[July 3: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU]
January 10, 2010
There is no other love like the love for a brother.
There is no other love like the love from a brother.
Astrid Alauda
Twilight's fingers braced for the summer storm building on the horizon. The night was close under the heavy blanket of humidity. Although summer rains floated into Forks now with regular intervals forecasting many days for Team Cullen to indulge in America's favorite sport, the job of pinpointing perfect opportunities to play was still a task that needed a little bit of pixie intuition.
"Alice said it won't last long enough for a batting practice, so I say, forget it." Jasper spoke without looking up from his perch on the window seat. He turned the page without breaking the sentence, utterly content to be nestled with a good book. "…big thunderhead coming thru tomorrow though…"
With a spring in his step and a ratty old shoebox in his hands, Emmett catapulted over the couch landing close to Edward's side. The reinforced frame groaned from the strain of his weight and the velocity with which he landed perilously close to Edward's lap.
"So, what's it going to be, Em?" Edward yawned for effect to project his lack of enthusiasm for the gaming. "…up for a little zombie apocalypse?"
"Actually," Emmett muttered, "I was thinking more along the lines of …when the kittens' away the bros get to play, if you know what I mean!"
Save for the distinct rumble of thunder and the rain falling in cadence, the house was all but abandoned to the three men. This was a boy's night in.
"…and play we shall, Emnut" Edward smirked with the malice of superiority he consistently enjoyed when contesting with his bear of a brother. "…but since I will whip your sorry ass no matter what we play, I figure you should get to choose the weapon of your slow agonizing death! It will bring excitement to the inevitability of my triumph." Edward snickered snidely, waving game boxes as if he were landing a jet on a carrier, gliding them across the coffee table to a perfect landing at Emmett's spot. "…choose wisely, grasshopper, and let the suffering begin!"
Rifling gingerly through the worn cardboard, which flaked like shale from handling and age, the bear rubbed his hands together like a surgeon or a craps player on a lucky streak. Mumbling, he was deep in a private conversation, madly hunting for some lost treasure when suddenly his face lit up with mischievous delight.
"Oh, yeah," he hissed, rolling his eyes back, ensconced with the pleasure of anticipation. "Come my precious, come to papa…"
The thunderous clap of a bear paw against a stone cold shoulder echoed in the room. "I'm afraid not, Eddie, my boy, 'cause tonight's the night I'm gonna make you man…" he snickered as he clutched the case to his heart and sang in perfect falsetto.
"Tonight's the night, we make history—little bro', you and I…" he sang at the top of his lungs, serenading him.
Edward cringed for his effort. Apparently, perfect pitch was not a gift of changing.
"And a man you will be, bro…we'z breaking into my private nasties, ladies," he said, tossing DVD case at Edward. "Yes sir, gettin' little Eddie here all educated but well and that's a fact."
Edward tossed his controller aside. Disgust for the proposition of porn entertainment was clear. "…have your fun. I'll be in my room, Jazz."
"I don't think so, sweetheart." Emmett cocked his head and blocked the path to escape. "You are here for the duration of this vacation, Edward…"
The threat curled his smile. The silence of the room was deafening as they stood in challenge and stubborn defiance, Edward spied the windows, listening. Suddenly, he was alerted by the heavy masking of thoughts coming from Jasper's corner of the room.
"What's going on, Jazz?" he said, coldly suspicious. "Bella told me they were going shopping, but that was hours ago. I don't even hear, Alice…"
"…the pussy cat's out of the bag, Professor," Emmett huffed, shoving Edward aside, falling backward on to the couch with a thud. Spreading his massive arms to invite the whole room into his arms he crowed like a cock of the morning. "… you tell him where's our womens is at 'cause I wanna watch," his eyes twinkled mischievous "You know…I love to watch!" he sneered, as a gush of images ran through his mind.
"What the hell, Jasper!" Edward grimaced as Emmett's wandering thoughts revealed the truth. The destination the women had announced was far from the truth they had well concealed from him. Edward's nostrils flared. He was losing his temper.
"Seattle, Jazz? Bella lied to me?" Edward hissed as his shock evolved into something more. "…and who is this Nancy Meyer?"
"Oh, I do so like that woman," Emmett purred. Jasper closed his book ceremoniously and laid it lovingly on the side table, preparing himself for Edward's reaction to this news. Formidable forces of the Cullen women succeeding in keeping him in the dark because if he had discovered the plan he would have made a great effort to prevent it. They would have none of that.
