Blaine is so glad his mother is looking forward to meeting his boyfriend, but he wishes she would be just a little less enthusiastic. Blaine just wants five minutes splayed on the couch to catch his breath without his mother asking where the red potpourri is or whether Kurt likes strawberry or raspberry pudding more or whether she should put onions into the soup or not or You said his mother died, right? Oh, poor boy. I guess we shouldn't bring that topic up then.

"Come on, mom, this won't be the first time he is here." Blaine sighs, curling up and pressing his face into the couch. Maybe if he pretends to be a blanket his mother will leave him alone.

"Does he like lemonade with lots of sugar or should it be sour?"

Blaine groans in exasperation, turning his head to the side.

"Well, he loves really sweet food – needs it when he is sad or tired –, but he also likes those super sour hard candies, you know, the apple and lemon flavored ones. If he can eat those I'm sure you could make the sourest lemonade ever and it would be fine."

Blaine feels terribly nervous; he doesn't want anything to go wrong tonight. His mom and dad having a dinner with his first boyfriend for the first time is a really big deal. Kurt's smile was so huge when Blaine asked him if he would like to meet his parents and he all but attacked Blaine with a million questions – So, um, how okay are your parents with us? Does it bother them that I'm flamboyant and the stereotypical gay guy and everything? Because I obviously refuse to change who I am but maybe I shouldn't wear skinny jeans or a rhinestone belt tonight? Ooh, isn't your dad into sports? I can boast about how in my sophomore year I scored the final point to win the first game of the season!

"Aw, sweetheart, are you grinning?" Blaine looks up at his mother, who is smiling gently down at him. "Thinking about Kurt?"

Blaine grins even brighter, shifting on the couch to give his mom space as she puts the glasses carefully down and sits down next to him, her arm reaching out to pat his knee.

"So you love him, huh? You really do?"

Blaine hesitates for a moment, even though he is pretty sure he loves Kurt. Why wouldn't he love Kurt? Yes, he is worried about their future – how many weeks till Kurt realizes there are too many hot gay men in New York to try to bother with a long distance relationship? And Blaine has no idea what his friendship with Sebastian is; the only thing he knows is that it's not what it should be.

"I really do. He is super nice and sweet, mom, and he is smart too, and handsome, in a pretty way, you know what I mean? And he has this incredible heart, like he tries to help everyone, really everyone. He had to go through a lot of shit but he is still looking forward to everything and… He is just so great. It's just really easy to love him, you know?"

His mother's warm smile wavers at his last sentence and Blaine draws his eyebrows together in confusion, not understanding what is wrong with what he just said.

"I'm really glad Kurt is so lovely, but Blaine…" His mother takes a deep breath and squeezes his knee. Blaine frowns at her, starting to feel just a little worried. "You know, love is not… it's not loving someone because it's easy to love them. It's loving someone even though it's very, very difficult sometimes. It's going through heartache and misery for them and even after all that still asking yourself 'Do I love this person?'. And if the answer is yes, well… Then you will know it's real. I'm not saying that what you feel for Kurt is not real, I just want you to understand that teenager relationships are not, they simply cannot be as…"

Blaine's phone interrupts them. Blaine gives his mother an apologetic smile as he tries to fish his phone out of the pocket of his pants, but he is actually quite relieved, because his mom's speech started to make him feel terribly lost and just a little uncomfortable. His mother nods and leaves him quickly.

It's Sebastian.

Blaine glances at his mother standing in front of the fridge warily as he climbs off the couch. He isn't sure she would eavesdrop, but Blaine goes into his room anyway. God only knows what Sebastian wants to talk about, but it probably won't be very appropriate.

It's not Sebastian. It's his mother.

"So you are Blaine Anderson, right? I'm sorry to bother you and I know you don't know me but I think you are the closest to my son and that's why I called you up. He is sick, he has this awful fever and to be honest we are not that close to each other and I'm just not sure how to… how to deal with him when he is like this… So I think you should be here. I understand if you have something else to do but…"

It's not like Blaine actually expected a mansion with fountains and butlers and a stable with purebred horses, but Sebastian's house is still a bit of a disappointment. It's carefully made clear that the family living there is rich, but it's all just… quite unremarkable. The elegant furniture and the paintings are all straight out of a catalogue of a five stars hotel, but… There is something almost unsettling about it and Blaine can't really put a finger on it.

