Disney's Robin Hood Rewrite Chapter 10: 'GET OUTTA MY CHURCH', a robin hood, 1973 fanfic

A/N: Another song that I'm gonna need to look up when I have a chance. I do hope you'll get over your cold in time for Halloween, Roleplayer48, and as for what I'm dressing up as tomorrow. Well, it's a character from one of those shows you don't really like, but that's how it goes sometimes. Anyhoo, get well and hopefully have a Happy Halloween tomorrow.

Chapter 10: Hard Times In Nottingham/''GET OUTTA MY CHURCH!''

*This is a gloomy looking sight. A stormy evening in Nottingham. Though, depending on what date you're reading this, this gloomy sight kinda fits the Halloween spirit. Don't you think? Unfortunately, it's nowhere near Halloween in this story so that's not the reason why there's bad weather. No, like in most cartoons, bad stormy weather would often happen when something evil or rotten is going on. What sort of evil thing is happening here that's causing this weather? I'm not telling you that. Leave that to the rooster...wherever he is.*

Alan A Dale: (narrating offscreen as we cut to a montage of the lack of people in the Nottingham village) Man, oh, man. That Prince John sure made good as threat.

Skippy: (offscreen) Uh, Alan? Who are you talking to?

Alan A Dale: (still narrating offscreen) And if you're wonderin' why there isn't any people in the village today, then you'll know that PJ's helpless subjects payed dearly for his humiliation. Believe me.

Sis: (offscreen) How can we NOT believe you? You payed dearly too, ya know!

Otto: (offscreen) And what do you mean by ''helpless''? Are you referring to me and my broken leg?

Tagalong: (offscreen) Yeah, wooster. Who's side are you on here?

Alan A Dale: (STILL narrating offscreen) Taxes, taxes, taxes. (Cut to the front of the jail where Trigger and Sheriff are guarding the entrance) Why, he taxed the heart and soul outta the poor people in Nottingham.

Skippy's Mother: (offscreen) Uh, you're forgetting that he taxed the heart and soul out of you too!

*Cut to the jail cell window which reveals where these voices are coming from.*

Alan A Dale: If you couldn't pay your taxes, you went to jail. (Looks out the window and at the audience/readers) Yep. It would appear that I'm in here too. Boy, Nottingham was in deep trouble.

Everyone Inside The Jail Cell: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?!

Alan A Dale: All the folks watchin' this at home of course.

Everyone Inside The Jail Cell: WHAT FOLKS?!

Alan A Dale: Don't you see the cameras that keep following every single one of use wherever we go? We're being filmed for a movie based on what's happening in real life right now.

Everyone Inside The Jail Cell: A MOVIE?!

Skippy: Well, if these cameras have secretly been filming what's been happening to us these past days, why are they filming us trapped in here?!

Sis: And who would wanna watch a film about us getting locked up in a jail just for having a dance party while mocking Prince John last night?

Skippy's Mother: (while feeding her other baby bunnies some soup) And for a chicken, how do you know so much?

Alan A Dale: Because I happen to know that what's happening in reality right now is loosely based off a fairytale of our hero and I'm pretending to be a narrator for these cameras that are filming us.

Skippy: Well then, what happens next in this here fairytale that our lives are based off? Do we spend the rest of our lives in here until we rot or die?

Alan A Dale: Uh, I can't remember.

Everyone Inside The Jail Cell: WHAT?!

Alan A Dale: I was so busy jamming it up at the party last night, I've forgotten what happens next in the fairytale that suddenly ended up happening just now and didn't have time to warn anyone.

Skippy's Mother: Okay. Who votes we all throw these bowling balls that our feet are attached to at this here know it all?

Everyone Inside The Jail Cell: Me!

Alan A Dale: Uh-oh.

Skippy's Mother: Then it's settled. GET HIM!

Alan A Dale: Uhhh, looks like you people are on your own without a storyteller here! Don't worry! I've hired a substitute in case of emergencies like this! Don't worry about us. We'll be fine if what good thing happens in the fairytale eventually happens to us in reality. I...(notices everyone flying across the room toward him because they threw the bowling balls that they're feet are attached to at his direction) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

*Cut to the outside of Friar Tuck's church. And it's looking just as gloomy here than it was back in the village. But where is this so called substitute storyteller/narrator that will be filling in for Alan while he's trapped in the jail? Oh, there he is...oh no! Not HIM!*

King Louie: Hi there. You know who this is, don't you? This is King Louie. You remember me from The Jungle Book? (Waits for a response until the cameras nod up and down indicating the viewers/reviewers said yes) I thought you would. But let me ask you this. Did you know that Robin Hood and I were friends long, long ago? Honest, I knew Rob almost as well as I know you. I'd sing a song about but now's not the best time. Let's see what goes on inside this here church.

(Before we do cut to inside the church, let me explain what this idiot is doing here! First of all, it is HIGHLY recommended for you to listen to a CD called ''Let's Hear It For Robin Hood'' by Louis Prima. Or if you don't have one, just search up all the songs from the CD on Youtube. Trust me, you'll get a kick out of it and then you'll know why he's playing as a substitute narrator in this fanfic. Plus, Louie sings a really funny silly song about poor Friar Tuck about to get hanged. Trust me, a silly song about a serious matter of death from being hanged. You'll love it!)

*Cut to inside the church where Friar Tuck is ringing the bells while Church Mouse 1 (we changed his original name for a REASON) plays the organ.*

Church Mouse 1: Hey, uh, Friar? I don't think anyone's coming here.

Friar Tuck: Oh, what's the point in trying to fight against it? When you're right, you're right, strange talking mouse that has decided to live in my church for some strange reason. But you never know, maybe the sound of my church bell may give the poor people some comfort. I mean, we must do what we can to keep they're hopes alive. (Church Mouse 1 nods in agreement)

Church Mouse 2: (sweeping up outside her mouse hole) But Friar, how can there even BE any hope with that big old meanie pants known as Prince John taxing the heart and soul out of the poor people.