"I believe the girls planned the trip as a surprise for Bella, Edward." Jasper offered a comforting reassurance of psychic energy to tide him over. It would be a very long night without such aid. "…she knew nothing of it when she left you this afternoon. They will return tomorrow."
"Rose said they were going to get Bella all 'sexed up' before the wedding…" The growl escaped before he realized it was there and his fingers pressed forcefully along the bridge of his nose.
"Yea, you know Rosie's gonna show her a good time," Emmett chuckled and images of their exploits at their favorite strip clubs fluttered thorough his mind.
Sensing the escalation of his mood, Jasper jumped to block him from Edward's advance.
"Edward, don't listen to him …" Jasper's words fell short of completion as he was torn from his seat and lifted over Edward's head by the throat.
"She would do nothing of the sort…Esme is with them."
"Ew, gross!" Emmet cried in a high-pitched voice of disgust, "...don't want that image in my head, man…"
"Don't worry, Edward. All is in hand," Jasper murmured, through the choke hold. "…a little surprise for Bella had to be kept from you…right?"
"For your information, Eddie," Emmett slowly shook his head from side to side with a snide grin on his face and soft rhythm tapping on his tongue. "Miss Nancy happens to be Mistress of the land of $300 panties and she has many, many lovely n' lacy thangs from faraway places that have many digits in all the right places and…"
Edward's anger boiled into rage at the release of that one word more associated with brothels than unmentionables. Frustration built to anger as Edward replayed the detail of the women's leave taking this morning.
"The ladies are treating Bella to a shopping trip for sundries for her trousseau. That's all…" Jasper sputtered, opening his mind to inspection to assure his brother. "I swear it. Now, put me down…"
"…why didn't you tell me!" he growled, digging his fingers into the crease in Jasper's neck, "why did you let them take her like this?"
Even without psychic confirmation, it was clear Emmett was going to be victimized by Edward's wrath. Not that he didn't deserve it, Jaz was unsure the level of control his gift could maintain over Edward's emotion if he could just get Emmett to shut his mouth. The big bully was enjoying himself too much to consider backing off just yet.
"Ya see, Ed," he said, with manic exuberance, "...she's in the business of delivering paradise in a pristine white box with a big ass pink satin bow. Got me a whole collection of those…how 'bout you, Jazz? How many pink ribbon prizes in your top drawer, hmmm? I'm betting you got a few, huh?"
With a scrutiny of a judge, Edward scoured his brothers' thoughts to find even a hint of conspiracy. Finding nothing, he sighed in frustration, unhappy, but satiated, he backed off, releasing the terrible powerful fist he had made. Fingernail indentations were deep from the force.
"Well, that explains it then…" he said, taking a calming breath to soothe himself, "…all the Christmas caroling in July," Edward hissed, infuriated with himself to have dismissed the signs so completely. "…to conceal the plot to corrupt my innocent Bride, is that it?"
"I have no doubt they are playing on her innocence," he sighed, "but let me assure you, Nancy Meyer's boutique services only discriminating clients and she offers the finest, most exquisite fine lingerie from around the world—only the finest. It is perfectly legitimate, high end, and delightfully tantalizing…" he smirked, "I swear to you, on my honor."
There could be no stronger vow than Jasper's gentlemanly promise.
"Yes sir, that Nancy Meyer, man-o-mano," he whistled lusciously, "that woman has a taste for the tasty, yes she does." Emmet shifted in his seat, rocking in the chair with his hands all too obviously in his front pockets. "…you know what they say, once you go La Perla you never look back. I say that money well spent, that's what I'm talking 'bout."
"Must you punctuate your babble by adjusting your junk, Emmett?" Edward's brows pinched with revulsion at the sight of his brother's brash display of his physical reactivity to the thought of lingerie. "It's bad enough I can't escape your nasty thoughts, but is it really necessary to illustrate them, too?"
"I can't help myself, Eddie," he cried piteously, "…just thinking thoughts of my woman and her pretty pink panties and my man parts just…go all wiggly…oh, whatever shall I do?" Grinding his fists into his pelvis to show his discomfort in his pants obviously needing release the beast in the bear moaned. Jiggling his pockets as his fists thrust forward to display his impressive erection, he cried in agony, "Oh, help me, Eddie? You must know what to do?"