Sebastian's mother, though, is nice. She reminds Blaine of his own mother with her pretty smiles and melodious voice. She presses a mug of hot chocolate into his hand. "Sebastian is… he is just like his father. Very proud and doesn't like to be vulnerable. His father taught him that if somebody sees you are weak they will take advantage of you and look down at you. But you…" Sebastian's mother smiles at him warmly and Blaine feels flustered and unsure. He takes a sip of his drink, wincing when the hot chocolate scorches his tongue. "Well, I have no idea what happened, but it looks like you single-handedly managed to change my son."

Blaine's heart skips a beat and he stares up at Sebastian's mother. He tightens his grip on the mug. What is with others thinking Sebastian changed because of him? First Dave with his weird cactus analogy, then Sebastian's mother…

"I remember how it was to be in love for the first time, even though it happened a long time ago." Sebastian's mother laughs pleasantly and Blaine has to put the mug down because he feels so dizzy suddenly.

"No, no, oh god, no, it's not…" Blaine starts, feeling a little guilty for sounding so frantic rejecting the very idea of Sebastian being in love with him, but shit, no, that's simply not possible. "Sebastian isn't… He's just…" Blaine falls silent, quickly looking away from Sebastian's mother's slightly shocked face. He stares at the floor, trying to come up with something, anything that makes sense. But Blaine himself has no goddamned idea. The only thing he knows is that Sebastian doesn't love him, that Sebastian can't love him, but… Blaine used to be so sure this isn't even a crush but maybe… "He doesn't love me. No. We are just friends but there are no feelings like that between us."

Sebastian's mother frowns.

"I thought you two are… you know. Boyfriends." She whispers the last word like it's an intimate secret between them. "Oh, are you trying to keep your relationship a secret? You do not have to be afraid. I absolutely don't have any problem with my son being gay. I just want him to be happy and to be honest I'm glad he has a boyfriend like you – I don't really know you but you seem to be a really nice and sweet person. I was terribly worried about him when he used to visit that gay bar all the time, but I knew I can't stop him, he is too stubborn to listen to me… But he doesn't do that anymore. And it's because of you, isn't it?"

Blaine stares stupidly at Sebastian's mother's sweet grin and what the fuck is he supposed to say to all that? It's one thing to pretend to be boyfriends in front of Dave's dad but she is Sebastian's mother and how did this even happen? Does Sebastian talk about Blaine a lot to his mother? Does he gush about how pretty Blaine's face is and how great their phone conversations are? Did he maybe have a grin on his face similar to the one Blaine had thinking about Kurt and did his mother notice it and…

"We really are just friends." Sebastian's mother's lips curl down. "I have a boyfriend but it's not Sebastian."

Sebastian's mother laughs again, but this laugh is a lot less pleasant. "So you are cheating on your boyfriend with my son?"

Blaine fights the urge to roll his eyes; he doesn't want to be impolite in front of Sebastian's mother. "I told you we are just friend."

"Mom, don't do this. I told you it wasn't actually phone sex, I was just joking."

Blaine turns to look at Sebastian, who is standing with his palm pressed against the wall like he is worried otherwise he would collapse. He looks rather sick; his usually so carefully coiffed hair is messy, his face flushed and his eyes tired and glazed over with sickness.

"Hi, Blaine. There is no need for you to be here, I'm sorry, sometimes mom can be…"

"It's okay," Blaine stops him gently, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with sadness because this can't be the first time Sebastian has a fever and how horrible it must be that your parents can't take care of you when you are sick… "Come on, you shouldn't move around so much, let's go to your room. How high is your fever?"

Sebastian smiles and maybe any other time it would be a superior smirk but now it's such a weak curl of his lips that Blaine starts to feel even more worried.

"It's nothing. My head hurts a little but I'm sure I'll be totally fine in the morning. Seriously, Blaine, go home. What if you catch it too? Wouldn't want that, right?"

Blaine hesitates, glancing at Sebastian's mother, but her expression is unreadable, just like her son's so often. He doesn't want to leave Sebastian all alone with a mother who has no idea how to deal with him when he is sick but he does have a dinner with his parents and Kurt and that's quite important too… Maybe Blaine should call Dave up. Maybe Sebastian would worry less about appearing vulnerable in front of him…

"Okay," Sebastian sighs, closing his eyes briefly. It's probably his headache. "Come to my room. We can talk a little, I guess. Do you want to sing to me or read me a book as if I were a fucking child? I don't want you to leave feeling guilty you didn't do anything to help me."

Blaine follows Sebastian into his room, noticing that Sebastian's steps are a little slower than his usual brisk, sure movements.

