Ask and ye shall recieve. x
It took Kate a full five minutes to regain her composure, leaning lightly against the dresser as her hands smoothed over her clothes and retouched her hair. She tried valiantly to calm her heart, its rapid beat making it hard to breath. Her hands shook as her mind replayed the last few minutes, her lips still tender as she carefully ran her finger along them, the taste of him lingering but fading fast. She shook herself, blowing out a trembling breath and put one foot in front of the other, somehow trusting her legs to keep her upright.
She opened the door to the hallway to be met with a melee of voices, each talking over the other, questions and demands rolling over and over until it sounded like white noise. They all paused when she stepped into the hall, their eyes hard and accusatory. Charlie's gaze swept her full length, and Kate felt a surge of guilty panic, wondering if there were something obvious about her that gave her away, perhaps her flushed cheeks or unsteady poise.
She stepped aside, effectively blocking herself from sight behind Kyle, his hands placed firmly on Audrey's shoulders. They were asking the same questions that she herself had asked just a few minutes ago, receiving very similar answers, Michael's voice much harder though this time as he carefully answered the same question for what must have been the sixth time.
"This is not a decision that I have made lightly, Jeep." He said roughly, throwing up his hand in the young mans face, dissuading him from stepping any closer. The others all fell silent. "There is an option available to us, that could only be taken once the child was safe." He explained, eyeing them all as though to dare them to interrupt. Kate shifted to the side, placing herself within the half circle.
"What are you going to do?" Audrey asked softly, curling her hair around her hands. His face lost some of its harshness at her uncertainty.
"It's a little hard to explain." He muttered, "But what matters more is that you are safe."
"Will you come back?" She questioned him again.
He was quiet for a moment, taking the time to look at them all. His gaze rested briefly on Kate, who for a moment felt as though a shock went through her before he replied. "Yes." The way he let his head drop sent an icy chill through her. He was lying.
Another up swell of questions drowned out the haze that had suddenly filled her mind, her chest feeling quite tight all of a sudden. "What if He won't listen to you."
They all turned to stare at her, at her question that was five steps ahead of anyone else's. She hadn't even been aware that she had spoken. She raised her eyes to meet his, cool and questioning.
"He will listen." he replied softly.
"You're not even sure you can return, what makes you certain he will allow you to go back?" She couldn't believe her audacity, throwing questions at him, an inkling of desperation edge in her voice.
"I have served Him faithfully since the dawn of time, He will at least hold my counsel." he spoke directly to her, as though the others around him did not exist and his reason's were meant for her alone.
"But you defied Him." She said softly, it wasn't a question, or a statement, but an attestation of fear. She knew what happened to those who defied him. Images of fire and smoke and twisted limbs filled her mind.
"Only once." He said quietly, as though the concept of what he had done still pained him physically.
"But how are you going to get there?" Jeep interrupted. They had both heard him, but it took another few seconds before he relinquished his hold on her gaze. She'd had the distinct impression that he had been trying to see further into her, to reassure her despite the fact that the chill he had caused was spreading steadily through her still trembling limbs.
"The same way everyone else does Jeep." He stated, standing straighter.
There was a deathly silence as the truth of his words hit home. From her vantage Kate could see Kyle's hands tighten on Audrey's shoulders and Charlie leap forward, grabbing at Michael's arm, her vehement denial shouted at him.
"No. You can't."
"I can." He simply replied, shaking off her grasp and retreating, stepping back through the doorway into the living room. A split second of hesitation followed, then they all spilled through after him. A litany of questions tumbling out, a furiously harsh sound as they all tried to speak over one another. Their tirade was stopped only when Michael turned on them, his face hard set. "This is not something up for discussion." He nearly shouted, hushing them all in an instant.
"But it's insane." Kyle pushed.
"Not if it works." He said roughly.
"Michael…" Kate's timid voice was barely audible, trying hard to work its way past the lump in her throat. She'd gripped the front of her shirt, wringing it between her hands as he'd spoken, so cavalier about his own demise.
"Not now." He fixed her with an intense stare, the weight of it holding an unspoken promise. Later.
