Chapter 10

Santana couldn't sleep. She had lived with Cindy, Rebecca and Quinn for nearly three weeks, but she was still nervous all the time and barely sleeping. She had nightmares that rocked her to her core and didn't let her fall back to sleep. On nights like that she got up and pulled on her shoes and her sweatshirt and limped slowly out to the stables. She pushed to door open and carefully went into the isolation area. She heard a tiny meow and looked down to see Toast and Blackie looking up at her.

"Hi, boys," she whispered, picking them up and putting them in the pocket of her sweater. She headed into the stall where Beauty stayed.

"Hi, pretty girl," she murmured, running her fingers over the abused mare's head. Santana slowly got down onto the freshly cleaned straw with the pregnant horse. As she and the kittens lay down, she rested her head near Beauty's and sang softly until the horse's breathing evened out and the kittens had fallen asleep between the girl and the animal.

A couple of hours later, dawn was still a bit off but Quinn couldn't sleep anymore after getting up to go to the bathroom and noticing Santana wasn't in her room. She finally gave up waiting and decided to go and look for the girl, getting out of bed with a yawn, pulling on her robe and belting it tight around her waist before padding downstairs to set coffee to brew. Once it finished brewing, she poured a couple of mugs and fixed them up.

Still yawning, she headed out to the vet barn, having a pretty good idea where her missing friend would be. She padded down the aisle to the isolation area after getting in the barn and slipped through the door. Peeking over the door to Beauty's stall, she snorted softly to see Santana curled on the floor covered in cats by the dozing horse.

"I thought I might find you here," she murmured, holding up the mugs. "Peace offering?"

Santana's eyes fluttered opened and she sat up. She got to her feet with a whimper and limped stiffly out to the corridor. All the kittens followed her out and almost all immediately ran off to find their mothers to eat. Santana leaned against the wall looking tired. "Morning," she said, exhaling softly, the cold air outside the insulated and heated stall causing a faint cloud of breath to form from her lips. Blackie and Toast purred against Quinn's legs causing Santana to smile. "Your kids missed you," she said softly, her voice a bit raspy from the weather.

"I'm sure you were a more than adequate substitute," Quinn teased, handing Santana the mug she'd made up for her. "Why are you out here so often at night?"

"I can't sleep," she whispered before taking a sip of her coffee. "Thanks," she said nodding towards the steaming mug. "You should still be asleep." She remarked, it was still dark out and normally Quinn slept till at least 8:00am now that they didn't have the absurdly early wake up calls from Sue anymore.

"You weren't in bed." She shrugged as if that explained everything. Swirling her coffee around and watching the creamy liquid lap the edges of the mug, she sighed softly. "You used to come to me when you couldn't sleep..."

"It's happening more and more and I don't like bothering you and waking you up too." She sighed and watched the blonde. "I don't like making you worry," Santana whispered and reached out and ran her fingers over Quinn's. "I'm sorry."

Quinn glanced up at her through her sleep tousled bangs. "I worry more when I get up and you're gone," she admitted softly, "at least when you came to me I knew you were okay for a little while."

Santana chuckled softly and patted down the blonde's bangs and then looked at her for a few minutes. "Wanna go back to bed?" she suggested, finally. "I'll come cuddle you to sleep?"

Quinn blushed lightly. "I, um, that is... if you want to."

"Come on, sleepy." She laughed softly, before picking off the kittens that had climbed onto the hay stack. She held out the babies to Quinn and pressed kitten kisses to the blonde's cheeks before kissing them both. "Go sleep, babies, your mommies will come say hi later," she whispered, setting them back in the straw and watched them curl up together before she and Quinn wandered back to the house slowly.

Once inside Santana stripped off her sweats and revealed pajamas that didn't smell quite as much like barn before moving to sit on Quinn's full-sized bed. They only ever cuddled in Quinn's bed because Santana's was only a twin and even in sleep they had a habit of fighting with each other almost absentmindedly. She pulled back the blanket and slipped into the bed beside the blonde. "Better now?"

Quinn sighed and snuggled sleepily into her friend's side, the coffee not having done much to wake her up. "Yes," she mumbled, throwing an arm around Santana's waist and resting her head on her chest, "now I know you're safe with me."

Santana ran her fingers through silky blonde hair and whispered, "Okay." She watched as Quinn fell back to sleep, before trying to sleep herself.