Sebastian's room is different than the other parts of the house; it's clear someone actually lives here, with the unmade bed, the books and gadgets lying on the shelves and on the floor and the laptop on the table with the Eiffel Tower as the wallpaper – Sebastian told him months ago that his wallpaper is actually from one of his favorite porn videos; either that was a lie or he changed it since then. There is Dave's cactus too and Blaine smiles at it, thinking about Sebastian deciding to take care of something and trying not to think about Dave staring at the cactus with a serious expression and saying And so you bloomed for them… became a better person because of them.

When Blaine looks away from the cactus Sebastian is already lying on the bed, his head resting on the pillow and his eyes closed. On the bedside table there is a bowl full of water and next to that a handkerchief; it's still a little wet when Blaine touches it.

"I couldn't even go to practice today."

Blaine frowns, carefully pushing Sebastian's bangs out of his forehead. Sebastian's lips fall open in a silent whimper and he draws his eyebrows together like he is in pain.

"Your skin is really hot. Did you go to the doctor?" Sebastian shakes his head weakly. Blaine bites into his lip. "Well, maybe you should. Or at the very least take some medicine. And eat something. When was the last time you had any food? I know you are not hungry when you are sick and sometimes you feel nauseated but you have to eat something because when you have a fever your body especially needs it. And you also need…"

"Shut up," Sebastian growls, but it's more pleading than threatening. "My head wants to split into half and your yapping just makes it worse."

Blaine huffs in annoyance, because he isn't yapping, he is just trying to help Sebastian. But he understands that the last thing Sebastian needs right now is an argument. Blaine soaks the handkerchief in the cold water and wrings it thoroughly before putting it on Sebastian's forehead, ignoring Sebastian's small sound of protest.

"Do you need water? Or maybe fruit juice? Soup is also great when you have a fever. Even if you are not hungry it's…"

"Blaine," Sebastian interrupts him again and Blaine laughs awkwardly.

"Okay, I can stay silent if that's better. I could also bring you a painkiller."

"I already tried; didn't help. I tried to distract myself with the internet and reading books but I couldn't. I feel tired but not enough to go to sleep."

Blaine nods in understanding, wishing he could do something. He thinks about how his mother and Cooper and sometimes even his father are there to watch silly movies with him and let him rest his head in their lap and they sing quiet, soothing lullabies to him when he is sick.

But Blaine can't do anything like that. Maybe he should just wait until Sebastian falls asleep, take the handkerchief off, leave quietly and send a text to Sebastian tomorrow morning asking if he is feeling better.

"Blaine?"

Blaine hums questioningly.

"I don't want to be your friend anymore."

Blaine expected it. He really did. But maybe he hoped that…

"You know when you said I seem to be unhappier now? Yeah, well… you are not helping."

Maybe it should feel like a swift punch, but instead it starts as something small and unsure in the middle of Blaine's heart and then slowly spreads, bitter and heavy, and it's a little difficult to breathe with the lump in his throat.

I don't want to make you unhappy, Sebastian.

The words are on the tip of his tongue, but Blaine can't spit them out.

"I'm sorry," Blaine gasps out, swallowing against the lump. He isn't exactly sure why he is apologizing.

"Don't. There is nothing you should apologize for." Blaine wishes he could see Sebastian's eyes; maybe they could tell him what Sebastian feels. "We all know that whatever is between us… it can't go anywhere. And as much as I enjoy being your friend, in the end it just isn't worth it. It's too frustrating. Maybe it is selfish of me but I really, really want to fuck you and I can't and it's quite annoying, you know? But don't ever think that I'm mad at you or that I blame you for anything. I don't. Because just being your friend was more than I deserved. I used to think you are an idiot for being with Kurt, but… Maybe you are not. Kurt can cherish you… he loves you, doesn't he? You deserve someone who can love you. I used to be mad at Kurt, that time when I thought I had a chance. But he was never truly the one standing in the way of me getting into your pants. I mean even if you were single… the way we look at relationships and sex and love and everything, it's just too different. You need trust and feelings and stuff like that. I can't give you any of that. So… that's it."

And Blaine knows that this time it is real.

That this really is the end of their friendship. The end of them, whatever they were.

They tried to stop being friends with each other more than once before, but those times it was all lying and misunderstandings and bruised egos and trying to protect themselves, even at the cost of hurting the other.

This, though, this is the truth. Blaine knows with every fiber of his being that Sebastian is right and that there is nothing they can do about it.

It hurts.

