I took a personal day today just because I felt like things were slipping away from me in life. But I had enough time to write this, so enjoy. :)
He opened the door to his apartment, expecting to find Olivia still asleep in his bed. Instead, he found her waiting for him on the couch, dressed down in a pair of his boxers and a tank top that hugged her curves and assets in all the right places. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of how comfortable she was beginning to feel in his environment. It took a lot for Olivia to be taken out of her tightly enclosed shell and he was proud that he was finally making progress.
"Hey," she said somewhat groggily. "How was everyone at the station?"
He couldn't lie to her. And by the look on her face, she already suspected that his empty arms meant that he had avoided their workplace altogether.
He swallowed loudly. "I actually didn't need anything at work," he began nervously. "But I went to see Kathy."
Olivia looked up from the floor, her eyes wide and her mouth slightly open in surprise. Even though she had known in the back of her mind that he was still in contact with Kathy, it still hit her hard that he would choose to see Kathy over her. And that he had to make up an excuse to go see her.
"You went to see Kathy?" she repeated.
"Yeah, but not for the reasons you think. I went to see her because I wanted to clear up any rumors about... well, our relationship." he admitted.
"I bet that didn't go over so well." she quipped. Elliot fought back the urge to laugh; she was bristling already, coming to his defense immediately at just the mention of Kathy. He liked the idea that she was so protective over him, as if he was already hers and anyone who threatened that deserved the worst of treatment. And in a way, he was already hers.
He smirked. "It did. Kathy and I aren't together, Olivia. And we won't be ever again."
"But you were. For twenty years. You can't just - "
"I can. I already have. I love Kathy and I always will, but I'm not in love with her," he said quietly. Not the way I am with you, he wanted to say. But he couldn't yet. They needed to have this talk. They needed to let everything out that had previously stunted their partnership. "I never really was in love with her."
"You weren't?" Olivia asked softly. She was appalled to hear his last confession. It had always seemed as if Kathy took priority over everything else and when it came down to it, he wanted her. It was why he'd fought so hard to have her back when she'd served him with divorce papers. It was why he'd been so brooding and hostile when they had been finalized. But now, she was sent reeling. Nothing made sense anymore.
"No, I don't think I ever was. I married Kathy because I felt like I had to. I mean, shit, she was having my child. And she was scared and so was I and the responsible thing to do was take care of her. I couldn't bail on her. We were young and stupid and made mistakes which we knew we had to pay for. But none of that means that I was in love with her. I love her as a person and as the mother of my children, but that's it."
"Then why did you stay together for so long?"
"It was mostly because of the kids. But then we realized that separating was the best for both of us and them. We didn't want them thinking that what we had was love," he replied, looking at her intently. He tried to convey with a look what he couldn't with words. He wanted her to see that this was the truth. That he and Kathy were nothing more than parents and friends to each other. That Olivia and their unborn child were all he wanted now. That even though he couldn't let her know just yet, he loved her. "And I stayed with her because she was my security blanket. She was something to come home to at the end of the day. Because more than anything, I didn't want to end up alone. I know it wasn't fair to her or anyone else involved, but it was my selfish choice."
"I get it," she whispered. "I do. I just... envied her for so long and I guess that's why it seems as though I hate her."
He cocked his head to the side in confusion. "Why?"
She paused, considering her impending words carefully. "She had you. She was always the one thing standing in the way of me and you. And I was always the one who was on the sidelines watching as the drama unfolded. I loathed her because all these years, you were always the one thing I could never have."
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he asked. "I was divorced and you could have said something."
"Because you still seemed so determined to get Kathy back and I couldn't stand in the way of that. Hell, Kathy already thought we were having an affair. If I came after you, she'd be pissed. And I tried so hard to get you out of my head, especially when you were still married. I tried to see other men, to find something, but I never could because all I would do is think of you and how they could never live up to you. So I just stopped trying," she sighed. "And what if I had said something to you and you didn't feel the same way? I couldn't live with that. I would rather have your partnership and friendship than nothing at all."
