CHAPTER 9 - Worrying About You

Love. Love. Love.

The words seemed to ring in a whisper around her. She couldn't stop screaming, her eyes were squeezed shut.

Make it stop.

Her heart pounded as she fell to the floor, her hands pressed against her head. Why can't she love him back? When would she break her walls to stop the incessant whispering?

Emma wrenched open her eyes groggily. For a brief moment, she forgot about the previous night. Then guilt, regret and pain flooded through her body at such a force that she felt as though she had just been hit by a freight train.

"Killian?" She called out, hoping it had all been a dream, that he would come running into her room and sweep her up into his arms. But the only response that came was her parents rushing in.

Emma was bombarded with questions. What happened? Are you okay? Is Killian okay? She stared at them wide-eyed. Her green eyes felt the sting of a fresh load of tears.

"I-I-I..." She stuttered, unable to formulate a sentence. Her bottom lip quivered as her vision blurred from tears.

"Oh, honey." Mary Margaret reached over to hug her daughter, her voice full of pity. The door opened again and Ruby entered, holding a mug of cocoa. David embraced Emma, his hand cupping the back of her head before leaving the three girls alone.

Emma accepted the drink from Ruby, wiped her eyes and drew a deep breath. She explained everything, how they had almost kissed again a few weeks ago, how happy she had been until she found out that Killian loved her.

Mary Margaret gasped and beamed at her daughter when she mentioned the latter. But Ruby was looking at Emma with eyes filled with sorrow and heartache.

"Oh, Em, I'm so sorry." She sighed, grabbing the blonde's spare hand.

Mary Margaret sputtered in confusion. "Why are you sorry? Surely its a great thing, Emma? He loves you, he always has."

Emma closed her eyes, she hadn't wanted her parents to know about Neal. But they had to know the situation fully to understand why she was going through what she did.

"Rubs, can you go get my dad, please? I think he needs to hear this." Mary Margaret stared at Emma as Ruby nodded and left the room, her eyes full of worry for her daughter.

Once David had re-entered the room and sat down next to his wife on the bed, Emma explained. She told them everything about the eight months she had spent with Neal, how he had told her he loved her and had broken her heart in the worst way imaginable.

She told her parents how she had sworn against love, building walls around her heart in order to keep out pain. She showed them the pendant that she kept around her neck as a reminder to not trust anyone again, that she, and only she could look out for herself.

"He broke me. He broke me down so much that I'm still figuring out a way to pull myself back up. And to hear that Killian loves me just pushes me further back down. I've just gotten used to having him back as a friend, how can I be around him knowing he wishes for more from me? It's just all too much." She stopped her head falling forward into her hands.

The room was silent for a while until her father spoke.

"Do you love him?" He muttered, his voice almost a whisper.

Emma's head shot up. "What?" She asked, her eyes wide and full of fear.

"Do you love him, Emma?" David repeated, his gaze hard on hers.

They stared at each other for a while as Emma breathed heavily. Her father seemed to be trying to read her. Emma choked slightly for a second because she knew that look.

"How could you possibly know that!?" Emma had exclaimed, her feet kicking into Killian's thighs as they sat on the couch together.

Killian had laughed as she furrowed her brow at him. "I've told you before, Swan. You're an open book." She had glared at him for a while.

He had held her gaze, staring deep into her eyes for a moment.

"You also hate it when I'm right, don't you?" He had finally concluded, a wide smile forming on his face as she mouthed 'dammit'.

The mood had soon changed as she had raised an eyebrow and smirked up at him.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She had teased him softly.

His tone of voice had changed as he looked into her eyes.

"Perhaps I would."

From the cue of her father's question, Emma's mind seemed to blur through all events of her time spent with Killian.

The nights when he would cook the most delicious meals for her after training.

The nights when they were both too tired or they didn't have enough groceries so they ordered takeout.

The mornings where she would wake up tucked into her own bed after passing out in the couch.