She dozed off a few times, only to wake up with a start when she saw Will Schuester's face, or her mom's, or the dealer hovering over her body and hurting her. She was doused in a cold sweat, her heart beating wildly. She tried to focus on the fact she had Quinn holding her - protecting her - but it was doing little to quell her fears.

The last time, Quinn stirred. "It's okay," she whispered, half-awake and not really aware of what was happening, just trying to comfort her friend, "I'm here. You're safe. Won't let anyone hurt you, San..." She leaned up sleepily and kissed the corner of San's lips before snuggling in with her head nestled in the crook of San's neck and drifting off again.

Santana snuggled and held the girl for the remainder of the morning until she saw Cindy peering at then through the open door. Cindy raised a telling brow with a sly smirk at the sight of the pale girl practically lying on top of her darker friend. She had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing at the oblivious pair before coming in to adjust the covers.

"You two look comfy," she whispered with a teasing glint in her dark eyes.

"She got mad I was in the barn again," Santana whispered. "I couldn't sleep." She ran her fingers through the blonde's hair as she spoke.

"I doubt she was mad, Santana. Probably just worried, same as Becca gets when I'm out in the barn at all hours." Cindy smiled reassuringly, "If you can slip away, I have a surprise for you. It arrived yesterday, but I didn't have a chance to show you then. We can make breakfast for our pretty white girls after if you'd like." She held out a hand to Santana with a teasing smirk.

Santana carefully slipped out of the bed, placing a kiss to the blonde's head as she did. She carefully tucked her back in and limped out to Cindy. "What's up?" she asked as she pulled her long hair down and ran her fingers through it.

"Something that might relieve your friend about you napping in the barn. Come on." Cindy led the way out to the vet barn again, taking a turn to the storage area near the isolation area. "Here we are." Smiling at Santana she dragged a large box out of the back corner and pushed it towards her. "There you go." She tossed her her pocket knife. "Open it up."

She sliced open the box and looked it over the contents. "I don't know what this is?" she said softly as Toast came over and climbed her leg, hooking is tiny claws into her pajama pants. She scooped the kitten up and looked at the over-sized bean bag.

Cindy chuckled and hauled the beanbag out of the box. "This, my friend, is a giant ass outdoor beanbag chair. Which," she grabbed the straps, hauling it up onto her back and headed out the door towards the isolation pen and Beauty's stall, "you can pull into the stall when you insist on sleeping with her." She set it down in the corner opposite the feed and water bins then stepped back to give the wide-eyed Beauty a pat, nodding at it. "Go on then. Give it a try. It has to be more comfortable than sleeping on the dang floor. Probably a sight healthier too."

Santana sat on it and she smiled as the kittens jumped on it. "What the fuck, kittens?" she smiled begrudgingly and scratched their heads. "I think they think I'm their mom..." She looked up, "This is really cool, Cindy."

"I'm going to be counting on you to help me round them all up for spay and neuter next week, you know," Cindy pointed out. "It'll be better for them. But I'm glad you like it. I know you're spending a lot of time with our pretty girl here," she patted Beauty's withers gently, "and you need somewhere comfortable to rest, especially while you heal. We don't want you doing yourself a mischief just because you want to spend time with Beauty and the kittens."

"Quinn will be happy," she said softly. "My doctor's appointment was scary, it really hurt when he was figuring out what wrong. I don't wanna do that anymore." She sniffled and looked down. "I don't want him to hurt me again."

Cindy hunkered down beside the bag and reached out to stroke Santana's hair. "Hurting's part of healing, Santana. We don't like it, but it's not something we can avoid and when it's done, we appreciate how much better it feels to be well. Now, you got three people here who want nothing more than to help you get better, okay? You're not alone and you can talk to any of us and ask any of us for help and we'll listen or help you however you need."

"I don't want him touching me again," she whispered. "I don't want it, okay? I don't," she said quickly. "I just don't want it. I'll get better by myself I don't need him touching me."

"Is it because he's a guy?" Cindy asked, starting to clue in on what might be wrong. "We can make sure your next appointments are with women if that will help."

"I don't like people touching me," she whispered and looked down at the kitten. "I don't like when people are touching me and he was judging me... Don't wanna go back, okay. I just don't want to do it."

Cindy sighed. "Okay. But we do need to work with physical therapy and get you fully mobile again even if we don't go back to the specialist. Do you want Becca or me to help you?"

She nodded slowly. "Yeah," she agreed hesitantly. "Can Quinn be there?" she asked still nervous to be around the other women.

