Aah, another suggestion. Another chapter. Another chance to put Scott through the wringer of brotherly suffering.
Seriously, can you tell how much I love writing these? And, again, my eternal thanks to Sailor Centauri, for feeding my evil bunnies.
Okay, a mini sequel here, to Big Brother's Survival Guide. It takes place shortly afterwards, so you'll find a few references to that story scattered through this one.
From the title, you'll know what's coming. Yep, the boys are off to the land of clowns and acrobats, and... oh, Scotty, Scotty, Scotty. When will you ever learn?
Enjoy!
Oh, Brother!
Chapter Ten - Make 'em Laugh
Yup, no doubt about it. Scott Carpenter Tracy was self-certifiably insane. There really wasn't any other way to explain his current situation. How he'd come to be here, trying to herd four demons cunningly disguised as sweet, innocent little brothers towards - that.
A tent so vast that you could probably fit Tracy Island beneath it, and still have room to spare. The Big Top that housed the wonders of Santini's Scintillating Circus.
Or, in his eyes, Big Brother's Hell On Earth.
It was his own damn fault, too. Seriously, he could have said anything other than the words that had tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.
"Hey, Scott, can we go to the circus? That'd be soooo cool."
"For the birthday boy himself? Sure!"
But noooooooo. In a moment of complete and utter madness, he'd agreed to take Alan to his very first circus. And not just any circus, of course, but the biggest and best show that a doting - not to mention insane - big brother could find.
And yeah, this certainly qualified for big. Okay, so he was exaggerating on the tent bit. And, he hoped, the hell on Earth bit too, but... damn, this place was huge. He was going to need every shred of awareness to keep these four maniacs in sight, and... hmm. Yes, he'd remembered to bring his trusty old Scout whistle, but in hindsight, he should also have thought to bring a few links of climbing rope.
Instead, with John and Virgil lagging strategically behind, he again had the Terrible Twins tugging on his hands, and - yeah. Nice try, boys. They might have gotten away with that little trick once, but Scott wasn't about to fall for it again.
"John, could you and Virg take Gordon for me? Get us some eats and stuff, while I get our tickets?"
Ha! Busted! And with no dodgem cars around, no chance for them to make a quick getaway either.
So, then, one half of the Terrible Twins down, the other half still trying to tug his arm out of its socket. Yet Scott still couldn't help but smile as he glanced down at his youngest brother. Eight years old already, and... jeez, Allie was growing up so fast. And talk of the little devil himself... aww, surely he didn't need the little boys' room again?!
Stooping in response to that familiar tug on his hand, Scott then felt all his misgivings melt away into a Disney moment smile as Alan wrapped his arms around his neck, and tried in the sweetest possible way to strangle him.
"Thanks for bringing me here, Scott! You're the best big brother ever!"
Damn if those big blue eyes and killer smile didn't get him every time. And Scott really couldn't stop himself from grinning back, giving the birthday boy's hair the mother of ruffles, before topping it with a brotherly proud kiss.
"Hey, anything for you, Squirt... but you've got to promise me you'll stay real close to me, so you don't get lost... okay?"
Again the bright eyed nod that usually led to frantic searching and yelling a few minutes later. This time, though, with Alan's hand still snugly held in his, and Gordon returning under the watchful eyes of his other two brothers, Scott could actually hope for a reasonably stress free day.
He really, really, ought to have known better. Unseen and unheard, the Fates that made his life such a constant challenge teamed up into one, shared mission.
Today, we're going to make Scott Carpenter Tracy's life a complete and utter hell.
Oh, and have tons of fun doing it.
From that moment on, an invisible target latched itself onto Scott's back. His very own thundercloud lurked above his head, ready to give him the mother of soakings. And ten minutes later, the Fate Of Mischief took aim, and whacked him with her very first bullseye.
"Wow, look at those elephants!"
"Yeah, it says here their trunks can hold over two gallons of water!"
"Really? How?"
"Well, it says here they just suck it all up, then pour it down their mouths to drink."
"Yeah, they use it to wash themselves too... like our showers at home."
*WHOOOOOOOOOSH*
"Gyaaarghhhhhhh!"
A pause then, before rueful confirmation of the wonders of nature.
"Yeah, I can... uh, vouch for that."
Answered, of course, with hysterics of laughter instead of any kind of sympathy, Scott rolled his eyes under a sodden fringe, then threw a futile glare towards the massive bull who, he was sure, was splitting its sides too. As were crowds of other kids around him. And their parents. And one of the circus keepers who, a tad too late, chuckled out a rather pointless warning.
"Yeah, he's always doing that."
'Well, thank you, Mr Helpful.'
"Hey, don't worry, Scott... in this heat, you'll soon dry out."
'Thank you too, Brother Smartass. And I might take you seriously, Virg, if you weren't still busting your ribs.'
Taking the offered towel with all the dignity he still had, Scott wiped himself down as best he could - sourly noting that the inside of an elephant's trunk smelled just as bad as the outside. Yeah, like he'd be renewing his Save Our Wildlife subs any time soon, if this was the kind of thanks he got.
Wringing out his jeans and shirt, he handed the towel back to the keeper who, damn him, was still enjoying himself just a bit too much. Still, it was kinda nice to see that a raised eyebrow had the same effect on him as it did on his two youngest brothers. Faced with a six foot tall, glowering Tracy, the keeper did the wisest thing he possibly could - and fled.