Because Blaine doesn't want to lose Sebastian. Because even though Sebastian can be horrible and immature and Blaine can't even try to guess what he actually feels or thinks most of the time and even though Blaine loves Kurt and Kurt loves him like Sebastian himself admitted he could never love Blaine Sebastian is still his friend. He still has that cheeky wink that is actually almost adorable and they can still talk for hours about anything and Blaine is always curious about his e-mails because whether they are silly and whimsical or very serious and sophisticated they are always interesting.

But it's not enough.

And Blaine gets it.

He doesn't want to make Sebastian unhappy.

"Okay. Sebastian, I understand. I…"

He wants to say many other things – You know, things could have been different, if only… and I hope you will find someone one day and I didn't regret choosing to be your friend and I didn't regret giving you a second chance even if you are awful sometimes and You did hurt me but I hurt you too, didn't I?

But he remains silent.

Sebastian gives Blaine this smile – this smile that's a bit similar to the one he gave Blaine at Regionals, though Blaine will realize this only when Kurt is talking to his mother with an easy, joyous smile and his mother wonders if he would be interested in her collection of scarves.

A smile that's sad and absolutely defeated.

Maybe it's the fever. Maybe it's something else.

It breaks Blaine's heart a little.

When three years later Blaine meets Sebastian it's so cheesy Blaine actually feels a little embarrassed by it. They don't get stuck in an elevator or run into each other on the street and gather their scattered things together, but it's still definitely in the Top 10 Most Overused Romantic Comedy Clichés.

Blaine is on his tiptoes trying to reach the chocolate liqueur, careful not to either topple the bottle over or accidentally push it farther in, torn between asking a tall costumer for help and potentially being humiliated and just buying Kurt a bottle of strawberry liqueur.

"You need some help there, sunshine?"

Blaine makes a mortifying noise that sounds like the mixture of a yelp and a moan and falls back onto his feet, almost dropping the shopping basket in shock.

He turns around slowly and his breath gets caught in his throat as he takes in Sebastian's appearance; Sebastian looks just a bit more mature now than in high school, the evening stubble and leather jacket contrasting with the bangs that make his face seem somehow sweet and the pleasant little smile in such an overwhelmingly sexy way that Blaine almost reels from it all.

"Hi. Sebastian, wow, hi. Hello." Blaine feels himself blush in embarrassment and then in desire when Sebastian tilts his head and winks at him, his smile widening in amusement.

"Blaine. Hello. Not a lot has changed, I see. Looks like I can still make you flustered just like the first time we met. It's so nice to see you again. The curls are especially a lovely surprise, they make you even more adorable. Who would have thought that's possible?"

Blaine stares at the bags of chips in his shopping basket and blushes even more, flattered in that way only ever Sebastian could make him feel. It's not like Kurt's sweet compliments or others praising his talent didn't make Blaine happy, but there was something about Sebastian's words that was somehow different. Blaine didn't want to think too much about it in high school because he felt guilty he enjoyed them so much.

"Um, well, thank you, I guess. Yeah, I decided to forget the gel… Mom, Kurt and Rachel all but made a presentation about all the reasons I should 'let the curls be free'. But back in high school I was just, um, really embarrassed. I thought they are, you know, silly."

Sebastian raises his eyebrows, snickering a little. But it's not malicious or anything. There is nothing mean about Sebastian now, nothing even close to I actually hate you for not putting out in high school or You know I could have spent all that time trying to get into your pants doing much more important things.

"Silly? And the bowties weren't?"

Blaine shrugs. It was different, but he doesn't feel like trying to explain it to Sebastian. Sebastian probably doesn't care, anyway.

"Do you want to catch up?" Sebastian turns away from him to get the chocolate liquor and he has to stand just the tiniest bit on his tiptoes. Blaine suddenly remembers that time in Dave Karofsky's kitchen when Sebastian had to stand just like this to put something – Blaine no longer remembers what is was – onto the shelf. Blaine can't help but let his eyes slide down from the nape of Sebastian's pale neck to his ass; it's just as lovely as it was in high school. "There are at least five restaurants five minutes from here." Sebastian smiles at him and Blaine feels warmth spread through his body as he quickly takes the bottle and carefully puts it into his shopping basket. "Or you can come home with me and we can have pizza? I'm not much of a cook but maybe I can try to make scrambled eggs or something. Do you like instant noodles?"

Blaine hesitates, not sure whether Sebastian's words have some hidden meaning or Sebastian truly doesn't want anything more than chatting while having dinner together. The idea of going to Sebastian's home makes Blaine wary and excited at the same time.