"Of course, she can if you want her there." Cindy gave Santana an odd look, picking up on the awkward vibe the girl was giving off. "Santana, you don't have a problem with Becca and I being lesbians, do you? You seem rather... uncertain. You know neither of us would ever purposely hurt you or do anything inappropriate, right?"

"No!" she quickly exclaimed. "I... It's not that." She looked up and swallowed. "I'm just overwhelmed with everything right now. No one has ever...ever been this nice to me and I don't know how to handle it. I'm just overwhelmed with my mom dying and my legs hurting all the time and... Quinn," she sighed and looked at the other woman. "I just don't understand how to feel."

Cindy move to sit on the beanbag beside Santana, leaning back against the stall wall. "There's nothing wrong with not knowing how to feel, Santana. I don't think anyone really knows how to feel. I know I don't. As for the rest, we can work to help you heal so you don't hurt as much anymore. But I don't even know what the problem is with Quinn." She glanced over at Santana. "Is something wrong between you girls? You looked okay this morning."

"No... She feels guilty about something I told her and I think she's scared that whenever I'm gone I'm out fucking someone," Santana sighed and rested her head in her hands. "It's just hard to be around her sometimes. She's so cuddly and as much as I want her to do nothing more than hold me, it's scary and it makes my heart hurt sometimes." She was fighting with an attraction she had never felt before with anyone, let alone her best friend.

"It makes you sad to be around her?" Cindy frowned, trying to puzzle out what Santana was telling her. "Why is being around her so scary? I mean, you did hitch-hike all the way here from Lima..."

"She makes me feel things," she whispered as she wiped her eyes. "I just don't understand why I feel like this. I felt like I couldn't breathe when she left. That my heart had a hole in it that I needed to find her to fill. When I found her... it feels like I'm being choked whenever she's around, overwhelmed by something but I don't get what that is, you know?"

"Mmm, maybe," Cindy allowed, nodding. "Does it ever feel less," she gestured vaguely, "overwhelming?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "When I can just watch her resting and not worried or scared about anything. When we play with the kittens or the horses and nothing is bad." She sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

Cindy chewed on the inside of her cheek and tried very hard not to smirk at the younger girl. "Ah. I see. So you feel happier... when she's calm? What about when she's happy? I mean, Quinn's got a lovely smile and laugh, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Santana smiled softly as she tickled Toast's chin. "She's happier here which is good. Her parents sucked so much," she explained. "I'm happy she got away and she's doing well, but it still sucks to watch her get upset about things she can't change or upset with me when I say something stupid."

At that Cindy did laugh. "Santana, she's a sixteen year old girl! She's going to get emotional and upset about the dumbest things. So will you. There's nothing wrong with it. Just sit back and let it blow over. How many times has she stayed upset? With you especially."

"I don't know," she whispered softly. "I just don't like it okay? It makes me sad when I can't do anything to make her feel better." Santana huffed and looked down. "It just fucking sucks and I don't want her to be upset with me because it pisses me off and I get mad and that just makes her mad and it's stupid." Santana groaned and glared at the ground.

Cindy put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick hug. "Welcome to being a teenager, sweetie. So you like Quinn. It's not a big deal. She likes you too, you know."

"I hope so," Santana said with a hint of confusion. "She's the only friend I have and that would suck if she didn't wanna be my friend anymore."

Cindy chuckled softly. "I don't think you'll ever have to worry about that, Santana. I've known Quinn practically her entire life and if there's one thing I know about her, she's very loyal. All the two of you need to figure out now is how much you like each other and what you want to do with that."

"I don't understand," Santana said softly as she looked up to the older woman. "Why would how much we like each other be something we need to do anything with?" The younger girl's head started to hurt more when she was forced to try to decode what Cindy was saying.

"Becca's going to yell at me if I say much more," Cindy pointed out with a soft grunt as she pushed up off the ground and held a hand out to help Santana up. "But, just so you know, there's nothing wrong in being like us if you like each other enough. Now, how about we go make breakfast for our favorite girls then I'll teach you to make a mash for Beauty when we come back out?"

Santana's eyes furrowed in confusion and let herself get dragged along behind Cindy as they headed up to the house. She couldn't figure out what she meant by that like us. She stayed quiet as they entered the kitchen and Santana started the coffee again so it would be fresh when Quinn woke up again.

