Author's Notes: Sorry for taking long with this chapter. I promise I won't make you wait so long for the next. Especially since this one ends with a cliffy. Teehee, I'm evil, I know. Sorry. But, HOLY! *stares at review count* Almost 900 already?! You guys are fantastic! I can't even believe it! Thank you so much! *happy dance*

HUGE thanks to Erica (IcelandGirl812) for getting this done for me in less than an hour of when I sent it to her. Praise her everyone. She is the mightiest of all my comma mistakes and misuse of words. She's my one and only Twinkie and the bun to my hot dog, even though she tends to cockblock me when I see cute boys. Haha! I lurrrve you, mah lovely. You are the greatest. MWAH.

Thanks also to Cherolyn, Jess, Grace, Purple83, and Conty for always chatting it up with me on the thread! Come join us! The link is on my profile. I post teasers, you know. Hehe.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I just get to play with the characters.

A Little Less Than Before

Chapter Ten;

You Give Me Something

"Cause you give me something that makes me scared, alright. This could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try. Please give me something cause, someday, I might know my heart."

Bella Swan

What the hell oh my god mother of all things holy.

I don't even remember how long it had been since I had kissed a guy. I don't remember how long it had been since I'd ever even thought of a guy that way. Besides Jasper, of course. I couldn't count the drunk encounter I had with what's-his-name a few years ago at that stupid college party I shouldn't have even gone to. It's not like I could have counted it if I wanted to anyway since I remembered nothing except waking up next to a naked man who's name I couldn't recall and bawling to Alice right after.

And now, someone who wasn't the man I'd been wanting for the past eight years was kissing me. Pretty freaking fantastically, if I do say so myself. I was lost in the feeling of his lips on mine, his breath mingling with my own. He was definitely not lying when he said he was a good kisser.

But, reality came crashing back on me as soon as our lips parted. I was staring up into sultry, forest-kissed eyes when all I could think about were the ones resembling storm clouds on a somewhat nice day. Blue clashing with gray rather than green mingling with just a very small hint of hazel.

The ones that belonged to Jasper versus the ones belonging to Edward.

It was just to get him to shut up. A silly little trade-off. That's all it was.

So, I did the only thing I could.

I walked away in hopes he'd realize that the deal was done. I kissed him, he shut up. Back to business. Maid of honor and best man working to get the task finished.

We joked and spent too much time being silly before every save-the-date was tucked inside an addressed envelope. It was easy to lose track of time when I was with Edward because he made me forget things. He made me forget what happened with Alice and Jasper, the wedding, the tears, everything.

And I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, and it was really beginning to freak me out because I had only the known the guy for two weeks. So, when it finally came time for him to leave, I'll admit I was slightly relieved. Like a good friend usually does, I walked him down the stairs and out to the building entrance where his car was parked against the curb. It was awkward. What was I supposed to say to him? "Thanks for the mind blowing kiss earlier even though I wished you were Jasper. Toodles!"

I stayed on top of the three, small steps as we stood there, each waiting for the other to end the night with a goodbye. "Well, I had fun today, Edward. Thanks for cheering me up."

"My pleasure."

I smiled and turned the other way to walk back into the building, unaware of what else to say.

"Wait."

The somewhat urgency in his voice surprised me as I turned my head slightly, raising a brow at him. "What?"

He was silent for a while before he spoke up quietly. "Can I," he paused, "kiss you goodnight?"

I should have said no. He and I both knew it would be meaningless if I were to kiss him. Sure, it felt nice and he was really good at it, but I wasn't in love with Edward. I'm not even sure I liked him as more than a friend. I was, without a doubt, attracted to him, but I had no idea how much farther that went.

But, as he stood there with those gorgeous eyes and those kissable lips, I just couldn't say no. My attraction for him was evident, and I mean, it was only one more kiss, right?

What could one more kiss hurt?

"Okay," I softly answered.

He stared at me completely baffled for a quick second before he shook his head and gave me that charming crooked grin of his. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," I replied with a laugh. It's just a kiss.

