Chapter 10 Expert 'Advice' from Cole and JBL

A/N This chapter was written by wharfcoyote

"Oh come on, Aria," Seth pleaded. "It's not fair."

"You had your chance," the fairy replied.

"You call that a chance? Roman and Dean wouldn't even let me anywhere close to the table!" Seth whined.

"Yes, I call it a chance, because I did name you a host," the hostess replied firmly. "Why you couldn't get yourself to the table is your problem."

"Ugh, fine," Seth agreed, shaking his head as he made his way over to Triple H and Stephanie. "She's not going to let me host the show," he informed them.

Stephanie glared at Aria. "That little—"

"Don't worry, honey," her husband said, placing a calming hand on her shoulder. "I always have a Plan B."

~oOo~

Aria looked out at her assembled guests. Everyone was seated… except for one royal pain pacing restlessly back and forth across the stage.

"As per the voting results, I will be resuming my hostess duties," Aria announced.

"That's it. This show is fixed," Barrett declared angrily.

Aria sighed. "You can take that up with the WWE Universe. For now, please take a seat."

Barrett reluctantly sat down beside Cena, still mumbling furiously about "favoritism" and "the Shield" as the producer began the countdown signaling the start of the show.

Aria smiled at the camera. "Welcome everyone, to yet another edition of..." The hostess paused uncomfortably. "My show! I have an exciting program planned today-"

"Ugh, great," Seth mumbled in the background. "Probably more dancing."

"We have a lot of excellent requests from the WWE Universe," the hostess continued smoothly over Seth's complaining. "Our first message on the WWE app comes from PsychoPony777, and—"

Aria was interrupted by a familiar disembodied voice.

"Stop, stop, stop," called JBL strolling purposefully toward the hostess, followed by Michael Cole.

"Aria, dear," JBL began, "It has come to my attention that this show of yours is in need of some professional assistance." He winked at Triple H. "After all, you can't expect this show to be a success if you allow the lunatics to run the asylum," he continued, looking meaningfully at Dean Ambrose. "But I have good news. Michael and I are here to help."

Cole smiled at the hostess a little abashedly and shrugged.

Aria smiled, as if she was expecting this. "By all means," she stood up and moved to a seat in the audience.

JBL sat down pompously in her now empty seat and placed his cowboy hat on the table in front of him.

"Now, let's get started," he said grandly, as J & J Security hurriedly got Cole a chair.

"Before we get started," Cole said. "It has come to my attention that this show doesn't have a name."

"What?" JBL spluttered. "The show has to have a name! You can't have a nameless show!"

"Believe it or not, John," Cole said, fighting the urge to laugh, "it has been quite successful even without a name."

"That doesn't matter." JBL retorted. "It has to have a name, and we're going to give it one right now. From this time forward, this show will be known as The JBL Show."

Cole arched an eyebrow. "We cannot call it The JBL Show!"

"Fine." JBL sighed. "It can be The JBL and Cole Show. Happy now?"

"No, John." Cole sighed, exasperated. "That won't work either. This isn't—"

"Well, we're certainly not calling it The Cole and JBL Show," JBL interrupted.

"No, John." Cole strived for patience. "That isn't the problem either. This isn't our show. We can't name it after us."

"Do you have a suggestion then?" JBL pouted.

"How about The Aria Taylor Show?" Cole suggested.

"Boring!" Dean called out.

"We might as well just call it The Shield and Seth Rollins Show," Barrett muttered. "They are all anybody wants to talk about anyway."

"That's enough," JBL said. "This matter is not up for discussion. We'll just—"

"I vote we call it The Wade Barrett Show," Seth said, ignoring JBL. "Then the rest of us could leave."

"Okay, everyone, if you'll just quiet down," JBL tried again, unsuccessfully.

"Aria's Truth or Dare?" Cena offered.

"No," Randy said thoughtfully. "I think you are on the right track, but we need something with a little more… zing."

"What about Truth, Dare, or Diapers?" Roman suggested.

Seth and Dean both shuddered.

"Don't egg her on, man," Dean begged.

"Right," Roman agreed. "Well, maybe…"

JBL looked at Cole helplessly. They had only been here about two minutes, and things were already getting out of control. Cole stood up.

"Can I have your attention please," he announced.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"You have all offered some very good suggestions, but I'm afraid that we will have to table this discussion until another time." Cole said. "For now, we have a show to get back to. From the WWE App is a message from PsychoPony777—"

"PsychoPony?" JBL interrupted. "What kind of name is that?"

"I kinda like it," Dean piped up.

"You would," Seth muttered.