"And in the mean time, we still have a lot to do." His tone brook no argument, and it was clear he would not be handing out excuses and explanations any time soon. With an elevated wariness the others slowly broke apart, their eyes still shooting back to where he stood.
"Kate." he spoke low and close to her, the slightest graze of his fingers against her back. "We're going to need a very precise route." He said gently, no doubt aware of how shaken she was. She nodded without looking at him, not wanting to take the chance that she would actually be able to keep her resolve if she looked up. If he'd held any kindness in his eyes after blithely talking about his own end, she would become reckless, she knew it. So she followed the press of his hand against her to sit with Kevin, the kid had already drawn out a rough map, highlighting just about every landmark on the way, from shop names to mail boxes. He certainly had expansive knowledge and an impressive memory.
She was completely unable to concentrate, instead choosing to carefully copy out the maps until there would be one for each of them, just in case. The route they created was as direct as possible, without going too close to known risk areas. After finishing she sat, nervously rattling the pencil against the table top, an irritating rhythm that punctuated the rising tension in the air until Kevin leant over and placed his hand over hers, effectively stilling her. He eyed her carefully, looking as though he wanted to ask how she was, but figuring that it was just the same nerves that everyone was feeling. It was an all or nothing sensation. They were all aware that this was it, one way or another. Once they left the building, all they would have was what they would be taking with them. They weren't even entirely sure what waited for them at the precise co ordinates, how well the bunker may have been stocked, or even if they would be able to gain access. She eyed the set of keys that lay before her on the table, they had been found alongside the blueprints and all the other information that Kate had acquired. They certainly looked like the kind of heavy duty keys to open up a reinforced door.
In time they cleared off the table, all sitting down to eat, the air around them tense and filled with furtive glances. They didn't speak much except to ask Audrey about her photo's. Her light, childlike voice a fitting distraction and evening out the intolerable sense of dread. They only picked at their food, even knowing that these last few meals could be extremely important. Kate twisted her fork, spiralling the spaghetti around in its sauce but not finding the energy to lift it to her mouth and chew. The last few hours had been utterly miserable, the worry in her mind contrasted by the sharp recall of Michael's hands against her face, of his first hesitant brush against her lips, each fleeting memory bringing a new surge of something deep and raw within her, a glowing thrill of desire coiling hot and hungry in her stomach. Time had never seemed to move so slow as it had that night, both wanting it to hurry up and stand still at the same time.
She and Audrey washed up, stacking the plates and cutlery out of the way while the men pored over lists, checking off items and deciding who would carry what. It was becoming more and more like a military operation, with all its precision planning and forward thinking. It was the most effort they had ever put in to going outside. But she supposed it was worth it, their main objective was to keep the child safe, which meant keeping Charlie safe too. The young mother seeming to grow more and more frustrated by the work going on around her, a lot of talking as though she weren't in the room, Kate really had to praise her patience. The child in question was blissfully unaware, happy to simply gaze out at the proceedings, safe and coddled on his mothers lap.
Night fell, forcing them to put away the papers until the next morning, keeping any light to a minimum, Audrey's camera was safely stashed back in its bag, the flash would have given them away, and besides, she'd already used up an entire carton just documenting the proceedings. Kate couldn't help admiring her work, realising the young girl really had a flair for composition, waiting for just the perfect moment to really capture the atmosphere in the cramped living room. Kevin and Jeep sat on the sofa, going over the guns again and taking stock of ammunition, both of them talking in hushed voices. They had become a lot closer since the day they had shared, trapped out in the desert, Kevin spoke a lot more now, more than he ever had with Kate. She felt an odd twinge of melancholy at the thought, wondering if she really had tried as hard as she could with him, or if he'd simply needed another guy around, someone to identify with, after all, just about everyone in the room had lost someone close to them. Every one except Kate.