Edward placed his hands on my hips and tugged so my lips came down to meet his. Standing atop the steps made it much easier since he was so goddamned tall. As my eyelids fluttered closed, my hands snaked up to his soft hair, tangling it within my fingers. I'd seen him run his own hands through it so many times. It definitely had to have been an inherited trait from Carlisle.

My heart almost stopped as I felt his tongue make a feather-light caress against my bottom lip. I leaned into him more, eager to taste his sweet-talking mouth. Eager to see if his kisses would only get better than they already seemed to be.

But, he pulled away.

With a stupid, albeit cute, smirk on his face, he freaking pulled away.

Ugh!

Frustrated at him for ending it before it got better, I huffed. "Good night, Edward."

"Hold on just a second!" He laughed and hooked his index finger into the belt loop of my jeans. "You are not doing that again. I kissed you earlier, and you said nothing. This time you have to tell me if I was telling the truth."

"About?"

"About being a good kisser."

I tried to keep my eyes away from his mouth because then I'd just lunge at him like a hormonally-driven teenager. "I don't have to tell you anything. You're the one who pulled away."

That damned smirk was back. "Would you like to continue from where we left off?"

Before his lips could make contact with mine again, I held up my hand and rolled my eyes. "I think you've gotten more than enough kisses for one day."

"Are you saying there'll be more?"

I snorted and he laughed. It was hard to pretend I was pissed off at him because I really wasn't, but he needed to think I was so he'd stop thinking it was okay to just tempt me with his lips like that. Damn hot bastard. "Good night, Edward." I shoved at his shoulders to get him to just go already.

"That wasn't a no."

"But, it wasn't a yes either. And hey," I grabbed his left wrist and ran my thumb over the permanent ink I'd noticed earlier. I thought I was imagining things, but there it was - a small tattoo of the letter "T". It wasn't noticeable unless you really looked, but it certainly piqued my curiosity. "What does it stand for?"

"Temptation," Edward coolly replied. "I've always loved the definition."

"Do you read the dictionary or something?" I joked, arching a brow.

He only smiled and leaned in to breathe into my ear. "The act of enticing or alluring," Edward whispered, his lips barely grazing my neck as he spoke, "something often regarded as unwise, wrong, or immoral. You like it?"

Holy god.

I never thought a definition straight from the dictionary could sound so... inviting. His hand ghosted up to hold my cheek as I sighed and pushed his shoulders again. "It's, interesting."

"If you like this one, you'll love my other one. Want to take a guess where it's at?"

"No." I actually was quite curious as to where his other one might be, but I didn't want to give him the benefit of knowing that. "Good night, Edward."

"You owe me a non-date, Bella," he chuckled, running his thumb over my lips.

"And just when are you going to man up and ask me on a real date?" I laughed, crossing my arms.

His expression became somewhat forlorn as his hand dropped from its place on my lips. "When you're ready to let go of him."

His words made the world around me stop.

And then the reality of everything I'd previously thought of hit me like a ton of bricks.

Was it wrong to kiss Edward and wish it were Jasper?

Was it wrong to still want Jasper even if he loved Alice?

Damn.

I sighed and plastered a sad smile on my face as I waved once again. "Good night, Edward."

He didn't try to stop me and instead waited until I was inside before getting into his car to drive off. I pressed my back against the building's door and buried my face into my hands.

What was I even doing?

I wanted to say "I deserve better" and mean it.

I wanted to say "I give up" and believe it.

And I wanted to say "I'm moving on" and do it...

But, I couldn't.

I just couldn't.

Once I finally managed to get my feet to move up the stairs, I felt terrible. Like all the happiness I had had earlier in the day withered away as soon as I stepped foot through the threshold of my apartment. I was alone again.

Being alone meant breaking down. Fuck.

Fuck!

In a sick, stupid, twisted way, it almost felt like I was betraying my heart. Edward was an understanding, sweet guy I would've given everything to had I met him sooner.

But, he wasn't what my heart wanted. I wanted my heart to want him, but it just doesn't work that way.

My heart wanted and yearned for no one other than Jasper. Regardless of him lying and hurting me and being so damned blind, I still wanted him. I'd want and love him through all the stupid bullshit and all the lies and all the heartache, and I hated myself for that.

