(After Dumbledore tells Harry bout the prophecy, Harry walks in the halls and sees Crabbe and Goyle kissing)
Harry: Its just not my day.
Dumbledore: Harry, you tried and you failed. The lesson is, never try
Ron: Hermione, there's something I want to ask you.
Hermione: OK
Ron: I've been wanting to ask you this for a while...
Hermione: Yes?
Ron: It's very important.
Hermione: Yes??
Ron: And I hope you say yes...
Hermione: What is it?????
Ron: Do you have any gum?
Snape: The Headmaster has sent me 2 tell u, Potter that its his wish 4 u 2 study Rectumency
Harry: Study what??
Snape: Rectumency, Potter the magical defence of the Rectum against external penetration
Molly (to Ron):Will you just get over there and shag her already!? Im sick and tired of your moodiness and I need my bathroom back!
Snape: Dumbledore, I am your father.
Dumbledore: Pffft, no your not. Im at least 30 years older then you.
Snape: Ok, maybe not, but Im your step-dad. I married your mother 3 days before she died. I inherited 50 million dollars that day.
Dumbledore: That was MINE!!!
Snape: Ha, also I beep her in the arse. I tell u, at 93 she still had a sweet arse!!
Dumbledore punches Snape. Snape stumbling around:
Snape: Thats it!! Go chop some fire wood and then go to your room!!!
Snape falls down and passes out. Harry is peering through the door, then turns around to Hermione.
Harry: Wow, it actually worked.
Hermione: True, but the only thing I forced him to say was the first thing.
Harry and Hermione:... AWWW!!!!
They both vomit. Ron comes running up the stairs.
Ron: Hey guys you'll never believe...
Ron slips on the vomit and breaks his neck.
Ron: OHH MY GOD, I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!!!
Ron starts rolling down the stairs and stops in front of Draco.
Ron: Malfoy, help me!! I cant feel my legs!!!
Draco: Really??
Ron: YEAH!!!
Draco: Awesome!!
Draco takes out a chainsaw and cuts Rons legs off.
Draco: These will go great with my collection of human legs.
Kids come walking by and slip on Ron's blood
Ron: SUMBODY HELP ME!! WHY ISNT ANYONE PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!!!
Random kid: Because youre an attention whore.
Ron: Ohh for beep sakes!!