It was dimly lit in the pool and every movement echoed in the empty room as the small family made their way in. There was something to be said for small town living and the barter system that worked out sometimes was one of them. The manager of the YMCA in Hanover's daughter was a patient of Rebecca's and he was willing to trade time in the pool at night for half of the bill for his daughter's therapy. Which meant that Santana had a place to work with her physical therapy without being surrounded by gawking strangers.

There was a splash as Quinn dove into the deep end and swam smoothly up to where the water only came up to mid-chest on her as she stood by the edge, wiping the water from her face and slicking her hair back. She smiled up at Santana standing nervously by the pool still wrapped tightly in her towel and sending nervous glances over at the two older women sitting by the deep end hanging their feet in the water and talking softly between themselves. "San, you're not going to get your therapy done standing outside the pool. Take the towel off and come in already."

Santana took the towel off carefully and put it down before walking over to the stairs. She walked down them carefully clutching the rail but she didn't go any further. "I'm okay here," she said as she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to hide as much of her body as she could.

Quinn smiled fondly and shook her head, walking over into the barely thigh deep water where Santana was standing, water dripping from her body as she emerged from the deeper water in her red bikini. "You're not going to get better staying where you are, okay, San." She put her hands around the smaller girl's waist with a smile, tugging her out deeper into the water. "You're perfectly safe with me. I won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise."

The green bikini clad girl clung to Quinn's neck as she moved into the water. She was relieved to be somewhat covered by the water, but she was still nervous. Santana didn't know how to swim. She had never learned, never even been exposed to the ability to be in water as deep as the pool. "I can't swim," she whispered to Quinn like it wasn't apparent by how nervous she was.

Quinn laughed softly, continuing to walk backwards until they were chest deep in the water. "I kind of thought that might be the case," she teased gently. "Don't worry. I'm right here and I won't let go of you unless I'm sure you can handle it."

Santana clutched onto Quinn and she looked scared. "Q-Quinn," she whispered as she felt the water against her breasts. They stood there for a few minutes until the girl's death grip loosened on her friend's shoulders. "I... I can just stand here right? I don't have to go under?" she asked as she pulled her long braid out of the water.

Quinn shook her head, smiling softly. "No, you don't have to go under and we're not going any deeper. But I was listening when Dr. Martin was explaining how this kind of therapy works. You have to be deep enough for the water to help you float a little. It doesn't hurt as much to walk right now, does it?"

"No," she whispered as she kept her arms around Quinn's neck. "It's not as painful," she explained as she made sure the blonde wouldn't let go of her and dropped her fingers into the water near Quinn's hips.

"See?" Quinn smiled brightly. "Would you like to try floating? I promise not to let go."

"Okay." she whispered as she let herself fall into Quinn's arms.

On the other side of the pool, Rebecca watched silently as the girls moved together. "They are kinda like the barn kittens... never leaving each other's side," She remarked as she kissed her wife's temple.

Cindy snickered. "Well, that's certainly one way to put it."

Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Don't match-make, Cindy. If something happens, that's fine but I don't want you being disappointed if it doesn't. Quinn hasn't given any impression that she's into girls."

"Or boys," Cindy pointed out, nodding to the two girls on the other side of the pool, "but she certainly seems into Santana."

"Maybe she's just friendly?" Rebecca explained, "She doesn't have any other friends, maybe she's just touchy." She shrugged, not having had any conversations with ether girl about each other. She wrapped her arms around her smaller lover and smiled. "Plus, Santana hasn't given off any impression of interest ether."

Cindy turned in Rebecca's arms to look at her disbelievingly. "Woman, I know you're the shrink, but have you paid any attention to those two and how they act around each other? Or how they sleep together? You're physical and you know I'm not the jealous kind, but I'd not be at all happy if I walked in to see you and one of your friends curled up close as they get."

She snorted, turning back around to watch the girls again as Quinn tried to teach Santana how to float on her back. "You can say they're just friends all you want, but I'm betting there's quite a bit more going on there for both of them. Just you watch."

After thinking about it for a few minutes and watching the blonde with her arms wrapped around the tanned girl's body as she helped her float, she looked back up at her partner with a sly grin. "How much do you wanna bet they're together before February?" she smiled with a glint in her eyes, "Not that I want to bet on my niece's happiness... but you might be right."

"February?" Cindy raised a disbelieving brow. "I'm as big a fan of them getting over their hesitance and exploring what they could be as anyone, but I think that's pushing it. They're like a couple of skittish yearlings. Rush things and it'll be harder to fix the problems that crop up later on. Nah, I think it'll take them longer to realize what's plain as day to everyone else. They both still have to heal after all."