He cared for her deeply. How could she have never seen it before? She must have masked everything with her walls. And, in the dark room, clutching a mug of cocoa, Emma Swan realised she loved Killian Jones.

A huge smile spread across her face.

"I think I do." She replied.

Mary Margaret squeaked, hugging her daughter tightly.

"Go get him." David said, his tone harsh. Emma nodded, leaping out of bed. She was rifling through her bag when Ruby burst in.

"Em, you've gotta go down to the hospital."

Emma looked at the panicking woman in confusion.

"I can't, Rubs. I have to go tell Killian I love him."

"That's the problem, Em. It's Killian, he's been in an accident."

Emma had a severe case of dejavu as she raced into the hospital. It seemed like years since she had run through here after hearing that her father had awoken. She was especially panicked now as she ran up to the main desk asking breathlessly where he was.

Tear tracks streaked her face as her worried eyes looked into the nurse's calm ones.

"He is being operated on currently, if you would like to wait, we will notify you when he is ready for visitors." Emma started shaking at the word operated, and Mary Margaret looped her arm over her shoulders.

"Come on, honey. Let's go and sit down." Emma nodded and allowed herself to be led away by her mother. They sunk into the uncomfortable plastic chair in the hospital waiting room. David soon joined them and Emma rested her head against her father's shoulder.

She heard her parents talking, but her brain was too busy to register the words. What happened? Why was he driving? He'd been drinking. Was he trying to find her? Emma's stomach dropped when realisation hit her.

Of course he'd been trying to find her. She'd disappeared on his birthday without a word. Horror crept in as tears flooded her eyes. She sobbed against her father's chest as he held her, her mother stroking her hair softly.

It took a while, but eventually Emma calmed. She stayed still, her father's arms wrapped around her.

"Emma Swan?" A tentative voice filled her ears and her head shot up.

"Is he awake? Can I see hi- oh." Emma had assumed the voice belonged to a nurse or doctor but when her eyes fell on the stocky man before her she realised it didn't.

"Sorry, I assumed you were the doctor." She said, her eyes dropping to her feet.

"No worries, I'm Will Scarlett. I'm a friend of Jones." Emma's eyes shot back up to his.

"Were you with him last night? Do you know what happened?" Will nodded.

"Yeah, he helped me get home before heading to yours, but he wasn't driving. I don't understand why he would get in a car. None of us were exactly sober."

Emma sighed. "I know why, I think he was trying to find me." Will raised an eyebrow at her statement, a quizzical look appearing on his face.

"I have a problem with hiding behind walls, I found out something between me and Killian and-"

"That he's hopelessly in love with you?" Will asked smirking. Emma looked gobsmacked.

"He told you?" She gasped.

"Darling, you're all he ever talks about anymore, he's smitten." Emma looked down at her hands that were clenched together tightly.

"Oh, well, I ran. I screwed up, Will, I was scared. I only just realised that I-." She broke off, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"You love him too." Emma nodded, sniffing. Warm arms encircled her and this man was hugging her. She held him close, craving the warmth. The hug was brief but made Emma feel a lot better.

"If you want, you can wait with me and my parents and we can go see him together." Emma said, gesturing to her parents who were sat watching awkwardly. Will smiled and thanked her. The two sat down next to each other, and Emma grabbed Will's hand tightly.

The two sat together, not talking, just waiting to find out Killian's fate.

An hour had passed before Doctor Whale appeared before. His face looked somber and for once he didn't pass his eyes over Emma's body before addressing her.

Emma felt the blood drain from her face as she stood. Will looked gray with nerves, but still managed to squeeze Emma's hand encouragingly.

"He's stable." Emma let a huge sigh of relief. "But he's been through serious trauma. He has a heavy concussion and-" Whale took a deep breath.

"What?" Will asked.

"His left hand was crushed on impact, we couldn't recover it." Mary Margaret gasped as Emma closed her eyes, breathing heavily.