I seriously hated myself for it.

He stood in my own apartment and admitted to lying to me for not only one year, but for four. Four fucking years. He stood there and threw it in my face, thinking it wouldn't rip me apart. Thinking it would somehow help because he was letting me in on the secret, thinking I wouldn't be upset because he finally spat it out.

From an outsider's point of view, perhaps he was doing the right thing. He had lied, but he knew he was in the wrong and wanted to do his damn best to make it up to me.

But, an outsider could never understand the depth of the pain Jasper had caused by trying to do the right thing.

Nobody would.

I yanked the drawer of my nightstand open and stared at the folded piece of notebook paper I still hadn't given to Jasper. I mean, how could I now? It was obvious he didn't love me. He never did.

He never would.

I threw my head back and forced down the sob threatening to spill out. I told myself to be strong when Edward was with me so I wouldn't worry him. Now that he was gone, I was back in my own little private bubble where I could hold myself and cry because it was all I could do.

Edward was right. It probably would have been better for me to tell Jasper, even if it meant him telling me he didn't feel the same. I'd get closure; he'd get the truth. Win, win. But, even if I already knew I'd be rejected, it'd hurt me more than I think anyone could ever imagine if he actually said the words "I don't love you" to me.

Plain and simple, I was a coward.

A fucking coward surrounded by a world of soldiers who were unafraid of the world's heartbreak and pain. While I hid and pulled myself away from the reality of love, they pushed forward for what they wanted and wore their hearts on their sleeves for anyone and everyone to see.

Soldiers are the ones who get to have lavish weddings in June at the Fairmont Olympic.

Cowards are the ones who stand beside them at the altar while wishing things could be different.

I could never be a soldier.

How could I ever be when I'd rather smile at a lie than cry from the truth? It was pathetic. It was stupid. I told myself every day how foolish it was for me to run, but I was too far into the lie to turn around.

I'd gladly live my whole life in silence if it meant avoiding the fact that Jasper could never love me. It seemed impossible for my heart to break any further, but I swear it would if he ever spoke those words to me.

My hand shook as I grabbed the tattered notebook I'd stored in my nightstand and a pen I could write with.

I ask myself one hundred times, why?

I felt the tears stinging my eyes as I continued to write down the meaningless emotions flooding my body.

Why did I even bother? Why did I even try? Getting sick of this ride because you're driving me out of my mind. I know you don't want this, but know that I need you more than I did before.

I need you. She needs you. I love you.

You love her more.

Drops splattered onto the notebook as I groaned in frustration and tore the page out. I was crying. Again. I didn't want to and tried so fucking hard not to...

But, I was.

You'll never love me like that, will you?

One of the hardest things I was learning to deal with was having the words in my heart I couldn't utter. There were so many things, just no way to say them.

Jasper. I love you, I love you, I love you.

I LOVE YOU.

"Shit," I cursed aloud, slamming the notebook down. My cheeks felt moistened, the paper was wet, and I could feel my heart breaking all over again.

Against my own will, I was crying. I was doing so well before though. It hurt, but I stayed strong.

Why?

Why couldn't I just be over it?

Why did it have to be so hard?

Jasper's lies. Alice's lies. The wedding. He didn't love me.

He didn't love me.

He never loved me...

Oh, god.

Everything slammed into my body full force, and I let out everything I'd been holding back.

Because for once, I was tired of pretending to be strong. I was sick of acting like everything was okay when it really wasn't. My heart was breaking, my spirit torn. Everything came crashing down on me and just this one time, I decided it was okay to be weak.

Just for now.

So instead of forcing myself to stop like I usually did, I let the tears fall. I let my heart hurt. For one night, I'd let the lies and the hurt and the words seep into me because it hurt. It hurt that Jasper lied. It hurt that Alice knew. It hurt that I kissed Edward and liked it, and it hurt that I had to push him away because of my own selfish desire of wanting Jasper instead.

I didn't try to wipe my eyes. I didn't bother to muffle my sobs. I was a sobbing, broken, stupid mess on the floor of my apartment.

And I didn't care.

Not tonight.

Because it fucking hurt.