With pride and dignity more or less restored, Scott then squared his shoulders and led four still giggling brothers to the next 'must see' on Alan's list.
'Be A Clown!'
Yup, he thought through a rueful sigh, got that one pegged already.
Unfortunately, his youngest brother didn't agree. Neither did the Fate Of Embarrassment, who saw her chance to live up to her name, and gleefully took it.
"Aww, c'mon, Scott! It'll be fun!"
"Yeah, Scott, with those giant feet, you'll make a great clown!"
"And it'll hide all that trunk gunk in your hair."
Against three imploring faces, Scott turned in vain hope of sense and sympathy towards his next youngest brother - only to yelp in surprise as John, then Virgil, then Gordon and Alan, all kindly 'helped' him onto the chair in front of them.
This was also the moment he came to regret glaring so much at that luckless keeper. He'd clearly run it out of juice, leaving him powerless against the fourway evil that now had him pinned down, and at the mercy of a damn paintbrush. So, resigned to yet more humiliation, and not wanting to spoil Alan's day, Scott sat quietly - assuming from the splutters of laughter beside him that, yes, he did make one hell of a good clown.
'Yeah, story of my life.'
Presented with a mirror, he almost didn't dare to look, and - holy cow! Blessedly unseen by his tutors and classmates, Air Cadet Tracy had magically turned into Coco the clown's latest 'little helper.' And to say he'd done a number on him would be the understatement of all time.
Now completely white - hell, the shock alone would have had the same effect - the face that could melt every teenage girl's heart in existence was also completely unrecognizable. Topped with a garish, fluffy red wig that made John's flaming mop look positively tame, his eyes had all but vanished inside swirls of bright green paint, while polka dots of lilac and yellow gave him the most freakish damn freckles he'd ever seen.
And that mouth! That mouth was gonna give him nightmares, for sure, and -
*honk*
- yeah, where would a self-respecting clown be, without his big, red, irresistibly honky nose?
And, of course, what the birthday boy had to do, everyone else just had to do the same.
*honk*
*honk*
*honkity honk*
Now well and truly honked out, Scott then rose to his feet - ruefully thinking that having to pay to look like this just added insult to injury.
Still, at least Alan was happy, all hero-worshipping smiles as he followed his clownified brother towards their next stop. And, for Scott, there was the greater consolation of knowing that things couldn't possibly get any worse.
Wrong.
Oh, being turned into a six foot freak of clowndom wasn't the problem. To his relief, there were plenty of other, no doubt equally martyred 'volunteers' in the crowds around him. No, the problem that he could never have foreseen when he'd booked this little escapade was the location of their seats.
Front row, the best his long suffering wallet could buy. And slap bang in the sights of the tumbling procession of clowns, who now had the audience in the middle and rear seats thanking all the gods they could name that they were reasonably safe. Because every one of them had come armed with a startling range of weapons. Water hoses. Custard pies. Multi coloured gunge that had probably been made in some elephant's damn trunk. Squirty buttons. Whizzy string. Exploding buckets of confetti.
And wasn't it just Scott Tracy's luck that their leader was the same grinning maniac who'd painted his face earlier? Who'd subtly coughed for a higher tip. Who now paid his hapless victim back, with complete and utter glee.
Under layers of custard, foam, whizzy string and confetti, plus his mask of clown-paint, it was impossible to see Scott's true reaction. But sitting beside him, Virgil's initial amusement at his brother's plight was turning more and more into a deepening frown.
Playing to your audience was one thing, but this - no, this was rapidly turning into outright humiliation, and he didn't like that. He didn't like that at all. Neither did three other brothers, who'd also realized that a once innocent, teasing joke had just gone too far.
Alan, especially, was now clearly upset at seeing his brother so utterly humiliated. His birthday treat, that they'd all been enjoying so much, was now in real danger of being ruined. So when the interval came, and Scott gratefully fled for the nearest restroom, Virgil huddled them around him, and talked them into an instantly agreed plan.
By the time Scott returned, that plan was all set to go - and so were they. Clown or no clown, no-one made a fool of their big brother.
To his surprise, John and Gordon intercepted him in the aisle and hustled him gently outside - answering his puzzled questions on where Virgil and Alan were with cryptic smiles, and reassuring hugs. And yes, of course he knew that Alan would be safe with his older brother, so there was no need to worry, but - oh, good grief.
Caught between surprise and amusement, Scott then gave in to the latter, more than happy to join in with the laughter around him. Recognizing this gesture for what it was, he snugged both Virgil and Alan in for a grateful hug, while John and Gordon slipped into the tent beside them.
Ten minutes later, five still happily laughing clowns linked their arms around shoulders and waists, and headed towards one of the food stalls nearby.
Huddled at their centre, Scott felt a warming contentment sweep away all thoughts of scary, sadistic clowns and custard pies - safe in the knowledge that the four best brothers in the world now looked as thoroughly freaky as he did. And after that brief upset, Alan was smiling too, giggling through a fourway tickle-hug.
So yes, maybe this day hadn't been such a disaster after all. But then, of course, Virgil just had to ask.
"Hey, guys? This paint does come off... right?"