Rather long chapter :) The part in italics is a flashback.

Robert

The Suffolk Estate – October 1905

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'Crunch'. 'Crunch'.

Each crunch of the leaves beneath his feet makes him aware of the fact that it is autumn and that winter is just around the corner. Another year gone by, another year he has had to spent married to who he thinks must be one of the most unpleasant women in England, another year he has spent having an affair with Cora, certainly the most wonderful woman to have ever walked this Earth.

And of course another year spent worrying about Mary. His little girl will soon turn fifteen and her mother is making plans for her. For her coming out, although that is still in the admittedly not so far away future, her marriage to Patrick Crawley that same year. But Mary and Patrick don't get along. Patrick is a nice boy, he will in all likelihood be a good earl one day but he is not what Mary needs, that is obvious now.

Although she is still very young, it has already become clear to Robert that Mary would need a man who can stand up to her, who can fight with her and who most of all gives her self-confidence. She always seems so timid and shy around other people but she is not. He knows the real Mary and she is neither timid nor shy. She is outspoken and afraid of nothing. If only she had the self-confidence to show her real self to the world.

His parents are now showing the world to her. They both like to travel and about two and a half years ago they started to take Mary and her governess with them. Phillipa disagreed of course because she would never allow anything to happen that could bring Mary joy. But his mother argued that if they wanted to preserve a chance for Mary to not become the Countess of Grantham but maybe a marchioness or even a duchess, she would have to be educated and seen a little of the world.

Phillipa immediately started thinking about who could have a son about Mary's age and when she couldn't think of one, his father volunteered the information that

'The Duke of Suffolk was only a little over a year younger than Mary that the boy's father was dead already and so Mary would become a duchess the day of her wedding'.

Why in all the world his father had to mention Sam is beyond him, but it lead to Phillipa letting Mary go.

Whenever Mary is travelling with his parents he tries to spend more than just two or three days with Cora. Of course he can't stay with her for weeks and weeks, they both have too many responsibilities, but with Mary travelling with his parents and Sam at Eton, they sometimes have a little more time for each other.

They will now spend a whole week together in their cottage, a place Robert keeps thinking of as 'home'. He talked to Sully, they will have one full scale white tie dinner and maybe they can even go for short walks. He also wants to ask Cora if she could imagine them meeting in Scotland. His cousin Shrimpie owns a vacation home very far up north and he is certain that they could use it. No one would recognize them there. Or they could go abroad, to a small village in France and pretend they were a middle class couple who saved up for years to travel to the continent. They could call themselves 'Mr. and Mrs. Crawley' and walk around together. These thoughts make him smile and he thinks of a strategy to convince Cora to agree. Talking to her about this in the bedroom would probably be best he thinks and he has to laugh out loud about this. But the laughter dies in his throat when he looks up and sees Cora staring at him.

Her face is pale, paler than he has ever seen it before, she seems to sway on the spot, it looks as if she hadn't eaten in days, her hairstyle is very simple and disarranged, her eyes are bloodshot, her lips are chapped and just when he is about to ask whether she was sick, he sees that she is dressed in black.

So he drops the bag he has been carrying to the ground and just puts his arms around her. She begins to cry the moment her head falls on his shoulder and he keeps saying 'I am so sorry', hoping that it isn't Sam who has died.

"My father is dead," she chokes out after a few minutes and he thinks 'at least it is not her son'.

"Oh Cora," he says and holds her even tighter.

"Harold telegraphed the day before yesterday. It was a stroke. I am leaving tomorrow morning."

He hadn't realized until this moment that she would have to go to America.

"What about Sam?"

"He is at Eton. If I haven't returned before Christmas he will follow me to America. I have already spoken to his tutor."

"But surely you will be back before Christmas," he says and lets go of her. She now takes the tissue she had been holding in one hand into the other one as well and begins to fiddle with it. She looks at the ground and then looks him straight into his eyes. It shocks him how grey her eyes look.

"No Robert, I may not be back. My father, he left everything to Harold. But Harold does not know how to handle this much capital or all the houses. He can't even deal with the lawyers. I have to help him. And my mother, she is broken hearted. She loved my father so much. Robert I can't just go there for the funeral and then return here. I have to stay. I have a duty there. I have a duty to my family" Here he puts his finger to Cora's lips.

"Cora, darling, I understand. Don't defend yourself in front of me. Of course you have a duty to your family. I am sorry about being so stupid."

She nods and looks at the ground again.