I would be strong tomorrow. I'd smile and laugh and fake it all and if anyone asked, I'd say I was okay. Tomorrow.

But for now, in this personal bubble of Bella time, I held my knees to my chest, buried my face away and allowed myself to cry for however long my heart needed it.

Because regardless of how tough I tried to be, I still got bruised easily.

And I was sick of lying about it.

I'm not fucking bulletproof.

And for once, I was okay with admitting that.

Tonight, I was a coward.

Tomorrow, I'd be a soldier.

Or at least, I'd try to be.

The next few days passed with me throwing myself into work. Even though I had graduated from Seattle U with a Bachelor's degree in English Literature, I ended up being a damned secretary, or administrative assistant as Emmett always put it, for the business firm he worked at, Valente Inc.

Alice knew I was having a hard time finding a job because unlike her, I didn't have a successful doctor as a father who could help me out with jobs at the hospital he worked at. So, she got Emmett to talk to his boss, and he got me a job. I didn't see him much since we worked different shifts entirely, but he promised I'd be seeing more of him soon enough.

I groaned and flexed my fingers. They were stiff and aching from all the typing I had been doing. As soon as I took my hands off the keyboard in front of me, the line rang, and I sighed and picked it up to answer. "Valente Incorporated, this is Bella speaking. How may I help you?"

"Bella? It's Alice."

I almost wanted to slam the phone back down because I wasn't ready to be buddy-buddy with her just yet. I was still angry and upset and a few days weren't enough to make me magically forgive her. "I'm at work. I'll talk to you later."

"Wait!"

I paused and drummed my fingers along my desk, trying to maintain my temper while my coworkers were flitting around me. If I lost it and screamed into the phone, I knew somehow, some way it'd get back to Mr. Varner, and I'd be unemployed. Calm down, Bella.

"Rose and I were going to meet up for dinner to talk about... wedding arrangements. Did you want to come along?"

Wedding arrangements. Weren't the save-the-dates enough for one goddamned week? "I'm busy. I have too many things to schedule, too many clients to call back. Sorry, Alice. Some other time."

She spoke up before I could end the call. "I know you're still upset with me. You have every reason to be. But, will you at least go for Rosalie? She hasn't seen you in forever."

I cringed and bit down on my lip to avoid raising my voice. I missed Rosalie, too. It had been so long since I'd even seen her and as much as I didn't want to be around Alice just yet, hanging out with Rose would be worth it.

"Where and when?" I sighed, pulling out a pen.

Alice squealed quietly, and I knew she was probably bouncing up and down in her seat as she rambled off the restaurant to meet them at. After that, I slammed the phone back into its receiver and continued with work. I had an hour left and then would have around thirty minutes to get ready before dinner.

Once my shift ended, I tried to pep talk myself into the role of the perfect maid of honor. I couldn't have another person know about how much it affected me that Alice and Jasper lied. Rose didn't need to know about any of that.

And frankly, I just didn't have it in me to hear or retell the story again.

I drove to the restaurant fully ready to face the wedding arrangements head on. My night to be a coward had passed. It was back to being strong for everyone.

Back to the masks I had gotten so good at wearing.

When I arrived, the hostess took me to a table where Alice and Rosalie were already seated. I couldn't help it - I squealed in excitement at he same time she jumped up and threw her arms around me. I had missed her terribly during her long stay in New York, but now that she was back, it really felt as if she had never left in the first place.

Rosalie was, in my opinion, one of the most gorgeous women I had ever met in my life. She was tall, blonde, and had the body women paid millions for without a plastic surgeon ever coming within five feet of her.

"Don't fucking tell me you went and got engaged while I was gone, too?!" Rosalie shrieked, examining the necklace Jasper had given Alice and I. "Why am I the only one not decked out in pricey jewelry?"

I laughed. "Because you scare men off with your sailor's mouth and manicured nails. And no, I didn't get engaged, if you must know. It was a Christmas present."

She huffed. "I'll find a man one day who can handle me, just you watch. And he'll get me stuff like that," she pointed at my neck, "for no apparent reason."

"Which reminds me," Alice perked in. "I want to introduce you to my brother."