Church Mouse 1: I hear they arrested our wandering minstrel, too.

Friar Tuck: (opens his empty poor box) Yes. Those poor people. And poor Alan A Dale. And if you look in here, you'll know that our poor box is like our church. (Sigh) Empty.

Church Mouse 2: (gets an idea) Wait, Friar! Just stay where you are! I'll be right back! (Runs into her bedroom and pulls a coin from under her bed mattress then goes back over to Friar) Friar Tuck. We've been saving this farthing for quite some time. I know it may not be much. But, please take it for the poor?

Friar Tuck: Your last farthing? You're really willing to part with it? (Church Mouse 2 nods in agreement) Aw, little girl mouse that has also decided to live with me in my church for some strange reason like the other mouse. No one can give more than that. (Drops the coin into the poor box) Bless you both.

Church Mouse 1: Oh, thank you, Friar. But we didn't sneeze! (Ba dum TSSH!)

Church Mouse 2: Father!

Church Mouse 1: How am I your father if your so much older than I am? Besides, that was a joke to lighten the mood around here.

Church Mouse 2: Well, I didn't think it was very funny.

Church Mouse 1: Well, what I meant to say was that we've been saving that farthing for a rainy day.

Friar Tuck: Well, little mouse. You'll be pleased to know that it is raining now.

Church Mouse 2: Is it? (Quickly climbs up to the nearest window and look outside) Why, so it is! What a stroke of luck!

Friar Tuck: Well, things can't get much worse.

Sheriff: (enters the church uninvited) Howdy there, Friar!

Friar Tuck: (does a double take in surprise) Huh? What? SHERIFF?!

Sheriff: That's me. The one and only friendly neighbourhood tax collector here at your service. And it looks to me like I dropped by just in time.

Church Mouse 1: What does that big bellied bully want here?

Church Mouse 2: Father! Shh! Not so loud!

Church Mouse 1: And why do you keep calling me your father? You're not my adopted daughter! Do you seriously not know how much younger I am than you?

Church Mouse 2: Just keep your voice down!

Sheriff: (looks inside the poor box and takes the coin) Hmm. Well, what have got here?

Friar Tuck: Now, just wait one cotton picking minute there, Sheriff! Th-Th-THAT'S THE POOR BOX!

Sheriff: Why, so it is, Captain Obvious. And I shall be taking this here gold farthing to ''poor'' Prince John! Heh. Every little bit helps.

*Cut to a brief little commercial of various Tescos shops here in the UK with the slogan ''every little helps''.*

Random Female Commercial Narrator: Tescos. Every little helps. Brought to you by the Sheriff of Nottingham.

*Cut back to inside the church.*

Church Mouse 2: D'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! You put that back right this instant!

Sheriff: Sorry there, missy. But I don't get paid for doing what rats say.

Church Mouse 2: Knowing Prince John, I doubt you ever get paid at all!

Sheriff: (realises she's right) Oh yeah. Well even so, his majesty also blesses you, little sister.

Church Mouse 2: Sister?! I'm much older than that! Respect your elders!

Church Mouse 1: Well, now that you've finally admitted what you've been denying, does that mean you'll stop mistaking me for your father?

Church Mouse 2: But you ARE my father, right?

Friar Tuck: I don't have the time or the patience for whatever this is. (Gets enraged at the Sheriff) As for you, you THIEVING SCOUNDREL!

Sheriff: Now, take it easy, Friar. I'm just doin' my duty.

Friar Tuck: Duty? YOU CALL THAT DUTY! YOU'RE TAKING GOLD THAT DOESN'T BELONG TO PRINCE JOHN AND JUST TAKING IT BY FORCE! HOW IS THAT DUTY?!

Sheriff: Now, you listen here, Friar. You're getting mighty preachy! And you are gonna preach that neck of yours right into a hangman's noose!

Friar Tuck: (begins shouting) GET OUTTA MY CHURCH! (forces the Sheriff down the aisle and out the door) OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!

Church Mouse 2: (worried) Oh, dear me.

*Cut to back outside in the rainy weather where Friar and Sheriff do battle!*

Friar Tuck: (using a wooden pole to attack the Sheriff) YOU WANT TAXES?! I'LL GIVE YOU TAXES! PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF...this weird brown stick that I for some reason am using as a weapon instead of a sword. (Bonks the Sheriff on his head)

Sheriff: OW!

Church Mouse 1: Give it to him! Give it to him! Give it to him, Friar!

*In a nearby tree, Trigger flies down and throws the hood over Friar's face blinding him.*

Sheriff: (now holding a shackle) You're under arrest for high treason to the crown! (Places the shackle around Friar Tuck's neck...which could cause breathing difficulties)

Church Mouse 2: Oh no! (Begins crying)

Church Mouse 1: Oh, there, there, stranger.

*Cut to a long distance away from the church where King Louie is going to sing a jolly song about Friar Tuck from the ''Let's Hear It For Robin Hood'' CD.*

[King Louie]

AAAAAAAAAAAAIN'T THAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TRUUUUUUUUUUUUTH!

Friar Tuck, Friar Tuck,

He's runnin' outta luck!

The Sheriff threw the book at him,

And he forgot to duck.

Robin Hood and Little John,

And all the merry men,

Have gotta try to save his neck,

Before they do him in!

They've got to save the Friar!

It's the only thing to do!

The Friar's in a pickle,

Oh, the Friar's in a stew!

We've got to save the Friar,

Or it will be goodbye!

Until we meet at the great,

Sherwood Forest in the sky!