"I wish you could go with me Robert. I know you can't but I just don't want to be alone. I wish you could come with me and support me and hold me and tell me that we will get through this together."

"Cora, I," he doesn't know what to say. He feels so sorry.

"It is alright Robert. There is nothing we can do, not right now."

"I'll keep you in my thoughts. I will think of you endlessly." He knows this isn't helpful but he also knows that there is no way for him to accompany Cora.

"Thank you. Will you stay until I have to leave tomorrow?"

"Of course," he says and gently kisses Cora's face.

They spent the rest of the day sitting on the sofa and then later lying in bed and Cora tells him stories about her father and cries several more times. But a least for this one night he is there to hold her and comfort her.

When he says goodbye to her the next morning he feels as if he had lost more than a blissful week with the love of his life.

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Cora

The house of the Levinsons in New York City – December 1905 to February 1906

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For the first time since Cora arrived in New York, her mother is smiling. Actually smiling and it makes Cora's heart jump with joy. She just told her mother that Sam would be with them in time for Christmas and her mother is overjoyed at the prospect of finally seeing her grandson again. Sam writes to her regularly and her mother treasures these letters.

Sometimes Cora can hardly believe what a wonderful and kind boy her son is. Although, as she has to keep reminding herself that he is on his way to becoming a young man. That is why she agreed to have him accompanied only by his tutor and John Sully. If she didn't think that they might be staying in New York for the foreseeable future, she might have even allowed him to travel only in the company of John Sully but if things remain as they are or rather turn into what she thinks then Sam might have to stay in America for a few months.

"I am going upstairs to get dressed for dinner with your nice young man," her mother says and she can't help smiling. This is of course not about Sam but about Henry. Henry Fincher, her father's closest business partner, a man met a week after the funeral. Henry and she have been in each other's company almost every day for the past two months and her thoughts drift off to how they met.

.

"Harold, none of this makes any sense to me. If you want my help, you have to explain these things to me." Her brother looks at her and shrugs his shoulder.

"I don't understand it either."

"But you worked with Father. You were his partner." Again Harold just shrugs his shoulders.

"I was the one who did the talking to the clients and potential investors. I am very good at it. I am not so good with the numbers. I am not like you my dear sister, you are the smart one." She isn't sure whether her brother says what he really thinks or whether he is trying to provoke her.

"Harold," she says. "You inherited everything. Everything. You have to understand this if you want to run the company. Or you have to sell it."

"I thought you were here to help, your grace," Harold says and she knows he wants to hurt her now.

"Harold, I want to help you. But I need help to help you."

"Ask Henry then," Harold says and she can't help thinking that she would much rather ask Robert. But then again, she doubts that Robert knows anything at all about running American companies.

"Henry?" she asks because she has no idea whom Harold is talking about.

"Henry Fincher. You know him." Of course she knows him. She liked him when she was a teenager, before she left for England. She thinks that her father may have even thought about marrying them but was overruled by her mother who wanted an English title for their only daughter.

She agrees, because who better to ask than a trusted business partner?

Just a few hours later Henry comes to them and she is struck by how much he still looks like he did all those years ago. He looks older now of course, his pitch black hair is decorated with just a few silver strands, and his built has become stronger, more impressive. Although quite opposed to Robert, Henry does not look as if he sometimes ate too much. She doesn't know what she prefers.

"Hello Cora," he says and kisses her cheek. She thinks this quite forward but Henry's breathtaking smile lets her forgot the inappropriateness of it.

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"Cora," she hears herself called and then feels a hand touching her shoulder. She knows it is Henry, she would recognize his voice anywhere. She takes his hand, squeezes it once and then gets up.

"I am sorry," she says. "I did not hear you being announced."

Henry laughs at this.

"I asked not to be announced," he replies and his green eyes sparkle at her.

"Why?"

"I wanted to surprise you," he says in a voice that sounds like velvet.

"I am not sure I like surprises," she replies and he grins at her.

"As long as you like my surprises I am happy." He then takes her hand again and kisses it and it makes a shiver run down her spine and she knows that she is blushing and she does not care. She even wants Henry to see what he does to her.

"I like your surprises," she says and he says "Good".

He then asks her about Sam, asks when he arrives and again tells her how much he is looking forward to meeting him.

"If he is only half as wonderful as you are, he will turn into a great man," Henry says and she feels an urge to kiss him. She doesn't act on it though, they are in a public room of her mother's house and her father died only a little over two months ago.