"Let's see what this crazy horse person has requested then," JBL said before reading out the request:

This Is a Great Show, Here's My Questions and Stuff

First Are Questions:

To HHH: In Your Opinion, What are you Better At? Being a WWE Superstar or Being WWE COO

To Ambrose: Why Do You Hate Being Called Cute?

To Rollins: What is IN the MITB Briefcase That You Don't Want Anyone to See?

To Stephanie: Same As Hunter's Question, What Do You Think He Is Better At?

To Everyone: What Old WWE Title Would You Want to See Again, Even If It's Just for One Night?

Now Dares:

To Orton and Cena: You Have Wear Each Other's Ring Attire

To Ambrose: You Get to Say TWO Insults To EVERYONE'S Face, And They Can't Do Anything About It

To Hunter and Stephanie: What Would You Do for a Klondike Bar?

And Finally, To Bad News Barrett: You Must Give Bad News About Yourself

That's All, Keep Insane and Stay Unstable!

PsychpPony777

"Triple H," Cole began, glancing at the laptop. "In your opinion, what are you better at? Being a WWE superstar or being WWE COO?"

"That is a very difficult question," Triple H answered, smiling smugly, "as I clearly excel at both. However, if I am forced to pick one, I would have to say that my career as a WWE superstar currently outweighs my career as a WWE executive. My opinion may change in the next ten or fifteen years though."

Stephanie smiled and placed her hand on her husband's arm. "Good answer, honey," she said.

"While we're on the subject," Cole said, "PsychoPony also wants to know your opinion, Stephanie. What do you think he is better at?"

Stephanie smiled brightly. "As my husband has already said, he is excellent in both roles. But what he is clearly best at is being a loving husband and father." She leaned over and gave her husband a kiss.

"The next question is for Ambrose," JBL announced. "Crazy Horse asks: Why do you hate being called cute?"

"Because I'm not cute!" Dean responded passionately. "Puppies are cute. Toddlers are cute." He shivered slightly. "But I am dangerous, unstable even… but certainly not cute!"

"I think you're pretty cute," a voice called from the audience.

The divas and Aria turned around to look at Renee Young, who clapped her hands over her mouth.

"Oooh," cooed Summer Rae.

Roman smirked as Dean's cheeks reddened.

"Okay," Cole said, "the next question is for Seth Rollins."

"Oh, come on," Barrett complained loudly.

Cole ignored him. "PsychoPony wants to know what is in the MITB briefcase that you don't want anyone to see?"

"I don't have a MITB briefcase, Michael," Seth answered arrogantly. "I traded it in for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship."

"Well, what was in the briefcase, then?" Cole amended.

"That's not what PsychoPony asked," Seth smirked.

Cole and JBL put their heads together to confer. After several seconds, JBL looked up.

"We think you should answer the spirit of the question, Mr. Rollins,' he said apologetically.

"Fine," Seth snapped, narrowing his eyes as he looked at Aria. "Cookies," he said testingly. "I kept cookies in the briefcase." He tensed up, as if waiting for the magical truth detector to strike but smiled triumphantly when nothing happened.

"What?" Dean asked, surprised. "We all know that you don't eat cookies, Mr. Health Nut!"

Seth shrugged.

"Aria," Barrett complained, "This isn't fair. Rollins is lying. Make him tell the truth!"

The fairy struggled not to laugh. "Wow, Barrett. You're asking for my help?" She feigned disbelief.

"Cole? JBL?" Barrett addressed the commentators. "What are you going to do about this?"

"The man said he had cookies in the briefcase. You have your answer," JBL said airily.

Seth grinned and began whispering to the other Authority members and pointing at Aria as Dean sat fuming in his chair, not realizing that he could easily go and beat Seth to a pulp without the toddler threat currently in effect.

"The next question is for everyone," JBL announced.

"Finally," Barrett huffed

"What old WWE title would you like to see again, even if it's just for one night?"

"The only title I care about is getting my WWE World Heavyweight Championship back around my waist where it belongs," Seth said angrily, glaring at the belt that was currently draped over Dean's shoulder.

"I'll tell you what." The Lunatic smirked. "You beat me in our ladder match at Money in the Bank, and I'll buckle it around your waist personally,"

"That's my belt," Seth spluttered. "You stole it from me."

"The way I remember it, my name was announced as the winner at Elimination Chamber," Dean said.

"But I was announced as retaining the belt," Seth shot back.

"Only because you got yourself disqualified!"

"It's called 'champion's advantage.' Maybe you'll appreciate that more if you ever manage to become champion yourself." The Architect replied airily.

"It looks like I'm doing okay," Dean responded. "I am the one with the belt after all."

Seth looked angry enough to attack despite Roman sitting right beside Dean, but Triple H placed a restraining hand on the Architect's chest.

