10. An Unexpected Understanding (James)

The gravel on the narrow path they were following crackled under their feet. Although the red and yellow trees still dangled with lush leaves, the air was quite shilly and smelled like winter. The mild October sun lit up the sky, and James could spot people by the grounds near the castle who seemed to have been allured outside by it despite the cool weather.

The Saturday Quidditch practice was over and now the team was making their way back to the castle. They were in the middle of a discussion about whether or not the lead singer of The Weird Sisters was a vampire when James spotted Lily. A happy and hot tingling immediately filled him. He automatically slowed down, which didn't go unnoticed by his team members.

With a small smile Alexandra gave James a look of understanding. "See you later," she said, sounding quite amused.

The rest of the team seemed to have noticed what was happening (that James liked Lily was hardly a secret, which frankly was a bit embarrassing since her rejecting him also was painfully known).

"Only 21 days to the game!" Luke exclaimed as a valediction, before the team kept walking, leaving James alone.

Lily, dressed in a grey coat, a big Gryffindor scarf wrapped around her neck,

was walking alone by the edge of the forest. She hadn't spotted James, which made him even more nervous as he approached her. She looked up when he got closer and stopped walking. James' eyes met her beautiful green ones. He closed the distance between them and stopped in front of her.

"Hi," James smiled. "Are you out on a walk?"

"Yeah," Lily responded, reaching her hand up to put some of her red, long hair behind her ear. She eyed the broom James was holding. "Quidditch practice?"

James smiled. "Yeah!" he said enthusiastically. "Can I walk with you?" he added, gesturing in the direction Lily had been heading before he'd interrupted her.

Lily shrugged. "Sure."

They started walking along the edge of the forest.

"Are you gonna watch the game in November?" James asked.

Lily looked at him in silence for a moment before her lips formed a small smile. "Sure."

A new shrill of excitement hit James and he smiled at her.

Did she usually watch the games? James couldn't remember.

"We'll be playing against Slytherin," James smugly declared, before he realised bringing up Slytherin was a bad idea. It was a dangerously thin line between that subject and the subject of Snape.

Lily didn't seem to think that however, as she politely nodded and made a humming sound. James looked at her as a thought sprung in his mind. Maybe he should bring up Snape? If he wanted to set things straight between him and Lily perhaps they needed to talk it through.

"Look," James began. "Lily, I know you don't really like me…" He trailed off.

Lily observed him without either confirming or denying his statement, which made James nervous. He had hoped she would deny it.

"About Snape…" James continued, which made Lily grimace.

Merlin, maybe he was making it worse?

"Forget about it," she said tiredly.

"Forget it?" James was bewildered. "I thought that was why you didn't like me. Are you saying you don't care?"

"Well, firstly I didn't just dislike you because of Severus," said Lily sharply.

James couldn't help but wince when she used Snape's first name.

"You were a jerk in general you know," she continued.

The sound of Lily's voice from last year echoed in James' head: You're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter… You make me SICK. It hurt thinking about that last part. He knew that Lily had truly meant it, which actually stung pretty bad. If anyone else had told him the same thing he could not have cared less, but since it had been Lily… And deep down James knew he deserved it. Not because he bullied Snape, James could still find justification for that, but because of the other people he had hexed. People who hadn't done anything.

"Well, I don't do… that... anymore," said James after a short pause.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Why? Lost its charm?" she said mockingly.

James bit his lip. His apology had not taken the turn he had hoped for. He didn't want to start a fight. He wanted to fix this.

When James thought it through the answer to Lily's question was really simple. He had stopped attacking Snape because he wanted to impress Lily. He had stopped attacking random students because he'd grown out of it.

"I don't know," said James, since the real answer wasn't very glamorous. They were many people who'd realised bullying was wrong long before they were 16 years old.

"James Potter doesn't want to hex someone?" said Lily, pretending to be shocked, before she added a sarcastic: "Good for you"

"Funny," James remarked dryly.

They both went quiet and awkwardly maintained eye contact for a moment.

"So if that's the case, why don't you want me to apologise for the Snape-thing?"

Lily gave an ironic smile. "Maybe you have noticed he's not the nicest person either?"

"So you're saying I can hex him all I want and you wouldn't care?" James asked disbelievingly.

"I thought you said you didn't hex him anymore." Lily smiled snidely.

"I don't. It's a hypothetical scenario."

Lily actually looked the tiniest bit amused, which made James feel relieved.

"Even though I don't like him I don't think it justifies bullying him," Lily explained, looking more serious. "But you don't anymore, so I don't really care."

Even though James didn't see eye to eye with her on that one he gave a short nodd.

"Why aren't the two you friends anymore?" James asked gingerly.

James had a strong suspicion of why.

Lily looked back at him and gave him a dark look. "It's complicated."

"Is it because…?" James began, but cut himself off.

He was unsure if she'd appreciate his choice of conversation, and he didn't want to remind her of the very reason she used to hate him.

"Because of what?" Lily asked, although her tone of voice suggested she knew what he was getting at.

"Because he called you a mudblood?"

