Disclaimer: I don't own YYH

A/N: Ahh...it's like slipping into a pair of old comfortable shoes...After doing some dabbling in other fandoms on my secondary account (cough-shameless plug-cough) I have once again come back to my babies. This was inspired by something I mentioned in Getting Soft (cough-another shameless plug-cough) and I thought this was a funny idea.

Chapter Ten: Singing

Characters: Hiei, Mukuro and Snout

Rating: T

Summary: Hiei's patrol comes across something that Snout is allergic to.

X -x-x-x-x- X

He could hear it begin; every sound, every infliction, like clockwork. It was exactly the same every time as it rumbled down the halls, flowing like a wave of water headed straight for him. The pitch, the volume, the tone.

"AAAAAHIXXXXCHIUUUUUUU!"

His talons grasped his scalp, threatening to tear his very flesh away as yet another explosion roared through the fortress. "I'm going to spill his blood and wipe it on the walls..." he breathed out, looking like a mental patient about to blow.

This was - what - the sixtieth time he sneezed?

"Oh, come now, Hiei..." Mukuro teased. "You don't like his singing?"

Hiei bristled and stood up from his seat to face her. "Are you insane? How does this not bother you?"

Mukuro crossed her arms. "It isn't his fault he's allergic to bickle berry pollen."

Hiei gritted his teeth, an enormous headache poking at him. "Why are you showing him favor like this? Have you gone soft?"

Now her gaze narrowed; a deadly glare coated with promises of pain and torment. "Bickle berry is rare in our land. The fact that we've come across it is even more rare. I can't punish him for an involuntary reaction."

It went silent between them, then she let down her arms and smirked. "I can however, ask you to find out if he's alright."

Hiei's eyes bulged. "Excuse me?"

Mukuro shrugged. "He's a valued member of my patrol. If this is injuring him, I need to know. Go find out." Hiei did not move from his spot and she came right up to his face. "That blood on the walls thing sounds like a good idea..."

He scoffed, rolling his eyes and stomped out.

Skulking down the halls, he quickly found the odd looking creature dabbing the huge appendage on his face - hell, it was his face - with a large cloth. He turned, looking at his superior, bringing down the cloth and Hiei felt his insides churn as he beheld the nose dripping with snot. "D'oh, Master Hiei. How cand I help youb?"

People had stopped to watch the exchange and Hiei felt his long nails now digging into his palms as he clenched his fists to the point of breaking bone. "Mukuro wants to know if you are injured," he managed to spit out and for a second, the little guy looked bashful.

"No, I'mb fined." He smiled and Hiei let out a sigh of relief. He could leave.

But just at that moment - the one they called Snout - his face contorted; twitched and tilted upwards revealing all of his inflamed nasal passages to a shocked crimson gaze.

He was frozen - he couldn't look away. It was like watching a slaughter and not caring how gruesome it got, but what was really disturbing was that he was curious.

After hearing it sixty times, he wanted to see how it looked.

His mouth opened, saliva dripping and sticking to his lips, flying out as he panted...once...twice, while his nostrils grew to enormous size, stretching to the sides like an eagle preparing to take flight, the dark caverns of them glistening with mucus.

His mouth shot open, like a hunter going in for the kill as his nose tripled in bulk, one last huge breath entering his trembling form before the shot rang out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHIXXXXCHI UUUUUUU!"

It was over exaggerated, like those ridiculous moving drawings humans would entertain themselves with on those blinking idiot boxes. Unfortunately for him, it had been real.

Real as can be as it fell all over him like the spray from a nearby waterfall, except this was thick and hot. He could have moved in time, but instead he had remained frozen. Frozen like a suicidal victim who wanted to die, relishing the release.

And then it was over.

And he realized he was covered in the shit.

"Oh! M-Master Hiei! I...I...eh...ah..." It was happening again and he lunged grabbing a throat, bits of bodily fluids dripping off his hair.

"YOU CAN'T SNEEZE IF YOU CAN'T BREATHE!" he screamed.

Others clamored to pull Hiei off the smaller apparition, only because they didn't want to learn how to sniff humans, as Mukuro stood in the shadows, chuckling to herself wickedly.

"And that's the last time you call me soft."

~End