They keep talking until it is time for dinner and Henry is placed next to her. She knows what is on her mother's agenda, she has been talking about Sam needing a father and she needing company for the past four weeks. And Cora has let her. At first it was only because she thought it would do her mother good to think about something else but then she realized that she did not mind her mother trying to match make. It feels good to be admired by a man in public, to not have to hide, to not have to feel guilty. And she is sure that Henry's attentions are genuine. Robert's feelings for her are genuine as well, she knows that and would never doubt it but he isn't here, and even when they are together they have to hide.

.

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Henry and she keep spending far more time together than is necessary and when Sam arrives a few days before Christmas, it is Henry who insists that Sam have dinner with the family. Henry involves Sam in conversation and makes plans with him for the next day.

Cora isn't sure what to think of this, she would have liked to have Sam for herself the following day, but the boy has never had anything close to a father and if Henry wants to take Sam ice skating then she won't interfere. Sam talks of nothing but Henry for the next few days and she is very thankful to her father's business partner for taking care of her son so much.

When she thanks him he says "Don't thank me, I genuinely like him," and she believes Henry. Sam is such a nice and kind boy. He is also intelligent, his grades at Eton are excellent. He is in short a perfect son. Who deserves a father.

Henry now has dinner at her mother's house almost every night and as soon as Sam has gone to bed, Henry spends the remainder of the time in the drawing room with her.

She knows where this is leading, she knows that if she wants to stop she has to do it soon, but she does not know whether she isn't longing for it to go on. It feels as if she had a family, as if Sam finally had a father, as if there was somebody she didn't have to hide.

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Christmas comes and goes and so do New Year's Eve and New Year's Day and the first month of the New Year. Sometime in mid-February Cora finds herself, Sam and Henry walking through Central Park. Sam walks slightly ahead of them, trying to control his grandmother's dog.

"He is much better at it than anyone else," Henry comments as he sees the dog actually listen to Sam.

"We have dogs at home. Sam loves them and he is very good with them." Henry nods and smiles.

"Is that estate really your home?" he asks and although she had been expecting something like this for a few weeks, she still feels as if a difficult conversation was looming in front of her. But she has to get through it.

"Henry, the biggest mistake of my life was not speaking up when I should have done so. And I did not say what was on my mind because I had been told that I shouldn't. But it is a mistake that I will not repeat. I think there are a few things that I have to tell you."

Henry looks at her a little flabbergasted but nods encouragingly and so she begins.

"You asked whether Woodland Castle was really my home and it is. I may sometimes wish to live somewhere that is not a drafty English castle, but I can't. My son is a duke. Of course the responsibility isn't his yet, but it will be the day he comes of age. He will become a peer then, a seat in the House of Lords is waiting for him. He needs to live in England. He has to go to Eton. He has to find friends among those who are his social equals. He would be a laughing stock otherwise. He could not live in New York or anywhere else that isn't England which means that neither could I."

Henry now stops her and turns her towards him.

"Cora, I would move to England. I would live in that drafty castle with you." This answers lets a jolt shoot through her. It means that Henry really is thinking of proposing to her.

"Henry, there is one more thing you should know before you ask me any questions." Henry laughs out loud at this and it makes her laugh too despite the seriousness of what is to come next.

"This is serious. I think you have a right to know that Sam will remain my only child. His birth was very difficult and I cannot have any other children. I cannot provide children for you who could inherit your fortune."

Henry nods and takes her hands in his.

"Cora, I am not going to lie. I would like to have children of my own. But what I would like, what I want even more than that is a happy marriage. And if that is what you want too and you think that I can give it to you, than the fact that there wouldn't be any children for us wouldn't matter." She nods and Henry then looks at Sam who seems to have gained control over the dog.

"And Sam is a wonderful boy."

She nods because she understands what Henry is trying to say. That he would be ready to accept Sam as his son. And that is what lets her doubts vanish. Sam needs a father and Henry would be a loving father and certainly a loving husband. So she nods and Henry nods too and then they both begin to smile.

"Tonight," he says and she understands this to mean that Henry will propose to her that night.

They go their separate ways a short while later and before they have even left the park, Sam asks her if she was going to marry Henry.

"Maybe," she replies because she cannot be sure that he will propose and she does not want to be disappointed again. She was sure that Robert would propose after all.