In the end he agrees because he is really curious. About where Sebastian is right now, about whether he is happier now or not. About whether he has friends or maybe even a boyfriend or he is lonely and has only one night stands…

Sebastian's home is a small apartment, a bit untidy but not dirty. It smells like citrus air freshener, there are books, bundles of paper and magazines everywhere – mostly political and sport, though one has a twink in a fishnet shirt on the cover –, there is a tie hanging from the door handle, the bed is unmade and some of the drawers are open.

"I had no idea someone would come so I didn't put my things away, sorry about that."

Blaine nods as he watches Sebastian start to unpack the groceries, putting his own bags onto the couch.

"Should I help?"

Sebastian shakes his head as he opens the fridge.

Blaine glances around curiously, trying to find anything that would tell him whether Sebastian has a boyfriend or not. But there is nothing like photos of a handsome man with his arms wrapped around a brightly smiling Sebastian or two movie tickets next to a box of chocolate.

During the walk to the apartment they talked about Sebastian studying at Yale and Blaine at NYADA, Sebastian complained about how it's sometimes so loud here that he can't sleep without earplugs and Blaine explained that he doesn't actually live here, he is just visiting a relative with his mother and Kurt. When Blaine told Sebastian he is no longer dating Kurt he was staring at Sebastian, watching his face for any sign that would tell Blaine how he feels about this news, but Sebastian just nodded and that was it. There was no happy grin or Good riddance with a mocking smirk or Does that mean we can fuck now?

"I'm done in a minute." Sebastian closes the fridge and begins to take beer cans out of the bag. Blaine frowns in confusion because he distinctly remembers Sebastian telling him once on the phone that he thinks beer is cheap and unclassy and doesn't even taste good. Maybe they are for his friends. Or maybe Sebastian does have a boyfriend… "Just make yourself comfortable on the couch. So, what do you want to eat?"

"To be honest I'm not that hungry." Blaine smiles up at Sebastian. "Actually, I'm not hungry at all. Let's just talk."

When Sebastian sits down he isn't close enough that Blaine could feel the heat of his body or the scent of his cologne, and Blaine feels just a little disappointed by this.

Suddenly Blaine doesn't know what to say. It was easy to chatter all the way to the apartment, talking about teachers and lessons and the little annoyances of everyday life, exactly like back in high school. But now the uncomfortable silence stretches between them until Blaine can no longer stand it and he blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind.

"So, what about your love life? Or maybe rather sex life?"

Sebastian snorts, but he doesn't seem to be offended, Blaine notices with a soft sigh of relief.

"There's nothing. I'm focusing on university now. And… I don't think it's worth it anymore. Do you remember when I was sick and mom called you to be there with me – when our friendship ended – and she told you I no longer go to Scandals? Yeah, well… it started to feel, I don't know, empty. It was more like a chore than something I actually enjoyed. I was more annoyed by them, by how selfish and incompetent they were and how I actually had no idea who they are than I liked their cock. You know what I mean?"

Blaine doesn't know, but he nods anyway. Something like hope blooms in his heart, uncertain and small, but he can't help but start to wonder; if now they are both single and Sebastian is no longer promiscuous… They had more unresolved sexual tension in high school than they could deal with, Blaine doesn't remember being this goddamned attracted to any of the guys he tried to date after his break-up with Kurt and if Sebastian still wants Blaine…

"About me… Same as it was?"

Sebastian visibly stiffens and his eyes widen; Blaine decides to take them as good signs. He waits impatiently, watching Sebastian's hand drift to his neck and open two buttons; it's not seductive at all, it's like maybe Sebastian feels too hot or he suddenly can't breathe.

"Yes," Sebastian says simply.

Blaine's lips are tugged into a small smile as he feels relief flood his body. He isn't sure what Sebastian feels, only attraction or maybe a small crush or perhaps something more, and he doesn't have any idea what he feels for Sebastian, but there is something and for now it could be enough. Maybe it could turn into…

"What?" Sebastian asks quietly with a confused grin. "You have a strange expression on your face. Are you even listening to me?"

It's all like a dream. Maybe it is a dream. This new Sebastian – no longer a high school boy hiding his feelings behind smug smirks, with coiffed hair and the Dalton uniform, but a young man studying law at Yale, with bangs and stubble and a shirt that lets Blaine see just a bit of his collarbone –, this Sebastian is like a completely different person.