"Can we see him?" The doctor nodded, gesturing for the two of them to follow.

Still clutching Will's hand, Emma looked to her parents as if to say, wait here. They followed Whale along the sterile corridor for what felt like years. Finally they came to a stop outside of a private room.

"I warn you, it's not pretty. Obviously he has been stitched up but his left arm is still incredibly damaged." He said before opening the door.

"Oh, Killian." Emma breathed as they walked into the room.

He looked so young. His skin was pale, a gray pallor set in. His eyes had dark circles underneath and there were slices in his face and neck from shattered pieces of vehicle.

His left arm was bandaged, but a small amount of skin could be seen. It was black from bruising.

Emma finally let go of Will's hand and sank into the chair on Killian's right side. She grabbed remaining hand and stroked a few strands of hair from his forehead.

Whale coughed lightly before speaking again. "Adjusting will be difficult. He will have to remain here for a while in order for his concussion to cease and his amputation will need monitoring. We have sent his measurements to the prosthetics department for a hand to be made. It will be a few weeks before it arrives and he will need regular supervision for a few months." He finished, looking between the two of them.

"I'm his roommate and his best friend." Emma replied, tearing her eyes away from Killian's motionless face. "I can look after him."

Doctor Whale nodded and left the room. Emma raised her spare hand to Killian's cheek, stroking a patch of skin that was not stitched up.

"You really do love him." Came Will's voice quietly. Emma looked up at him, smiling slightly.

"Is it that obvious?" Will smiled back, nodding. He walked over to her and sat on the other chair next to the bed. Emma slid her hand back into his, now holding onto two hands, one significantly colder than the other.

They sat together, watching Killian's chest rise and fall with help of a tube. After roughly an hour, Killian stirred. The two sat up, glancing at each other.

"Killian?" Emma whispered. The only response was a moan followed by a croaky "Em-ma".

Emma smiled. "I'm here, Killian." She ran her thumb along the back of his hand. Killian's breathing evened out again as he fell back into a deep sleep.

After a while, Will left to get himself a coffee and Emma a cocoa. Finally alone in the quietly beeping room, Emma leaned forward and presses a kiss to Killian's forehead.

She was still leaning over him, staring at his lips when they opened, releasing a groan. His eyelids fluttered, opening.

Emma grinned as the piercing blue gleam of his eyes appeared again.

"Swan?" He blinked at her, his voice hoarse.

"I'm here, Jones." She replied, brushing her thumb against the small scar on his cheek as she cupped his face."You were missing, I couldn't find you. The letter, you read it."

"I know, I'm so sorry for running. I freaked out. But I'm okay."

"Sorry you found out that way, I should've-"

Emma silenced him with a finger against his lips. She smiled at him softly.

"It's okay, we'll just take it slow, okay?" He nodded, his eyes staring lovingly into her green ones.

How could she have never seen it before?

"Jones?" Will had returned.

"Scarlett? What the hell are you doing here?" Killian asked as Emma fell back into her chair still gripping his hand.

Will walked closer to the bed, passing Emma her cocoa. He sat back into his chair. Emma excused herself to go and inform Whale that Killian had awoken.

She found Doctor Whale a little way down the same corridor as Killian's room.

"Miss Swan, how can I help?" His flirtatious attitude was back.

Emma rolled her eyes. "Killian's awake, he's with W-" Her sentence was cut off by a loud scream. Emma's heart dropped to her stomach as she dropped her cocoa and she raced back down the corridor, Whale close behind her.

They burst into the room to see Will panicking and trying to calm Killian down. Killian was staring at his stump, his eyes wide and scared as he screamed at the loss of his hand.

"Oh god, Killian." Emma rushed forward, trying to pull his face away, muttering calming words.

But Killian didn't calm, he just kept screaming, obviously having a panic attack . Emma had never been so scared and confused. She didn't know what to do. So she grabbed the neck of his hospital gown, pulled him towards her. She kissed him.