Chapter 9

It's mid-December I'm out running again, despite the freezing cold and thick snow. Last night's dream is weighing heavy on my chest. It was about Neville. It's the same scene I saw on the train when I first met Neville, but the extended version this time. The version in which a grown Neville throws himself in front of the woman he loves, knowing that he's never been more than a friend to her. I don't like this version and shake my head, trying to dispel the images. I am soaking wet from the falling snow and my feet are frozen, but I step up my pace, running faster, forcing my feet through the heavy snow, leaving behind Neville's dead eyes.

I've been out here so often lately that my endurance has improved and although this should make me happy, it doesn't. It just means that I have to run longer and faster now to outrun my demons. Finally, I can't run anymore and collapse onto one of the boulders surrounding the lake, breathing heavily, sweat on my face despite the cold. I perform a warming charm Hermione taught me on my feet and hands. I tilt my head towards the sky, letting the snow fall on my skin. I hear someone approaching me through the snow, but I don't open my eyes. I have a clue who it might be.

"Hi", Malfoy says as he sits down next to me. He is bundled up in a thick winter cloak, his hair covered by a green cap. I don't look at him, can't somehow. That odd sensation is back, the one where this feels far too familiar, too comfortable.

"Hi"

We sit there for a while, neither of us breaking the silence, watching the snow fall onto the frozen lake.

"Why am I here?"

The question startles me and I turn to look at him.

"I don't know."

He sighs and buries his head in his hands.

"I feel strange around you", he finally says sounding pretty unhappy about it. "Like I should know you…but I don't. I don't know you! You're just some pale annoying Gryffindor!"

Part of me feels offended and wants to snap at him, the other part feels incredible relief. Relief that I'm not alone in this. As I look in his eyes I realize that he is frustrated, frustrated beyond belief.

"So do I", I say instead, giving him a shrug. "I don't quite understand it… It started when I first saw you on the Hogwarts Express. I feel like I know you, but not you, you know?"

I'm not making any sense, but he still nods. I bite my lip.

"Maybe", I say carefully, "we could get to know each other. Maybe then this weird sensation will make sense."

"Like…friends."

He looks like he's bitten into a sour apple.

"Well… maybe… Let's make it easier. Tell me a little bit about yourself?"

He frowns and looks back down at his hands then, finally he nods.

He starts by telling me about his family. He tells me about his father who, although Draco believes that he loves him, is a cold and distant man. Lucius. I can tell from the way Draco speaks that he wishes he had a closer relationship with his father, but also that he admires him and wants to be like him.

"He's a proud man", Draco says, his eyes shining with awe. "No one would dare to cross him, and I want to be like that. Feared and respected."

Then he starts talking about his mother. Narcissa. His voice is softer as he speaks about her and I can tell that this boy really loves his mother. "She's the most beautiful woman I know and she never raises her voice or loses her temper. She's like an ice statue, kind of perfect. "

He gives me an embarrassed smile.

"You think I'm a mommy's boy don't you?"

I chuckle and nod. Then I add: "Yeah but I'm a momma's girl. I think very similarly about my own mother. She's the kindest most beautiful person you'll ever meet. She has long brown hair and blue eyes. I get my eyes from her."

"She sounds nice, and you do have pretty eyes", he adds the last part almost shyly and I blush. "What's her name?"

"Sarah."

"What about your Dad?"

I sigh and then I shiver. I pull out my wand to perform another warming charm on myself, but also because it's hard for me to talk about my dad. Whenever I do, I remember the sadness in my mother's eyes.

"I never met him. He died, during the last war, when my mom was pregnant with me, but my mom says he was a wonderful person. I like to believe her."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's ok", I smile at him. "I mean I never knew him… but he must have been wonderful for someone like my mom to fall in love with him. You know?"

He just nods. Soon our conversation turns to different things. School, the teachers and Quidditch. We talk for little over an hour until both of us feel completely frozen, despite the heating charms I performed on the two of us, and decide to head back to the castle.

"Together?", I ask this time, a twinkle in my eye.

He sticks out his tongue at me. "Stupid Gryffindor", but this time I can tell he's kidding.

"Dumb Slytherin."

He grabs some snow and flings it at me and I retaliate. Soon we're in a full-on snowball war and by the time we enter the castle both of us are completely drenched and laughing. As we approach the Great Hall I can tell that Draco is nervous and I give him a small smile.

"It's ok. I'll wait."

He gives me a short nod and heads into the hall, not looking back, but I smile anyways because I think that maybe the two of us could become friends.