She took a shower just to pass the time, hoping the heat of the water would at least ease some of the tension she felt. She must have stood under the scalding stream for at least twenty minutes, enjoying the sensation and letting her mind wonder, her thoughts landing briefly on whether the bunker would be able to accommodate them with the same luxuries that the apartments had. Whether there would be books, or music to listen to stave off the inevitable cabin fever. Knocking off the water stream, she stepped out of the shower, taking care not to slip in the darkness like she had done the first few times. She marvelled at just how accustomed they had become to living this way, instinct now making them wary of moving to near the windows, and of extinguishing lights when the sun started to dip. Their voices had taken on a natural hush, rising only on occasion.
She swapped her towel for an old, oversized flannel shirt, its comforting warmth enveloping her as she sat on the edge of the bed towelling off her hair. She only thought she heard the knock the first time, having been vigorously scrubbing at her hair in the hopes of drying it before lying down, the second time it was louder. She walked to the door, suddenly aware of how little she was wearing, she angled herself and opened the door, leaning awkwardly so as not to reveal her undressed state.
"Michael." she breathed his name, somehow surprised at finding him outside her door.
"Can I come in?" His question held a certain weight to it, his hand braced against the door jamb, thumb moving in a circular pattern. Kate nodded, stepping back from the door and simultaneously pulling at the hem of the shirt which thankfully covered her to mid thigh. She could already feel her cheeks flushing red at appearing before him thusly. He paused with hesitation in the middle of the room, looking as though he was taking in the décor, but Kate noticed the twitch in his hands when he folded his arms.
"I know I should have told you." He began quietly, looking steadfastly at the floor. "but it was something I had wanted to put off for as long as possible."
Despite having had nothing else on her mind all day, Kate still felt unwilling to have this conversation with him. "I understand your reasons." she said eventually, trying to keep her voice neutral.
"You do?" He asked with an air of scepticism, looking up for the first time. He seemed to sway minutely, his eyes taking her in, lingering on every expanse of exposed skin before finally meeting her eyes. Just that look alone could have set her aflame. He seemed suddenly lost for words.
"I think so." She filled in for him, fighting the urge to fold her arms across her chest, determined to stand up straight before his unrelenting gaze. "I just worry that it won't work, I don't want your actions to be futile." she carefully hid her true feelings within her words. "and I don't like the thought of you…" her throat closed.
"Of me, what?"
Kate sighed. There was no succinct way of putting it. "Dying." she whispered, hating the way the word tasted in her mouth. She saw him shift out the corner of her eye, the pale light of the moon barely illuminating enough to see by.
"it's not something to fear Kate." he spoke as though placating a child, and she felt herself chastened, of course he wouldn't fear death. But that didn't stop her from fearing for him.
"how will you…go?" she forced herself to ask, the question had been plaguing her mind all evening. The disturbing image had already caused her to leave the room once under threat of tears.
"Don't worry yourself over the details." He said softly, trying to avoid her any pain.
"I want to know." She found herself saying. She was torn really, both wanting to know and wanting to block all thought of it from her mind.
"Kate…"
"Just tell me." She toyed with the hem of her shirt, looking at him in the moonlight.
She heard him sigh, his hands slithering loose and hanging at his side. "After I have seen you all safe, I will return here." He said simply, providing no more details than that. He didn't have to. Kate felt revolted at the knowledge, that he would merely turn back from them, and calmly walk to meet his fate. They would tear him apart.
She shook her head slowly. "There has to be some other way." She choked, her hands frozen in their hold.
A faint frown appeared on his face. "There is." He conceded. "but it's an idea I'm not willing to entertain."
Kate could feel the confusion written on her face.
"It would be kinder, and more selfish maybe, to ask one of you. But I would never wish to put anyone in the position." he nervously turned his hands over themselves, "I'll not coerce anyone into murder, however self-seeking the motive is." Kate shivered at the thought, still visceral in her mind, but nothing compared to the alternative. She would never bring up the notion of self sacrifice, knowing from a gleaned sense of knowledge that suicide would never be an option.
She swallowed, trying to alleviate the thickening sensation in her throat, wishing more than anything right now that this conversation had never started. "Can't you stay?" she asked, already knowing the answer but persevering none the less. "Just for a while?"