"You are foul, Emmett." The words fell flat with distaste.
"What's wrong Eddie?" he said, leaping to his side of the couch, dipping very close to his face and whispering with a ghost of challenge. "…do Bella's little pretty pink panties don't affect you so much?"
"Of course they do, Ass-met." Edward was strangely flustered in his protest, pushing his brother off. "I am a man."
"Okay, boys…" Jazz jumped to separate the standoff that was imminent. Let's break it up before any furniture malfunctions mar our lovely brotherhood evening, shall we? I rather prefer my hide untanned, if you don't mind."
"I am so happy for you, you manly dog, Edward." Emmett huffed in relief, fanning himself for effect. "That's good, don't you think Jazz?"
Jazz eyed him warily before muttering in response. "…back off, Em."
Emmett swooped in for the kill, grabbing Edward's neck in his huge bear-like mitt, throwing him to the ground, and pinning him to the floor by the meat of his shoulder.
"Jazz and me here, we are real happy to hear that you think you're a man, Eddie 'cause little Bella is coming home tomorrow with some nice lacy porn for her sugar daddy…" The word sliced through Edward's reason like a hot knife through butter. "…and I expect she's thinking that be you!"
Not personally acquainted with subtlety, Emmett's taunting only fueled a cold rage more potent than any hotheaded remark. Edward seethed silently.
"You know somethin' Jazz, I don't think this 110 year old candy-ass virgin knows what to do with the lacy porn…such a pity 'cause you know that Miss Swan, that girl," he hummed, "she's gonna be pretty fine when Miss Nancy's had her way with her."
"Watch it, Emmet, "Jazz muttered, "…you're pissing him off…"
The game he was playing was dangerous especially given the darkening of Edward's irises. "Yeah, your right, looks like I am upsetting poor Eddie. I guess he's pretty upset he won't know where to start. Might need the instructions…and I don't think they give you instructions with g-strings and garter belts, do they? I never needed them myself…."
As the intent of this brotherly bonding evening now was painfully obvious, Edward's frustration exploded.
"Look, I refuse to have this conversation with a… Neanderthal." The low growl in his chest was building in pitch as he threw himself into the couch, saving his controller from certain destruction with a fast swoop to grab it. "Do you want to play or not?" he said, shaking it at him.
"…he said… Neanderthal…" Emmet grunted to himself, nudging Jazz with a grin. "Now there's a game I haven't played in a while…caveman." Emmett pantomimed his best capture of a mate, tugging on an invisible hunk of hair, and he grunted for effect. "Mine! Now! Zug-Zug…I'd rather have a unibrow than be a eunuch...Eddie," he muttered.
Em leaned back, his hands behind his head, feet on the table, pushing Edward's feet off in a smooth motion, landing him on the floor with a thud.
"That's enough, Emmett." Jazz could tell the storm outside might be fleeting, but the one inside was just getting started.
Edward stood up from the couch at a slow and deliberate pace, warring with himself to suppress the rage he felt at such insults. As he pushed past the big bear sprawled on the couch like a blanket. "I'm leaving."
"Oh come on, man. Don't leave…" Emmet whined, shifting a little too quickly into a conciliatory tone of apology as he gathered up his belongings and huffed as he stuffed them into what was left of the cardboard box. "I'll take my dirt up to the man cave…you go head and enjoy your little boy game, he sighed suddenly shifting gears, "'cause we both know who woops your ass into grass playing manly games…" Once more delving into a dark and threatening place, Emmett bent low over the couch to whisper directly in his ear. "Do you need a little help from Dr. McLovin, Eddie'? Shall I make you an appointment?"
It was more than Edward could bare; his nostrils flared and his eyes flashed with ebony fire. The rare vintage Scandinavian design disintegrated under the combined force of their fall.
"You will have to deal with Esme for that one." Jasper spat at him in disgust.
"Way to be a team player, Jazz," Emmett grumbled, throwing the splintered remains of the handcrafted work of art into the fireplace. "…ten minutes into the intervention and you're throwin' me under the bus…love you too, man."
Clearly, Jazz took pity on Edward's plight and hoped this foray into sex ed would have gone more according to his well though- out plan.
"So…Eddie, when you are affected by the naughties of that woman of yours…do you…you know...take care of business, or what?" Edward's silence only fed the fire of the humiliation headed his way. "No? Wow…" Emmett curled his brow to an unnatural height and his knees kissed as he writhed, strangled by his desire for release. "How do you deal with the pain!" he cried.