"Both yes and no," she responded calmly. "There was other stuff as well, and him calling me a mudblood was the final straw. If that had been the only thing he'd ever done it might have been different."

"What other things?"

Looking bothered she bit her lip. "He's basically a Death Eater," she said, looking away from James.

"I know," James answered. "That's why I hate him."

Lily looked back at him. "You know…" she said quietly. "This whole thing with Severus… I feel embarrassed I ever hung out with him, but at the same time I really miss him."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, James felt a thrill of happiness when he realised she was opening up to him. It was quite surreal, however, to hear someone have anything positive to say about Snape.

"Why did you like him?" James asked as gently as he could, trying to not sound judgmental. He was actually genuinely curious.

Lily gave him a joyless laugh. "It's a long story."

"How long?" James asked, and before she answered he added: "How about the short version? How does a Gryffindor even come in contact with a Slytherin in the first place?"

"We didn't meet at Hogwarts," said Lily.

What?

James stared at her disbelievingly.

He knew Lily and Snape had been friends a long time, and he had assumed they'd met here. Apparently, that wasn't the case.

"We were childhood friends," said Lily. "He taught me all about magic and the wizarding world."

James and Lily both walked in silence for a moment as Lily looked out over the Hogwarts grounds. Without bright sunshine lighting up the lake in the distance the water held a deep shade of dark blue. It could have something to do with the huge shadows cast by the mountains on the other side.

"He made me feel normal," Lily added. James turned back to look at her. "You're pureblood. You can never imagine what it's like finding out you have magic powers in a muggle society. You think you've gone crazy, or that you are evil. Everyone calls you a freak…" She trailed off.

James was stunned. No, he had never experienced his magic as something dirty or scary. Actually, he had never considered that that might be the case for muggleborns. On the contrary, he had been raised thinking magic was something to cherish. But in Lily's situation… Snape had introduced her to a whole new world and they had shared that big secret together… Of course, Lily had gotten attached to Snape.

"After I met Severus, magic was fun," Lily continued. "He was a good friend. He was a good friend at Hogwarts too. But I was an exception," she continued a little bitterly. "He hates all other muggle-borns and he wants to join You-Know-Who."

"I get it," said James. "I get it must have been a difficult choice for you… to cut him out, I mean."

Lily hummed.

James felt a sudden urge to explain himself as well.

"Do you know why I always fought with Snape?" James asked.

"I recall you saying it was the fact that he exists," Lily remarked.

"Well yeah," said James. "He's a You-Know-Who supporter. He loves the dark arts. He goes around calling people mudbloods." James nodded in Lily's direction. "It actually disgusts me that his sort is allowed at Hogwarts. Dumbledore barricades the school to keep Death Eaters out, but he still let their next generation stay on the inside."

"Severus isn't the only one like that," Lily pointed out.

"I know," said James. "I hate all of them, it's just… I know Snape better than the others. He sticks out. Sirius and I bumped into him in our first year, and he kind of became a symbol for all those people like him."

"That makes sense I guess," said Lily. "But I don't think Dumbledore either should or can refuse people like that to attend Hogwarts. Every wizard and witch in Great Britain has the right to attend Hogwarts, and, besides that, the worst thing you can possibly do if you want to prevent them from becoming Death Eaters is to kick them out from the wizarding world. That will make them angry and bitter, and then their only company will be their families, who support You-Know-Who."

"Okay, that's true," James admitted.

James and Lily both went quiet again.

"But I don't know if I really can blame Severus," said Lily thoughtfully after a while. "His family… he was raised with those beliefs…"

"Of course you can blame him!" James protested.

Lily turned to him, puzzled.

"Snape is responsible for himself," James continued. "He can not blame his family. Just look at Sirius."

Lily's eyes narrowed at the mention of Sirius' name. "Sirius Black?", she said disapprovingly.

"Yeah, Sirius Black," James confirmed. "He is nothing like his family. He can think for himself."

Sirius had risen up from his disgusting family to become a good person, which had hurt him a lot in the process. His family hated and abused him because he stood up for who he was and for basic human decency. Snape was not allowed to excuse his behaviour with some sob story. He had only himself to blame.

Lily looked a little taken aback. "Okay, I don't know Sirius Black…"

"I do," James interrupted. "He would never call anyone a mudblood or support You-Know-Who." The thought of Remus sprung to James' mind. Sirius was in fact so open minded he cared for a werewolf. "I bet he's more tolerant than most people," James finished, smirking bitterly at his own inside joke.

"Okay," said Lily. "Touché."

James snorted.

"Although isn't Sirius hanging out with his brother?" Lily asked.

Stunned, James stared at Lily in silence. "Touché," he responded, which made Lily crack up.

James didn't feel like laughing though.

The last two weeks had been weird. Sirius, James' best friend, who hated his family and Slytherins, was now spending all his free time hanging out with Regulus. James had tried to ask Sirius about it, but Sirius simply waved him off. James had been quite winded up for fourteen days straight, not knowing what he should feel. He had found himself wanting to talk about it with Sirius, which he obviously couldn't. It was frustrating.