No one can wait for the holidays to start, and me least of all. I can't wait to see my mother! Although Hogwarts seems cosier than ever before, now that the Great Hall and the Gryffindor Common room have roaring fires in front of which the students bundle up. But the corridors are drafty and have become icy and a bitter wind rattles the windows in the classrooms. Worst are Professors Snape's classes because they're down in the dungeons, where our breath rises in a mist before them and we keep as close as possible to our hot cauldrons.

I am working with Hermione on a potion next to Harry and Ron when Draco passes behind them.

"I do feel so sorry, for all those people who have to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas because they're not wanted at home."

The jab is directed at Harry and Ron, who are both staying at Hogwarts this year, and as Crabbe and Goyle chuckle, I glare at them. Harry ignores them, but Ron clenches his fist, glaring angrily into his cauldron. I feel annoyed. Whenever Draco and I are alone he's perfectly likeable, but as soon as there are other people he turns into an arrogant brat. I really don't get it.

As we leave the dungeons we are blocked by a large tree in the corridor ahead. Two enormous feet are sticking out at the bottom and a loud puffing sound tells me that Hagrid is behind it.

"Hi, Hagrid, want any hell?" Ron offers as he sticks his head through the branches.

"Nah, I'm all right, thanks, Ron"

"Would you mind moving out of the way?", Draco drawls behind me. I don't think he's aware that I'm standing right in front of him. "Are you trying to earn some extra money, Weasley? Hoping to be gamekeeper yourself when you leave Hogwarts, I suppose – that hut of Hagrid's must seem like a palace compared to what your family's used to."

"Draco!", the word is out of my mouth before I can stop it. The two of us may have decided to ignore each other in public, but I can't let him insult one of my friends like that. For a second Draco looks surprised, but then the arrogant mask is back and he raises his eyebrow at me.

"Oh look at Weasley's pet ghost defending him. What are you going to do, float through me? Ooooooh, how terrifying. " he cries out in mock fear and the Slytherins around us laugh. Ron and I dive at Malfoy at the same time, just as Snape comes up the stairs.

"WEASLEY! MORGAN!"

Ron lets go of Malfoy's robes and I step back, breathing heavily with anger.

"They were provoked, Professor Snape", Hagrid says, sticking his huge hairy face out from behind the tree. "Malfoy was inultin them."

"Be that as it may, fighting is against Hogwarts rules, Hagrid, " Snape says silkily. "Five points from Gryffindor, each, and be grateful it isn't more. Move along, all of you."

Malfoy, and his goonies push roughly past the tree, scattering needles everywhere. I am furious! That stupid arrogant little brat.

"I'll get him", Ron says, grinding his teeth. "One of these days, I'll get him –"

"And I'll help you", I mutter, trying to hold back the angry tears that are threatening to break free.

"I hate them both", Harry says and I look up in surprise at the harsh words. "Malfoy and Snape."

Usually I'd say something to defend the potions professor, but right now I'm not feeling very defensive of him. He docked us points! Even though Malfoy started it. It's not fair.

"It's not fair", I mutter, and a tear escapes. Hermione puts her arm around my shoulder as I look down at my feet.

"Come on, cheer up, it's nearly Christmas", Hagrid says. "Tell ye what, come with me an' see the Great Hall, looks a treat."

So the four of us follow Hagrid and his tree off to the Great Hall, where Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick are busy with the Christmas decorations. The hall looks spectacular! Festoons of holly and mistletoe are hanging all around the walls, and no less than twelve towering Christmas trees are standing around the room, some sparkling with tiny icicles, some glittering with hundreds of candles.

"How many days you got left until yer holidays?" Hagrid asks.

"Just one," Hermione says. "And that reminds me – Alicia, Harry, Ron, we've got half an hour before lunch, we should be in the library."

I sigh. They want to do research, but I really am not interested in any of that.

"The library?" Hagrid asks me as he follows us out of the hall. "Just before the holidays? Bit keen, aren't you?"

"We're not working. Ever since you mentioned Nicolas Flamel they've been trying to find out who he is." I say in a bored voice. I don't care who Nicolas Flamel is and I don't want to go to the library, but if I tell them that they'll look at me as I've grown another head.

"You what?" Hagrid looks shocked and the other three turn around. "Listen here – I've told yeh – drop it. It's nothin' to you what that dog's guardin'."

"We just want to know who Nicolas Flamel is, that's all." Hermione says and I roll my eyes. Yeah. Sure. That's all.