"Your addictions are truly frightening, Emmet." Edward's cold tone seemed practiced and disconnected, but a fire was burning under the thin veneer of civility.
"I could say the same for you, Edward," Emmett chuckled with a mocking tone digging deeper and deeper into the tension in the room. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you are into S&M…"
"…and what's that supposed to mean?" Edward hissed, venom spitting in tiny droplets. Like the referee in a heavyweight championship, the vicious contenders stood in face off, psyching themselves for hand-to-hand combat.
"Really, Emmett!" Throwing up his hands in surrender, Jasper stepped aside, knowing how this contest would end. "Talk about S&M…you never know when to quit, do you Emmett?"
Talking this situation down from disaster was unlikely. Even Jazz's magic emotional wash was not helping. A storm was brewing that made the one outside seem like a sun shower.
"…perhaps this isn't the time for this discussion…"
Jasper pushed against the wall of muscle and brute strength to separate them and he met the challenge with little success.
"Oh, you are so wrong, Jacko, my boy!" The towering warrior protested, "… now is exactly the time cause our little Eddie here is running out of time…and he's earned this conversation by wasting time being a candy ass prude…."
"Do you want to fight with me, Emm?" Edward demanded coldly, the heat of his fury boiled to ice, threatening and unstable. "Taking you down will be my pleasure, as always."
Emmet cuffed Edward with full force, pulling his arms far over his head and immobilized him on the ground. Helpless beneath him, Edward lay quietly, his power coiling like a colbra, patiently waiting his opportunity to strike.
"What the hell is wrong with you, man?" Emmet moaned, digging his knee into Edward's back. "If you don't get busy soon that girl is going to spontaneously combust, that's what I'm saying."
"What are you barking about, dog breath?"
"Bella is frustrated, you fucking moron."
"Are you under the delusion that you can speak about my fiancé that way…?"
"…don't get your panties all in a twist, Edward. All I am saying is the truth, Eddie. She needs it bad and you just aint' making the grade man."
"…you'd better not let me go, because I am going to tear your arms off when you do."
"Hey, if you don't see the girl is hot for teacher you are more of a freek than I thought…and if you don't do something fast, she is gonna pop!" Emmett growled. Bella's interests were his concern. "… maybe you just need somebody to step and substitute teach."
"Emmet…watch it or he's gonna pop you."
"That's it!" Edward rolled Emmet off his back in a slick move of speed and agility that took him by surprise. With the advantage on his side, Edward threw him through the bay window.
"Now look what you've done!" Jasper muttered as he watched the brothers grapple in the rain. Eventually, they returned to the house, climbing through the window, chagrined as they approached the splintered siding
"What the hell is wrong with you, Edward? This is what I'm talking about. You see…why do you do that crap? Throwing people out of perfectly good windows 'cause they piss you off a little, insult your manhood a lot…
"I'm sorry, Emmet, I don't know what happened…"
"I'm tellin' you, you need a hobby that's gonna let off some of that steam…or you gotta get some because that set your packing's got you got going all schitzy," he said, brushing off the twisted bits of nature lodged in his clothes. "Why you get all crazy in my face, Eddie…what the hell is wrong with you man…?"
"No, it's just that you were…I am sorry, Em. You pushed my buttons and I was carried away…sore subject, I guess. I am sorry." Edward extended an open hand with humility in truce.
"Trust me, Eddie," he muttered, accepting his hand, "if you think you're sorry now, just you wait…you will be."
"I think there's some plywood in the garage." Jasper stepped in to referee and offer an opportunity to ring the bell for timeout. "Maybe you can get it fixed before Esme gets home."
"Nah, Jazzer, that window was a custom." Emmet chuckled, "Edward is totally screwed."
Inspecting the damage Edward sighed, "…might be able to get the framing done anyway before tomorrow. Is the old window still in the shed, Jazz? Maybe it will still work."
"Just think about it for a minute, Edward, brother o'mine…You afraid I'm gonna take your woman, or something?"
Edward closed his eyes to concentrate around his confusion. "…why you shouldn't take Bella away from me? Is that what you said?" Edward's confusion did not silence the growl that erupted as he intercepted Emmet's thought, though it would have been clear even without the gift of clairvoyance.
