myself. You helped me to realize that, and I will always be thankful. I did have feelings for you, and they were very real, but the truth is….it was always him. My heart was never mine to give to you, it always was and always will be his to hold. What he chooses to do with it is another matter, but I had no right to lead you on the way I did when deep down I always knew it would come to this. I'm so sorry Peter. I can never say how sorry I am." She was sobbing now, and her words were almost incoherent. "I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. But I understand if you can't."

Anna finally lowered her eyes to the ground, astounded that he still held her hands tightly within his. She could hear his cries of heartache, they mingled with her own in a tragic chorus of falling tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She said again to fill the silence.

After what felt like ages she felt Peter's fingers rest beneath her chin to lift her gaze to his. She was met with his swollen, reddened eyes...but what took her most by surprise was the soft smile he wore. His eyes were full of pain, that she couldn't deny, but his smile held something she never thought she'd see this soon. Forgiveness.

"I will never regret a single moment I spent with you, Anna Smith. I had thought that I was lost to the darkness, but then I met you...and you showed me how to find my way back to the light again." Tears fell from her eyes as he spoke. "I'll hand in my resignation tomorrow...I'm sure His Lordship would love to have Mr. Bates back...and I'm not sure I can stay here anyway." Anna opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her.

"No, don't try to stop me. This is for the best for both of us, trust me. I only want to say a few more things to you. I hope he makes you happy Anna, because you deserve every happiness this world has to offer. I hope he loves you the way you deserve to be loved. And if he's ever stupid enough to let you go again….you just come find me. Because I will love you forever, Anna."

Peter kissed her forehead, and let go of her hands. Anna felt the loss immediately, but she also felt a strange sense of relief wash over her. She'd spent the past year raking herself over the coals about her feelings for this man. She would always regret breaking his heart, but she knew that she'd made the right decision, and she was sure that Peter knew that too.

He stepped away from her slowly, not turning away as if he was soaking up every ounce of her he could in their last moments together. Before Anna knew what was happening her feet were carrying her towards him and she threw herself into his arms in a fierce hug. He held her tightly, nearly lifting her off the ground. This was their goodbye.

"Thank you, Peter. For loving me." She said into his ear as they held each other.

"Thank you for reminding me how." He whispered back, let her go, and disappeared into the house.

Anna barely made it to one of the crate before she collapsed into a heap of grief and uncontrolled sobs. However, strangely, she did not feel even close to as shattered as she had been that night John had told her life was over and he was leaving. Still, it killed her inside to know that she'd broken Peter's heart. He had every right to hate her for the rest of his days, but he had been so loving and understanding. Peter Brooks deserved all the happiness in the world, and she prayed he found it.

Anna was so lost in her tears that she didn't hear the familiar click of the cane on the stones, or the softness of his footsteps as he stepped past the garden wall into the light. It wasn't until her name floated across the night air over to her that she started and saw him standing there.

"Mr. Bates." She said, breathlessly, trying to wipe away the tears. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you." He said simply as he came to a standstill in front of where she sat.

Suddenly a thought struck Anna. "How long have you been here?" She asked, hesitantly.

"Long enough." For the first time in all the years they'd known each other Anna couldn't read him. How much of what had happened tonight had he heard? The kiss? The proposal? Her rejection? Surely he would be pleased to know she'd chosen him.

The silence stretched out between them to the point where Anna didn't know how much more she could take. Until suddenly John closed the distance between them, and without a single word gathered her into his arms and hugged her fiercely. She had no control over the flood of tears that washed over her yet again, certainly after tonight she would have none left to shed. They clung to each other as if the world was falling apart around them, and this was the only way to survive. It had felt like just that for so long, that when they pulled away from each other and her eyes met his, the happiness that flooded her body was an almost foreign sensation. Anna knew in that moment, in the arms and under the gaze of John Bates, that she'd made the right decision. This was the love of her life, the man who would always hold the keys to her heart and happiness. He was her light, her life, and her love.

The pull was too strong to fight this time, and their lips crashed together with an urgency that somehow was still laced with tenderness. The kiss was a year of heartache, longing, and moments of forgiveness all wrapped into one. Their tongues tangled together in a heated embrace, meeting almost as if for the first time. His lips worshipped her. When the need for air became too pressing, and they were forced to pull apart, he placed several chaste, loving kisses on her now swollen lips. "I love you. I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me." He whispered between kisses, causing tears to come to both their eyes.

When they separated, and their eyes met Anna could almost feel the earth shift beneath her, as if everything was realigned, and righting itself around her.

"So you heard?" She asked, her hands resting on his chest. She felt his arms around her waist squeeze gently.

"I did. I heard everything." His voice broke. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that Anna, breaking his heart. If I had never left…."

She silenced him with a finger over his lips. "Stop it. We could throw 'if's' around all day, but it won't do any good now. What's done is done. I won't fool either of us by saying that it's going to be easy to get back to where we were before." John nodded solemnly, but she pressed on. "But that doesn't change the fact that I love you more than anything else on this earth. I always have, and I always will." Her smile cast the darkness from his eyes, and his returning smile set her heart aflame.

His hands ran up and down her arms in a soothing motion, and she closed her eyes. Simply amazed to have his touch back. He was here.

"I will do whatever it takes, Anna. Whatever you need in order to prove to you that I'm here. That I love you, and I'm never leaving you again. That's done. You're stuck with me now...for good and proper."

"I better be, Mr. Bates." They both giggled.

"Do you think you might start calling me John now?" He asked, a glint of mischief in his eyes.

She pretended to ponder his request. "I will call you by your given name, when you are able to properly call me, Mrs. Bates."

"Fair enough," he replied. "Soon, my darling. Very soon."

Anna felt as if the world had been lifted from her shoulders by his words alone, and as they fell into another series of passionate kisses they both hoped that it would be very soon, indeed.