"Fine. Don't take my bet," she teased as she pressed a kiss to the crook of her wife's neck. "Be that way." She slipped off the side of the pool into the water and swam off.

Santana had the moving her arms part of swimming down, but moving her legs at the same time and floating just wasn't happening and she was starting to get frustrated. Every time she tried to kick, she would whimper then get a mouth full of water. At a large gasp which took in an even larger amount of water, Quinn accidentally lost her grip on the smaller girl causing her to have her head full under the wave.

Quinn had slipped on an unexpectedly slick section on the bottom of the pool. She'd tried to catch her balance, but when Santana had dropped below the water and started flailing, her hand caught in Quinn's top and pulled her under. Somewhere in the midst of the splashing, the red top had come undone and floated away.

Finally Quinn managed to get her feet under her and an arm back around Santana's waist, heaving them both up and out of the water. "Santana, calm down! All you have to do is put your feet down and you're fine!"

"You dropped me!" Santana sputtered, her eyes wide with fear. "You fucking dropped me and I can't fucking swim!" she yelled, her body shaking slightly. She was coughing up the water that she inhaled as she tried to flee from the water, causing her to slip again. She finally made it to the stairs and sat down and coughed several more times trying to get the water out of her lungs. She didn't even notice that she had pulled Quinn's top off.

"Jesus, Santana! I slipped and you weren't even in four foot deep water!" Quinn started wading towards her, finally stopping and glaring at her with her hands on her hips when she hit waist deep water. "All you had to do was put your feet down and you'd have been fine! You don't honestly believe I actually meant to drop you, do you?"

Santana looked up to yell back when she noticed that Quinn was glaring at her, topless. She forgot to breathe as she eyes fell to the perfect globes right in her line of sight. "I... I... um," she whispered before looked up to Quinn with a deep blush.

"What?" Quinn stared at her confused for a second before throwing her hands up and spinning around. "I don't even understand you half the time! First you're mad, then you're blushing like-" She caught sight of her top floating idly in the pool and her eyes went wide. "Oh. My. God." Her jaw dropped and one arm went over her breasts as she started scrambling for the absentee top, much to the laughter of the two women on the other end of the pool.

Santana held her breath and put her face into the water to try to stop the blushing. She came up a few moments later and would not make eye contact with anyone in fear that they'd know what she was thinking. Santana's brain had gone into overdrive when she saw her friend half naked, it was different than every other time they've been bare in front of each other. It was becoming glaringly obvious to the smaller girl that something was different about her friendship with Quinn, that her feelings for her best friend were starting to surpass just friendly. She just didn't know what that meant.

"Oh, laugh it up, you two!" Quinn yelled down the pool, blushing furiously as she struggled to tie her top back on. Finally she gave up with an irritated huff and stormed over to Santana, holding her top on with one arm. "You undid me, so do me back up?" She turned her back to Santana, sweeping her hair over her shoulder with her free hand.

Santana swallowed and nodded. She reached up with trembling fingers and retied the blonde's top. She indulgently let her fingers slide down Quinn's spine for a moment before her hand pulled away like she was being burned. She remained looking down and trying to not be affected by the feelings that had bubbled up. "A-all done," she whispered.

Quinn shivered at the gentle feeling of fingers down her back. She didn't quite know what to make of the blush burning her cheeks at the soft touch and why Santana would make her shiver when none of her boyfriends had. She pushed it aside, smiling almost shyly over her shoulder. "Thanks. Do you... want to try again? Just floating, you don't have to kick or anything unless you're holding on to something. How's that sound?"

Santana hesitated and moved so she could be gathered in Quinn's arms. "Can I just stay like this?" she asked quietly as she wrapped her arms around Quinn's neck and moved to wrap her legs around the taller girl's hips. She was still shaking from being dunked and losing her breath and she was tired from all the strain on her hips. "Can you just hold me for a bit?" She rested her head against Quinn's neck and hoped she could stay like that for a while.

Quinn ignored the overly loud "Awww!" from Cindy and wrapped her arms around Santana's waist, helping to support her. "Of course I can, San," she whispered, moving deeper in the water and leaning up against a wall so it was easier to support her. "I can hold you forever," she murmured into her hair, trying to ignore the weird feelings her friend was eliciting in her lately.

"Thank you," she whispered as she pressed a kiss to the side of Quinn's neck. She held the other girl closely and tried to push back the feelings that rose as Quinn held her.