"Yeah," Emmet asked without any specific emotion as he mindlessly splintered a chunk of wood into shavings, "… tell me why I shouldn't take your woman off your hands?"
"…because…" Edward whined incredulously, "…you are my brother?"
"No, dumbass," Emmett snorted, clenching his fists in frustration. "…because she is my sister." He cuffed Edward for the incorrect answer.
"Emmett," Jasper warned. "I am not cleaning up the mess you insist on making. You are on your own."
"However," Emmett stared him down and shifted gears, "if she wasn't…." the voice trailed off into a long low whistle with abundant sign language punctuated by quiet grunting. " I'd be tappin' me a piece of dat oh; yea…I would wreck that chick…"
"Allow me to translate, Edward, into a civilized discussion," Jasper jumped between them, "What Emmett is trying to say in his own primeval disgusting way is that Bella is quite alluring and very desirable and if she weren't our sister, and we were available, well, we would pursue her….romantically."
"No fancy words needed, Professor," Em mocked, poking a singer finger deeply into his chest, "no talk of romancing here, I'm talking about the real deal S-E-X no less." Emmet sneered at Jazz in a posture of challenge, his arms crossed securely across his mountain of chest muscles. "…unless of course you are in on this hunt 'cause I would fight you, too."
"You are hunting my bride, now Emmet?" he said, hauntingly, without emotion.
"What part is not getting through to your thick skull?" Emmet furiously brushed his palm over his crew cut in frustration. "She is freaking hot, Edward! You can't deny it, Edward and neither can us—it's the truth!"
"Say one more thing," Edward hissed menacingly, his eyes black with rage,"…and you will be the eunuch, McCarty."
"Guys, come on, now…we all want the same thing, here, right? Bella's happiness, right?" Jasper pleaded, the ricochet of emotions tearing at him. "Much as I hate to be the pheromone police here, Edward, but I agree with Emmett. Bella is breathtakingly beautiful and it is clear to all that she is passionately in love with you and only you, so we don't understand what's bothering you? Why can't you show her how you feel…in that way?"
"All I'm saying is if she wasn't my lil' sister and Rose wouldn't disembowel me on the spot," Emmett smiled with genuine affection rising in him at the thought of Bella in his arms. "I'm telling you, Edward, I would chase that human girl of yours to the end of the earth and spend forever drinking the mystery that is Isabella Swan. I would worship her like the goddess she is and I would make sure she had everything she ever needed and wanted. I would beg for every second she would throw my way and …I would ravage her every chance I got…"
Edward's eyes widened at the image in Emmett's mind.
"What did you just say…?"
"You heard me, Eddie."
Emmett emotions shifted quickly, as if the tenderness was too much to bear. "That girl is a four alarm fire waiting to happen," Emmett licked his lips as if tasting the air. Jazz, have you looked at that cute little…"
"Jesus, Emmet," Jasper huffed, "…were you a suicide bomber, or what?"
"I'm just saying, bro, baby got back, okay?" he snickered, cocking his head as a series of images percolated in his mind. "…and her front ain't so bad neither…"
"Yeah, I've noticed." Edward sighed.
Quickly embarrassment of his admission came crashing down on him and he turned away from their shocked faces. Silence screamed as Emmett met Jasper's expression of surprise and relief. Perhaps this discussion was not entirely falling on deaf ears.
"So….," Emmett whispered, as if the sound would keep the secret safe, "…there's hope for you yet, you dirty old dog."
"Look," Edward relapsed, pointing a deadly finger at him with intent. "…why can't you people leave us alone?"
"Fuck, Edward, if you agree Bella is then what the hell is wrong with you?" Emmett pushed Edward with full force and he staggered to find his balance among the splintered wood strewn on the floor. "…there's gotta be something wrong with your plumbing, man! Are you gay, or what?"
Jasper offered with eyes of compassion. "Or maybe it is just in your head…"
"Well, if you ain't gay, then I don't know what to tell you because for a smart guy, you are pretty retarded, Edward!"
"Em, this is not what we discussed," Jasper glared, angered by the course. This discussion was disintegrating.
"NO, I mean it; you are freaking stupid, Edward."
"Oh?"
"Yeah…you have it all, Edward! And the sad thing is you don't even realize it…you have this beautiful, amazing, human girl who would step in from of a truck for you. Oh—I forgot! She's done it more than once," he said, as his mind raced through examples, "…think Italy, think newborn army, think trackers and their bitches, then there's Aro and Jane. Jazz, did I miss anything?"