Rosalie scrunched up her nose. "I've got a friend in Chicago who's told me about him. Yeah, no thanks."

Alice burst into laughter. "No, no! You guys would chew each other's heads off with your egos. But, no. My oldest brother, Emmett. He's been nagging me to set him up so he has a date for the wedding."

Alice and I told Rosalie all about Emmett while we ate our dinner. She seemed slightly interested, but always jokingly asked about his income. It was easier to be around Alice when it wasn't just the two of us. We talked more about Emmett and Edward than any of the wedding arrangements, and for that, I was glad.

It wasn't until Alice's phone rang that I realized I had spoken too soon.

"Hi, Jazz," Alice answered, poking into her fillet of salmon with her fork. "Dinner with Bells and Rosalie. What are you up to?"

I chewed my food and tried not to listen to the one-sided conversation as I swallowed a sip of water. Rose paid no mind to Alice either and instead focused her attention on the game playing from the flat screen that hung on the wall a few feet away.

"What? Oh my god!" Alice suddenly squealed, almost knocking over her dinner in the process. "Yes! I'd love to go!"

I focused on my plate and ignored her excited squeals while Rose arched a brow when Alice finally murmured an "I love you" and turned back to us. "What was that about?"

"Jasper's taking me to San Francisco for the Valentine's Day weekend."

"That sounds like fun," Rosalie mused. "Lucky! I hear the shopping there is fantastic."

"It is. I fell in love with the shopping centers the last time we went."

Last time they went?

Meaning, they'd been before. Together.

Without me. Without me knowing.

How many more secrets did they even have? How many more could I even handle?

Damn it. I shoved the food into my mouth so I had an excuse not to talk. If it had been before I found out about them secretly dating or after I had gotten over it all, I would have congratulated her and demanded she bring me back something nice for leaving me behind.

"Bella?" Alice asked, pulling me out of my thought bubble. "What are you doing for Valentine's?"

I shrugged. She obviously hadn't caught her slip, and I was too emotionally drained and sick of screaming and hurling stuff to give a damn. So they snuck off together to California. Big surprise there. "Ice cream. Curl up on the couch with a movie, maybe? I don't know. I'm not a fan of Single Awareness Day."

"If you don't have plans," she paused, "would you want to come along with Jasper and I? I'm sure he wouldn't mind. You and I could take pictures at the Golden Gate Bridge, stroll through Haight and Ashbury. We could talk and be stupid and make Jasper carry our bags. What do you think?"

That caught my attention. I looked up from my plate and saw her smile back at me with sadness and hope. It was then that I knew Alice was making a genuine effort to get me to forgive her. She wanted to include me in her getaway weekend and even said it'd be about her and I instead of her and him.

Yeah, she lied. And yeah, she hid one too many things from me for the past year. And yeah, I wasn't ready to say I was over it yet, but I appreciated her trying so hard nonetheless. Once I set my fork down, I walked over to her side of the table and pulled her into a hug to let her know she was on the right path to getting back on my good side.

And she squeezed me back in acceptance of me still being upset.

"As nice as that offer sounds," I said, "I'm going to have to decline. Just bring me back something pretty."

Alice squeezed me and sniffled quietly. "I'm still so sorry, Bella. I wish I could take it all back."

"I know," I sighed, already knowing how sorry she was. I would forgive her. Eventually I would because I loved her too much, and she knew that.

Just not yet. Things couldn't go back to being normal just yet.

No one in the restaurant paid any mind to us hugging for such a long time. It was a girl thing - everyone knew that. Rosalie didn't ask any questions, and after Alice and I finally let go of each other, the actual wedding talk began.

And like the soldier I was trying so hard to be, I smiled and laughed and didn't shed a single tear even though my mind was haunted with thoughts of my best friend and the man I love being alone for a four-day weekend miles away.

.

.

Edward Cullen

"Damn it," I hissed, slapping my palm onto my forehead after pussying out to call Bella for the hundredth time.

I shouldn't have even fucking said anything.

It had been days since the night on Bella's apartment steps, and that had been the last time I'd talked to her. It felt wrong of me to text her to get lunch with me because I threw her not being able to let go of Jasper in her face. What was I thinking when I said those words? Word vomit, Edward. It'll be the death of you.