"Unless you'd like to tell us and save us the trouble?" harry adds with big innocent eyes and I supress a grin. "We must've gone through hundreds of books already and we can't find him anywhere – just give us a hint – I know I've read his name somewhere."

"I'm sayin' nothin'," Hagrid says flatly.

"Just have to find out for ourselves, then,"Ron says. "Come on Lisha." ¨

The thing is… I don't think we are ever going to find anything about Nicholas Flamel. The three of them have been searching books for Flamel's name ever since Hagrid let it slip, still convinced that Prfoessor Snape was trying to steal whatever that dog was guarding. I, who don't quite believe Snape and the devil to be the same person, can't share their enthusiasm. I think we should just let the teachers and Professor Dumbledore take care of things. I am the only one who seems to think so. Hermione, Ron and Harry all seem convinced that it is, somehow, their job to insure the safety of the mysterious object.

"Uhm guys?"

Hermione turns around, looking stressed.

"What?"

"I don't feel like going to the library… mind if I just meet you guys for lunch later?"

Ron opens his mouth to argue and Harry looks at me like I've grown another head, but Hermione nods and pulls them along before they have the chance to say anything.

"What's up with her?" I hear Ron mutter right before they're around the corner. I let out a long breath of relief. I start wandering aimlessly, my thoughts going back to the confrontation in front of potions class. Draco and I had been spending time together, talking, on an off and I'd been under the impression that we were becoming friends. So why does he act like an idiot whenever anyone else is around? I'm not paying attention to where I am going and I find myself in a corridor that is completely unfamiliar to me, which is an odd sensation to me. It has never happened before. From day one I have always known where I am or where I have to go and now here I am, standing next to a suit of armor, completely disoriented. The corridor is pretty narrow and I decide to follow it, curious as to where it might lead.

There is a door to my left and it's slightly ajar. I peek inside, but there is no one in there, so I open it a bit further and slide in. It's an unused classroom. The desks and chairs are piled up against the wall and the curtains are drawn, giving the room a dark and mysterious feel. Propped against the wall facing me I see something that looks as if it doesn't belong here, something that looks as if someone has just put it there to keep out of the way. It's a magnificent mirror, as high as the ceiling, with an ornate gold frame, standing on two clawed feet. There is an inscription carved around the top and I strain my eyes to read it. Erised stra ehru oy tube cafru oyt on wohsi. The words make no sense to me.

I move closer to the mirror, but I see no reflection of myself. Now I'm frowning, Draco's stupid ghost comment fresh in my mind my lack of reflection bothers me. So I step directly in front of it. I gasp. In the mirror I see a young woman, maybe mid-twenties, with long white hair, pale skin and big blue eyes. It's me, and I am smiling. Next to me I see the Draco from my dreams, his arms wrapped around the older me, his face gentle and kind, love burning in his eyes. On my other side I see my mother and father. They're holding hands and there's a light in my mother's eyes that I've never seen there before. Next to Draco is an older Neville and behind him I see one of the Weasley twins, then a young woman with long black hair and gentle brown eyes.

"Miranda I whisper."

There's a ripple and the surface and new faces are added to the mixture. An adult Harry, Ron and Hermione join the mix, all of them smiling at me. There are more people there, stretching on and on, people I've seen in my dreams, people I've seen die, all of them alive. All of them happy. My throat feels tight, and my heart yearns for the people behind the glass. I walk up to the mirror and place my hand against it, my colder counterpart doing the same. As our hands meet I imagine I can feel the warmth of her skin.

I'm not sure how long I sit there, staring up at the faces that are both strange and familiar to me, with tears running down my cheeks, but a loud rumble in my stomach pulls me out the trance I fell into. Lunch has probably already started. It takes a lot of effort for me to tear myself from the mirror and make my way to the Great Hall. On the way I stop by the girl's bathroom and quickly wash my face. I don't want people to ask me why I've been crying. The hall is already full of students, all of them eating, when I enter. As I head over to my friends I glance over at the Slytherin table. Draco is watching me and he frowns as he sees my expression, but I quickly turn away, still angry at him for the way he acted earlier.

I sit down next to Hermione and start filling my plate.

"Where have you been?"

I just shrug and stuff some potatoes into my mouth to avoid having to answer. It tastes like nothing. Hermione keeps looking at me, but after a while she shrugs and turns back to the boys.

"You will keep looking while we're away, won't you? And send me and owl if you find anything."

"And you could ask your parents if they know who Flamel is," Ron says. "It'd be safe to ask them."

"Very safe", Hermione says dryly. "They're both dentists."