"Emmett, please…" Jasper begging, sending every form of emasculating emotion to make him back off. Emmett's testosterone and foolish obstinacy for his cause deflected the incursion without pause.
"…and every time she gets you a little hot and bothered, what do you do? You choke like ARod in October!"
Given Edward's love of the game, it was an appropriate insult. Perhaps the greatest offensive player in the history of Major League Baseball was nothing but consistent in his failure to perform in post season—just when the Yanks needed him the most.
"…you gotta be gay…'cause if you ain't," he whistled, "I just don't get why she puts up with you."
"What the goofball is fumbling to express," Jasper steeled himself for Edward's response. "…your actions make the girl wonder…
"Just say it Jazz cause we know what it really is about—Edward you're screwing with her head."
"As indelicate as he is Edward, I have to agree on this point. Why do you do that, Edward? Why do you pull away from Bella?"
"Isn't it obvious? I want to protect her."
Frustrated again by the indignity of the question and the indelicacy of his response, Edward's controller fractured into bits in his hand. The pieces tripped between his fingers like water.
"…hey!" he cried, "That was mine!" Emmett was very possessive of toys.
"…you see?" he exclaimed, offering the remains as evidence. He pulverized them without flexing his fingers. "If I get the least bit distracted, I…
"Do you want to hurt her?
"We have been through this…" he whined, thinking of his painful joyride with Carlisle and the tenant of his advice. "I could break her in half making love to her…never mind what could happen if…you know…I lose control during…" he stuttered even among his brothers, embarrassed at the words, but more so embarrassed for the sensation the images of his imagination brought upon him. "I would never forgive myself if something…"
"Edward, you think you are protecting her when you pull away, right?
"Wrong, double dumb ass. Ever think about her side of the 'pull away' thing…?" Emmett straightened up like a Sunday school teacher. "Lesson numbero uno in the book of love, 'You gotta think like a woman if you gonna please the woman', kapeesh?
"Okay Em, you've had your say and you really are not helping now, let me do this…What do you think she thinks and feels when you 'protect her' in this way?
"We're not talking about when some bad dude or when a speeding van is gonna smash…that is entirely different. Chicks dig the 'knight in shiny Volvo thing…"
Edward chuckled, not able to resist the idea that such a romantic ideal was so easily attained. Jasper's eyes rolled back in his head, confounded.
"…well, they do, Jazz…" Emmett shrugged good naturedly, "…and no doubt about it, Edward, you got all that going on, not a problem."
"But every time you 'protect her' like this, Edward, you are showing her…in your action if not your words, that you don't trust her enough to let your guard down and she thinks you don't love her the way she loves you…the way she needs to be loved.
"I'm tellin' you…" he whined, shaking his head. "She's gonna start thinking you're gay, man."
"…Bella is worried that you are not attracted to her…sexually.
"Yeah, imagine this, Eddie," he says, springing to action, "…she thinks she won't be getting any from you…and she still hangs around hopin' you'll change. That's gotta mean something to you…besides what an asshat you are…
"Emmett, I swear to God I will take your arms off…" Jasper growled with frustration for the counterproductive antics. "…now shut up!"
"Hey, man, I ain't the one leaving my woman all frustrated…" he said, pushing back against the air to protest his innocence.
"She thinks you don't love her the way she wants to be loved, Edward," Jazz explained. "…she has needs even if you don't.
"I'm telling you man, she's gonna think you are gay…"
"…I love her…" Edward growled, insulted to be questioned like this.
"No one doubts your love, Edward…" Jasper sighed and letting his guard down allowed Edward to see in his mind what he could not otherwise seem to understand.
"Is it your goal to utterly humiliate me? Is it not enough that I am degraded by this…disgusting creature at every turn of his dirty little mind?"
"I am not trying to humiliate you, Edward. We are only trying to help."
"You want me tosay it? Is that it, Jasper?" Edward was dumbfounded. "Why?"
"… It is okay to have the feelings, Edward. It is natural…"
"Spare me the biology lesson, Jasper." Edward sneered, "…you want me to say I have needs, too," he said, lost between the want for compassion and his need for instruction.
"It's true," he whispered, "I want her."
"How do you want her?" Jasper pressed him gently to meet his mark.
"I do want to be with her, how could she no know that…," he whispered, tasting his vulnerability.