"You know I can't." His reply felt like a dead weight in her chest. She wanted to sit, but her feet felt as though they were glued to the floor. She felt the movement of his steps in the floorboards under her feet, an intense mixture of relief and misery under the weight of his hands as they rested on her shoulders, his gentle reassurance pouring through his touch. "Now is the perfect moment to take this opportunity. If I stay any longer it would only be putting off the inevitable and could prove disastrous. My hope is to plead your case." He spoke softly, his words precise in the darkness. "You are proof and evidence of the best of humanity, and I have promised that I will do all in my power to save you." he let his hands run down her arms, gently circling her wrists. "Do not underestimate just how hard this is for me." He struggled to voice those words, each one sounding pained and barely controlled.
"I know." a bitter acceptance welled in her, its cool presence countered by the burning circles of his hands around her wrists.
"Please understand that I don't want to go." he admitted, holding her firmly. She nodded, fighting desperately against the onset of tears, she wouldn't cry this time, she had promised herself.
"Then stay." She said quickly, the hands around her wrists flinched and she looked up in time to see him start his speech again. "Tonight." She breathed, her heart in her throat, "Just stay with me tonight." She didn't know what she was asking of him, all she knew is that she couldn't abide the thought of him leaving now. Of spending this long and harrowing night alone. She heard the hitch in his breath, himself unsure of her request. An agonisingly long moment followed, each beat of her heart audible in her mind until he pulled on her wrists, bringing her arms around his waist, securing them there before folding her in his arms, tucking her head against his chest.
She ached, her entire being pulsing with regret and elation at finding herself exactly where she wanted to be. Eyes closed and breathing him in, committing every sense to memory, the beat of his heart, the feel of his breath, his warmth and solidity. There were words that she could have said, questions she could have asked, but they all seemed insignificant. Instead she pressed her face against him, trying in vain to get closer to him, leaning into his touch when he let his fingers drift through her hair, still damp against her neck.
He kissed her without hesitation this time, his lips finding hers as though they had been searching for a thousand years, and she was unafraid to return it, to let him press against her and take all that he wanted. His hold was stronger, his arm slung low around her waist, pulling her up against him. She gasped, the sound caught in the heated space between their mouths, her hands against his neck, pulse throbbing wildly as they kissed. She couldn't get close enough to him, feeling as though she would burn any moment, his hands blazing paths of fire against her neck, her back, everywhere they touched.
They broke apart for only a moment, long enough for her to see the hunger in his eyes, his kiss landing hot against her neck, she breathed his name, making him hiss as she ran her nails across the back of his neck. Her hands moved, holding fast against his arms, feeling the muscle move under her palms as he held her tight, tracing his lips along the line of her pulse. Her mind struggled, determined not to let her say anything blasphemous, contented instead to supply her only with the ability to breath, all words lost and abandoned under the intensity of his touch, the subtle movement that pulled at the collar of her shirt, freeing up more gloriously sensitised skin to his burning kiss. The lip caught between her teeth was released, traced over, and kissed with a fervour she'd never thought she would be the subject of. Her hands traced the lines of his chest, fingers mapping the hard planes and sharp curves through the thin material of his shirt, her hand pausing as it reached the hem, an uncertain tremor shaking her fingers even as she gripped the soft cotton.
She tugged lightly, the motion breaking them apart, just enough that she could still see the darkness of his eyes. Her tongue darted out across her lips, lapping at the taste of them combined., his eyes following its glistening path. She breathed heavily, noticing that he too seemed to be struggling, shoulders rising and falling in rapid succession. She held his gaze, locked and unbreakable as she pushed her hand up against him, drawing his shirt up against his stomach. A look of understanding flashed in his eyes, adding a new depth of desire to his already intense gaze. His hand joined hers, pulling his shirt up and over, one smooth motion that left him displayed, beautifully contrasted in the blue wash of light. She reached out, placing a hand against his chest in reverence, smoothing it down over achingly soft skin, suddenly wanting to thoroughly explore each mark made upon his body.