They could go out. Go on dates. They could be boyfriends. Why not? Blaine isn't in a relationship and he isn't in high school anymore. Months after breaking up with Kurt they tried to talk as honestly as they could. They both agreed that they were immature and inexperienced and Kurt admitted that in high school he was terrified of the idea of losing Blaine to Sebastian and Blaine was terrified of the idea of losing Kurt to a handsome gay man in New York and they both spent too much time worrying they are not good enough for the other.

Now Blaine tries to take relationships a little less seriously. Because as much as he loved Kurt and was most of the time sure Kurt loved him too it was still horribly stressful to be worried about the future of their relationship all the time. Or wondering whether Kurt does mean it when he whispers with that soft smile that Blaine is his one true love. It's not like Blaine thought Kurt is purposefully trying to deceive him, but they were in high school and those relationships are hardly ever actually the 'one true love'.

Maybe it won't work. Maybe Sebastian will get bored of him in a month or maybe Blaine will be the one to give it all up sooner or later. Maybe Sebastian will cheat on him – but he said he doesn't enjoy one night stands anymore, so maybe he won't.

Sweetheart, you shouldn't be so afraid of the possibility of heartbreak. Just jump and see what happens. You won't find your love if you don't look for him, Blaine.

His mother usually gives good advice.

"I want to be with you, Sebastian." Blaine screws his eyes shut and then the words pour out of his mouth before he could stop them, probably too fast and louder than necessary. "I liked you in high school. I think I kind of had, um, feelings for you… not love, but something. It was there and I felt horribly guilty because of it. You were an important friend to me, despite everything, and I hated that I was so goddamned attracted to you while Kurt was there. But it's different now. And I'm not sure what is going to happen and maybe this is a very stupid idea… I mean do you know, um, when sometimes something seems like a splendid idea before, but then you find out it is not a…"

He falls silent when he feels Sebastian's warm hand on his own.

"Stop rambling, Blaine. You don't have to try to come up with excuses or whatever. I understand. I want to be with you too." Blaine opens his eyes, feeling a tremor run through his body. Sebastian's smile is honest, but there is unmistakable doubt in his eyes, like he isn't sure Blaine is not just trying to make fun of him.

"I want to kiss you, Sebastian."

Sebastian laughs and Blaine stares mesmerized at his mouth, his own tongue flickering out to wet his lips. He had dreams about kissing Sebastian in high school, about actually making out with him instead of just pressing his lips to the corner of Sebastian's mouth like he did that one time in front of Mr. Karofsky, tongues and teeth and Sebastian's hand on his ass and he woke up, wanting to vomit when he took his phone into his hand to see what time it is and saw a sweet message from Kurt.

"Kiss me, then."

Kurt isn't the only person Blaine kissed; he made out with some of his dates, though he never went a lot farther with any of them. Hey, he kissed Rachel in high school at that party. Kissing is not a big deal.

At first it's awkward, because neither of them is sure how much pressure the other likes and who should open his mouth first. Blaine can sense that Sebastian is trying not to be too passionate too soon; he doesn't want to scare Blaine away. But then Blaine tilts his head a little and Sebastian's fingers grab his shoulders, gentle but sure, and suddenly it's like they have been making out for years; their tongues slide just right against each other, Blaine can feel Sebastian's smirk when he moans softly into the kiss and Sebastian's hands tug at his curls just enough to make Blaine's cock twitch.

When Blaine pulls away he is gasping for air and all but sitting on Sebastian's lap, blinking at Sebastian, whose satisfied, smug look is softened by the warm smile that graces his lips.

"Well, that was nice," Sebastian whispers. Blaine nods dumbly, his fingers twitching against Sebastian's neck. Blaine thinks about how sudden and new this is, loving the feeling of stubble under his fingertips as he takes Sebastian's face between his hands and the scent of his cologne – different than in high school, hotter, maybe, and more mature, though Blaine isn't sure that makes sense.

"I want more," Blaine grits out when Sebastian's lips move to his jaw. He feels the warm puff of air against his skin as Sebastian gasps silently. "Can I take a shower?"

When he is standing under the hot spray of water he is too busy trying not to panic to really enjoy the shower.

What the fuck is he doing?

He wants to call Kurt up. Once he had a long phone conversation with Kurt when he called Blaine up, sounding quite frantic, wondering if it's okay to do it with your classmate's brother on the sixth date and Blaine, of course, had absolutely no idea. So he told Kurt that as long as he feels comfortable and they both want it and they're safe why not? There are no universal rules and it's a good idea to listen to your heart sometimes, or, well, to your cock in this case.