"Of course, you do, Edward," Jasper nodded, touched by his courage. "…you need to reassure her."
"I tell her I love her a thousand times a day…" he moaned, suffering the multiple attacks and regrets, Edward's safety net of protection continued to crumble. The wall was surrounded by debris.
"You gotta do better than that, Eddie," Emmett snickered, with good humor, without malice. "…that still sounds kinda gay…
Squeezing his eyes against the smirk that dared to invade his reverie, Edward searched for words to express the feelings he would never acknowledge.
"I want be everything I can be for her…" Biting his lip as she often did, the sight of her face, begging him to touch her, flooded his imagination and the words fell from his lips as if she was there to catch them.
"Boring!" Emmett exclaimed loudly, yawning dramatically. "I wouldn't let you get to second base!" Scratching through his buzz cut with the power to plow a field, Emmett's face pinched closed in the bitter taste of failure to make time with a woman. It was not a human memory he enjoyed revisiting.
"Seriously, man, grow a couple, will ya?" he said, shaking Edward's shoulders to jog his thoughts. "Let's hear the nasty, okay…you gotta say it out loud. Why is that such a problem for you?"
"Fine!" Edward shouted, letting his pent up frustration fly. His hands balled up in fists as he was concentrating every cell in his body to birth the words he had long suppressed.
"I want to take her to my bed to taste her body. I want to surrender to her passion and bury myself so deep in her I lose myself. I want see in her eyes the way I make her feel when I …
"Okay, TMI, man," Emmett moaned, squirming, "… you're getting me all woody…"
"Bravo, Edward," Jasper muttered, joyful and relieved to his brother accept himself in a way he had long denied. "Now, all you have to do is tell her—just like that.
"Talk like that to Bella?" he whispered, fear fighting back against his achievement as he realized this declaration meant nothing if not communicated to his love. The very idea was shocking as it was terrifying.
"I don't know if I can do that, Jazz…" He could not bring the words to life.
"Edward, do you trust Bella?" Jasper knew in his heart the only path to influence him.
"For real, bro," Emmett added, kindly petitioning an answer with an attitude entirely different from all that came before. It was with kindness and compassion. "…do you trust her?"
"Yes of course. I trust her," Edward shook his head, "what kind of question is that?"
"Edward, your fears about this are nothing compared to the fear you have of yourself. You have to be willing to take the risk to love her the way she loves you. You tell her every day she risks being hurt, but the greater threat to her well being is not from your power…but from this weakness."
"Eddie, you are hurting her, man," he said with great compassion. "you don't mean it, I know but it's hurting her bad because even if you have a good reason, when you pull away…she feels…"
Edward's face twitched with the grinding force of the realization. They had made a connection that he failed to consider.
"She feels…abandoned, doesn't she?"
The thought resounded in his head like a clanging bell of alarm.
"I told Jasper you aren't so clueless!" Emmett glowed with relief and gratitude to the confluence of events that have guided his twisted brother to this realization."
"My god," he muttered, "when will I learn…?"
"Just go fix it! Suck it up and give her the love that she gives you every day….since day one!"
"You gotta tell her, and you gotta show her. Don't blow this, man. She's the best thing you've ever imagined…don't screw it up by being afraid."
"I mean it, bro; you gotta trust yourself because if you can't, you can't face her." The words echoed in his mind touching the incident of horror and blood lust he had successfully hidden from his brother. Emmett's memory of wanting Bella's blood that day not so long ago hit Edward with force and he hid his emotion behind a steel mask.
"I didn't tell you because I was ashamed…"
"I am sorry, Emmett," Edward said, seeing the scene played out in greater detail than Alice could provide. All this time, Emmett appreciated the tantalizing scent of her blood, but he never confronted his beast until the day he held her life in his hand. "…you understand then…"
"Yeah," he huffed, "…I guess I do…and that's why I know you can do it. You've come this far…you are going all the way."
"Have you ever thought about how she feels about me, Edward?" Jasper said, "I did hurt her. I attacked her. I wanted to kill her and I almost succeeded." His voice trailed off as the shame of his weakness came rushing back.
"It wasn't your fault, Jasper," Edward clasped his shoulder to reassure him, but Jasper's eyes reflected the truth. This was a sin he would carry forever.