As far as James could see, there were two possible reasons to Sirius behaviour:
1. Sirius was telling the truth and was innocently hanging out with his brother.
2. Something weird was afoot. Maybe his family was threatening or manipulating him?
None of the options was good. Of course, James prefered the first one, but even that case was far from ideal. It meant Sirius had thrown his beliefs out the window and ignored the fact that Regulus was a Voldemort supporter. And if Sirius was being threatened or manipulated he really needed help.

"I don't know what's going on with Sirius," said James gloomily. "He won't talk to me about it."

Lily immediately turned serious.

"Trust me," James continued. "Sirius hates his family. So why is he suddenly so determined to hang out with his brother? What if his family is manipulating him?"

"I think you are overreacting," Lily calmly told him. She didn't say it in a mean way, but rather in a calming voice. "Sirius probably just wants to be friends with his brother. I don't think there is a big conspiracy going on."

"But Regulus is a You-Know-Who supporter-"

"And so is Severus, and yet I don't hate him," Lily interrupted. "Like I said, Severus has good sides too. Even though I know his bad sides weigh out the good ones I still don't hate him. Humans aren't logical like that. It's not weird that Sirius would ignore that part of Regulus if he likes his brother's other sides."

It sounded quite reasonable the way Lily put it and James actually felt a bit relieved.

"But he doesn't know Regulus," said James in an unsure voice "They haven't been friends since they were kids."

Lily shrugged. "So what? I don't get along with my sister, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to. Maybe Sirius decided to actually do something about it."

James went quiet and looked away. Somehow, Lily had in a couple of minutes managed to reason her way out of a situation James had been worrying about for two weeks.

"That… that actually helped," James said, smiling at Lily. "Thank you."

Lily smiled. "I don't think you have anything to worry about."

James hummed.

They kept walking in silence for a while. James looked out over the Hogwarts grounds. They had walked quite a distance from the castle and were closing in on the forbidden forest.

Since he understood why Lily would like Snape despite him being a Death Eater, James had to give Sirius a pass as well. It couldn't be fun to not have a family, so it wasn't very strange Sirius was looking for some love from his brother.

It took a while before James realised he didn't find the silence between him and Lily awkward. However, the moment he noticed that, the silence did get awkward again. Thankfully, Lily picked that exact moment to speak.

"How is Remus by the way?" Lily asked.

James bit his lip. He wished he didn't have to lie to her, and for a split second, he considered telling her about Remus. Talking about Sirius with her had been liberating, and the problem of Snape trying to find out about Remus was far more stressful. But of course, James didn't. It was Remus secret to tell, and what if Lily would freak out and tell on Remus?

"He's fine," James got out.

"I'm sorry Severus was picking on him."

Surprised, James turned to look at Lily. "How did you know about that?"

"I saw it," Lily responded. "It was a week or so ago. He taunted him about the scar on his forehead."

Sirius and Remus had told James about that, but James hadn't know Lily had heard it too.

"Oh, don't worry about it," said James. "And you don't have to apologise for what Snape does. He's not your responsibility."

Lily sighed. "It feels like he is."

"Well, he's not. I promise you Remus doesn't blame you for what Snape gets up to."

Lily made a humming sound.

They had reached the edge of the forbidden forest. The trees grew much tighter together here, and even though daylight shone from the sky the forest looked dark. James and Lily turned around and started heading back towards the castle.

"Can I ask something?" Lily said after a while.

"Yeah?"

"What did happen to Remus?"

A small injury on the face wasn't a problem in itself. It could easily be explained by something like an accident. Maybe Remus had fallen off a chair, who knows? But Remus had three scars on his face, which meant he was either the most clumsy human alive, or, that something was up with him.

"He…" James began hesitantly. "He hit his head. And those other scars," James quickly added. "He was attacked by an animal when he was younger."

No. James wanted to punch himself. That was too close to the truth. And exactly how much bad luck could he expect Lily to believe Remus had?

"Oh," said Lily.

Hopefully, she wouldn't think too hard about it.

Lily didn't ask any more questions about Remus, and the rest of the way back they kept the conversation pretty light-hearted. Back inside the castle, Lily bumped into her friends, who eyed her and James curiously before dragging Lily away with them. James remained still for a moment, looking in the direction Lily had disappeared.

A happy bubbling feeling filled his stomach. They were actually getting to know each other. He had loved talking to her, and she seemed to have enjoyed it as well.

James made his way up the staircases, eager to tell his friends about his afternoon. When he reached the seventh floor he started heading down the deserted corridor which led to the portrait of The Fat Lady.

Suddenly, something hit James from behind and made him tumble down on the ground. Stunned and unable to process what was going on, James automatically tried to get back on his feet, but a sudden burning pain in his chest made him gasp and fall back on the floor.

Snape.

James' wand flew out of his hand and down the corridor before he was able to fight back. He tried to stand up a second time, but a heavy blow hit his head, and the world quickly seemed to darken around him. For a moment, James remained half-sitting on the ground, swaying slightly from side to side, before everything went completely black.