If anything, I pushed her all the way back to square one after all the progress she was making, and I was so pissed off at myself for that. I groaned and kicked a box by my foot and slammed my forehead into the wall beside me. It hurt, but I needed something to distract me from the plaguing thought that I had pretty much ruined any chance I had with her.

I was really hoping I didn't completely fuck myself over, but it was definitely beginning to feel like it. With a heavy sigh, I raked my fingers through my hair and slid the box cutter through the taped edges. Unpacking needed to be done, things needed to be stored, and I had to stop thinking about Bella.

It was slightly relieving for me when I heard a knock at my door because I really needed the company. I was thinking it was probably Emmett since no one else really knew my address except family, and all of them were pretty much busy.

The knocking continued and my aggravation began. I threw on a shirt because Emmett always complained about how much he hated seeing me in my half-naked glory. I figured I'd spare him the show for one night. I didn't bother looking into the peephole and instead pulled the door open, my eyes widening at the petite, brown-haired woman who was definitely not my bulky-ass brother.

"Hi," Bella sighed, shaking her head from side to side. "Sorry to come here so late. I... Um. Did you know? Alice and Jasper are going to San Francisco on Valentine's. They've been there before. I guess now, they can just be open about it. I'm trying not to let it affect me, but..."

Without thinking, I pulled her into my arms and held her close, forgetting everything my mind had been contemplating for the past four days.

All that mattered was that she was here, and if she was here, maybe... just maybe, I didn't mess up everything.

I felt her arms snake around my waist and her heavy, labored breaths against the length of my neck. I didn't know if she was crying or just trying to calm down, but I knew her heart was in a heavy place, and she just needed arms and comfort.

That's what I was there for.

I didn't say anything. Instead, I sat her down on the couch and listened to her night from my place on the floor. She told me about Rosalie, and I automatically remembered Alice talking about her in plenty of e-mails before. Bella then told me about the phone call, how Alice slipped up again and admitted she and Jasper had been before, and how she even invited her along for the trip. If I could shake Alice and pummel her with one of those overly priced Gucci bags she owned, I'd do it in a second because she was unknowingly making it so much harder for Bella than it already was.

How did she not see through Bella's masks the way I did? How was it so unbeknownst to both her and Jasper?

It didn't make sense. Perhaps they were just too lost in their own little bubble of love to realize their best friend was still hurting.

Idiots. I love my sister, but fuck, really?

I let her get out everything she needed to say and didn't interrupt unless needed. I wish I could have offered Bella a tissue or a blanket or even a scone or something, but most of my belongings were still packed away beneath cardboard.

It wasn't until she yanked her hair out of its bun that I stopped thinking about what to offer her to make her feel better. Her brown locks fell in very loose curls around her shoulders, framing her heart-shaped face in the most gorgeous of ways. I could smell her hair from where I was sitting - strawberries and freesia and just, Bella. I remembered the way her hair felt beneath my fingers when our lips were pressed together in the hallway of her apartment. The way her body molded perfectly against my own.

Damn it.

Stupid, five-minute-Edward thoughts. She interested me like no other woman could before. It was sickening, really. I was drooling over the most unavailable of unavailable women. Of all the women in Seattle that had to catch my interest, it had to be the best friend of my sister who was already in love.

Jasper, that damn bastard.

It still pissed me off that he would think of ratting me out to Bella like some kind of a goddamned snitch. Who the hell does that "I'm gonna tell on you" bullshit anymore? Definitely not grown men. I wanted more than anything to shove my fist into his face the second those words came out, but I knew Alice would be upset. And, so would Bella.

I didn't want to upset Bella. She already had so much to deal with.

Then, Bella stood up and smiled at me gently. "I better get going. Sorry for barging in so unexpectedly. I just... I had to tell someone about tonight."

It was farfetched, but I decided to ask anyway. "Are you still going to be in the wedding?"