It's not like Kurt could give better advice than this. Well, he would more likely just remind Blaine that This is Sebastian Smythe! Do you actually remember him, Blaine? He almost blinded you and he wanted you to cheat on me. He is definitely not boyfriend material!

But maybe Sebastian is; maybe he grew up since high school and Blaine can find out whether this is true or not only if he tries to go out with Sebastian. They are going out now, aren't they?

I want to be with you too.

It's fine to have sex with your boyfriend. That's what boyfriends do.

Wow. Blaine just met Sebastian in a grocery store one or two hours ago after years and now they are boyfriends.

But it's not like they are strangers. It's not like they didn't have a friendship that was almost stronger than betrayals and guilt and lust. It's not like they didn't have months of foreplay already.

Blaine sighs as he pours shower gel into his palm.

Wooing Jeremiah seemed to be an awesome idea too at the time.

But it felt so good kissing Sebastian, so warm and close. It felt right, as cheesy as that sounds. Not in a 'He is the love of my life' way, of course, because Blaine isn't that delusional, simply in an 'I don't want to stop kissing him' way. There were no warning bells ringing in his head when Sebastian's tongue slipped into his month, unlike that time his first date after Kurt grabbed his ass after the first tentative touch of their lips and Blaine almost kicked him in the nuts because it felt so wrong. Or that guy, a relative of one of Rachel's friend-cum-rivals, who looked incredibly hot but tasted like smoke, tuna and pineapple jam all at the same time and it was just really, really gross.

He is going to have sex with Sebastian.

And – unless something goes horribly wrong tonight – after that they can go on dates. Sebastian can bring him flowers and they can hold hands walking on the street even if Sebastian scowls and rolls his eyes at how cheesy that is – if Sebastian isn't worried about someone finding out that he is gay, because back in Ohio he wasn't exactly trying to hide it but maybe being a student at Yale and New York is different. Blaine isn't sure.

Wow, they have a lot to find out about each other.

When Blaine steps out the bathroom, wearing Sebastian's slippers and fluffy, super comfortable bathrobe, he is feeling disoriented, nervous and already half-hard. It's almost too much to bear until Sebastian's face breaks into a joyous smile, melting all of Blaine's worries away instantly.

"You are so lovely." Blaine casts his eyes down, his heart fluttering. "I had a fantasy about you exactly like this, maybe more than one. I don't remember what number." Sebastian laughs, just a hint of self-mocking in his tone. "It was almost embarrassing. But it was so much fun too, imagining you in my slippers and bathrobe, your hair wet and droplets of water sliding down your neck, just waiting for me to fuck you into the bed." Blaine whimpers at the words, heat flooding his body. His stomach twists nervously when Sebastian opens his bathrobe, slow enough that Blaine could protest, but he doesn't want to. He watches Sebastian as Sebastian's eyes slide down from his chest to his erection, worried Sebastian – who has probably seen more naked men than a porn star – will be disappointed. But Sebastian just grins softly as the bathrobe falls to the floor and Blaine feels himself relax.

He hugs Sebastian, wraps his arms around his body tight and buries his face into Sebastian's shirt, a button pressed almost painfully against his cheek but Blaine doesn't care. They must look pretty awkward; Blaine wearing only his slippers and Sebastian still fully clothed, but it feel so amazing. It's not like when they pretended to be boyfriends because of Dave's dad, Blaine feeling guilty enjoying Sebastian's scent and warm, solid chest against his back so much. Now Sebastian is his boyfriend and Blaine can freely bask in how well they fit together, Sebastian's arms around his shoulders and his chin resting on the top of Blaine's head.

Maybe they shouldn't have sex tonight, Blaine thinks, suddenly starting to feel ridiculous standing there naked in Sebastian's embrace, his erection wilting a little. Maybe just kissing and hugging is enough for now and then later, after many hours of curled up together on the couch and at least a dozen movie dates and lots of late night phone talks they can actually go all the way.

But then Sebastian presses his mouth against Blaine's and Blaine knows that yes, he wants Sebastian to fuck him right now.

This is the guy Blaine kind of sexted (but not really) and had wet dreams about while he was dating and loving Kurt – but it wasn't actually cheating and there was also the whole Chandler bullshit so even if Kurt knew he wouldn't have any right to be mad at Blaine.

Blaine can't wait.

"I want to have sex with you, Sebastian."

In the end it's quite disappointing.