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Robert

The same day

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He is freezing. He doesn't think that he has ever been this cold. He has been waiting at the corner of this street for over an hour now and he is afraid of the police telling him to go away. But he cannot go to the house before Cora's mother and brother have left. He knows they leave their house together every day, he had to hire a private detective to find out if there was any way that he could talk to Cora and for that he needs her alone. He considered just going to the Levinson's house and ask for the Duchess, claiming that he was an acquaintance of hers but he is afraid that Cora's brother and mother could recognize him. And how could he talk to Cora if they knew he was there? They wouldn't give them a single moment of peace.

Eventually the blessed moment comes and once the carriage with Mrs. Levinson and her son has rounded the corner, he walks up to the house and rings the doorbell. He asks to see the Duchess of Suffolk and the footman refers him to the butler who very unkindly asks him "who should be announced to her grace".

"Mr. Crawley," he says. Even if word got to Cora's family, she could lie. And maybe they don't remember the name Crawley.

So he listens to the butler saying "There is a Mr. Crawley here to see you, your grace," and in his mind he sees a smile appearing on Cora's face.

When he enters the library Cora has already gotten up and she looks him straight into his eyes but there is no joy displayed on her face.

"Mr. Crawley," she says and when he opens his mouth to speak, he sees her nod at the butler who then leaves the room. Cora walks to the window and says something about 'the splendid view'. He follows her and stands next to her and prepares for a quick kiss but what he gets is Cora hissing

"What are you doing here?"

"I missed you," he says and she stares at him.

"And so you follow me all the way here? Across the Atlantic?" she asks and he doesn't know what to say. He had been sure that Cora would be overjoyed to see him. To safe himself he starts to tell her that Mary had begged him to see New York for some time, that he thought it would be nice to do her a favor and that this trip had been her Christmas present.

"So you used Mary to come here."

"No. I admit it was convenient, but" he doesn't know what else to say. He is so disappointed, so very disappointed.

"But what Robert? But what?" although Cora hasn't raised her voice to him it sounds as if she was yelling.

"I thought you would be happy to see me. I missed you."

Cora now looks at him as if she had to stop herself from saying the wrong thing and then he knows. He knows there is someone else, he knows that she isn't happy to see him because she does not want to see him.

"There is someone else, isn't there?" he asks and she nods. "I see," he says and wants to go but somehow his legs don't move. So he instead asks

"Who?"

"A former business partner of my father's. His name is Henry, he is very kind, he likes Sam, he is willing to move to England and live in that drafty castle." Cora is now looking out the window again, her arms are crossed before her body and she looks pitiful. So very pitiful.

"Do you love him?" he asks.

"I don't know. I like him. He will be good to me." It makes him chuckle. He will be good. It will be a good marriage but in all likelihood not a truly happy one. But he can't say that out loud, it is not his place to do so.

"If he isn't good to you, let me know. I'll have him torn apart by wild dogs then."

Cora gives a slight laugh at this and he wonders if she is mocking him. A feeling that becomes stronger when she asks

"You don't object?" Of course he objects. With every fiber of his being. He wants to yell at her to not marry someone else again, to not destroy the little bit of happiness they, have but he cannot do that. He is married after all as well.

"I have no right to object. And I want you to be happy. If this is what makes you happy then all that remains for me to do is to keep you in my thoughts and prayers."

"You don't pray," Cora says and he replies

"And you know what I mean."

Cora nods and looks at him expectantly.

"So this is it then?" he asks. "The end of something that has lasted more than a decade?" Cora nods again and he thinks that she does not trust herself to speak.

"Goodbye then, Cora," he says "and such good luck." He then takes her hand and squeezes it once. In a very feeble and unsuccessful attempt to express his love for her.

"If we weren't in a public room, I'd kiss you one more time," he mumbles, kisses her hand, turns around and leaves the love his life behind.

Before he has reached the door he has to crunch up his face to not start to cry. But he cannot leave this room crying, he has to make it out of the house before breaking down. When he touches the door handle, he hears Cora take a deep breath.

"Robert," she says and he turns around.

She is walking towards him, tears running down her face. And he lets go off the door handle.

AN: As always, thank you so much for all the reviews, especially to the guests because I can't thank you personally. I think I have caught all the others. Someone said they liked it when stories got out of hand and longer and longer and I think it is your reviews that make it happen.

Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. I debated with myself whether I should split this into two chapters because it is pretty long but I wouldn't have known where to make a sensible cut and I thought that most of you wouldn't mind a long chapter.

Please let me know what you think and keep in mind that the weekend is just around the corner.

Kat