She arched a brow and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "It hurts, but there's no way to make it easier, really. If I'm in the wedding, I have to watch Jasper and Alice share the happiest moment of their lives. If I pull myself out, everyone will want some kind of an explanation, right? This isn't high school, Edward. I can't just say 'They lied to me' and expect everyone to be off my case. This isn't just a shopping day at the mall I can cancel out on. This is a wedding."

I sighed, realizing she had a point. "Never thought of it that way."

"That's the way life is sometimes." Bella shrugged. "It's life, and it's real, and sometimes it fucking hurts... but I mean, you just have to learn to deal with it. Right?" She forced out a laugh as she walked to the door. "I... cried. The night after you left. Everything Jasper and I argued about previously that day came crashing down on me the second I walked into my apartment. I don't even know how long I cried, but it felt relieving."

Bella had cried over Jasper again. Minutes after I left, Bella was alone and crying and hurting. Damn it. "Why are you in love with him?" Gah! Fuck you, word vomit!

She raised a questioning brow at me. "There is no real reason other than that's just the way it is. I didn't choose to fall in love with Jasper, it just happened."

That should have been enough of a red flag for me to just give it the fuck up. There were plenty of other women in Seattle. Plenty of other women who could interest me just as much, if not more, than Bella Swan, I'm sure. I was smarter now. Older now. Chicago helped me understand women like the back of my hand.

I didn't fall for women - women fell for me, damn it.

But, I wasn't falling for Bella. No. Of course not. Right?

So, instead of showing Bella out like I should have, why was I leaning towards her, brushing her cheeks with the tips of my fingers, and holding my breath in hopes we'd end tonight with another brush of our lips against one another?

And why, if she was so madly in love with Jasper, was she closing in on me the way she did four days ago while her lovely fingers wove through my hair like it was some kind of an art she'd perfected?

It wasn't right. For her, for me, for both of us.

But then her lips softly touched mine and all thoughts of what was right and wrong flew out of my head.

I didn't care that she had literally just reminded me she was in love with Jasper. I didn't care that her heart was focusing on him so much.

It didn't matter.

Her kiss was gentle, sweet, and soft like I remembered it to be. I wanted to lose myself in her scent, memorize her body because that's what I was good at. I could make her forget all about Jasper if I tried hard enough, make her scream my name and leave every single thought of him behind.

I just chose not to.

I don't know why, but Bella was different.

And that thought scared me shitless. She was unavailable and her heart was taken and that usually set the warning bells off in my head to hightail it the hell out.

So, why wasn't I?

Fuck it all, why wasn't I?

Her lips finally left mine and with a sad smile, she was on her way. I wanted to pull her back and ask her what the hell that was all about. One second, she's proclaiming her love for Jasper and the next she's kissing me.

Confusing women always pissed me off. They were the one thing that could make me lose a hard-on in about 0.5 seconds flat. First it's "Fuck me senseless, Edward" and the next it's "So, what does this mean for our future?"

Hell.

I groaned and seriously wondered what the fuck I was getting myself into. So, when my phone rang, I really didn't pay any mind to who it was because frankly, I didn't give a shit.

"Hello?"

"Edward. Oh my gosh, Edward! You really are home!"

My heart dropped into my stomach, and I completely forgot all thoughts of Bella, Jasper, and how confusing it all was, instantly recognizing that sweet, melodic voice from so long ago.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck.

I thought I could avoid it. I should have known that was wishful thinking.

With a sweep of my hand through my already too messy hair, I sighed. "Tanya, hey."

End of Chapter Ten

Author's Notes: Yes, that was evil. I'm sorry. Forgive mee? But, gah! Poor Bella. She had to let it out sooner or later, right? Things have to get worse before they can get better. Full EPOV for the next chapter because we're finally getting the entire story of what happened in Chicago and how Tanya plays in with all of this. EPOV angst anyone? *sigh*

Curious as to why Bella kissed Edward? Can't tell you that. But, just trust me on this. I know what I'm doing!

Hugs to Erica for suggesting the song for this chapter. If you feel you have any good ones, let me know! I'd love to hear them!

One of my favorite stories, Tropic of Virgo, always has a question at the end that relates to something that happened in the chapter. So, I want to try that, too. Just to learn a little more about you guys :)

So here it is:
Where did you have your first kiss?

Love,
BB