"Jesus, Olivia. I tried too. I tried to ignore what was going on in my head. I may be your best friend and partner but it doesn't mean I'm not a guy," he realized as soon as he'd said it that it wasn't right. He didn't want her thinking that he was only interested in her because she was a woman with a great body. "But the truth is, my feelings run deeper for you than just sexual attraction."
He could see his words were slowly but surely having an impact on her. She moved so slowly that at first he thought he'd imagined her moving altogether. But then her face was only centimeters from his and she was looking up at him, a certain twinkle in her eyes. He realized then that her eyes were watering, compiled tears that threatened to spill.
He ran his thumb over her chin and pulled her toward him with his free hand. His lips brushed across her cheek in the simplest of gestures as he whispered, "I promised you that I'd never leave. Now you have to promise me something."
"What?" she whispered, her eyes closed.
"Promise me that you won't run." he said simply. He would never make the mistake of not coming after her again, but he wasn't sure yet if she would do the same.
"I won't." she declared. She had barely had time to get the last word out before his mouth was on hers. There was kindness embedded in his kiss as he glided his lips over hers, and she deepened the kiss, opening her mouth slightly to let him gain entrance. She moaned as their tongues dueled, battling out their feelings they had kept from one another for so long. He smiled against her lips.
She pulled back slightly, her lips curved in a smirk. "As much as I and my hormones would like to take this further, we can't."
He playfully pouted. "And why not?"
Her smile faded and she gave him a serious look. "We have to tell Cragen. He's going to start noticing and I think it's better if we tell him now before we get in too deep," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Besides, what we lose in a partnership, we gain in a relationship."
He kissed her again, holding his lips against hers as he said, "Relationship, huh?"
"Yes. I've thought this through and this is what I want," she removed one hand from his neck and placed it on her belly, grinning widely. "For all three of us."
Elliot stood in his boss' office, patiently waiting for his arrival. He had rehearsed it a million times, but he knew that once he caught sight of Cragen, all coherent thought would leave him.
Cragen opened the door and instructed Elliot to take a seat. "What is it you need to talk to me about?"
Elliot took a deep breath. "It concerns Olivia," he began. "Moreover, Olivia and I."
Cragen furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"
"A few weeks ago, Olivia asked if I'd help her have a baby," he said, fearful of the wide eyed Cragen. "And I said yes."
"Is she pregnant?"
"Yes," he said, swallowing loudly. "She's due in May."
Cragen was unusually quiet and Elliot knew this did not bode well. He braced himself for whatever reaction Cragen might have. Plenty of fears were running through his mind at the moment; he feared for his job, his partnership and his relationship with his boss.
But Cragen surprised him by grinning, an act that Elliot rarely saw from his stern employer. "Congratulations to you both," he chuckled. "I'm very happy for the two of you."
Elliot smiled slowly. "Thank you."
"I take it this means you're in relationship?" he asked.
"We are. But it's all very new, so..." he trailed off, letting Cragen infer the rest. He didn't want to reveal too much, afraid that it might change Cragen's mind on being supportive of their decision.
Cragen laughed. "I should have seen that coming. It was a decade in the making," he added. "But you do realize that I have an obligation to split you two up, right?"
Elliot nodded. "Yeah. We know it's against the law and Brass wouldn't approve if we stayed partners, and we've talked it over. We knew the repercussions going into this."
"Good. You'll still be in the same precinct, but your interaction and caseload together will be very limited from now on," he said. "And I know Olivia is going to hate this, but I have to take her out of the field at a certain point."
"Yeah, she's going to hate it. But whether she likes it or not, she'll be riding a desk in a few months. It's for everyone's safety."
Cragen nodded, smiling at Elliot. "I'll let you get back home to her," he said. "And tell her I said congratulations."
Elliot left feeling almost invincible. It was easier to think clearly when he didn't have the weight of the world resting on his shoulders. And with Olivia and his unborn child waiting for him back home, he knew the possibilities were endless.
I'm not going to drag the pregnancy out, in case some of you are wondering. I'm probably going to have it go by months, maybe even more. But the next chapter will be up sometime soon. Don't forget the reviews. ;)