It's great, it really is; Sebastian has the body of an underwear model and a thick and long cock, and he is a considerate lover. He probably wasn't with his one night stands in high school, but with Blaine it's like he cares about more than his own orgasm. He spends a lot of time fingering Blaine open and then tries to distract him from the pain as he slowly pushes into him with his fingers wrapped around Blaine's cock and peppering his face with messy kisses. He waits, fingers trembling in Blaine's curls, until Blaine nods – it hurts, because the last time he actually had a dick inside him was Kurt and sure, he masturbated using his fingers but this is different, more. But it's disappointing, because Sebastian doesn't talk to him during it except for asking if Blaine is okay and he doesn't even look at Blaine. He has his face pressed against Blaine's neck, sucking hickeys into his skin as he fucks Blaine steadily and it all feels so good Blaine's arms and legs shake around Sebastian's body and he can't stop the small moans and whimpers falling from his lips. But it feels… impersonal.

Blaine gets it; Sebastian isn't used to pet names and sweet compliments during sex and he probably thinks that the kind of often condescending and vulgar filth he used to tell his one night stands isn't what Blaine wants. But there is something empty about it; it's a lot closer to quickly masturbating before dinner because Blaine is starting to have blue balls than to the sweet, intimate lovemaking he used to have with Kurt, where they looked into each other's eyes and told their feelings to each other and sometimes laughed and were silly and sometimes it was more serious but Blaine felt loved.

It's not like Sebastian treats him like a dirty whore or anything, it isn't like that at all, but Blaine still feels unsatisfied, even though his orgasm was so powerful he almost screamed into the kiss as he came all over Sebastian's fingers.

He watches Sebastian throw the condom into the bin next to the door and then give Blaine a small, almost unsure smile before closing the bathroom door. Blaine tries not to be upset; Sebastian simply doesn't know yet that Blaine likes to cuddle after sex, that he doesn't like to be left alone lying on the bed waiting for his come to dry on his stomach as his lover takes a shower. Blaine wipes it off with a handkerchief and finds a clean shirt and a boxer, both too big for him, of course, but they are comfortable.

"Can we fall asleep together?" Blaine wonders when Sebastian steps out of the bathroom, looking so hesitant for a moment Blaine accepts that he will have to sleep on the couch – or leave, maybe, and then wait for Sebastian's call. God, they didn't even exchange phone numbers or e-mail addresses yet. But then Sebastian nods and climbs into the bed. Blaine hugs him instantly. Sebastian doesn't push him away, so he guesses it's okay.

"I know you are the more sexually experienced one – I don't know that much; you are my second guy, actually –, but maybe there are things I could teach you. I have more experience with relationships and now that we are boyfriends I could show you a thing or two about, well, how to be boyfriends. And you could show me sex stuff." Blaine laughs quietly, expecting Sebastian to laugh too, but Sebastian remains silent. Blaine can't see his face because he has his head on Sebastian's chest, but he hopes Sebastian is at least smiling. "We are boyfriends, huh? How did this even happen? I sure wouldn't have thought this would happen just this morning. But I'm glad, Sebastian."

"We can talk tomorrow," Sebastian mumbles, his arms tightening around Blaine's body. "I'm too tired now."

Blaine wakes up and he is alone, the place where Sebastian was sleeping already cold. Blaine rolls onto his side and strains his ears to hear the sound of Sebastian walking around getting ready or making breakfast, but there is nothing but silence. Maybe Sebastian does morning runs like Kurt or maybe he just wanted to buy milk and some vegetables in the grocery. Blaine feels a bit disappointed, because he wanted to walk to Sebastian and give him a 'Good Morning' kiss and watch Sebastian pour coffee into a mug for him and offer to help Sebastian with breakfast. But it is okay, Blaine can wait until Sebastian comes back. They have all the time now, after all.

Blaine opens his eyes, rubbing them with the back of his hands, and finds a small piece of paper on the bedside table next to the lube and the alarm clock.

We're not boyfriends. Why would you think that? I never agreed to be your boyfriend, neither of us even said the word 'boyfriend'! I thought you were just curious and wanted to get fucked by the guy you were so in lust with back in high school before continuing trying to find your future husband.

I wouldn't have screwed you if I knew you thought we are going out. Because it was amazing, but you wouldn't have let me screw you if you thought we aren't going out, right? I didn't mean to deceive you and take advantage of you, Blaine, please believe me.

I made you sandwiches, they are in the fridge, and you can use the coffee machine or drink a beer. Anything you find in the kitchen is yours, take a shower, shave, whatever.

Please when you leave close the door and put the key under the potted plant, the one with the white flowers and huge leaves.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

Sebastian