"Calm down," Hunter ordered. "You'll get the belt back in time."

Cole took this opportunity to refocus on the question at hand. "Mr. Cena, which title would you like to see again?" he asked.

"Well, I love the U.S. title with all my heart," Cena answered sincerely, "but I wouldn't mind having my old spinner belt back around my waist for a night."

"You've got to be kidding me," Orton sweat dropped. "That belt was a travesty! You took the biggest prize in our industry and made it look like a kid's toy."

"Well, what title would you bring back, wise guy?" Cena asked

The Viper paused thoughtfully. "I would bring back the WWE Women's Championship," he answered finally. "The ladies who work here are strong, capable women, not 'divas,' and they should have a title that reflects that. Not a purple butterfly that looks like it was designed for a six-year-old."

"Hear, hear," Paige called out from the audience.

Barrett sighed. "The rest of us can't very well answer any differently after you say something like that."

"Orton does have a point," Roman concurred.

All of the guest superstars nodded in agreement.

Cole was about to say something, when there was an eruption from the audience.

"Yay! You tell 'em boys!"

"Awww, we knew you cared!"

Every diva was on their feet, some clapping and cheering, others crying.

Aria arched an eyebrow at Stephanie as if to say: It took the men to realize the female wrestlers were being underappreciated… but not you?

"Nice sentiments, gentleman," Cole commended as the divas sat back down. "The next section of PsychoPony's message contains dares," he announced.

"Are there any more me?" Barrett interrupted.

"Um, no," Cole admitted. "But there is a d-"

"Let's me get this straight." BNB cut in. "The Shield is highly favored, and I don't get any questions! All I get to do is sit here," Barrett griped. "Why am I even here?"

"Trust me. That's what all keep asking ourselves," Roman answered dryly.

Cole cleared his throat uncomfortably. "The first dare is for Randy Orton and John Cena," he said. "You have to wear each other's ring attire."

Orton and Cena exchanged looks of bemusement as everyone else chuckled quietly.

"But—" John began.

"It's okay. I got new tights today." the Viper cut in.

"Let's do this then," Cena said, and they both stood up and walked away to change.

After several minutes, Cena returned wearing simple black tights, black kneepads and black boots. He raised his arms and turned his head in his best imitation of Orton's signature pose.

"So… how do I look?" he chuckled.

The room erupted in good-natured laughter. The amusement intensified as Orton sprinted to the stage and began throwing his cap, armbands, and shirt into the audience.

"You only had to change," JBL muttered. "Not act like fools too!"

During the commotion, Seth and the rest of the Authority silently slipped away from the stage.

Cole cleared his throat. "Dean, Ambrose, the next Dare is for you," he announced, glancing at the laptop. "You get to say two insults to everyone's face, and they can't do anything about it."

A crazy grin spread across Dean's face. "That sounds great, Cole. I think I'll start with Justin Bieb—"

The Lunatic Fringe turned to find his former brother's seat empty.

"Looks like they did a Houdini," Cena surmised.

"What?" Roman thundered. "They can't do that!"

"Yeah, Aria. I thought if we tried to leave you would turn us into pacifier-sucking toddlers," Dean exclaimed accusingly.

"True," Aria concurred. "If I was running the show."

JBL and Cole looked out nervously at the angry superstars.

"If Seth gets to leave, then I'm certainly not sticking around," Dean declared, and he began striding toward the exit. Halfway there, though, he suddenly turned on his heel and began to walk back.

"Thank goodness." JBL said gratefully, thinking Dean changed his mind about leaving.

"Just like old times, hey, JBL?" The Lunatic picked up JBL's hat, placed it on his head, and turned to walk back out. Just like he did last year; before putting the hat in Seth briefcase (which was already filled with popcorn and soda).

"Stop, thief!" JBL screamed. "Aria, don't just sit there. Do something! He's stolen my hat!"

Aria just smiled sweetly and shrugged.

With no help from the fairy, JBL began frantically searching around the desk, pushing and pulling Cole in the process.

"Isn't there a button around here to turn them into toddlers?" JBL exclaimed.

After Dean left, the other superstars and audience members quickly followed suit. As Barrett began to make his way out the door, JBL tried desperately to stop him.

"Wade, wait," he yelled. "There's a dare here for you!"

But Barrett simply continued toward the exit. "Too little, too late." He rolled his eyes.

"Well, we tried." Cole shrugged, and he too left.

Aria walked up to JBL. "Thanks for your help, John," she said. "I've learned… something."

Then she too exited the studio, leaving JBL sitting at the table, alone and hatless, wondering how exactly it had all gone wrong.

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