"Yes, it is entirely mine, Edward. My weakness is the real reason we left, so it was I who brought on her the pain that crushed her spirits almost to oblivion…" he said, hanging his head, penitently, "…and then again in Phoenix, almost lost her to James and who dropped the ball again?" The wild rush of memory brought all Edward's feelings and fear from that time back into reality. It was not the first time he thought he had lost her, but it was a crushing blow to see the monster ready to take her life. He shuttered as James's face, snarling at him, fighting to take his life in order to take hers, burned in his memory.
"I think about that every time I look at her," Jasper murmured. "I hate myself for what I did to her…to you…and yet," he sighed, awash with a lightness of being that transfigured his grief. "Do you know what I see when I look at her?" he smiled, "I see her care for me, her kindness, and her beauty. Do you know what I never see?
"Fear?" Edward said, shaking his head for the wonder of it all, the spectacularly strange view that Bella took on their situation.
"Yes, that is it exactly." Jasper smiled with equal respect for a love that was entirely confounding. "Bella has every reason to hate me and to fear me and yet she only has love and kindness for me. To this very moment, I am in awe of her, Edward. It is the lesson I learned from our sweet Bella that I offer to you. She trusts me, so I have to trust myself."
"You gotta trust yourself, bro, it's the only way.
"I know…but…
"If you think you are this monster you fear, then…you are, Edward.
"Mind over matter, right?" Jasper winked with a conspiratorial smile acknowledging that in her love he had found peace for his demon of blood lust. "It is a remarkable thing that makes all things possible, Edward."
"Yeah! That feeling between your knees ain't no thirst man…its hunger…and you know what you do for hunger?" You feed it…feed till you're satisfied…" The building of emotion had him writhing under the strain, but it was not a put-on this time, it was genuine.
"You really are pig, Em," Edward laughed, lighting the moment that would earlier have sent them into grappling.
"I mean it, Eddie," the big bear's soft eyes called to him with a different emotion. "You've got something here…something that none of us has had…"he said with a moment of great tenderness that was unexpected but not surprising. In all his efforts to deny it by couching his feelings in clownish irreverence, Emmett's great sensitivity for love for his family was true.
"…but if you screw it up because you are a bedroom chicken-shit…I'll be ripping off something a little more personal than your arms! If you get me."
"He means that you have something special, Edward— maybe unique in our world." Jasper delighted with the sensation of his possibility building in his brother. "We all wish that we could be loved as if we were human." The point of the matter was an entirely different thing; it was a serious moment Edward faced.
"We feel that you are endangering or discounting that amazing gift you have been given. Bella feels you do not desire her because she believes she is not worthy of being loved the way she loves us. You have to prove to her otherwise even it if is difficult for you."
"When she looks at you, man," Emmet sighed, a tinge of jealous perhaps coloring his breath. "That's love, I'm tellin' you. And you know she's not seeing fangs and coffins…she never did." The men nodded in agreement at the marvel of her acceptance of their world.
"So, why do you?" he said, quietly searching for a clue to solve the mystery.
"She only sees a man, Edward, a man that she wants in ways she can't even understand," Jasper said, the feeling of anticipation washing over the room, "…she is overwhelmed by desire, her body screams for you…I am embarrassed to say I know this…but I cannot help but notice. She is sexually frustrated by your behavior and only you can correct it.
"Can't hide behind bloodlust calling the shots anymore, bro," Emmett coached him, "….you gotta tell her how she makes you feel. Find a way and just remember; you don't have to hit a homerun every time at bat, just step up and swing…"
"Did Carlisle put you guys up to this…experience?" Edward chuckled, knowing that in all things the men in his life all wanted the same freedoms of life that they themselves enjoyed, and each would be dedicated to do their best to make it happen for him. Nevertheless, he was not at all sure if conspiracy might be employed to achieve this goal. "…because it suddenly feels like déjà vu…"
"Hey, is that so bad?" Emmett, chuckled, "it's 'déjà vu all over again'. It worked for Yogi?"
"Perhaps our long association has made it inevitable that we begin to think alike, Edward." Jasper said, returning to his book.
"Please Jazz, tell me that is not so…" Edward groaned, "I don't think I could stand being so motivated by sex as Emmett is…you don't know, okay. It's all he ever thinks about…"
The brothers exchanged knowing smiles.
"Just you wait, buddy boy," Emmett's eyes twinkled with anticipation of seeing the delights of love emerge for Edward. "…just you wait."
What the Hell is wrong with you FINAL LAND 21|Page