He was fire and death and absolution all in one, his very touch religion. Something to crave and fight for. His very presence, hot and undeniable against her, the very opposite of a dream, both demanding and yielding under her touch. They stumbled backwards, hitting the low top of the make up table behind her, a primal instinct pushing herself back, settling against the solid wood, legs rising of their own volition to wrap loosely around his hips, his hand dropping to run up the smooth, naked expanse of her thigh. She gasped again against his lips, her mind collapsing as he held her firmly, his hand almost rough as it edged underneath the hem of her shirt, the only barrier between them. He commanded her, could ask anything of her and she would obey, with no thought of consequence. He held both of his hands against her hips, the pressure holding them painfully close, the heat of his skin burning through her shirt. She had forgotten how to respond, letting him lead her further into devastation, her hands and body shaking with unreleased desire, every new touch made against her eliciting a breathless gasp. Something throbbed deep within her at the release of the first button on her shirt, the added access it gave taken advantage of, with a fiery kiss pressed roughly against her collarbone, grazing softly over where her shoulder met her neck, the sensation causing her skin to shiver, her hands gripping manically against his waist, her nails leaving sharp grooves in his skin.
He regained his claim of her lips, both soft and unrelenting, with space enough between to breath, hot and heavy in the silence of the room. He held his hand against her face, guiding her to look him in the eye, something dark and irrepressible lingering within his stare, an unspoken question answered by the sharp run of her nails along the waistband of his jeans. He held her eyes as her fingers shook, each movement taking forever under his heated gaze. He kissed her again when her hands slipped into the damning heat between skin and denim, sliding against his hips as he pulled her closer. He spoke her name softly, a final permission granted eagerly with a bruising kiss. A single move brought them closer than she'd ever hoped, driving them together in a breathless, endless slide, her legs holding him tight against her as she struggled to find her breath, his own hot and damning against her ear, held motionless in each others arms.
He moved against her, bringing her senses rushing back, and coalescing into an all out storm of emotion. It was almost too much to say she felt complete, but in that moment she truly was, her breath taken away by sheer unadulterated lust, hands against his back pulling him deeper, her name was whispered against her ear, soft and awed. Eyes closed, she pressed her face against his neck, letting everything wash over her, almost too much. His hands were beneath her shirt, hot against her back as they moved, constantly smoothing over her skin. At some unregistered point the rest of her buttons had come undone, carefully slipped through their holes while she was falling, the soft fabric hanging loosely at her sides and leaving her exposed so that when she reached up, her body arching, to wrap her arms around his neck they pressed together, skin on skin, from hip to chest, the last barrier between them fallen, her face falling to rest against his shoulder, simply embracing the feel of him against her, so real and safe to her. He kissed her now as though he were drowning, as though she were the air he breathed, pressing up into her agonizingly slow, a glorious pressure building inside her, winding burning tendrils around her limbs, focused into pulses of light everywhere his hands touched. She could barely keep up, feeling overwhelmed as each new incandescent point of pleasure built up, overlapping and mounting until every nerve was firing.
He smiled against her skin, the soft curve of his lips almost radiant against her pulse, response to the way she said his name, every inch of her desire melting into her broken voice. His hands drifted along her legs, brushing against her knees, pulling them higher around his hips. She let her head fall back, the soft graze of his teeth causing her to jump. Both arms around her waist now, pulling her up sharply, lifting her clear of the table, she fastened her arms around his neck, eyes open in surprise, captured in the heat of his until she felt the soft, cool presence of sheets beneath her back, she shivered despite herself, looking up into his dark eyes, her breath held as he drove into her, unable to stop herself from crying out as he hit something deep in her, sending fireworks scattering behind her eyes. She could taste his hunger, melting into her tongue with each devastating kiss, his weight settling against her, holding her down as whatever furious wave of ecstasy raced up through her, her hands running over his back, fingers carefully avoiding the still sharp lines of his scars. His name tumbled from her lips as a litany of prayers, her entire body arching, pressing up against him as he held her tight, his own grip manic, face pressed against her neck to muffle his own haggard breaths as they followed each other over the edge, flying high in each others arms, three damning words on the very edge of her lips, never spoken.